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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Rafa Benitez desperately needs another striker. Tell him who… Now that Peter Crouch is heading back to Portsmouth, Liverpool are looking a little thin up top. Rafa Benitez (also looking a little thin up top) thinks he has enough forward power, listing Dirk Kuyt, Ryan Babel, Andriy Voronin (hmmm) and Steven Gerrard as potential strike […]

Spurs’ new wonderboy looks a lot like Dutch legend Let’s get this SLAL out of the way before the new season begins. It’s been said before, and we’ll say it again: Modric does bear more than a passing resemblence to the great Dutchman, both physically and in terms of playing style. [Via Luka Modric fans]

Who’s headed for sunnier climes this season? 1. Mathieu Flamini (Arsenal to AC Milan) Arsene Wenger didn’t have the cash to keep Cesc’s midfield buddy at the Emirates. AC Milan stepped in with a better offer, then failed to reach the Champions League, for the first time in centuries. Arsenal fans will at least have […]

Pies tries its hand at a spot of simplistic poetry

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A selection of photos from Saturday’s $1m dead-ball competition Click on the photo below to launch the gallery…

Bringing yesteryear’s sticker album randoms into the 21st century

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Give this guy a medal… and a kebab At first it looks like referee Sergey Shmolik was having back trouble. But then all became clear: Mr Shmolik had enjoyed something a little stiffer than a cup of tea at half-time of a Belarusian league match he was in charge of (FC Naftan vs FC Vitebsk, […]

Word to Ron: baggy clothes don’t hide the fact you’re out of shape Here’s Fat-Ron at a recent charity event in Sao Paulo, looking more like a goofy cartoon character than a world-class athlete. Such a shame that he decided – consciously or not – to waste his massive potential. Now he’s just potentially massive […]

In which Frank reveals he broke a treadmill because he was too fat fast Stalker alert, stalker alert. [Via The Spoiler & 101 Great Goals]

Today’s hottest news, rumours and lies have a three-chilli rating Aston Villa are very close (medical permitting) to signing Chelsea misfit Steve Sidwell (pictured) for £5m, as direct replacement for outgoing captain Gareth Barry. Who wants to point out to Martin O’Neill that Sidwell is nowhere near as good as Barry… [BBC] More after the […]

Uefa Cup to get shiny makeover. Yawn The UEFA Cup is set to undergo a dreaded re-branding in a bid to raise the competition’s profile, according to Bayern Munich chief Karl-Heinz Rummenigge. The ex-German international is the chairman of the new European Club Association, a 15-man board which has replaced the defunct G14. (Incidentally, Chelsea’s […]

World’s best player flops at Free Kick Masters ESPN reported that both Lionel Messi and Ronaldinho demanded first-round byes in the Free Kick Masters, a gimmicky event held in Houston on Saturday. The free pass didn’t help either South American though – both men scored zero points in the format, which saw each player take […]

New Chelsea boss bamboozled by Lamps saga Big Phil: “Frank wants to stay. Very good, yes.” Lamps: “That’s news to me: unless Chelsea give me a five-year contract, I’m off to Inter.”

Former FIFA president Joao Havelange claims that England’s greatest footballing moment was suspicious In a recent interview with Brazilian newspaper Folha de Sao Paulo Havelange (a Brazilian) claimed that referees assigned to Brazil’s games in the 1966 World Cup finals tried to harm Brazil and to favour hosts England and West Germany. “Brail had virtually […]

Another day, another batch of rumours 1. Darren Fletcher & Diego Milito to Everton Man Utd’s Scottish international and Real Zaragoza’s Argentine striker are high on David Moyes’ wanted list. Andy Johnson could be sold to fund the double deal. [Liverpool Daily Post] Pies verdict I doubt Fergie will sell Fletcher, but there’s a good […]

Featuring Nazis and bad language (apart from that, it’s safe for work) Favourite reference? QPR and their “sellotape hoops”. Maybe I’m easily pleased, but I can never see too many dubbed Downfall/football clips.

The name’s Frank… Fat Frank If you squint, and close one eye, then Lamps could just about double for buff 007. I know F-Wank is not fat, not at all, but compared with the ultra-trim Craig, he looks like he could lose an inch or two around the waist. Thanks to Pies reader Jack for […]

Fail of the week! As revealed in today’s soaraway Sun, Crystal Palace winger Ashley-Paul Robinson, 19, accidentally posted two messages on Facebook revealing he was having a trial with London rivals Fulham. But rather than restrict the news to his 198 friends, he mistakenly revealed it to… everyone on Facebook. That’ll be almost 3 million […]

Inter open negotiations with Chelsea Internazionale have reportedly sent a fax (old school!) to Chelsea to kick-start their bid to sign F-wank Lampard. Here’s the thing: I find off-season transfer rumours just about the most tedious aspect of modern football. Today Lampard is going to Inter, tomorrow a source will reveal that he wants to […]

King Eric to reclaim Old Trafford throne? With Carlos Queiroz lined up to replace Big Phil Scolari as coach of the Portuguese national team, Fergie will need a No.2. According to the ever-reliable Sunday Express, a friend of Cantona’s says that a coaching job at United could tempt the Frenchman out of self-exile: “Eric does […]

The things players get up to in their down time… (click on image below to view gallery)

The best thing Madonna’s bloke has ever done? This full version of Nike’s “Take it to the next level” campaign, which is centered around the rise of a mysterious young Arsenal star, features WAGs, flash cars, random vomiting and some of the best on-pitch camerawork you’ve ever seen. In other words, it’s the best thing […]

A picture gallery of Barca’s new Brazilian being unveiled at the Camp Nou… (click on image to view the whole gallery)

Unofficial pic of Villa’s home shirt for 08/09 This is the new Aston Villa home kit, with new sponsor Acorns – or rather, Villa have given up a lucrative sponsorship deal to support the West Midlands-based children’s charity. An admirable gesture. Do you like kit? One more pic below, and the chance to have your […]

It’s that time again… 1. Career path West Bromwich Albion, Aston Villa, Middlesbrough, Rangers, Sheffield Utd (current) 2. Multiple choice Which English club has the most outright Community (formerly Charity) Shield wins? a) Man Utd, b) Liverpool, c) Arsenal, d) Everton 3. Picture round Who dis? 4. Get shirty Viglen, The Woolwich, Llanera and Redbus […]