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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Gavin Peacock is going to be a priest (honestly). Here’s Gav and five other God botherers.

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This Arsenal away kit is a high profile example of a Shit Kit. The sickly yellow and black outfit donned by the Gunners in the early 1990s has been confined to history as the ‘bruised banana’ shirt (for obvious reasons). Arsenal have had a few dangerous flirtations with the colour yellow, but this effort is by far the worst.

Irish chart botherers to serenade Roo’s missus Westlife will perform at the wedding of Wayne Rooney and Coleen McLoughlin. Westlife are apparently Coleen’s favourite band. How vomit-inducing sweet. The couple are getting married on 14 June in Italy and are rumoured to be spending £3m on the bash, thanks mostly to OK! magazine. God knows […]

Italy’s Euro 08 training session interrupted by streakers You get a higher class of streaker in Italy, clearly.

David James A spectator for most of the match. Made one save of note, keeping out a weak Freddy Adu shot. 7 Wes Brown Usually appears less confident for England than his club, and this was no exception. Fine at the back, less so going forward. 5 Rio Ferdinand Perfectly assured, never looked in trouble. […]

JT and Stevie G sink Team Soccerball

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1. It was a decent performance against a poor side – nothing more and nothing less. Did we learn anything? Not really.

Burger King viral ad is great… for 40 seconds anyway This (mostly) enjoyable video has been made to promote Burger King’s new “Football Your Way” campaign, which aims to take a pop at the prawn sandwich brigade.

Fabio Capello finds out immediately the dangers of speaking in English at press conferences. He’s looking forward to seeing John Lampard play, apparently.

Big names who won’t be in Austria/Switzerland next month (from nations that have qualified) Raul (Spain) The Real Madrid captain failed to make the Spanish squad after falling out with head coach Luis Aragones following the 3-2 loss to Northern Ireland in 2006, during the Euro 2008 qualifying campaign. Will Spain miss him? Probably not, […]

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There could be fresh Horror Hair talent on the way to the Premier League in the shape of Sporting Lisbon midfielder Miguel Veloso. The Manchester United, and now Bolton target has a proven track record of bad barnets. The Portuguese international used to favour the scraped back greasy ponytail look, but his current offering is just as bad. Like a hedgehog with a mullet.

Meg loves Mig 4eva?

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1. Miguel Veloso to Bolton
Gary Megson is hoping to jump the queue to sign Manchester United target Veloso. The Sporting Lisbon midfielder would cost £16 million. [The Sun]

The race to become Chelsea’s new boss… Some very big names are reportedly on the shortlist to replace Avram Grant as Chelea’s new manager: including ex-Inter boss Roberto Mancini, Felipe Scolari, Mark Hughes and – surprise surprise – Jose Mourinho. Didier Deschamps also claims to be on the list, but I can’t see that happening, […]

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THEN: Dumitrescu arrived in the Premier League after some outstanding performances at the 1994 World Cup which saw him help Romania to the quarter-finals. Tottenham paid £2.6 million to bring the midfielder to England from Steaua Bucharest, where he had spent the first eight years of his professional career. The start of his career in England was overshadowed by a story in the News of the World that he had requested the services of a prostitute. He went in exile/on-loan to Sevilla after a brief but fairly successful spell for Spurs. He returned for the start of the 1995-96 season and played a handful of games before being flogged to West Ham. His Hammers career was short-lived and Dumitrescu was soon fleeing the tackling habits of Premier League defenders to continue career in Mexico with Club America.

Fergie makes £6m on Spanish defender – but should he have kept him? Barcelona have just re-signed Gerard Pique from Man Utd, for a fee reported to be around £6m. Pique is only 21 and he failed to break into United’s first team – not a great surprise, given the stellar form of Rio Ferdinand […]

Is this what Arsenal will be wearing next season? This is a “leaked” photo of Arsenal’s new home and away kits for the 2008/09 campaign. It’s been floating around the web for a while now, but I’m still suspicious of the photos’ authenticity. To my eyes, the kits look unfinished, amateurish even – especially for […]

Another meaningless friendly international? You bet! David Beckham, talking to sleeve, stretching groin.

Van der Sar and team-mates muddy-up for Dutch newspaper Scared? I was, when I saw this photo of Edwin van der Sar, taken for AD’s Euro 2008 supplement. When the photographer, Erwin Olaf, was asked how he described the shoot to the players, he said: “…they would be portrayed as lust objects, that there were […]

Remembering the poor man’s Makelele THEN In his time at Chelsea (1990-99), Newton earned a reputation as a reliable squad player, best utilised in a defensive midfield role. In many ways, he can now be viewed as the poor man’s Claude Makelele. He graduated to Chelsea’s senior squad from the club’s youth system, and enjoyed […]

Which central defender deserves the England armband? Don Capello has chosen JT to skipper England for their next game, a meaningless friendly against the USA, presumably as a consolation prize for spunking the CL final up the wall. But is Terry the best long-term candidate? Let’s see… JOHN TERRY Strengths Indestructible, fearless, passionate, great in […]

Ticket-text.com, Europe’s leading mobile ticketing company, has teamed up with Pies to offer readers the chance to watch the Republic of Ireland v Colombia international match at Craven Cottage on Thursday May 29th. It’s the perfect opportunity for football fans to watch a cracking friendly while also experiencing the latest in ticketing technology with two […]

Boro’s forgotten star versus Jeff Daniels’ retard Thanks to Pies reader Dan Chubb for this one. More Shit Lookalikes

Despite losing the title on the final day of the season and the Champions League only because of a John Terry slip, Chelsea sacked Avram Grant at the weekend. Given that his main downfall (apart from failing to entertain the Roman Emperor sufficiently) was not living up to the charisma of Jose Mourinho, we thought the best way to mark his departure was his top quotes.

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How many managers does it take to spend £50 million? None, apparently.

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La Galaxy’s David Beckham scored from 70 yards in his side’s 3-1 victory over Kansas City Wizards. The ex-England skipper fired into an empty net after WIzards keeper Kevin Hartman had gone forward for a corner to press for an equaliser. The goal was scored from further out than Beckham’s unforgettable long-range effort against Wimbledon.

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Welcome to the Premier League, Hull City! The Championship play-off winners will be bringing their own unique brand of style and class to top-flight football for the first time in their history. We could not let the occasion pass without celebrating their 1993 kit, which is probably the worst football kit of all time. Although, it is so bad that it is actually quite endearing. Pity the poor kit designer whose lightbulb moment was preceded by the sentence, “So your nickname is the Tigers, eh?” Pity also the Hull fans who had to trek around the country looking like a squadron of cheap hookers.