How do you fancy leading out England as a mascot at Old Trafford before the team face Spain on Wednesday 7th February in front of thousands of fans? Sadly, this offer isn’t open to us blokes. However, if you have a nipper aged between seven and eleven years old who is up for it, the [...]

The Scottish FA have announced that they are ready to unveil the new manager for the national side (after Walter Smith’s shock exit) on Monday at a press conference. Everyone knows it’s going to be Alex McLeish. If not, maybe they should give this bloke a chance?

Jammy Tottenham have been given a bye into the last 16 of the Uefa Cup. Of course, this is subject to a possible appeal from scheduled opponents Feyenoord. The Dutch club were thrown out of the competition following crowd trouble earlier in the season against French side Nancy. Of course, Feyenoord are certain to appeal [...]

As noted in our Sticker Sundays feature, Spurs striker Dimitar Berbatov is in fact Dracula. [Rob Parker]

A six-minute compilation of some of Soccer AM’s hilarious Third Eye moments. [Rob Parker]

The race for the Premier League title is getting serious with the Mirror reporting that a spy plane recorded aerial footage of a secret Manchester United training session. The tabloid claims a secret client hired a converted Cessna aeroplane to film United players training at their Carrington base. Footage and stills of the private training [...]

As Gary McAllister has chosen 24 January, 2007 as the date to speak out for the first time about his missed penalty against England at Euro 96, Pies is marking the occasion with this compilation of Euro 96 penalties. No Pizza Hut deal for poor old Gary Mac! [Rob Parker]

Italian striker Vincenzo Montella is well on his way to becoming a cult figure at Fulham after three goals in three substitute appearances. And where there’s a cult figure there usually follows a TShirts365 tshirt. Voila! This airline-style top is a reference to Montella’s aeroplane goal celebration and accompanying nickname ( ‘L’Aeroplanino’). Click here to [...]

England‘s Euro 2008 qualifier against Andorra will take place at the Olympic Stadium, Barcelona, after Uefa gave permission for the tie to be switched. Both the Andorran and English football associations wanted the venue to be changed as Andorra’s national stadium holds only 1,800. The match will now take place at the 55,000-capacity Estadi Olímpic [...]

This video here is an advert for glasses apparently. The bloke in question (Spider from Corrie if you can recall) may well need A&E as opposed to some new specs.

Sheffield United winger Keith Gillespie is facing up to two months on the sidelines after admitting to a charge of violent conduct. The ex-Northern Ireland star was charged by the FA in relation to the incident with Reading midfielder Stephen Hunt which saw Gillespie sent off moments after entering the game. For the record, is [...]

With Goldenballs Beckham off to LA, it seems that the US aren’t taking the whole thing as seriously as us Englishmen. Some Scottish bloke has a show over there and compares Beckham to a rather frightening looking chap who plays ‘football’ (that’s the American version where you use your hands a lot obviously). Maybe someone [...]

Ron Atkinson is back in football after a spell out after he made some very unpleasant comments about Marcel Desailly. No, he hasn’t been appointed as the manager of the KKK’s Five-a-side team. He ‘s now the director of football at non-League Kettering Town. The orange faced manager/pundit is returning to the Conference North club, [...]

Wigan boss Paul Jewell is going after Lee Chun-Soo. The South Korean starlet announced himself on the World Stage at the last World Cup with a stunning freekick against Togo. The 25-year-old former Asian Young Footballer of the Year has emerged as a target as Jewell looks to strengthen his squad. Lee currently plays for [...]

There are two things that are pretty much unaminous when talking about Ruud van Nistelrooy. One, that he is a fantastic goalscorer. Two, he’s annoying and stroppy. Well, he’s furthered his mardy credentials further by mewing out of the Holland side. Ruud Rum has told Dutch national coach Marco van Basten that he is no [...]

Ouch! These players must be wishing they had kept their eye on the ball rather than keeping their balls on the ball!

Lucas Neill has decided on the latter. Despite interest from Barcelona after his impressive World Cup and a contract on the table from Liverpool, Neill has made the distinctly sideways move from Blackburn Rovers to West Ham. The reason? If we are to believe the rumours the Hammers will be paying the Australian international £60,000 [...]

Manchester United star Wayne Rooney has revealed he loves to listen to the musical Oliver! – and he knows the words to every song. The England striker revealed on his brand spanking new website that he loves to listen to Lionel Bart’s musical. Artists including 50 Cent, Jay-Z, Stereophonics, Arctic Monkeys and Damien Rice are [...]

Jeff Stelling has an unenviable job. He’s paid to talk no stop for hours about football matches. Sounds fun on the surface, but would you get excited about someone getting his 6th goal of the season for Rochdale? Of course, in all that gabbering, Jeff gets the odd thing wrong (Like his famed "They’ll be [...]

So, Keith Hackett wants the BBC to stop criticizing his referees eh? Well, like I said last week, if that’s going to happen, we need the match officials to sharpen up a bit. This weekend, much like any other footballing weekend, has seen a couple of incidents that have really stuck in my throat. The [...]

Fans who have experienced the thrill of an away match will know how addictive it is. The trip down, the pre-match pints in a strange pub, being in a strange ground. It’s like a holiday with a football match stuck in the middle of it! However, loads give it a wide berth because they can’t [...]

Good weekendCharlton A priceless first away win of the season for Alan Pardew’s side at Portsmouth.Benitez and Wenger The (arguably) surprise winners of the top four head-to-heads help to make matters much closer at the top of the table.Stewart Downing The Middlesbrough winger looked back to his best as he created three goals and scored [...]

Reading striker Shane Long seemed to enjoy opening the scoring against Sheffield United – just ask mascot Kingsley the Lion!

Welcome to Pies’ new weekly feature Sticker Sunday. Readers who have been with us since our Bratwurst days might remember the successful Panini Mondays. Sticker Sundays will continue in a similar vein. Every week we will open three packs of Merlin’s FA Premier League stickers and let you know how we are getting on as [...]

Keith Hackett will meet BBC radio and television journalists next week in an attempt to counter what is seen as an increase in official-bashing in Aunties output. Hackett, who is the professional referees’ chief, regularly talks to the LMA (League Managers Association) and PFA representatives before each season, and the decision to address broadcasters is [...]