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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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We’re down to the final three places in our Premier League team of the season as chosen by Pies’ readers.But, now it’s time to turn to the opposite flank and there are a decent selection of left wingers to choose from – click through to vote for the best left winger in the Premier League this season.

Arsenal’s season is officially over with Arsene Wenger typically complaining that the best team in the country will finish without silverware for yet another season.
The manager insists his responsibility is to deliver beautiful football to entertain the supporters, but how much longer will either the fans or the players be prepared to wait for his footballing ideal to deliver trophies?

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Ouch! That is not supposed to point that way! Bolton striker Kevin Davies put in a heroic match-winning performance against West Ham at the weekend. Davies grabbed the only goal of the game and played on for a while with a dislocated finger. The hardman simply left the pitch to get treatment before, erm, knuckling back down to his performance.

Stevie Gerrard-a-like, Neil Mellor, scored this scorcher against Arsenal in 2004. With the scores at 1-1, the future Preston North End striker pulled this out of the bag.

Ajax’s must-win Eredivisie match at Groningen had to be abandoned after home fans set fire to toilet rolls. The blazing bog paper started small fires in one stand and on the pitch. Referee Erik Braamhaar called the game off on safety grounds after the pitch became engulfed in smoke. No club wants a hooligan following, but a hooligan following which trashes your own stadium is the worst sort to have!


Owen Hargreaves His great free-kick against Arsenal put the Gunners out of the title race and all but wrapped up the league for Man Yoo.

1. Money saved wisely?
Despite having money to spend, Arsene Wenger was typically frugal in the transfer market – losing Henry and only brining in Sagna and Eduardo as players of note. His decision gave the team unity at the start of the season but they have faltered towards the end with no one to replace injured or fatigued players like Eduardo and Rosicky.

he shortlist for the PFA Player of the Year Awards has been announced with Cristiano Ronaldo unsurprisingly heading the list for the second year running.
He faces competition from the Arsenal pair of Fabregas and Adebayour, Liverpool’s Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres, and a surprise inclusion for Portsmouth’s David James.
We expect it to be a foregone conclusion but who would you choose as the Premier League’s player of the year?

This player hits the deck looking for a penalty, but as he flicks his heels up in the air for a bit of extra drama he manages to make contact with ball and accidentally clip it past the keeper. Suddenly he is not so concerned about the penalty!

Although we have already told you about the incredible match between Bayern Munich and Getafe last night, this is worthy of a post to itself. Veteran goalkeeper Oliver Kahn celebrated the dramatic win by punching annoying Dutchman Mark van Bommel in the face (a feat worthy of celebration itself). Sadly, van Bommel recognises that it was accident and takes it in good humour. Unlike the version I would like to see where van Bommel responds with a couple of jabs, calls on Robbie Savage as his tag team partner and they take on Kahn together… Irritating footballer deathmatch – we could be onto a winner.


Bayern Munich striker Luca Toni put his side in the Uefa Cup semi-finals with a dramatic goal in the last seconds of their dramatic match against Getafe. With the scores at 1-1 from the first leg, Getafe had makeshift centre-back Ruben de la Red sent off after six minutes.

Personally, I have never been a fan of marking the man who is taking the throw in as it tends to needlessly slow the game. The player in this clip obviously knew his opponent’s throw-in was a dangerous weapon. Having said that, so is a tank and you wouldn’t stand in front of one of those. As if the video itself wasn’t funny enough, turn your speakers up to get the full effect of one of sport’s most comedic noises: outraged American.

1. Career path
Luton, Arsenal, West Ham, Wimbledon, Coventry, Celtic, West Brom, Norwich (current)
2. Multiple choice
How many games did Arsenal’s Invincibles draw during their 2003/4 unbeaten season?
a) 10 b) 11 c) 12

As you can see, Premier League referee Mike Riley was separated at birth from SpongeBob SquarePants character Squidward Tentacles. According to the Nickelodeon website he, “is a stuck-in-the-mud squid who thinks he’s better than everyone else”. Sounds like a ref to me.


… second time around at least.

You would be delighted to pay your ticket money to witness either of these goals, but lucky Mexican fans got to see both these efforts in the game between San Luis and Pumas.Braulio Luna scored a spectacular volley from outside the area after being set up from a corner. And Tressor Malher Moreno turned brilliantly to take his chance. San Luis won the match 2-3.

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Former England skipper David Beckham picked up an £80 fine (or at least whatever that is in dollars) after making an illegal turn while driving in Los Angeles. Becks was pulled over by police after turning left at a right-turn only junction on Sunset Boulevard. He is a naughty boy.

Yesterday we asked whether you had forgiven Ron Atkinson enough for him to return to our television screens. Maybe he has learnt his lesson… or perhaps not. Here’s what happened when Baddiel and Skinner pre-empted his return.

This is pure class! It is mobile phone footage taken from Manchester United’s pre-match warm-up before their recent match with Liverpool. Cristiano Ronaldo manages to nutmeg a member of Man Yoo’s training staff without him even noticing. He doesn’t even break stride!

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While you would normally expect teenage boys to copy the style of their Premier League heroes, in a strange role reversal Liverpool’s John Arne Riise seems to have taken inspiration for his new barnet from a kid on a rough Merseyside estate. The Norwegian’s sun-kissed new look is what top salon stylists might call The Ginger Badger look.

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1 What a match! Thrilling, pulsating action and a couple of great goals. An old fashioned English cup tie, Champions League style.

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Premier League and Champions League football is a high-pressured workplace for any player. If you are not accustomed to the rigours of first-team action it can come as a shock to the system. Chelsea’s serial benchwarmer, Carlo Cudicini, has been thrown in at the deep end with a run in the Chelsea first-team which must have taken its toll. It looks like the news that Petr Cech is out for the rest of the season has tipped Carlo over the edge. Look at him! He has flipped out! Crazy!

Kris Boyd decided that rather than chase this pass towards the byline, hold up play and wait for support, he would save himself some energy by pretending he was tripped up. Unfortunately, his acting skills are not quite up to scratch.


There has been plenty of contenders (most of them last seen trying to distinguish between their backside and the funny bone in the vicinity of Pride Park) but we have whittled down the Premier League’s poor performers to bring you a team so bad that even Roy Hodgson would think twice before sending it out on a Saturday afternoon. After the jump…

An idiot’s guide to goal celebrations courtesy of a man with a dodgy Russian accent and a funny hat. Apparently the man is Rudi Latka and this is part of his Soccer School series of spoof tuition videos.