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Who ate all the pies

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He may have scored 40 goals for his country but, as Don Fabio has already shown, reputations count for nothing under his new England regime – just ask Becks.
Owen only just made Capello’s first England squad but was snubbed against Switzerland with suggestions that he was only fourth in the strikers pecking order – and his Newcastle form hasn’t exactly strengthened a case for inclusion.
Will he make it back into Capello’s first team plans?

If you thought dodos were extinct, think again. Here is video evidence that they are not only alive and well, but also capable of scoring sweet volleys. This particular Dodo is a Fluminense player and he scored a wonder goal against Arsenal (no, not that Arsenal but Argentina’s Arsenal de Sarandi) this week. Full marks for technique and accuracy – there was no stopping this effort.

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The Horror Hair afro is back, folks! Emmanuel Adebayor was featured on Pies a couple of weeks ago, and now we are showcasing the beautifully burgeoning afro of Portsmouth’s Glen Johnson.

After this weekend’s giant killing exploits in the FA Cup, there will only be one top flight team (Portsmouth) in the semi-finals for the first time in a century – and it’s been 33 years since the final last lacked one of the big clubs from United, Chelsea, Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs and even Everton.
While we all enjoyed the so-called ‘romance of the FA Cup’ dumping out the big teams, does it mean that the competition is now more important to the smaller clubs?

We’re continuing our search for the best players plying their trade in the Premier League this season – as chosen by Pies’ readers.
So far, 23% of you have slightly surprisingly named David James as the league’s best goalkeeper – and that was before Portsmouth put Man United out of the FA Cup. Now it’s time to turn our attention to the defence in front of him and first up is the right-back slot.

There are, it seems, numerous ways for football fans to channel the adrenaline generated by an FA Cup shock or two. For one pumped-up Barnsley fan, a YouTube montage in the style of a film trailer for 300 seemed like the most appropriate course of action. Enjoy.

One day Adidas has Lionel Messi stretching his leg behind him around giant sand-covered cones, and the next thing his hamstring is kaput. Coincidence? I think not…

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Sadly this photograph doesn’t quite do justice to Obafemi Martins’ gravity-defying new hairdo. The Newcastle United striker has developed some pretty impressive spikes that would risk puncturing the ball if the Magpies ever got any decent crosses into him!

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HEROES
Kayode Odejayi Oh, you thought he might be here, did you? Odejayi rose to head home Barnsley’s winner against Chelsea.

With only around ten games to go, it’s safe to say which players have been a success in the Premier League this season – so we’ve decided to assemble a team of the best performing players as chosen by ‘Pies readers.
We start in between the sticks with those eccentric loners who claim to be a different breed from their outfield teammates – the goalkeepers. They might not normally get the recognition they deserve but preventing a goal can be as important as scoring one at the other end.

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At the start of the season Pies presented its Silly Injuries XI celebrating the footballers who had managed to rule themselves out of contention for selection in bizarre circumstances. We can now add to that list Dundee’s Derek Lyle. The striker some how managed to fall through a glass table in his home which means he will miss his side’s Scottish Cup quarter-final against Queen of the South.

There were mixed fortunes for the British sides still involved in the UEFA Cup last night – although it was our big name teams that suffered while the lesser lights managed a few surprises.

Earlier this week we questioned the wisdom behind some of the more baffling managerial appointments made in the Premier League by asking you to vote for the worst one – with a unanimous 43% not backing Keegan to stage a Second Coming at Newcastle.
But among the many misses there have also been a few hits this season, with not only Daniel Levy being able to say, “I told you so’. So, who’s been the best new manager brought on this season?

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Apparently Liverpool fans are not best pleased with their American owners. They kept that one quiet, didn’t they? Some Reds fans have produced the somewhat inevitable slogan t-shirt aimed at co-owner George Gillett. You can pick one up from eBay by clicking here.

This goal from the final match of the 1984 season has everything: aggression, determination, speed, skill. The move starts as a slide tackle. Beardsley win the ball, turns on a halfpenny and finishes with a deft chip.

Werder Bremen keeper Tim Wiese made a truly horrendous error during his side’s tie with Rangers last night. Everything about it stank – the fact that it happened on the stroke of half-time, the fact that his team were still 0-0 in a Uefa Cup away leg at the time and, of course, the fact that he pushed a 35-yard shot into his own net. Daniel Cousin was the man who tried his luck, prompting more Rangers players than had probably anticipated to kiss their Cousin.

Premier League clubs have become a billionaire’s play thing for rich foreign investors in recent times – drawn by the potentially huge business returns from regular incomes, increased television revenues and the hope of establishing international brand values.
They may tell you of their love of the game and fulfilling boyhood dreams but, make no mistake, these international fat cats are in it for the money. And their arrival hasn’t been without controversy including everything from money laundering scandals and quick sells to fugitives on the run.
Nonetheless, all of the eight clubs now owned by foreign investors have at least experienced an initial upturn in fortunes – but which one will prove to be the best?

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Inter Milan faltered again to give Roma an unexpected sniff of the Serie A title. The champions seemingly had another title wrapped up just a couple of weeks ago as they opened up an 11-point lead at the top of the table. That margin has been reduced to six points after a 1-0 defeat to Napoli at the weekend.

We already knew it was the richest and our attacking brand of football makes it the most exciting but, with the possibility of four English teams in the quarter-finals of the Champions League – can the Premier League now officially claim to be the best in the world?

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Pies reader SweetG reckons Manchester City’s Zimbabwean striker Benjani is the spit of actress Nina Sosanya. Perhaps more a Shit Lookalike/Horror Hair combo. Keep your suggestions coming, Pies fans.

Pies celebrates 10 players for whom being named on the substitutes’ bench meant a lie-in. Here are our Shit Tramp-alikes.
1 Trifon Ivanov

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Coventry City’s Ernie Hunt proves that football creativity didn’t arrive in English football when Dennis Bergkamp stepped foot in the country. This goal from October 1970 was made in England. Willie Carr flicks the ball up between his heels for Hunt to volley past Everton keeper Andy Rankin. Toffees boss Harry Catterick dismissed the goal as “Like something out of a circus.”

Despite gifting Sevilla a two-goal lead, Fenerbahce managed to take the game to penalties after an equal 3-2 final score. The goalkeeper Volkan Demirel atoned for earlier mistakes by saving three penalties, which takes the Turkish club to the first Champions League quarter-final in their history – cue wild celebrations from his watching team mates.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re a title chasing club with millions to spend or a club struggling to stave off relegation, the most important decision for any Premier League club is the man they appoint as manager – so why have so many teams got it so horribly wrong this season?

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Ajax closed the gap on Eredivisie leaders PSV Eindhoven to six points with a 4-0 victory over bottom-club Excelsior. A Klaas Jan Huntelaar brace and goals from Urby Emanuelson and Leonardo secured an easy victory. Meanwhile, PSV suffered a 3-1 at FC Utrecht. Despite taking the lead through a Timmy Simons penalty, the table-toppers slipped to their fourth defeat of the season.