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Who ate all the pies

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Big Ron faces disciplinary action after this quick tug… “You pull my shirt, I pull your hair.” Fat Ronaldo is in not-very-hot water after he was caught pulling an opponent’s hair (Botafogo’s Fahel), while playing for Corinthians on Sunday. The incident brings back memories of Peter Crouch’s underhand hair pull at the 2006 World Cup.

Dirrrrty boys The list is based on fouls committed, which I concede is a flawed way of deciding which players are dirty. For example, there are no defenders on the list, because a) defenders are expected to make tackles, so referees are more lenient on them, and b) midfielders and forwards are simply not as […]

Sartorial excellence? Hmm, no Look at the fancy Gooners! They may be rubbish at winning silver, trophy-shaped things, but they’re at the cutting-egde when it comes to announcing their new kit, as this embedded video shows. (And I didn’t realise Arshavin was so much shorter than Fabregas.) We put up a leaked photo of the […]

Difficult-to-spell team wins last ever Uefa Cup final Shish-kebab Donertsk go down in the history books as the final team to lift the Uefa Cup (next season we get the Europa League, or Eurovision League as I will be calling it). The Ukraine side deservedly beat a Diego-less Werder Bremen, thanks to Rodrigues Jadson’s winner […]

Cult classic or travesty? Well, it’s, er, different – I’ll say that for Bolton’s new home shirt, which has already been dubbed the “barcode” kit. What do you think of it? Vote below…

Guess which player has been confirmed as a definite starter for United in Rome Fergie revealed today the first name in his starting XI against Barcelona on 27 May. Who do you think could be? Answer after the jump…

Mmm-hmm, that is a tasty burger As spotted by ITV’s Clive Tyldesley, I think, during the commentary on one of Arsenal’s Champions League matches this season. More Shit Lookalikes

The opening games in Group D To speed things along a bit, we’ll feature two group games per post. Today is the turn of Group D (Lionel Messi, Xavi, Robinho, Daniele De Rossi). First up, Messi takes on Man City’s Brazilian maestro. Only one way this result’s going, and it’s not in favour of the […]

Another sulk by football’s biggest primadonna On Saturday night, Inter’s players spent the night (and some of Sunday morning) out on the town, getting pissed. They had reason to celebrate: Milan had lost to Udinese earlier in the evening, a result that gifted the Serie A tile to Inter. During Inter’s celebratory game against Siena […]

Today’s freshest links are brought to you by the letter “M” and Marouane Fellaini 1. Marouane Fellaini won Everton’s Young Player of the Year award (Phil Jagielka won the main award). You could have got your hair cut for the ceremony, Marouane. [@ Ginge Talks the Footy] 2. The Spanish press claims to know the […]

Boo, life’s not fair Happier days for West Brom’s skipper 1. Jonathan Greening (West Bromwich Albion) West Brom’s bearded captain, who never quite made the grade at Man Utd, has been the driving force for his team this season. His mental strength is admirable (his head rarely drops), and he can play a bit too. […]

Don’t stare at this photo for too long, it will damage your eyes Apparently, it was acceptable in Germany to look like this in the Eighties. Shocking stuff. Apart from an albino silverback gorilla, Kahn really reminds me of someone here, but I can’t think who. Any suggestions for Retro-Kahn lookalikes most welcome. More Horror […]

More fun times with Jim Rosenthal and the champions Nice to see Vidic get the recognition his performances this season merited. And nice to hear his praises being sung: “Nemanja, woah-oh!/ He comes from Serbia, he’ll fooking murder ya!” Lovely stuff. And hands up if you think Bolt is a plastic fan… yep, I just […]

Another gong for C-Ron’s trophy cabinet “In my opinion, I think it’s a fantastic goal.” Yes, Cristiano, it is a fantastic goal, but there’s no need to spell it out. And it didn’t win three points, you dunderhead - it helped your team make it through to a Champions League semi final. Doh. Bonus video: watch […]

Pride before a fall and all that Liverpool fans: Come back when you’ve won 18! United fans: Hi, remember that banner you held up in 1994? Yeah, about that… Now who’ll be the first to 19? Hmm, I know who my money’s on (United, if that wasn’t already clear). [@ Football Banter]

The search for the best footballer on the planet continues Karim Benzema v Sergio “Kun” Aguero (Group C) Two of the most highly rated young forwards in the world. But which one gets your vote?

Fergie set to play reserve team against Hull A couple of points to scare Newcastle fans ahead of this weekend’s crunch relegation battle: 1) Sir Alex Ferguson is mates with Phil Brown, Hull’s boss. Hull play Man Utd in their final game. 2) With the Champions League Final on 27 May, and the league title […]

Madrid already in talks to make Wenger their new boss According to Guillem Balague’s website, Real Madrid have “set wheels in motion” to sign Arsene Wenger as their new manager. Balague writes: “An alternative source claims that Wenger has spoken personally with Florentino Perez last week, possibly by telephone: with further conversations set to take […]

Fergie reveals real reason why he loves the Champions League “The Wednesday night atmosphere when you, maybe, go to Madrid and Barcelona. You can smell the cigars and there’s perfume wafting down from the stands. It’s wonderful, it’s different. I love it. “You go to Milan and everyone’s so stylish. Every woman who passes you […]

Leaked photos show champions’ next shirt. Possibly… It’s a bit naff, no? But it does tie in with Nike’s recently launched “V” range of sportswear, so there’s every chance it’s not a fake. Another variation on this theme, with a different collar, is also doing the rounds. Check it out below…

Today’s links are brought to you by Play him off, keyboard cat [@ Play him off, keyboard cat] 1. England launches 2018 World Cup bid. Failing that, the 2022 World Cup will do. It’s coming home! But not for a while! [@ BBC Sport] 2. Liam Gallagher goads Spurs fans. Liam Gallagher… you know, the […]

This nostalgia-tinged dispatch just in, from our sister site, Anorak… “As a young lad, Old Mr Anorak liked to settle down with his junior pipe and slippers, reach for his monogrammed Gurkha knife, and cut open a paper packet of Wonderful World of Soccer Stars stickers. We say “stickers”, but these specimens bore only the […]

A heavyweight clash of the England captains Steven Gerrard v John Terry (Group C) A very tough opener for England’s skipper, against a former England skipper who has just won the Football Writers’ Player of the Year award. Sorry, JT, but Stevie G will win surely win this one… won’t he? Vote below…

Rangers star’s antics get Aberdeen player sent off Kyle Lafferty pretended to be headbutted by Aberdeen’s Charlie Mulgrew during Saturday’s SPL match at Ibrox. Lafferty fell to the ground as if he’d been properly nutted, when in fact Mulgrew hardly touched him. Very poor show, Mr Lafferty. Watch the incident below…

Gender equality yet to reach Russia, clearly “If my wife’s car drive into group of gypsies, will there be any damage to car? Very nice!” God love Andrey Arshavin and his old-school, Borat-esque sexism. In an interview with the Daily Mail this week, the Russian refused an opportunity to at least pretend that he thinks […]