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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Blues left red-faced over yellow shirts

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The high-rollers meet in Monte Carlo for draw

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1. Liverpool are going to struggle. In their current form and up against PSV Eindhoven, Marseille and Atletico Madrid, it could spell trouble.

Perm + big nose = twins

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Some little news snippets to keep you going until dinner

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They tried to make him go to rehab and Michael Chopra said yes, yes, yes [Mirror]

Oh Stevie Mac, when are you coming back?

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Musings on last night’s European action

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1. Liverpool have got problems. There is no fluidity or shape to the side and Rafa Benitez doesn’t seem to know how to turn the situation around.

The players (and owners) who came in from the cold

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“We need to go in relaxsched, we need to go in with also belief.” What? Steve McClaren’s fake Dutch accent is on the go again. This guy is such a plonker. The accent is bad enough (there are loads of annoying people who accidentally imitate the accents of those they talk to), but to start rearranging your syntax…. Macca – you’ve got issues!

Danish defenders for dummies, by Pies

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Name Lars Christian Jacobsen

Wrexham striker Jefferson Louis scores a lovely goal in his side’s victory over Altrincham. He is substituted before the end and obliges the pitchside reporter with a frank analysis of why he came off. A little too frank for Setanta Sports’ liking! This is the television gods punishing those who think it is acceptable to break away from the match to interview someone during the game.

Should have got a Brazilian

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Reds sign another speedy Spaniard

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Liverpool have joined a host of other top football teams (plus Tottenham) in the football-meets-motorsport extravaganza that is Superleague Formula. Roma, AC Milan and Porto are among the clubs to sign up for the competition, which starts at Donington Park this weekend.

Just look at Avia keeper Eduardo Martini frantically weighing up his options. He eventually settles on belting it as hard as he can, and I bet he is glad he did now. One of those bizarre kicks of the turf and a loop over the Parana keeper later, and Eduardo is a goalscoring hero.

Ferg for London 2012?

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The Prem’s biggest bottom-lip bearers

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1. Nicolas Anelka
The man who is nicknamed Le Sulk is our inevitable number one. The original master of the enforced transfer saga that we have heard so much about this summer with Robbie Keane, Gareth Barry, Dimitar Berbatov etc. This guy has made a career out of it, playing for nine clubs and rarely moving on without a fall-out of some description.

Commentator discovers hard way that mass loss of life is not particularly funny

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Aside from the fact that his head and/or hair is a very odd shape, the most striking thing about Wigan Athletic’s Paul Scharner prior to watching his side lose against Chelsea was his Elton John hand-me-down specs.

With the startling news in the wake of defeat Fulham that Arsene Wenger doesn’t like excuses, we look at six of his best rational explanations

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1.”I did not see it.”

David Beckham took time out from being criticised by journalists on both sides of the Atlantic to overhit a pass to a Chinese Olympic organiser. Becks took part in the handover section of the closing ceremony as part of the London 2012 team. He appeared with Leona Lewis and Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page.

Schteeve van der McClaren gets some more stick for his phoney Dutch accent and his similarity to the Joker from Batman.

Peroxide Phil

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Summaries from the weekend action

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1. The changed man of the week award goes to Arsene Wenger, who after defeat to Fulham proclaimed: “I don’t like excuses.”
More conclusions after the jump…

Pies’ handy guide to Man City’s new Belgian defender Name Vincent Kompany Age 22 Nationality Belgian Club history Anderlecht, Hamburg SV, Man City (current) Position Central defender Is he any good? I know that in Konami’s Pro Evolution Soccer series he used to be a very talented, fast-improving young centre-back (I had him in my […]

Games

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

August 22nd, 2008

1. Career path Marconi Stallions, Dynamo Dresden, Kaiserslautern, Bradford City, Middlesbrough, Fulham (current) 2. Multiple choice Who was Man Utd’s club captain before Roy Keane? a) Steve Bruce, b) Bryan Robson, c) Eric Cantona, d) Paul Ince 3. Picture round Who dis? 4. Get shirty Danka, Kejian and One 2 One have all sponsored the […]

Come to Wearside, my pretties

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These days Roy Keane and Sunderland seem to be taking a Panini sticker approach to the transfer market (“got, got, got, need, got”). Either that or they have drafted in Barry Fry to work behind the scenes because the Black Cats seem to be assembling a HUGE squad. If you believe the papers, there is barely a footballer in the Northern Hemisphere who Collector Keane hasn’t got an eye on. And if they are Irish that’s even better.