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Who ate all the pies

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Hot, fresh pics of Tevez at Eastlands this afternoon. He and Sparky make a lovely couple… Click on the image to launch the gallery:

Real Madrid are currently on a pre-season tour of Ireland. Pies has some exclusive pics of His Royal Highness Cristiano Ronaldo in training for you to gawp at… Click on the image to launch the gallery [Photos: PA]:

Think you know who the ball-faced footballer is? (Click image to enlarge) Leave a comment with your answer. Yesterday’s answer: Gilles Grimandi Many different Arsenal players were named, but only a couple of you got it right. Richie B was the first reader to nail it. As he said, ‘something about the sleeves is saying […]

A simple vote, just because I’d be interested to see which fans ‘win’. (I know who my money is on, just as I know who I’d vote for - every time - but I won’t say just now.) So let it out… which team’s fans do you find the most irritating, self-righteous, idiotic etc? Vote below: Which of […]

The A is for my authority, which many players seem to question, thinking they’re somehow going to make me change my mind. B is for babies, which a lot of managers cry like after a decision has not gone their way. C is for the continual criticism I recieve from the touchline - get back in […]

Hadouken! Pub quiz ammo: Ken’s surname is Masters. Got a shit lookalike for Pies? Email me now with your shout.

Gabriel Obertan looks like the result of a failed Fly-style teleportation experiment between Mikael Silvestre and Barack Obama. But he sounds much more like compatriot Thierry Henry… Va va voom.

I’ll admit it: I want Michael Owen to be the Premier League’s top scorer this season. There, I said it. Then I want him to go to the World Cup with England and win the Golden Shoe/Boot/Whatever FIFA call it now. It’s a crazy dream, I know, but then a small part of me still […]

The world tour for Tony Hart’s Gallery was a massive success As expected, Tevez is off to City, for £25.5m. And so another pampered ego who couldn’t do his time on the bench moves on. But will things be any different for the whinging Tevez at Eastlands? Let’s look at the facts… City’s ridiculously swollen […]

Becks is back in training for LA Galaxy. Here he faces the usual array of media microphones. [Photo: PA] Yesterday Dave had his first training session with the Galaxy, after returning from his loan spell in Milan. His public feud with team-mate Landon Donovan was the issue on every reporter’s lips, but Becks claimed that […]

1. Oasis and Kasabian back England 2018 World Cup bid. [@ England 2018 bid] 2. Very sad news. John Hartson diagnosed with brain cancer. [@ BBC] 3. Man Utd to sign the ‘new Ronaldinho’? [@ Guardian] 4. Watch Alex Ferguson’s first press conference ahead of the new season. [@ 101GreatGoals] 5. Kiko Macheda robbed at […]

Hmm, this wasn’t what I ordered. Today’s quote of the day was uttered by Man Utd boss Alex Ferguson: “It is the end of our [transfer] business, so all these stories about who were are supposed to be getting – forget it.” Either this is a huge bluff or Fergie is pocketing a very large […]

I think today’s StB is quite tough. You may disagree… Who’s the faceless Arsenal player? If you think you know, leave a comment with your answer. [Click the image to enlarge, Photo: PA] Friday’s answer: Juan Sebastian Veron No, those aren’t the swarthy arms of Ryan Giggs. Congrats to those of you who identified the […]

One of these men may feature at the 2018 World Cup Even though 2018 seems an awful long way off, imagine how amazing it would be to have a World Cup in England… For many of us, it’s something we’ve never had the chance to experience, and more than 50 years after 1966, Pies thinks […]

Just a goal of absolute beauty and as fine an entry into Pies’ canon of forgotten wonder goals as you could ever hope to see; King Keggy’s involvement in it is key. And what a lovely Southampton kit that was. [Spotted @ Guardian]

Where did all the moustaches go? These days it’s all bare upper lips and waxed chests. Shame. Get a load of this… Caesar Jenkyns Hail Caesar. The rugged Welshman was one of the hardest defenders of his era - he played for Woolwich Arsenal from 1895-96, and became the Gooners’ first ‘international’ captain. Bob Holmes Elementary. […]

OK, this is shit, but shit meaning good - Landycakes needs bigger hair and a meaner glare, but he’s not far off. And any time I can squeeze a pixelated game character into Shit Lookalikes, I leap at the chance. If you’ve never played Dragon Ball Z, there’s more on Vegata here. Got any more videogame […]

How do Galacticos break the ice? By comparing pay packets? If so, C-Ron wins. And do you think Raul is jealous of the new young crop of superstars at his club? Would love to be a fly on the wall at one Madrid’s pre-season training sessions.

The USA has never lost a group match in the history of the CONCACAF Gold Cup. That record was severely tested by Haiti this weekend, when only a brilliant Stuart Holden strike in injury time saved the pre-tournament favourites from an embarrassing defeat. Highlights of the 2-2 draw below: Despite the draw, the Haitians still […]

‘I’ve got a bad feeling about this…’ ‘Just smile Daveed, everything will be fine…’ So David Bentley was thumped in the face as he sat in a restaurant. Not nice for the player and especially nasty for his heavily preggo wife, who witnessed the attack. Even if there’s a very small part of you that […]

Funny that Brian Ching, the first footballer we featured in our new series, Footballers Who Tweet, is now in a spot of trouble thanks to the social networking site. Ching Tweeted the following message yesterday, immediately after Houston Dynamo lost 2-1 to Seattle Sounders: Why was Ching so incensed? The ref had allowed a goal […]

Stockport c**t. I laughed. [Thanks to the Guardian's Sean Ingle for the spot, via his Twitter feed]

This from The Times: ‘Though [John] Terry has had several injuries in recent seasons, Chelsea continue to insist he is “not for sale at any price”. The club are, however, mindful of dealings with Terry over his last contract talks in 2007, when he signed a five-year deal. ‘During those negotiations, Terry asked for a […]

After a shock midweek defeat to Gold Coast United, Fulham won the second game of their pre-season tour of Australia. Roy Hodgson’s team, led by skipper Danny Murphy, strolled to a 3-0 win against Melbourne Victory (the A-League champions). Their goals were scored by Andy Johnson, from the penalty spot, Eddie Johnson and Erik Nevland. […]

An extremely fresh-faced Trevor Brooking (aged 17) poses in a West Ham shirt prior to the start of the 1965/66 season. [Photo: PA/Barratts/S&G and Barratts/EMPICS Sport] Brooking signed for the Hammers as a teenager after leaving Ilford County High School. He went on to make 635 first-team appearances over the course of 19 years. This […]