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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Chelsea’s John Terry and assistant coach, Henk Ten Cate, are said to have had been involved in a bout of training ground fisticuffs before the Carling Cup Final, which any pundit will no doubt tell you, “happens all the time at every club in the country”.
You’d think that they would save their agression for the opposition but here is our list of top ten fights between team mates from the training ground to the pitch.

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It seems like it’s only taken one bad game for everyone including Chelsea’s supporters to turn on their new manager Avram Grant – but, is he really that bad?

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With The Sun reporting that Wayne Rooney is ditching his guitar to take up the drums because he is finding the guitar too difficult, here are 10 songs we reckon Wazza should master before flogging his instrument.
1 Stick In The Middle With Roo
The abortive 2006 World Cup song in his honour.
2 Bohemian Rhapsody
The unofficial soundtrack to Wayne’s World.
3 All Together Now
Everton’s 1995 FA Cup final song.

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Steven Gerrard has recently come out and said he is ‘ashamed’ at Liverpool’s position in the league and that even winning this season’s Champions League won’t make up for the club’s failure in the Premier League.
Many pundits thought this would be Liverpool’s year to bring home the title they want most but even a Champions League place doesn’t look guaranteed at the moment. Was gerrard right to stay with the club and will he ever win the Premier League with Liverpool?

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It has been an action packed week in Serie A with 20 games taking place since your last Gazzetta. Where to begin? The top met last night. Inter Milan and Roma shared the points in a 1-1 draw. Francesco Totti opened the scoring but Javier Zanetti equalised. Inter had previously dropped points at Sampdoria in a 1-1 draw, while Roma beat Fiorentina 1-0 courtesy of a Cicinho goal. All of this meant that Inter’s lead over Roma was reduced to a meagre nine points.

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Barcelona managed to salvage a draw with a last minute euqaliser from Xavi in the first leg of Spain’s FA Cup equivalent – the Copa Del Rey. Despite dominating the game, Valencia scored on the break through David Villa – but Xavi’s goal extends their unbeaten run in all competitions to 15.

This week’s Guardian Gallery is poking fun at Giovanni Trapattoni’s appointment as manager of the Republic of Ireland. This entry shows Trap realising the, erm, size of the task ahead as he picks up Andy Reid’s XXXXL shirt, while Stephen Ireland’s two dead grannies sneak past in their hearses. Click here to see the other entries.

You are a Championship goalkeeper. You have kept the multi-million pound strikers of a Premier League side at bay for the best part of 200 minutes during which time you have been the standout player having made a string of decent saves. Then six minutes before you get the opportunity to become a hero in a penalty shootout, this happens. Take it away, Paddy Kenny.

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There are still a few games left but enough of the season has been played to establish which players have been the biggest hits in the Premier League and a short list has probably already been penciled in for the end of season awards.

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Pies analyses possible reasons why Arsenal captain William Gallas chose to hold a sit down protest in the centre circle after the draw with Birmingham at the weekend.
1 Laziness
It could just be that he was worn out after the match
2 World peace
An old favourite. Lennon may play for Spurs, but Willie Gallas can still do his bit.
3 Campaign for comfier football pitches
Gallas raises awareness that Premier League football pitches are not very comfortable to sit on. Maybe more players would enjoy a nice sit down at full-time if the pitches were more cushioned.

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Becks is no stranger to unusual hair cuts but he can’t have seen anything like the attention-seeking barnet sported by his LA galaxy team mate Abel Xavier.
Beckham seems to be pondering something while sat next to the blonde Teenwolf on the club’s tour of Asia – let us know what he’s thinking…

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The race for fourth place is on between the two Merseyside clubs with Everton three points clear of Liverpool, although they have a game in hand.
While Rafa Benitez has been enduring his worst season at the club, David Moyes has been working miracles down the road – would he do the same if he was with the reds instead of the blues?

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Eredivisie leaders PSV Eindhoven came from a goal behind to beat De Graafschap 4-1. A Danko Lazović brace bookended a goal from Ottman Bakkal and a Timmy Simons penalty as PSV continued to dominate the league.

The Argentinian league might have its fair share of problems but it is producing some sexy goals at the moment. This strike from Miguel Mea Vitali is up there with Cristiano Ronaldo’s effort against Porstmouth in the Oscar nominations for Crispest Free Kick of the Season.

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In the blue corner is Chelsea’s Captain Indestructible, John Terry – a fearsome leader with a body carved from granite. While, in the (erm) other blue corner is Henk Ten Cate – a hard-nosed disciplinarian with a previous record of violence.

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Sir Alex Ferguson rarely makes any comment without an ulterior motive. So, when he recently claimed that the Premier League title could be decided by goal difference, it was probably a barbed comment relating to Arsenal’s striker shortage.

On this evidence it is probably just as well that Jonathan Woodgate doesn’t find himself on the scoresheet too often. Just look at the face it makes him pull! As if by magic Tottenham’s housing expert is transformed into droopy-cheeked wheeler dealer Harry ‘Arry’ Redknapp.
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In a week of low scores and red cards in the Bundesliga, Bayern Munich moved four points clear at the top of table after their 1-1 draw with Hamburg. Ze Roberto cancelled out Ivica Olic’s opener to secure a point for Bayern. But the Bavarians missed their chance to open up a six-point gap after Werder Bremen’s defeat to Eintracht Frankfurt.

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Remember the so-called Calciopoli scandal in Italy that exposed several leading Serie A teams for influencing the outcome of games?
Juventus were hit hardest and relegated to the Italian second division while other teams including AC Milan were deducted points. Since then, Juventus have returned to Serie A but there is plenty of fuss being made that they are still paying the price for previous indiscretions…

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Kevin Keegan’s second coming at Newcastle hasn’t quite gone according to the prophecy – he has managed only two draws from his first ten games and all attention has now turned to staving off relegation this season.

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1. Go fourth and prosper
Both teams were still chasing the final Champions League position but Everton have now broken clear by going three points clear of local rivals Liverpool – which half of Merseyside will finish fourth?

With Eduardo now beginning his long road to recovery from the broken leg he sustained against Birmingham at the weekend, Pies gives you 10 of the nastiest broken legs to have been seen on the football field (or at least to have been seen on YouTube!).

Could it be? It is so hard to tell with all that Aldi sparkling wine flying everywhere. It does seem that former Tottenham manager Martin Jol just couldn’t quite let go and move on. In fact, he seems to have invaded Spurs’ post-match celebrations at the Carling Cup final!

Dave ‘Harry’ Bassett has become the victim of a prank phone call in which he was recorded expressing an interest in becoming assistant manager at Scunthorpe United. Harry was told current manager Nigel Adkins was about to be sacked and was asked to work alongside his unnamed replacement.

Martin Taylor’s tackle on Eduardo that led to the Arsenal striker’s gut wrenching injury wasn’t born from malice – despite what Arsene Wenger may retract at a later date. But, we have seen a few horror tackles down the years that obviously had more intention of taking the player than the ball – and there’s no prizes for guessing who tops that list…
1. Roy Keane on Alfe-Inge Haaland
Keano’s ‘take that you c*nt’ retribution on Alfe-Inge Halland was a grudge he had been harbouring for four years