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Who ate all the pies

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Today’s top football stories… Manchester City owner Thaksin Shinawatra (pictured) will conduct a review of the club as speculation mounts about manager Sven-Goran Eriksson’s future. Thaksin has revealed he is unhappy with City’s showing in the second half of the Premier League season. BBC Sport David Villa is ready to snub Chelsea and move to […]

It’s anyone’s guess which two Championship teams will end up gaining automatic promotion to the Premier League at the end of this season. At the moment, West Brom and Hull City lie first and second, with 74 and 72 points respectively, but there’s no guarantee that either will end up in the top flight in […]

Well, it is probably not forgotten by any Evertonians over the age of 20, but the rest of us might need to have our memories refreshed. Graeme Sharp scored this beaut for Everton against Liverpool at Anfield – which makes it just about the perfect Everton goal. Sharp brings the ball down and creates some space with one touch of his left foot before firing home with his right.

Here’s West Brom’s Bedner going down like he’d been shot by a sniper, after a tackle by Wolves’ George Elokobi, during last night’s crucial Championship Black Country derby. West Brom won 1-0, thanks to a goal by Zoltan Gera. The Baggies go back to the top of the table.

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Now there’s an offer you can’t refuse. What does the David Beckham fan who has everything, including David Beckham condoms, need? Why, a David Beckham bin to put used David Beckham condoms in, of course. The man who has lent his face to just about every piece of merchandise available is now the face of LA Galaxy wastepaper baskets.

Remember we told you about the world’s first all-dwarf football team in Brazil? Of course you do! Well, footage of the boys in action has now come to light. Here are Belem-based Giants of the North doing their thing. Their star striker is scarily quick, scarily skllful and scarily short – like Vagner Love’s pygmy cousin. How is a 6ft 4in centre-back supposed to slide tackle this guy and keep a clear conscience?

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We might have guessed he wasn’t quite the reformed character we had been led to believe. The Manchester United star broke the wrist of pensioner Fred Harrison during the recent Middlesbrough-Man Yoo game. C-Ron fired a wayward shot (apparently he does occasionally miss the target) into Middlesbrough fans, and 68-year-old Fred ended up with a broken wrist after putting his arms up to protect his face.

A couple of blonde bombshells. Okay, so actor Bettany is actually a ginger.

Brazilian star Diego, a reported transfer target for Chelsea, showed last year why he’s one of the most coveted players in the world. A spectacular, audacious finish from way inside his own half – even if the Aachen keeper was not in his goal, it’s still a brilliant piece of skill. More wonder goals

There were strange scenes in Jerusalem at the weekend. We have heard of pitch invasions to stop your team from losing a match, but not pitch invasions to stop your team winning the league. But that is exactly what happened when Beitar Jerusalem fans went on the rampage on Sunday. The pitch invasion happened four minutes from the end of match against Maccabi Herzliya which Beitar were winning 1-0. Victory would have secured back-to-back titles but instead the game was abandoned. There were plenty of strange goings on, not least this ‘injured’ Beitar fan jumping off his stretcher to beat up a photographer!

Arsenal need a hardman, an enforcer, a leader – they are a beautiful young team but they have no ugly side, unless you count petulance as ugly. Chelsea have John Terry, Man Utd have Rio Ferdinand (not to mention Gary Neville and others) – both men will gladly kick their own players up the arse […]

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If the early rumours are to be believed, this summer could see the top clubs clambering to sign the best of what is already on offer in the Premier League rather than look elsewhere. Pies compiles a team of players who could move to clubs higher up the league table.

Liverpool striker Fernando Torres believes that the Primera Liga is stronger than the Premier League. “In England the top four are better than the ones in Spain, above all when it comes to consistency,” Torres told Radio Marca. “Apart from that, the rest of the teams in the Primera Liga are stronger as they have […]

Deon Burton of Sheffield Wednesday tangles with Paul Connolly of Plymouth Argyle during the Coca-Cola Championship match between Wednesday and the Pilgrims at Hillsborough on 14 April, 2008. The match finished 1-1, a result that lifts Wednesday out of the bottom three, and all but ends Plymouth’s chances of reaching the play-offs. Photo Mark Thompson/Getty […]

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Just look at the state of poor Petr Cech. He has been a pretty forlorn character ever since his horrific collision with Stephen Hunt forced him to wear his protective cap. But looking like the kid in PE class with the overprotective mum still hasn’t keep him out of trouble. Despite his training ground clash with Tal Ben Haim, with Carlo Cudicini also injured Cech has been rushed back to action to avoid Portuguese keeper Hilneverbegoodenoughfortoplayio being left to his own devices.

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It ain’t going to be Avram Grant, and that is fo’ sho’. As Chelsea’s form dips once again, it seems likely that this summer Roman Abramovich will present the Israeli with a shiny new badge saying ‘director of football’, or ‘general manager’, or ‘general manager of club shop’. While Grant is unlikely to be given the sack – Abramovich’s pride probably wouldn’t allow for that – a new man will probably be brought in to take over the first-team reigns. The question is, who will it be?

Alright, it was only against a Derby side who managed to concede six on Saturday and the chance was gifted to him by a terrible clearance from the keeper – but, Stylian Petrov’s quick thinking and superb technique that allowed him to score from the edge of the centre circle gets our vote for goal of the week.

We’re down to the final three places in our Premier League team of the season as chosen by Pies’ readers.But, now it’s time to turn to the opposite flank and there are a decent selection of left wingers to choose from – click through to vote for the best left winger in the Premier League this season.

Arsenal’s season is officially over with Arsene Wenger typically complaining that the best team in the country will finish without silverware for yet another season.
The manager insists his responsibility is to deliver beautiful football to entertain the supporters, but how much longer will either the fans or the players be prepared to wait for his footballing ideal to deliver trophies?

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Ouch! That is not supposed to point that way! Bolton striker Kevin Davies put in a heroic match-winning performance against West Ham at the weekend. Davies grabbed the only goal of the game and played on for a while with a dislocated finger. The hardman simply left the pitch to get treatment before, erm, knuckling back down to his performance.

Stevie Gerrard-a-like, Neil Mellor, scored this scorcher against Arsenal in 2004. With the scores at 1-1, the future Preston North End striker pulled this out of the bag.

Ajax’s must-win Eredivisie match at Groningen had to be abandoned after home fans set fire to toilet rolls. The blazing bog paper started small fires in one stand and on the pitch. Referee Erik Braamhaar called the game off on safety grounds after the pitch became engulfed in smoke. No club wants a hooligan following, but a hooligan following which trashes your own stadium is the worst sort to have!

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HEROES
Owen Hargreaves His great free-kick against Arsenal put the Gunners out of the title race and all but wrapped up the league for Man Yoo.

1. Money saved wisely?
Despite having money to spend, Arsene Wenger was typically frugal in the transfer market – losing Henry and only brining in Sagna and Eduardo as players of note. His decision gave the team unity at the start of the season but they have faltered towards the end with no one to replace injured or fatigued players like Eduardo and Rosicky.

he shortlist for the PFA Player of the Year Awards has been announced with Cristiano Ronaldo unsurprisingly heading the list for the second year running.
He faces competition from the Arsenal pair of Fabregas and Adebayour, Liverpool’s Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres, and a surprise inclusion for Portsmouth’s David James.
We expect it to be a foregone conclusion but who would you choose as the Premier League’s player of the year?