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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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This was a pretty remarkable win for Avramovitch’s Chelski at one of Europe’s toughest places to get a result – if Jose Mourinho had been in charge, we’d all be celebrating his managerial genius. As much as I find much to dislike about John Terry, you can’t argue with the purity of his fighting spirit, […]

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There is just something about the droopy cheeks and the crazy eyewear that tickled me when I saw the two photos near each other on the Beeb’s website. Arsenal fans, who would you rather have take control of the club?!!

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Well, there you have it. John Terry in training for Chelsea’s crucial Champions League match against Valencia tonight complete with a face mask to protect his broken cheekbone. It’s not quite as colourful as we had envisaged. Let the lookalike suggestions commence!

‘Wussia went left-wing – and I’m not talking John Barnes…’ Check out this fine send-up of professional West Ham fan/annoying wide boy Danny Dyer, actor and presenter of Sky’s Real Football Factories. The man under the wig is slapheaded stand-up comic Terry Alderton.

Ariane Hingst, Birgit Prinz and Kerstin Stegemann celebrate on the balcony of Frankfurt’s city hall after returning home from the women’s World Cup in China, which they won. The team played the entire tournament without conceding a single goal, a remarkable feat. Great to see such a large crowd turn out to greet them, too. […]

Another belter from Chringle, who should really get his own Shit Lookalikes Corner. This has to be one of the best lookalikes we’ve ever published, no?

Roma’s uncompromising central defender trapped in the body of a beach bum, Philippe Mexes, has Horror Hair at the best of times. The Frenchman’s greasy, peroxide-tinted long locks have been featured on Pies before. But last night’s match against Manchester United revealed a cheeky little addition to his barnet, which pushes him further up the Horror Hair stakes: pig-tails. Yes, Philippe now has little tiny girls pig-tails.

Here’s a clip of the greatest pound-for-pound boxer in the world, Floyd ‘Pretty Boy’ Mayweather, wearing a Man Utd shirt during his visit to the north-west to promote his mega fight with Ricky ‘The Hitman’ Hatton. Of course, Mayweather, who has to be the most annoying sportsman on the planet, is not really a United […]

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It has been approximately one unbelievebly disappointing spell at Newcastle since the words ‘Albert Luque’ and ‘goal’. But just like buses, you wait ages for an Albert Luque goal and then two come along at once. He scored Ajax’s opening two goals in their 6-1 victory over VVV Venlo. He is pictured Forrest Gump-ing towards his first goal for the club above. The next Luque strike might be a little longer as the Spaniard went off injured after bagging his brace.

The first in an occasional series celebrates arguably the most famous song by The Hitchers, a punkish rock group from Limerick, Ireland. If I remember rightly, this single, which was a double A side (backed with ‘You Can Only Love Someone’), made John Peel’s Festive 50 in 1997, and there’s not much higher praise than […]

This is Falcao – the futsal star of Brazil. The 30-year-old is a hero in his home country and is reportedly the man Ronaldinho looks up to for inspiration. What he can’t do with a football ain’t worth doing. In fact, most of what he does with a football ain’t worth doing, but it sure is entertaining to watch.

Whatever happens tonight in the Champions League, this was the shock result of Matchday Two, no question. When Glasgow Rangers were drawn in the Group of Death, with Barcelona, Stuttgart (the champions of Germany) and Lyon (French champions), I thought they stood less than a 5% chance of making it into the next round. Now, […]

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1 A quality finish from Wayne Rooney. He put it the one place where the keeper couldn’t reach it from a narrow angle.

Like the Miroslav Klose and Franck Ribery video we showed you yesterday, this is a viral promoting FIFA 08. Here is what happens when Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney and Real Madrid’s Sergio Ramos decide to go for a quiet game of golf.

Having seen earlier today what Marta looks like wearing traditional Bavarian dress, it’s time to see what she looks like wearing not very much at all. It’s also clear that she deserves her own WAG of the Week slot: Name Marta Cecchetto Nationality Italian WAG of… Bayern Munich’s Italian striker Luca Toni (pictured with Cecchetto, […]

A disagreement turns into a full-blown scuffle during this season’s Community Shield between Man United and Chelsea. This is what happens when Man Yoo fans from Croydon and Manchester clash, I guess.

Franck Ribery is smiling on the outside, but inside he is surely thinking, ‘Why the hell did I sign for Bayern Munich?’ Oh my sweet lord, I didn’t think it was possible for Ribery, who is without any doubt the World’s Ugliest Professional Footballer, to look any worse than he normally does, but put him […]

Oof! Krzysztof Lagiewka’s eyebrow just took one hell of a beating. Scientists often say that repeatedly heading the ball is bad for the brain, and this photo shows why. Lagiewka’s eyebrow gets all bent out of shape as he heads the ball during the Russian Football League Championship match between FC Dynamo and FC Krylya […]

Not a bad way to mark your first game for a new club. Dutch veteran Philip Cocu, now playing in the UAE for Al Jazira, scored with this fierce bicycle kick to help his new club to a 2-1 win over Al Wasl. I always thought Cocu was an underrated player, and it’s nice to […]

German players Petra Wimbersky and Sandra Smisek celebrate their team’s win in the Women’s World Cup final against Brazil with a few well-earned beers at the Hua Ting team hotel in Shanghai, China. Damn, there’s nothing sexier than a German woman who can hold her drink. Photo Christof Koepsel/Bongarts/Getty Images More on Germany’s success at […]

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Luca Toni’s transfer fee is starting to look like the best €11 million Bayern Munich have ever spent. The Italian’s six goals just eight games into the Bundesliga season have sent Bayern top with a four-point cushion. He scored his latest goal in the 0-1 win against Bayer Leverkusen at the weekend. He is pictured above taking in Munich’s famous Oktoberfest with Miroslav Klose and Franck Ribery.

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Fans of Euro 2008 co-hosts Austria have launched a petition to have their national team thrown out of the competition on the grounds that they are going to humiliate the country. The Österreich zeigt Rückgrat (Austria show backbone) initiative calls for the team to be withdrawn for the benefit of football fans everywhere and national pride in Austria.

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On the left we have the real Wayne Rooney (unless EA Sports hired a lookalike for their FIFA 08 photoshoot, which would complicate matters further) and on the right we have his computer-generated evil twin. FIFA 08 Rooney has a slight glint in his eye which suggests he might be about to kill his clean-shaven, slightly thinner, human other half!

One of the most stunning nights of European football at Old Trafford. One thing’s for sure: there will be no repeat of this scoreline tonight, when the two teams meet in the CL again. More Man Yoo talk at Man United Pies

Wow, what a pulsating game to mark Spurs’ 125th anniversary! At 4-1 down, Martin Jol looked like a dead man walking, but Spurs roared back to snatch an unlikely draw – that no doubt felt to Spurs fans more like a win – with a Younes Kaboul goal in added time. This photo (Getty Images) […]