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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Mark “Lawro” Lawrenson isn’t getting away lightly. Pies v Lawro is back! And it’s, er, the same as it ever was. If you haven’t played Pies v Lawro before, here’s how it works. Lawro makes his predictions for the weekend’s games (mostly 2-0 to the big clubs), then I make mine, then you make yours. […]

Poor Steven Taylor, stuck in the Championship while all the cool kids have fun in the Premier League. He has even started sitting on walls, looking moodily into the distance. It’s a worrying sign. Several Prem clubs are reportedly interested in rescuing the stout Englishman from Newcastle United, namely Aston Villa, Fulham and Everton. Villa […]

Are Kopites gobshites? No comment, your honour. Available from, priced $24. MORE TEES Burnley 1-0 Man Utd. You watched the game, now buy the T-shirt Giuseppe Rossi Judas T-shirt Top 10 footballers who revealed T-shirts with messages

“I think their eyebrows don’t get on with each other,” says Oller of these two peas in a shitpod. Cheers Oller, good call. Incidentally, Hoobastank is possibly the worst band name in the history of popular music. Got a lookalike for Pies? Email me with your suggestion(s).

How to squeeze so many superstars into just one team? That’s the major challenge facing Real Madrid boss Sam the Eagle. Here’s the default team I would go with (based on Real’s squad at time of posting): My XI (in a 4-2-3-1 formation): Iker Casillas Sergio Ramos, Pepe, Raul Albiol, Alvaro Arbeloa Lassana Diarra, Xabi […]

A good win for Fulham last night, against Amkar Perm in the Europe League, was marred by an injury to striker Andy Johnson. The Englishman scored the opening goal in Fulham’s 3-1 win, in the fourth minute, but in the second half he was body-checked by Perm’s Dmitry Belorukov and suffered a dislocated collarbone as […]

A morale-boosting win for Everton, and David Moyes can thank 18-year-old Jack Rodwell, who gave perhaps his best performance for the club, and on his European debut. He scored with two long-range shots, the second being an abosolute screamer. This boy will go far. As far as South Africa? It’s possible, if unlikely. Joleon Lescott, […]

In a move that echoes Radiohead’s innovative marketing of “In Rainbows”, Eidos is selling the digital version of Championship Manager 2010 on a “Pay What You Want” basis. A press release says: “From the time the shop goes live today (August 18th) until midnight on September 10th, you can pre-order the digital download version of […]

I remember the 1981 centenary FA Cup final, if not like it was yesterday then a lot more recently than 28 years ago. It was the season I began supporting Spurs, and so I’ll always have very fond memories of the cup-winning exploits of Perryman, Hoddle, Archibald, Ardiles, Villa and co. I thought I knew […]

“Er, gaffer, the hat’s a bit too big. And I know I’m black but, er, not all black guys wear baseball caps. I do have a magnificent penis though…” “Shut up and smile for the cameras, big man. You’re gonna get me some goals.” “Yeah, about that…”

All hail Robbie Blake, who looks like a plasterer but thankfully doesn’t play like one. His terrific strike put paid to Man Utd on a famous night for Burnley. United had their chances, notably a Michael Carrick penalty that was brilliantly saved by Brian “The Beast” Jensen, but Burnley were good value for the win; […]

Uncle Woy Hodgson has strengthened his squad with the addition of Damien Duff (signed from Newcastle for au undisclosed fee) and Jonathan Greening (taken on a season-long loan from West Brom). Duff will add some much-needed width to Fulham’s team, while the underrated Greening might slot in nicely alongside Danny Murphy, or indeed act as […]

We are top of the league, sing we are top of the league… Tottenham’s perfect start to this season couldn’t be in starker contrast to the nightmare of 08/09. Props to Arry Redknapp, who has managed to create what looks uncannily like a proper team – even David Bentley is back in the fold. And […]

Who’s the Liverpool player doing his defensive duty on the post (click image to enlarge)? If you know the answer, or you just want to make a wild guess, leave a comment with your shout. Previous answer: Mikael Silvestre Joe got it right at the second attempt. Shay, Tom P and Jules also got it […]

“Weeeeeeeeeee!” This is where you get to step into Rafa’s shiny slip-ons and pick Liverpool’s best starting line-up for this season. First up though, I’ll reveal my selection (based on the Pool’s squad at time of writing). I meant to post this before the season started (duh), but horrible server gremlins meant I’ve had to […]

When Carra was all bandaged up for last night’s game against Stoke (photo gallery up next, btw), the first face that flashed into my head was that of Derek Zoolander. For serious. MORE Shit Lookalikes: Rafa Benitez and Derek Zoolander Zoolander GIF Classic: Arsene Wenger dances in the back of a jeep driven by Cesc […]

OK, just a friendly – it was the annual Joan Gamper Trophy – but still a great result for City’s morale. Looking at the line-ups/subs [@ Goal], you can see just how seriously Pep Guardiola and Sparky Hughes treated it: FC Barcelona: Pinto, Montoya (Alves 45), Fontas (Henry 63), Puyol (Bartra 31) (Pique 63), Maxwell (Muniesa, 63), […]

One draw and two wins now for Newcastle, who move up to third in the Championship table. Shola Ameobi’s fourth goal in two games was enough to sink the Owls at St James’ Park. The game was watched by almost 44,000 fans – that’s a massively impressive attendance for a Championship match on a Wednesday […]

That didn’t take long! Available now from Newstowear, priced just £9.99 As one of Pies’ Twitter followers just pointed out, there is one small problem with the shirt – they got the date wrong. D’oh! Anyone brave enough to send one of these to Fergie? I’d say he’s a Large these days.

This jumped out at me, as Shit Lookalikes sometimes do. (Pellegrini is Real Madrid’s new manager, btw.) Got a lookalike for Pies? Email me with your shout(s).

With C-Ron gone, it’s time for someone to step up and take his place as the Prem’s least popular player. Here’s Pies selection for a team of the most unpopular players in the league: Paul Robinson (Blackburn) Out-of-form goalkeepers may be booed but generally they’re a likeable bunch. Robbo is about the least popular Prem […]

I don’t know if it’s because the recession has levelled the playing field – by weakening the big four – but already this season feels very different. By different, I mean unpredictable. And about time too. For years we have waited for a genuinely unpredictable Premier League, sitting through countless dreary games where the result […]

Twitter is almost on fire, the result of a scorchingly hot rumour that Rafa Benitez has walked out on Liverpool. There is no concrete reason to believe this internet chatter, but I will say that it wouldn’t surprise me if it happened, especially in light of the news that the club told Rafa he had […]

We hear that Joleon Lescott has been dropped for Everton’s Europa League qualifier against Sigma Olomouc on Thursday. David Moyes said of Lescott: “His attitude in the past few days has been poor and for that reason I won’t include him. “I’ve always thought he was a good lad. But I think he has not […]

Caught during Leeds United’s 2-1 win at Walsall last night. Jermaine Beckford scored the winner in the 86th minute, causing ecstatic scenes in the away end – only one female Leeds fan cocked up her rush to the front. That’s a FAIL, lass.