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Who ate all the pies

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Sadly this photograph doesn’t quite do justice to Obafemi Martins’ gravity-defying new hairdo. The Newcastle United striker has developed some pretty impressive spikes that would risk puncturing the ball if the Magpies ever got any decent crosses into him!


Kayode Odejayi Oh, you thought he might be here, did you? Odejayi rose to head home Barnsley’s winner against Chelsea.

With only around ten games to go, it’s safe to say which players have been a success in the Premier League this season – so we’ve decided to assemble a team of the best performing players as chosen by ‘Pies readers.
We start in between the sticks with those eccentric loners who claim to be a different breed from their outfield teammates – the goalkeepers. They might not normally get the recognition they deserve but preventing a goal can be as important as scoring one at the other end.

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At the start of the season Pies presented its Silly Injuries XI celebrating the footballers who had managed to rule themselves out of contention for selection in bizarre circumstances. We can now add to that list Dundee’s Derek Lyle. The striker some how managed to fall through a glass table in his home which means he will miss his side’s Scottish Cup quarter-final against Queen of the South.

There were mixed fortunes for the British sides still involved in the UEFA Cup last night – although it was our big name teams that suffered while the lesser lights managed a few surprises.

Earlier this week we questioned the wisdom behind some of the more baffling managerial appointments made in the Premier League by asking you to vote for the worst one – with a unanimous 43% not backing Keegan to stage a Second Coming at Newcastle.
But among the many misses there have also been a few hits this season, with not only Daniel Levy being able to say, “I told you so’. So, who’s been the best new manager brought on this season?

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Apparently Liverpool fans are not best pleased with their American owners. They kept that one quiet, didn’t they? Some Reds fans have produced the somewhat inevitable slogan t-shirt aimed at co-owner George Gillett. You can pick one up from eBay by clicking here.

This goal from the final match of the 1984 season has everything: aggression, determination, speed, skill. The move starts as a slide tackle. Beardsley win the ball, turns on a halfpenny and finishes with a deft chip.

Werder Bremen keeper Tim Wiese made a truly horrendous error during his side’s tie with Rangers last night. Everything about it stank – the fact that it happened on the stroke of half-time, the fact that his team were still 0-0 in a Uefa Cup away leg at the time and, of course, the fact that he pushed a 35-yard shot into his own net. Daniel Cousin was the man who tried his luck, prompting more Rangers players than had probably anticipated to kiss their Cousin.

Premier League clubs have become a billionaire’s play thing for rich foreign investors in recent times – drawn by the potentially huge business returns from regular incomes, increased television revenues and the hope of establishing international brand values.
They may tell you of their love of the game and fulfilling boyhood dreams but, make no mistake, these international fat cats are in it for the money. And their arrival hasn’t been without controversy including everything from money laundering scandals and quick sells to fugitives on the run.
Nonetheless, all of the eight clubs now owned by foreign investors have at least experienced an initial upturn in fortunes – but which one will prove to be the best?

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Inter Milan faltered again to give Roma an unexpected sniff of the Serie A title. The champions seemingly had another title wrapped up just a couple of weeks ago as they opened up an 11-point lead at the top of the table. That margin has been reduced to six points after a 1-0 defeat to Napoli at the weekend.

We already knew it was the richest and our attacking brand of football makes it the most exciting but, with the possibility of four English teams in the quarter-finals of the Champions League – can the Premier League now officially claim to be the best in the world?

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Pies reader SweetG reckons Manchester City’s Zimbabwean striker Benjani is the spit of actress Nina Sosanya. Perhaps more a Shit Lookalike/Horror Hair combo. Keep your suggestions coming, Pies fans.

Pies celebrates 10 players for whom being named on the substitutes’ bench meant a lie-in. Here are our Shit Tramp-alikes.
1 Trifon Ivanov


Coventry City’s Ernie Hunt proves that football creativity didn’t arrive in English football when Dennis Bergkamp stepped foot in the country. This goal from October 1970 was made in England. Willie Carr flicks the ball up between his heels for Hunt to volley past Everton keeper Andy Rankin. Toffees boss Harry Catterick dismissed the goal as “Like something out of a circus.”

Despite gifting Sevilla a two-goal lead, Fenerbahce managed to take the game to penalties after an equal 3-2 final score. The goalkeeper Volkan Demirel atoned for earlier mistakes by saving three penalties, which takes the Turkish club to the first Champions League quarter-final in their history – cue wild celebrations from his watching team mates.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re a title chasing club with millions to spend or a club struggling to stave off relegation, the most important decision for any Premier League club is the man they appoint as manager – so why have so many teams got it so horribly wrong this season?

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Ajax closed the gap on Eredivisie leaders PSV Eindhoven to six points with a 4-0 victory over bottom-club Excelsior. A Klaas Jan Huntelaar brace and goals from Urby Emanuelson and Leonardo secured an easy victory. Meanwhile, PSV suffered a 3-1 at FC Utrecht. Despite taking the lead through a Timmy Simons penalty, the table-toppers slipped to their fourth defeat of the season.

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As the old saying goes, when you are in danger of leading a top ten Premier League team to relegation simply hit the catwalk. Well, that is the plan of Kevin Keegan at least. KK and some of his squad took part in a charity fashion show at St James’s Park last night. The event was organised by Shay Given and his wife to raise money for cancer charities. Former Brut boy Keegan was in his prime as he took to the catwalk in a leather jacket.

1. Simply the best?
That was Ronaldo’s 30th goal in as many games this season, which makes him top scorer in the Premier League and Champions League – if there’s a better player on the planet we’d like to know who…sit down Kaka.
2. Strength in numbers?
United were able to rest layers like Scholes, Hargreaves and Tevez and still win in second gear – will United’s strength in depth make the difference this season?
3. There’s no place like home
The win equaled Juventus’ Champions League of ten consecutive wins – is Old Trafford the strongest fortress in Europe?

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1 Arsenal will fancy their chances of winning the Champions League now. It was an incredible victory for them.

This advert for Mexican news agency Milenio shows what might happen if Zinedine Zidane and Marco Materazzi fail to leave their infamous bust-up from a couple of years ago in the past.

Ever-ready Teddy Sheringham has announced that he will retire from football at the end of this season – at the ripe old age of 42 years-old.
That’s a pretty impressive run for a career that started as a 16 year-old with Millwall and brought him 289 goals along the way as well as over 50 England caps. What Sheringham lacked in pace he made up for with one of the finest footballing brains of his generation, which also allowed him to play on for so many years.
He’ll see out his playing days with current club Colchester in the Championship but his lengthy career has seen him play for seven different English clubs, most notably Manchester United and Spurs.
But which one will he be most associated with after he retires?

Arsene Wenger claims that his young team will come of age tonight against the old heads of AC Milan in tonight’s Champions League second leg. The Gooners dominated the first game but only came away with a scoreless draw.
They begin tonight as underdogs, especially in the intimidating atmosphere of the San Siro, but a score draw will be enough to take them through – can they do it?

It is difficult to comprehend what this young Manchester City fan must be feeling. Firstly, his 15 seconds of fame come along at precisely the moment he happens to be dropping his tray of chips. Secondly, after spending half-time queuing up most of the way round Eastlands for said chips the youngster is now left with the prospect of watching another 45 minutes of dire football – served up by City and Wigan Athletic – on an empty stomach. Poor kid.