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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Thanks to Pies reader Rusty for this gem.

Once a goalkeeper, always a goalkeeper… Whilst indulging in a spot of ill-advised, Rene Higuita-style chicanery outside his box, Poland’s U21 goalie suddenly remembered that he wasn’t a playmaker and used his hand to help him evade a Spanish attacker. The officials spotted his f**k-up and sent him off. The score was 0-0 at the […]

Man alive, Germany club FC Sachsen Leipzig has the scariest looking mascot I’ve ever seen. What the hell is it? It looks like a mange-ridden lion. Mascots are supposed to be friendly and approachable, but that thing looks like the stuff of nightmares. For the record, visitors Loko Leipzig won the Leipzig derby 3-1. Photo […]

With Ashley Cole ruled out of England’s match against Russia with a dodgy ankle, Steve McClaren has a selection headache. Given that you sorted out his midfield problem so effectively, we thought we would put this to the Pies public as well. Phil Neville is by far the most experienced candidate, but he does have […]

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1 Saturday’s result was a decent result against poor opposition. A better second half performance would have been good, but the victory was secured.

This is just incredible! Venezuela defender Jose Manuel Rey secured victory against Ecuador at the weekend with this goal, which was worthy of winning any match. Rey sets himself to take the free-kick, picks his spot and blasts the ball into the net – from near the centre-circle. The Ecuadorians knew what was coming and formed a wall, but there was nothing they could do to stop it. In fact, the ball is moving so fast that they would have been pretty stupid to get in the way!

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Lyon and Nancy are joint top of Ligue 1 on 22 points, although the camper-sounding side do have a game in hand. Nancy returned from their Friday night trip to Monaco with three points, while OL won 3-1 at Bordeaux. As you can see, the latter game was overshadowed by Lyon players interupting game to compare the relative merits of their backsides.

‘We’d like to thank Baz on our comment boards for spotting this one. Quite uncanny. Sonja, Alan’s eastern European girlfriend was a big fan of James Bond, sex and handbags, while alas we know sweet FA about what Martina Cech [Petr Cech's missus] is into. We’re also guessing Sonja’s a Norwich City supporter, but we […]

The Neviller and Schmeichs played together at Old Trafford for years, so you’d think young Gary would at least shake Peter’s hand when it’s generously offered in the tunnel. Are you f**king kidding me?! This is the Manc derby and there’s no way Citizen Neville, the most ardent Red in the union, would ever forego […]

England v Estonia (Sat 13 October, Wembley Stadium, K.O 3pm BST) Mark Lawrenson cautiously predicts a 2-0 win for England, and it’s hard not to agree with him this time. Estonia will surely play with damage limitation in mind, keen not to repeat the 3-0 win they suffered at home, so, in the words of […]

Games

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

October 12th, 2007

The FFQ usually consists of just six fiendish questions. However, I’m now expanding it to ten fiendish questions. Translation: It’s bigger and more fiendish than ever. Enjoy… 1 Banfield, River Plate, Feyenoord, Bologna, Inter (current). Whose career? 2 Which Premier League striker’s first name translates as ‘The king loves me’? 3 What relation is ‘Sir’ […]

There are so many great football chants that raise a smile here at Pies Towers. I’ve compiled list of 50 of our favourites, in no particular order. Here’s part one of that list… ‘In the town, called Sunderland, There lived a man with a monkey’s heid, And they called him Peter Reid’ Geordies and Boro […]

A couple of days ago I posted my Prem team of the season so far. Today, I’ve done a flops of the season – it’s not rocket science, is it? GK Paul Robinson (Spurs) Eighteen goals conceded in nine games, a litany of mistakes and a general lack of positional awareness/sharpness mean that Robbo comfortably […]

‘Visualise the ball, become the ball, be at one with the ball…’ I don’t know what Joachim is up to here, but I like it – it looks like he’s attempting to dive into that football, like a little shrinking German pixie. Lovely. Photo Bongarts/Getty Images

Dida%20stretcher.jpgIn what seems to be a relatively swift and bureaucracy free process, Uefa has announced that Celtic have been fined £25,000 after a fan ran onto the pitch and tapped AC Milan goalkeeper Dida during their recent Champions League match. Dida himself has been hit with a two-match ban for the histrionics which saw him briefly chase the fan before collapsing and being carried off on a stretcher.

Here is former footballer and current exciteable Sky Sports reporter Chris Kamara singing Van Morrison’s Brown Eyed Girl on karaoke. Just look at that stage presence.

Yes indeed. Daily Mirror columnist Stanley Victor Collymore gives us the run down on England’s possible line-up against Estonia. Does he say John Terry will get arrested?! Oi fur wun think whoever wrote Stan’s autocue used the phrase ‘I for one’ too often. Pies cannot accept responsibility for any damage caused when you put your fist through your computer screen while watching this video.

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Pies offers up a team of lanky players who are literally head-and-shoulders above any opposition they come up against. Some would say Sam Allardyce spent most of his time at Bolton doing this, but we don’t care – we’re doing it anyway.

Impartial reporting at its very best from Sky Sports… More Scottish impartiality after the click…

Stick with this video, which begins with Richard Keys famously slagging off the Faroe Islands (‘Daft little ground, silly game, fuck off!’), just for the prank Keys plays on Jamie ‘sharpest tool in the box’ Redknapp at the end. ‘Awww, he’s a fucker, ain’t he!’ Yes Jamie, he sure is. Or, if time is short, […]

Stefan Kiessling, Mario Gomez and Marcel Jansen stretch during a Germany training session in Berlin. The Germans play the Rep. of Ireland on Saturday in a crunch Euro 2008 qualifier. Rainbow Rhythms, anyone? Photo Andreas Rentz/Bongarts/Getty Images

Thanks to Ben Chinn for this one. I can kind of see the resemblence… if I squint… and turn the lights off. No, seriously, it works for me – it is indeed a shit lookalike.

The silly rumour that Chelsea would sign Kaka for up to £100m got me thinking. Which player is worth the most money right now? I’ve put together a shortlist of potential candidates – all you have to do is click and register your vote. If you think I’ve missed someone off the list (I haven’t), […]

You will often hear commentators and managers bemoaning a reckless knee-high tackle, so I can only imagine the reaction to this assault. It can only be described as a neck-high scissor tackle. This challenge is too extreme even for the wrestling ring.

Most ridiculous football rumour of the day, without doubt, is the Daily Express’s story that Avram Grant wants to buy Kaka from AC Milan, ‘even if it costs him £100 million’. The Express’s ‘source’ (some bloke down a pub in Fulham, perhaps?) said: ‘Kaka is certainly a long-term target, and if there is any chance […]