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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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The tabloids claim that Joey Barton had a huge bust-up with Alan Shearer after Newcastle’s 3-0 defeat at Anfield on Sunday. Barton was sent off for a mindless tackle (not the first time I’ve started a sentence in that way) on Xabi Alonso, prompting Shearer to break out the hairdryer after the match. Barton wasn’t having any of it though.

Crunching tackle… check.
Mazy dribble… check.

Oops. Perhaps Juande should have taken a leaf from Guus Hiddink’s coaching manual.

Man Utd play Boro this lunchtime, but it won’t be a full-strength United who run out at the Riverside. Alex Ferguson has said he will rotate his squad, so one of Cristiano Ronaldo and Wayne Rooney will be absent from the starting XI, possibly both. Kiko Macheda might start in Ronaldo’s place, for example.

He’s a baby, baby BABY! A couple of days late on this, I know, but then we’ve only went live on Friday. Cut me some slack here. Oh, and enjoy your bank holiday weekend.

This one requires a leap of the imagination… Thanks to Sam Waller for the first Shit Lookalikes suggestion of the new Pies era. Great stuff Sam, though I think Hart looks more like Danny De Vito’s Penguin from Batman Returns. Got a better Shit Lookalike? Email me and if I like it, I’ll post it […]

This made the news in Italy Milan’s Brazilian prodigy now has a Stephen Ireland-esque bonehead, thanks to the hairdressing skills of his girlfriend’s brother. According to the clip below, Pato says he’d wanted to shave his head for a while, even though his girlfriend, the exotically named Sthephany (correct spelling), didn’t like the idea. What, […]

If you didn’t know, the source material is Fergie’s disbelief that Mike Riley didn’t award a penalty to Man Utd when Danny Welbeck was tripped by Everton defender Phil Jagielka in the FA Cup semi final.

But who is the biggest of them all? By “Dick” I mean this definition: Vulgar A person, especially a man, regarded as mean or contemptible. So this isn’t a list of heirs to the XXL throne of Dion Dublin, whose tripod-like manhood Sir Alex Ferguson once called “magnificent”. But hey, as long as the headline […]

This is Chelsea’s new home kit for the 2009/10 season. It’s made by Adidas, it’s sponsored by Samsung, and it’s still blue (with white stockings) – in other words, it’s pretty damn similar to the kit Chelsea have been wearing this season.

Things that make you go… eeurgh, that’s put me right off my dinner, No.1:
On Monday, Glenn Hoddle was spotted at a Kenny G (the G stands for Git, apparently) concert at the Royal Albert Hall.

Fergie finds something new to make his face go red Man Utd’s manager wants new rules designed to increase the broom cupboard-like dimensions of some Premier League dressing rooms. The Scot thinks that some Prem clubs’ away dressing rooms are too small to contain his mighty entourage: a proud collection of pampered egos and forelock-tugging […]

Rumours of Who Ate All the Pies’ death were greatly exaggerated Return of the King… hmm, is that too cocky? Yeah, maybe that’s too cocky. But yes, Pies is about to make a comeback, and soon. Unlike Han Solo in that trash compactor, we have a good feeling about this. Hope you do too. Watch this […]

For those of you who still check Pies every now and again, hoping that it’s started up again, sadly it hasn’t. That’s not to say there’s zero chance Pies 2.0 will ever kick off, but probably not in the short-term. Boo, hiss etc. But I do now have my own football blog, so if you […]

Come in Pies, your 90 minutes is up To those of you wondering about the recent inactivity on Pies, it’s only fair to put you in the picture: In its current form, as published by Shiny Media, Pies is no more. I won’t go into the reasons why – I’m just the editor, and the […]

The Palm Tree Afro

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Pies rounds up the weekend action

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1. Paul Ince must feel like he has been robbed. How did West Ham end up beating Blackburn 4-1? A disallowed goal, a missed penalty, and some good chances, plus conceding twice in injury time led to a very misleading scoreline.

You can’t Ty me down

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“Hi, mum! I’m famous,”

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Even Gary Glitter didn’t look this suspicious when his plane landed in the UK!

Blues left red-faced over yellow shirts

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The high-rollers meet in Monte Carlo for draw

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1. Liverpool are going to struggle. In their current form and up against PSV Eindhoven, Marseille and Atletico Madrid, it could spell trouble.

Perm + big nose = twins

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Some little news snippets to keep you going until dinner

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They tried to make him go to rehab and Michael Chopra said yes, yes, yes [Mirror]

Oh Stevie Mac, when are you coming back?

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Musings on last night’s European action

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1. Liverpool have got problems. There is no fluidity or shape to the side and Rafa Benitez doesn’t seem to know how to turn the situation around.