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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Don’t make me angry. You won’t like me when I’m angry From today’s Current Bun: “A girl suffered cuts on her arms when soccer ace Cristiano Ronaldo kicked in a car window, it emerged last night. The Portuguese star faces a police quiz over the injuries to Sara Pardal, 17. “Ronaldo, 24, allegedly flipped in […]

That’s quite a tackle. I call it the ‘Chuck Norris double-leg sleeper’. Lethal when done correctly.

Valencia is a good player with pace, skill and, crucially, solid Premier League experience at Wigan. And at 23, he’s younger than Cristiano Ronaldo, the man who he replaces – not directly - at United. But will Valencia turn out to be a Kanchelskis or a Kleberson? Check out some video evidence and vote after the […]

… According to Spanish rag Marca, anyway - but then Marca is the mouthpiece of Real Madrid, so it’s pretty much what you’d expect to hear. But I have to say Marca sounds very confident that the deal is already done (for around €35m), and also that it will be announced in the next 24 hours. […]

£18m! Really? What the what?! (Yes, I am a bit late to this.) I guess Mark Hughes has a major man-crush on Santa Cruz, then, otherwise he’d have wised up to the fact that the striker is worth … ooooh … let’s say more like £6m. Great deal for Blackburn, this. Don’t you think Peter […]

She’s not worth it, son From the Beeb: “Cristiano Ronaldo has completed his world record £80m move from Manchester United to Real Madrid after agreeing a six-year deal. “United, who accepted Real’s offer for the winger on 11 June, have confirmed the move has been finalised and he will be presented to the fans on […]

Mere seconds after I had posted about Hull City’s retro new kit, a lightbulb went on over my head: Jimmy Bullard’s pose is spookily similar to that struck by Queen’s Roger Taylor for the band’s groundbreaking video for ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. So thanks to me. I’m amazing. Also: Bullard v Boni Got a lookalike for Pies? […]

No doubt many Hull fans will prefer the thick stripes of last year’s home kit, but their new pinstriped home shirt - modelled here by Geovanni – takes me back to the mid-1980s, before the days of the Premiership and Sky Sports. It’s a happy place that smells of pies and Bovril. The away kit - modelled […]

Everyone knows how difficult it is to produce a convincing movie about football; look at the Goal! 3 trailer for evidence. But Rudo y Cursi, a new film set in Mexico, gets it right - by concentrating on the characters and not the action on the pitch. The movie is a charming comedy about two brothers […]

Sorry I didn’t get around to writing this up sooner, but as I mentioned a couple of days ago, Pies is currently undergoing a redesign, and so our resources have been directed elsewhere. Stick with us and I promise we’ll deliver a better Pies for all mankind. Anyway, this was a cracking final to finish […]

Probably the most bullshit-flavoured transfer talk I’ve seen The Sun trot out so far this summer. Arshavin’s quote - if he even said it – carries about as much weight as me saying “I would quite like to sleep with Adriana Lima one day… she’s very attractive.” [Image and more quality ranting @ Arseblog]

I’m in two minds about the very real possibility of the US of A becoming a major force in world football in the next decade. This summer’s Confed Cup has shown that America has the potential to compete with the likes of Brazil and Spain, and although I still think they have no chance to […]

Chad Marshall is a defender for Columbus Crew. John C Reilly is a character actor - you might recognise him from his fine work in such movies as Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Step Brothers, The Gangs of New York, Hard Eight, Talladega Nights and Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. Thanks to Harrington Weihl for the tip. […]

Apparently this is the only way that Fat-Ron could be persuaded by his club Corinthians to lose weight. Only joking (ahem)… this is, as the headline says, a viral ad to promote some Brazilian soft drink. Well actually, this is behind-the-scenes footage of Fat-Ron prancing around like Godzuki. [Head over to Dirty Tackle for the […]

England continued in the fine tradition of blowing it in major tournaments, by getting hammered by Germany in the U21 Euros final earlier this evening – as the headline says, it was a depressingly familiar story. To be fair to Stuart Pearce, who has matured as a manager during this tournament, his side was greatly […]

Be honest, you’d rather Murray won Wimbles than Psycho’s lads won in Sweden tonight. It’s OK, I won’t tell anyone… What would you prefer: England win U21 Euros or Andy Murray wins Wimbledon?(answers)

So it’s England versus our old pals Germany in the final of a major international football tournament. It really should be the only thing that anyone is talking about today. And yet the papers are dominated by Jacko, a heatwave and some Scottish bloke doing OK at Wimbledon. Sure, I care about those things, but […]

Even getting master juggler Billy Wingrove to show off Spurs’ new kit is not enough to convince me that it’s a smart kit. PS. Sorry for lack of posts today. Still waist-deep in Pies’ new redesign.

I can’t think of many less meaningful non-friendly internationals than the third-fourth place play-off at the Confederations Cup, but this vid is worth watching for Katlega Mphela’s wonderful free-kick in stoppage time. The South African’s net burster made the score 2-2 and forced extra time, during which Liverpool’s Xabi Alonso won the match, also with […]

Next month (17 July, to be precise), indie rockers Doves – who support Man City – will play a concert in the car park of Eastlands Stadium (it doesn’t get much more rock ‘n’ roll than that, folks). The ‘Live from City’ gig is also sponsored by Umbro, who make City’s new kit. As such, […]

Yes, more tenuous Jacko v football tribute shenanigans. At least one footballer has celebrated scoring a goal by attempting the moonwalk. In Britain at least, the most famous of these is Bas Savage, who currently plays up front for Tranmere Rovers.

The teaser images made it just about clear enough that Man Utd’s new home kit features a big black chevron on the chest. And now the strip has officially been launched, we can see clearly that this is the case. First thoughts: why?! There’s no possible reason to place a black chevron so prominently on […]

Super sub Dani Alves – there aren’t many other teams in world football that can afford to leave a player of his quality on the bench – silenced the hosts’ vuvuzelas with a killer goal just two minutes before full time in last night’s Confed Cup semi final. It was a poor game, although the […]

Might as well get this up before the internet breaks completely - thanks to Gary Andrews for reminding me, via Twitter, of Jacko’s most tenuous of links to British football. RIP Wacko; long live the Grecians.

The final group kicks off today… Zlatan Ibrahimovic v Rio Ferdinand (Group G) Extremely cocky attacker v extremely metrosexual defender. Who you got? Vote below: