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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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A football player furious after being sent-off has been accused of biting a referee on the face. Rannord A. Jones was playing a match in Delaware when the incident happened. Jones has been charged with several offences.

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1. What a fantastic match (what we saw of it at least). The comeback kids were out-comebacked in the end. But Turkey deserved to make the final.

If you were to read that David Beckham was displaying his pens in a new commercial you would probably think it was a typo and that I was referring to his pant-bulging Armani adverts. But there is no ‘i’ missing from the word pens: in Becks’ latest commercial venture, the man worth £87 million scraps with members of the public over a $4 pen. As far as we aware, there are now rumours about Beckham’s ‘pens’ being enhanced by computer for this campaign!

Just like after Boxing Day supper, Turkey are down to the bare bones. Here’s the six players they could have done with to help them beat Germany tonight

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1. Arda Turan
Arda would be in my team of the tournament, but he won’t be in Turkey’s team tonight. Despite being a skilful winger rather than a tough-tackling midfielder, the youngster has acquired the dreaded two yellow cards and will have to watch the semi-final from the stands.

Pies picks out three great Ince clips, in honour of Blackburn’s new boss 1. Getting on the wrong side of Big Dunc Ferguson was one player who even Ince wouldn’t pick a fight with.

Just a few of the many rumours filling up today’s back pages 1. Samir Nasri to Arsenal The 21-year-old French playmaker is expected to join the Gunners at some stage in the next week, although his agent Jean-Pierre Bernes insisted last night the reports on the midfielder’s site of a done deal were “premature”. The […]

Hitler even less amused by sale of C-Ron than Fergie… Made us laugh, anyway – ah, the simple joy of ironic and crude subtitles.

Rio on holiday in Tel Aviv A handy pictorial reminder of why it’s so refreshing that England aren’t at Euro 2008. Much like any English tourists, there are few things more embarrassing than an English football star abroad. Rio, you officially look like a twat.

Barcelona prodigy looks shit-hot Name Alain Richard Ebwelle Age 12 (!!) – not that we always believe African birth certificates. Nationality Cameroon Club history FC Barcelona youth teams Position Striker/winger. Is he any good? Judging by the above clip of him in action for a Barca youth team against Real Madrid, yes he is very, […]

Celebrating the numerous mispronunciations of the ITV co-commentator

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…And it’s much more enjoyable than the real Austria vs Germany game, funnily enough Did they swap paint after the game? [Spotted... all over the web, including at The Offside and The Spoiler]

So this is what a Mediterranean Niall Quinn looks like… Toni came into Euro 2008 with a reputation as one of the best big front men in Europe. He leaves Euro 2008 with a reputation as a giant, useless donkey. Toni was terrible in the Euros. It appeared at first as if he’d lost a […]

Camo’s Corrie doppelganger

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1. Nothing less than Spain deserve, They were the ones who tried to put in a performance on the night and win the match, and it is they who deserve to go through to the semi-finals.

He’s got no strings to hold him down, but that nose must weigh a fair bit

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1. Guus Hiddink is a genius. What a coach – you get the impression he could take Andorra or even Wales to the semi-finals of a major competition.

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1. Sometimes the best team doesn’t win. How did Croatia not win that? They deserved to progress, but Turkey are through. That’s football for you.

Man uses 11,000 dominos to recreate Euro 2008 logo That should read “Man with way too much time on his hands uses 11,000 dominos to recreate Euro 2008 logo.” Impressive, but also utterly pointless.

More Euro 2008-flavoured fiendishness 1. Career path GD Estoril-Praia, Vitória FC, Porto, Chelsea (current) 2. Multiple choice Michel Platini top-scored at Euro 1984, with how many goals? a) Six, b) Seven, c) Eight, d) Nine 3. Picture round Which Euro star? 4. Team-mates How many Juventus players feature in Euro 2008 squads (including those from […]

The six men who impressed us most in the group stages 1. David Villa (Spain, forward) Four goals in two games lifted Villa to the top of the scoring charts, and deservedly so. He has looked razor-sharp alongside the admirable Fernando Torres; how Liverpool fans must hope that I’ll be writing that same sentence next […]

Michael Ballack showed C-Ron how to be a real team man Ballack was immense in Germany’s win over Portugal. He inspired his team-mates to play above their level, which is the true measure of a world-class player – Diego Maradona, a better player than Ballack, had the same effect on his Argentine team-mates. The current […]

Jens in danger of picking up Curly Monk nickname

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Co-hosts upset German neighbours with anthem mix-up A Swiss TV station has apologised for running the words of the Nazi version of Germany’s national anthem as subtitles to the current German anthem before their Euro 2008 group match against Austria. Both the Nazi version and the modern version come from the same song, Das Deutschlandlied. […]

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1. You can never write off the Germans, the Germans will also be there or thereabouts and, erm, you can’t keep a good German down. Roll out the cliches, the Germans are in the semis.

Tonight’s first quarter final is being billed as C-Ron vs Ballack. But is it as simple as that? Germany They looked mediocre in the group stages, apart from one solid win over Poland, and I don’t read too much into that, as Poland are terrible. Ballack and co. began Euro 2008 as tournament favourites – […]