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Who ate all the pies

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Lardy Brazilian ex-genius still has some skills Fat-Ron, unwanted by Barcelona, showed he still has some magic left in his feet in a comeback friendly, against a Lionel Messi representative game. In his 56 minutes on the pitch, Ron scored twice, made two assists, and generally belied his chunky frame with a nimble performance. Black […]

Sparky makes his first signing Mark Hughes hasn’t wasted much time in strengthening Man City’s sketchy forward roster. Today he unveiled Jo, signed from CSKA Moscow for a “club record” undisclosed fee. In his Moscow days, Jo looked like a windswept crackhead, but he’s since had a haircut, which sucks, because there aren’t enough crackhead […]

Acquaint yourself with Spiderman

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Name Jonas Gutierrez
Age 24 (25 on Saturday)
Nationality Argentinian
Club history Vélez Sársfield, Real Mallorca, Newcastle United (current)


It had been a long time since Spain won anything, so I suppose you can forgive them for forgetting how to enjoy victory in style. Unfortunately, here they are congaing through Bastian Schweinsteiger’s post-match interview – not just one way, but again the other way! Poor Pigfarmer looks ready to cry.

Yes, he’s still on honeymoon… zzzzz W-Roo has been honeymooning in Vegas with Colleen for several years, seemingly, and he’s still out there, soaking up the sunshine, betting it all on red, and mingling with the stars. On Saturday night he hung out with NBA star LeBron James, at the Wynn hotel’s Blush nightlcub – […]

Two of the Prem big four debut their new on-the-road wear Liverpool and Chelsea have both officially unveiled their new away kits for the coming Premier League season. Liverpool’s, as sported by Stevie-G, is silver and bound to divide opinion – it puts us in mind of the Candy kits of the 1980s. Retro, but […]

This video shows El Nino when he was literally El Nino. Fernando Torres has clearly been scoring classy goals ever since he was 12 years old. The only difference is then he did it with a dodgy basin cut and now he does it with a dodgy ginger strawberry blond mullet. Torres grabs two goals in this match between the Atletico Madrid and AC Milan youth teams in 1996.

Finding the Lonely Hearts of Euro 2008 the perfect home in the Premier League

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Arsenal – Artur Boruc
Poland’s keeper was in top form during the competition and a move to a top four club could be enough to tempt him away from Celtic. The Gunners – with Jens Lehmann on his way out – could be interested.

Dunphy, Brady and co. emply the power of heated debate, when TV coverage of Germany’s semi final againt Turkey was interrupted by bad weather You know that RTE’s pundits could easily keep talking for a whole 90 minutes, if they had to – more, probably. But imagine having to sit through an hour-and-a-half of Lineker, […]

Pies’ cut-out-and-keep guide to Bolton’s £10m striker Name Johan Elmander Age 27 Nationality Swedish Club history Holmalunds, Orgryte, Feyenoord, Brondby, Toulouse, Bolton Wanderers (current) Position Centre-forward. Is he any good? He started two of Sweden’s group games at Euro 2008, albeit out of position, but I didn’t see enough of him to comment on his […]

More ridiculous rumours from Beckhamworld Rumour 1 Becks has stinky fish breath, due to the fact he takes fish oil tablets every day – he’s contracted as the face of Go3 Omega-3 supplements, and reportedly loves the energy the tablets give him. Yeah, because taking fish oil tablets gives you fish breath. Next… [Hollyscoop]

Three of the best videos to give you a flavour of Chelsea’s newest star 1. Deco and C-Ron play football tennis Do I have to have this show pony on my team? More below…

Barca stars flout bowling alley rules In which Xavi, Euro 2008′s Player of the Tournament, takes on Barca team-mate Lionel Messi at ten-pin football.

This is the shocking CCTV footage which saw Newcastle’s Joey Barton locked up for six months. It was released by police after Barton admitted that he also assaulted ex-Manchester City team-mate Ousmane Dabo during a training ground incident. He will be sentenced for that offence later today. Do you think Newcastle can continue to stand by Barton?

For extensive use during all those kit clashes with West Brom and, erm…

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Jose wants Lamps and the Drog. Surely JT is the man he covets most? When British newspapers made up rumours about new Inter boss Jose Mourino wanting to poach Chelsea players, the two they concentrated on were F-Wank Lampard and The Drog. No mention of John Terry, strangely. Could Mourinho tempt JT away from Chelsea? […]

Chelsea sign Deco. Looks like Lamps is off to Inter then Today is Big Phil’s first official day as Chelsea boss. His first signing was Deco, Portugal’s Brazilian playmaker. Deco has signed from Barca on a two-year deal, for a fee of around £8m. The arrival of one of Big Phil’s most trusted players – […]

Jesus, don’t give Old Man Aragones the bumps again! More below…

German fans welcome home Herr Ballack and co. From this video, anyone would think that Germany had won the tournament – and from the way this ceremony looks, perhaps the organisers predicted as much. Fair play to the German fans for giving such a warm wilkommen home to their team, who came so close to […]

Our favourite things about Austria & Switzerland 1. The football (especially that played by the Spanish) For most teams, relentless attack was the best form of defence – that was great news for neutral fans. The few teams that attempted to grind out results in a negative fashion (Greece and Italy, for example) made no […]

Iceman, meet Madman More Shit Lookalikes

He came so close on three occasions this season, but there’s no cigar for Germany’s captain Michael Ballack might have ended the 2007/08 season as a winner of the Premier League, Champions League and Euro 2008. He made it to final games in all three competitions, but in the end, he won absolutely nothing, nichts, […]

Who had a shocker at the Euros? 1. Luca Toni (Italy) Came into the tournament as one of the favourites to win the Golden Shoe; left the tournament without finding the net, despite having 12 shots on goal and even more chances. Perhaps he wasn’t fully fit, or merely jaded after a long season at […]

Who impressed you most in Austria & Switzerland? Spain were the best team of the tournament, by a street, and congrats to them for deservedly winning last night’s final; it was the most one-sided 1-0 victory I’ve ever seen in a major tournament. But did Spain also provide the tournament’s best player? Have your say […]

A selection of the best images from last night’s final More below…