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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Ronaldo and Tevez to strop out of Old Trafford? 1. Cristiano Ronaldo is sulking. He slammed Alex Ferguson’s tactics for Wednesday’s Champions League final, saying: “Ferguson did not tell me anything. Nothing. I didn’t realise I was to play as a striker.” [@ The Sun] 2. …Which all means C-Ron’s definitely off to Real Madrid […]

It wasn’t a vintage season, but there were enough memorable moments for it to qualify as an entertaining season. Here, in no particular order, Pies lists its highlights Phil Brown’s public team talk Trailing 4-0 at half-time against Man City, a disgusted Tan Man decided to upbraid his useless players out on the pitch. It’s […]

Ah, gotta love the rivalry between Man Yoo and the Bin-dippers, especially when it comes up with priceless comedy like this… United fans who want to ease the pain of Wednesday’s CL defeat may like to know that they can buy a t-shirt with this design, @ TShirtsUnited

Villa unveil pinstriped away kit. Eees nice This is Aston Villa’s new away shirt for the 2009/10 season. As you can see, it’s made by Nike, it’s very stripey (though the stripes are subtle) and I think it looks rather smart. I much prefer it to other Swooshy designs I’ve seen for next season (Arsenal’s […]

Rangers striker mocks Celtic rival, repeatedly Nacho Novo, Rangers’ diminutive Spanish striker, is clearly a bit mad. And it seems he can’t stop having a pop at Giorgos Samaras, Celtic’s Greek forward. It’s classic schoolyard stuff, along the lines of “We won the league, you didn’t… na-nah-na-nah-na! In the above video, Nacho breaks out the […]

Did I say brave? I meant foolish This is a recreation of how angry Fergie must have looked when a brave/foolish reporter dared to question his ambition, in the postmortem of Manchester United’s 2-0 defeat by Barcelona in the Champions League final. Just look at his big red face, and guess how many wasps he’s […]

All of Fergie’s team were below-par in Rome. But who was United’s biggest disappointment? Who was Man Yoo’s worst player against Barcelona?(online poll)

More gay innuendo than you can shake a stick at… Sample quotes: “He’s not frightened to go in where it hurts.” “He’s gonna come inside.” Genius. And notice the prominence of football’s most orgasmic commentator, Jonathan Pearce.

MAN UTD REACTION “Barcelona are a brilliant team and in my opinion Andres Iniesta is the best player in the world, he’s incredible.” Wayne Rooney “In our best performances this season we have defended very well, but the defending was shoddy.” Alex Ferguson “You have to give credit to a very good Barcelona team. If […]

See again where it all went wrong for United Relive the magic of Xavi & Iniesta, the petulance of C-Ron, the play-acting of Puyol, the dulcit tones of Tyldesley and Pleaty. It’s all there. Actually, on second viewing, the match was short on genuine highlights. Got to love Messi’s header though, especially in light of […]

Who’s hot, who’s not HOT Xavi and Iniesta The best midfield partnership on the planet. And the greatest of these is Iniesta (last night anyway). Pep Guardiola Won the treble in his first season. If Carlsberg did a football team, it would be Barcelona. Carles Puyol Was written off, but played a blinder. Shame about […]

Protectors of the beautiful game win third European title 1. Dream final? Yep, it made me sleepy, so in that respect it lived up to its billing. But after so much hype, this was a big fat anti-climax – as a spectacle, I mean. Even taking into account the depth of modern squads, both clubs […]

Such a beautiful horizon… Well, we’re all tremendously excited about this, I can tell. I can’t remember this much hype before a football match since England last got knocked out of the World Cup. I suppose the hype is warranted. Not since Milan tonked Barca 4-0 in 1994 have we been treated to a Champions […]

The egos have landed Cristiano Ronaldo (Man Utd) Scored a stunning goal in open play against Porto in United’s CL quarter final, then followed it up with a ridonkulous free-kick in United’s semi final, second leg at Arsenal (watch both goals here). Who knows what C-Ron has planned for the final, but I think it’s […]

Getting down to the business end of the Champions League finalists Wayne Rooney (Man Utd) Who knew Rooney would turn out to be a world-class left winger? But that’s what he’s become, even if it’s not the first position he’d choose to play. Rooney’s successful conversion – even if it’s temporary – is testament to […]

Hmm, I can guess which way this will go… Park Ji-Sung (Man Utd) Left out of the squad for last year’s final, but Fergie has promised him a role in Rome. He’ll probably start, and on the right (then why do I get the nagging feeling that Fergie will thrown a curveball and start instead […]

Giggsy has his work cut out here Ryan Giggs (Man Utd) Giggsy is very well respected in Europe, I’d say more so than any British player of the last 15 years. He’s now coming to the end of his illustrious career, but he’s still worth his place in United’s starting line-up (just). I doubt he’ll […]

Cheeky boy Remember Lee Sharpe? Before Ryan Giggs burst on the scene, Sharpe was United’s poster boy. He was a fine player, but his main problem was a) he liked to party, and b) he just wasn’t as good as Giggs. In the end, he’ll be remembered as just another Englishman who didn’t fulfil his […]

Vote on this crucial midfield battle Anderson (Man Utd) It would be unfair to call Anderson a headless chicken – he is a more intelligent player than that - but he does have a tendency to run around like a man who left his brain in the changing room. That could be a good or bad […]

Time for United’s quiet man to step up Michael Carrick (Man Utd) Carrick is the football equivalent of a Saab – he’s classy and efficient but a bit dull. That’s not a criticism. I’m a huge fan of Carrick, and still think he doesn’t get as much credit as he deserves. He makes United tick, […]

Et tu, Fergie? Italian capital living up to “stab city” reputation A Man Utd fan has been stabbed in Rome ahead of tonight’s Champions League final. Greg Wheldon, 34, suffered a knife wound to his left leg after being ambushed as he walked to his hotel near the Vatican early this morning. According to reports, […]

What the teams will be wearing in Rome Manchester United With Barcelona awarded official home team status in the CL final, Man Utd have chosen to wear an all-white kit (C-Ron can see if he likes playing in all white) with blue trim. The last time the two sides met in a European final, in […]

English fans of “Anyone But United” want Barcelona to win. Is that a good thing? As I write this post with Radio 5 Live on in the background, all I can hear is angry Scousers and Gooners, talking bitterly about how much they want Man United to lose tonight’s Champions League final. Yep, the Anyone […]

Ex-Arsenal full-back to deputise for suspended Abidal? Patrice Evra (Man Utd) Evra is the best left-back in the Premier League, and one of the best in the world. Most importantly, he has recovery pace to burn, so when he does make mistakes he almost always gets away with them. Comfortable on the ball, and never […]

He comes from Serbia, he’ll fookin’ murder ya Nemanja Vidic (Man Utd) United’s Player of the Year, as voted for by his team-mates and the club’s fans, makes the perfect foil for Rio Ferdinand. The Serb is a footballing Terminator who absolutely will not stop when it comes to doing his defensive duties. If Barcelona […]