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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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1. Portugal were flattered by the score, but they deserved the win. They are a pleasure to watch in attack.

A Fab fashion crime, par excellence In which young Cesc smoulders with his very best boy-band look. [Picture spotted at Kickette]

Who’s shone in the first round of group games? Here’s who… Pepe (Portugal) Strong and athletic at the back, and threatening when he ventured into the opposition box. Scored one fine header against Turkey, and had another disallowed. Had the odd lapse in concentration, but overall he was hugely impressive. More below…

Moody striker saves his best for the Swedes’ first game A stunning strike by Zlatan – the goal of the tournament so far (although I did love Sneijder’s team goal against the Italians). Enjoy it while you can – Uefa will rip it down from YouTube soon, no doubt. EDITED Yep, didn’t last long!

The usual array of supporters who’ve gone mad with the crayons Two Swiss fans become one Swiss flag. More below…

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1. Praise be to Zlatan Ibrahimovic for briefly bringing a drab game to life with a wonderful strike. Not even George Clooney could stop that.

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1. The emphatic victory was a great signal of intent from Spain. It was also a superb hat-trick from David Villa.

El Nino exposed as arse groper

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Will Guus Hiddink guide the Russians to glory? RUSSIA (Group D) Group mates Spain (10 June, Innsbruck), Greece (14 June, Salzburg), Sweden (18 June, Innsbruck) Three most valuable players 1) Igor Akinfeev Brilliant young goalie, with a nice line in saving penalties. 2) Andrei Arshavin Twinkle-toed playmaker, so important to his country’s hopes that he […]

Will Zlatan and his blond team-mates have more fun at the Euros? SWEDEN (Group D) Group mates Greece (10 June, Salzburg), Spain (14 June, Innsbruck), Russia (18 June, Innsbruck) Three most valuable players 1) Zlatan Ibrahimovic Hugely talented, but mentally fragile – you never know if you’re going to see Amazing Zlatan or Amazingly Crap […]

Euro links for your enjoyment C-Ron voted the hottest player involved in Euro 2008, according to poll of 12,000 women (he hasn’t slept with them all). [MSN Sport] Dutch striker Ruud van Nistelrooy’s opening goal in the win over Italy was legitimate, says Premier League referees’ chief Keith Hackett. So there. [BBC] And some non-Euro […]

Please don’t underachieve again SPAIN (Group D) Group mates Russia (10 June, Innsbruck), Sweden (14 June, Innsbruck), Greece (18 June, Salzburg) Three most valuable players 1) Iker Casillas Probably the best goalkeeper in the world, and with a suspect defence in front of him, his brilliant shot-stopping skills will be needed. 2) Fernando Torres Yet […]

Not a good look for the Italian midfield terrier There’s nothing like a girly headband for diminishing a player’s hardman status.

Video highlights of both of yesterday’s games. Catch ‘em quick before YouTube pulls them down… Holland make it look easy against the world champs: France vs Romania below…

Can the defending champions shock Europe again? GREECE (Group D) Group mates Sweden (10 June, Salzburg), Russia (14 June, Salzburg), Spain (18 June, Salzburg) Three most valuable players 1) Giorgos Karagounis Proved his immense worth to Greece at Euro 2004 – he’s a clever, dynamic, tenacious midfielder, although at 31, he’s less dynamic these days. […]

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1. The best game of the tournament so far, and the perfect tonic to the snoozefest that was France-Romania. Exciting action from start to finish, attacking football and excellent passing on display.

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1. Zzzzzzz. What a load of rubbish. By far the most boring match of the tournament so far.

As far as we are aware, this is the only official Euro 2008 song performed by the coach of the country in question’s thrash metal band. It is of course Croatia’s Slaven Bilic and his band Rawbau with their own unique brand of rock music and red-and-white chequerboard patriotism.

Another sad story of in-fighting and underachievement? HOLLAND (Group C) Group mates Italy (9 June, Bern), France (13 June, Bern), Romania (17 June, Bern) Three most valuable players 1) Edwin van der Sar Vastly experienced and cool of head, unlike many of his young team-mates. 2) Rafael van der Vaart I was going to name […]

Basketball hero forced to like Chelsea Garnett is on course to help the Boston Celtics defeat the evil L.A. Lakers and win this season’s NBA finals. In between shooting hoops though, he found the time to pick up a personalised Chelsea shirt, free of charge. “Y’all made my day…this is huge” Kev, you’re such a […]

The world’s best player (two years ago) to link up with Darius Vassell? My mind is boggling If Ronaldinho ends up at Eastlands, it will be the biggest transfer coup in Premier League history, perhaps in the whole history of football. That’s not to say that Man City are a small club, but if you […]

In which a Polish lad betrays his former homeland Two goals – the second was a cracking strike – by Polish-born Lukas Podolski gave the Germans the ideal start to Euro 2008. Before the tournament began, I tipped him to win the Golden Shoe, but of course I didn’t act on my own advice. D’oh. […]

The name says Pig farmer, but the hair says skunk-a-like

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Will they find the Group of Death just a bit too scary? ROMANIA (Group C) Group mates Don’t ask… but if you must know: France (9 June, Zurich), Italy (13 June, Zurich), Netherlands (17 June, Bern). Ouch. Three most valuable players 1) Adrian Mutu (pictured, above) The controversy-courting striker has matured greatly since he left […]

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It’s time to go Beenhak To The Future, Pies fans, for Poland’s Dutch coach Leo Beenhakker is Christopher Lloyd’s Shit Lookalike twin. Just call him Doc Leo. The only question is can he go back in time and make his players defend a bit deeper in last night’s match against Germany?