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Who ate all the pies

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“The Chaaaaampions…” (sings the theme tune) With the Champions League final little more than 24 hours away, Pies rounds up 25 of the finest strikes the competition has ever seen. Because you’re worth it… 25. Mancini, ROMA v Lyon This goal always makes me smile. It’s like a Pro Evolution Soccer goal, complete with opponent-baiting […]

The build-up to Man Utd v Barcelona starts with shit lookalikes Andres Iniesta and Count Duckula This is really shit, I admit, but there’s something in the mouth that make it work. Maybe.

Today’s links are brought to you by the glory of Michael Thomas 1. Twenty years ago today, Arsenal won some trophy at Anfield. “It’s up for grabs now!” Yeah, you remember it… [@ Arseblog] 2. Ten million fake football shirts seized by German customs. [@ Football Shirt Culture] 3. Dimitar Berbatov: It’s not easy to look […]

WARNING: this is bad Mpumalanga Black Aces have apologised for a horror tackle by Felix Muamba-Musasa that broke the leg of Carara Kicks’ Oupa Ngulube, during the NFD play-offs in South Africa. It really is the worst break I’ve seen on a football pitch, worse even than Eduardo’s. I hate watching stuff like this (I […]

Who didn’t last the course? Deco (Chelsea) It all started as planned: Deco scored a screamer on his Chelsea debut, at home to Pompey in the August sunshine, but it was quickly downhill after that. The Ronnie Corbett-faced Brazilian has been unlucky with a string of niggling injuries, but in no way can he be […]

Milan living legend bows out to the sound of jeers and whistles. He didn’t deserve this Paolo Maldini is the greatest defender of his generation, perhaps of all time. His career at Milan (he was a loyal, one-club man) spanned 24 years; Ryan Giggs would have to play at Man Utd for another six seasons […]

Hollers is back, and about time too “What I wanna do now is relationships. You see, the way I look at it, I almost had an affair… I ran off with another bird, didn’t I? Which was Leicester and she didn’t like me, she didn’t want me, she threw me out. And I’d say sorry […]

Win a DVD box-set!! Here’s Stevie G at the Cannes Festival, supporting old mate Neil Fitzmaurice (Ray Von in Peter Kay’s Phoenix Nights). Fitzmaurice was in France to promote his new film, Charlie Noades RIP, while Stevie tagged along for the ride (or perhaps because he loves yachts). The best caption for this picture wins […]

The headline and story don’t quite fit Like many people, I made the mistake of clicking on Soccervoice.com’s tantalising story titled: “Man Utd to make signing of the century”. Was Messi heading for Old Trafford, I wondered? Or Kaka, or Ribery? Or a re-animated Duncan Edwards, even? I had to know… … Like many people, […]

I thought this would be more enjoyable Like many neutral fans, I really wanted Newcastle to go down – because I knew it would be very enjoyable to see such a “massive” (translation: deluded) club drop down to the Championship, where they would face ingnominious, reality-check trips to outposts like Doncaster, Plymouth and Swansea. And […]

Suits you, Sir (Alex) It’s a grey suit, get over it.

Close, Nando, but no cigar. No silverware either Mystic Torres looks into the future and sees Liverpool winning the Premier League. Not yet, amigo.

“I am not a man. I am Cantona.” Here’s the UK trailer for the new Ken Loach film, Looking For Eric. The film is the story of a depressed postman who is searching for a hero and finds one in the form of… Eric Cantona. Early reviews suggest it’s one of Loach’s most enjoyable movies in […]

It’s a f**king disgrace! 1. Surprise! Uefa has charged Didier Drogba and Jose Bosingwa for insulting the referee after Chelsea’s Champions League exit at the hands of Barcelona. Uefa has also initiated disciplinary proceedings against Chelsea. [@ BBC Sport] 2. The five worst Premier League signings of the season. [@ Soccerlens] 3. Six memorable moments […]

Liverpool fan sells unique commemorative shirt I’ll let the seller pitch you this opportunity to own a piece of history… “THIS IS LIVERPOOL FC UNIQUE EMBROIDED AWAY SHIRT SHIRT,THIS BEAUTIFUL SHIRT HAS BEEN EMBROIDED PROFESSIONALLY AS YOU CAN SEE IN THE PICTURES ,IT HAS THE MATCH DETAILS AND RESULT FROM THE MANCHESTER MASSACARE ,THE DAY […]

Who do you want to go down? And who do you think will go down? “Ah, I’ve made a right balls-up of this…” West Brom (definitely) and Boro (99% certain) are down, but which one from Newcastle Utd, Hull City and Sunderland will join them in the Championship next season? Vote after the jump…

British football’s greatest Houdini acts 1. West Bromwich Albion (2005) With the odds stacked massively against the Baggies, on the final day of the season they did the only thing they could and beat Portsmouth 2-0. Elsewhere, Crystal Palace drew with Charlton, while Norwich and Southampton both lost. West Brom became the first club to […]

Phone-in host at centre of new Hillsborough controversy This grinning buffoon is Steven Cohen, the host of World Soccer Daily (WSD). WSD is the most popular football phone-in radio show in the States. God knows why it’s popular - it features way too many adverts and lots of inane buddy chat, mostly with his hugley annoying […]

Fergie faces his biggest fear Nothing scares the hardest manager in the Premier League, except his assistant Mike Phelan popping a balloon.

Shame no one was there to see it Fantastic strike by Zanetti (who is no relation to Javier of Internazionale), but no Juventus fans saw it live - their league game at home against Atalanta on Sunday was played in front of closed doors, in the wake of alleged racial abuse of Inter’s Mario Balotelli. The […]

This hairstyle was all the rage in 1975 A perfectly executed combover by the former Abedeen & Scotland forward. Got any Panini classics for Pies? We need them. Email me with the details.

The best football links Thursday 21 May has ever seen LEGO Jenga! [@ B3TA] 1. The origins of cult football chants. Ooh Ah Cantona, say ooh ah Cantona! [@ Guardian] 2. A handy graph showing the progression of the 2008/09 Premier League title race. [@ Some People Are on the Pitch] 3. Some idiot’s Premier […]

The group of death? Michael Essien v Samuel Eto’o (Group E) Two giants of the game in Africa go head to head – but who’s the better player right now? Vote below…

Big Ron faces disciplinary action after this quick tug… “You pull my shirt, I pull your hair.” Fat Ronaldo is in not-very-hot water after he was caught pulling an opponent’s hair (Botafogo’s Fahel), while playing for Corinthians on Sunday. The incident brings back memories of Peter Crouch’s underhand hair pull at the 2006 World Cup.

Dirrrrty boys The list is based on fouls committed, which I concede is a flawed way of deciding which players are dirty. For example, there are no defenders on the list, because a) defenders are expected to make tackles, so referees are more lenient on them, and b) midfielders and forwards are simply not as […]