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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Remember when little old Def Leppard, from Sheffield, were the biggest rock band in the world? It’s true, they were. Here are the lads, all three of them bona fide Horror Hair candidates, promoting the beautiful game of soccerball in the States…

CELTIC 2-1 RANGERS Celtic goals Nakamura 20, Vennegoor of Hesselink 90 Rangers goal Novo 55 With normal time over, and the score tied at 1-1, Rangers must have thought they were going to snatch a vital point that would have virtually wrapped up the SPL championship. Step up Jan Vennegoor of Hesslink, whose 93rd-minute winner […]

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor Very cruel. Very funny. Via The Spoiler

New signing for our 10 tramp lookalikes – Eintracht Frankfurt’s Ioannis Amanatidis. The scruffy git.

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If you believe the newspapers, Roman Abramovich has set aside a £100m transfer fund to bring in new players in the summer. That can buy at least five or six world-class talents (or one Cristiano Ronaldo). Which players should Avram Grant (or Frank Rijkaard, or whoever’s in charge of Chelsea then) have at the top […]

You don’t get too many long distance own goals, let alone ones that are scored with the head. But Parma’s Stefano Morrone achieved this considerable feat against Juventus last night. Excellent finish, but I bet he couldn’t do it again if he tried.

Valencia centre-back lexis Ruano (he’s in there somewhere) celebrates with teammates after scoring his team’s second goal during the Copa del Rey final between Valencia and Getafe at the Vicente Calderon stadium on 16 April 16, 2008. Valencia, who are facing a relegation battle in the Primera Liga, won 3-1, their seventh victory in the […]

The crime ‘Heyyyyyyyy! It’s me, Frankie Boy!’ Here’s Lamps, strolling through the set of West Side Story Fulham, clad in black leather jacket – with collar up, naturally – and 1980s shades. He also seems to be rocking a hideous, XXL-sized watch with yellow (yellow!) strap. The punishment Being forced to watch every single episode […]

Footage of C-Ron during his time at Sporting Lisbon, between 1997-2001: You can see why Man United decided to buy him – even at 17 he had sublime poise, balance and ball control. Watch more early C-Ron highlights, including the performance against Man U that persuaded Alex Ferguson to make Lisbon an offer, after the […]

Hull’s Dean Windass, an old-school English footballer if ever there was one, celebrates scoring the third goal during last night’s Coca-Cola Championship match between Barnsley and Hull City at Oakwell. The visitors won 3-1, a fine result that moved them into second place in the table. Photo Clive Brunskill/Getty Images

Today’s top football stories… Manchester City owner Thaksin Shinawatra (pictured) will conduct a review of the club as speculation mounts about manager Sven-Goran Eriksson’s future. Thaksin has revealed he is unhappy with City’s showing in the second half of the Premier League season. BBC Sport David Villa is ready to snub Chelsea and move to […]

It’s anyone’s guess which two Championship teams will end up gaining automatic promotion to the Premier League at the end of this season. At the moment, West Brom and Hull City lie first and second, with 74 and 72 points respectively, but there’s no guarantee that either will end up in the top flight in […]

Well, it is probably not forgotten by any Evertonians over the age of 20, but the rest of us might need to have our memories refreshed. Graeme Sharp scored this beaut for Everton against Liverpool at Anfield – which makes it just about the perfect Everton goal. Sharp brings the ball down and creates some space with one touch of his left foot before firing home with his right.

Here’s West Brom’s Bedner going down like he’d been shot by a sniper, after a tackle by Wolves’ George Elokobi, during last night’s crucial Championship Black Country derby. West Brom won 1-0, thanks to a goal by Zoltan Gera. The Baggies go back to the top of the table.

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Now there’s an offer you can’t refuse. What does the David Beckham fan who has everything, including David Beckham condoms, need? Why, a David Beckham bin to put used David Beckham condoms in, of course. The man who has lent his face to just about every piece of merchandise available is now the face of LA Galaxy wastepaper baskets.

Remember we told you about the world’s first all-dwarf football team in Brazil? Of course you do! Well, footage of the boys in action has now come to light. Here are Belem-based Giants of the North doing their thing. Their star striker is scarily quick, scarily skllful and scarily short – like Vagner Love’s pygmy cousin. How is a 6ft 4in centre-back supposed to slide tackle this guy and keep a clear conscience?

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We might have guessed he wasn’t quite the reformed character we had been led to believe. The Manchester United star broke the wrist of pensioner Fred Harrison during the recent Middlesbrough-Man Yoo game. C-Ron fired a wayward shot (apparently he does occasionally miss the target) into Middlesbrough fans, and 68-year-old Fred ended up with a broken wrist after putting his arms up to protect his face.

A couple of blonde bombshells. Okay, so actor Bettany is actually a ginger.

Brazilian star Diego, a reported transfer target for Chelsea, showed last year why he’s one of the most coveted players in the world. A spectacular, audacious finish from way inside his own half – even if the Aachen keeper was not in his goal, it’s still a brilliant piece of skill. More wonder goals

There were strange scenes in Jerusalem at the weekend. We have heard of pitch invasions to stop your team from losing a match, but not pitch invasions to stop your team winning the league. But that is exactly what happened when Beitar Jerusalem fans went on the rampage on Sunday. The pitch invasion happened four minutes from the end of match against Maccabi Herzliya which Beitar were winning 1-0. Victory would have secured back-to-back titles but instead the game was abandoned. There were plenty of strange goings on, not least this ‘injured’ Beitar fan jumping off his stretcher to beat up a photographer!

Arsenal need a hardman, an enforcer, a leader – they are a beautiful young team but they have no ugly side, unless you count petulance as ugly. Chelsea have John Terry, Man Utd have Rio Ferdinand (not to mention Gary Neville and others) – both men will gladly kick their own players up the arse […]

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If the early rumours are to be believed, this summer could see the top clubs clambering to sign the best of what is already on offer in the Premier League rather than look elsewhere. Pies compiles a team of players who could move to clubs higher up the league table.

Liverpool striker Fernando Torres believes that the Primera Liga is stronger than the Premier League. “In England the top four are better than the ones in Spain, above all when it comes to consistency,” Torres told Radio Marca. “Apart from that, the rest of the teams in the Primera Liga are stronger as they have […]

Deon Burton of Sheffield Wednesday tangles with Paul Connolly of Plymouth Argyle during the Coca-Cola Championship match between Wednesday and the Pilgrims at Hillsborough on 14 April, 2008. The match finished 1-1, a result that lifts Wednesday out of the bottom three, and all but ends Plymouth’s chances of reaching the play-offs. Photo Mark Thompson/Getty […]

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Just look at the state of poor Petr Cech. He has been a pretty forlorn character ever since his horrific collision with Stephen Hunt forced him to wear his protective cap. But looking like the kid in PE class with the overprotective mum still hasn’t keep him out of trouble. Despite his training ground clash with Tal Ben Haim, with Carlo Cudicini also injured Cech has been rushed back to action to avoid Portuguese keeper Hilneverbegoodenoughfortoplayio being left to his own devices.