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Who ate all the pies

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‘Pah! Yet another Englishman I ‘ave never ‘eard of.’ New Chelsea signing Daniel Sturridge makes his first appearance in a Chelsea shirt. Solid signing by Chelsea. Again, not an Ancelotti signing a such but Sturridge looks an excellent prospect. I’m surprised Man City let him go. Click on the image below to launch the gallery…

G-Jo (that doesn’t really work, does it?) swaps Pompey blue for Liverpool red. Photos taken today at Melwood. Click on image below to launch gallery. (Nice legs, Rafa. I just threw up in my own mouth.) [Photos: PA]

Today’s Spot the Baller is arguably easier than yesterday’s edition, but I’ll still be interested to see your answers. Who dis? (Click image to enlarge - the clues are there…) If you think you know who it is, leave a comment with your answer. Yesterday’s answer: Martin Keown Top marks to those of you who weren’t […]

From today’s Mirror: “Sir Alex Ferguson is weighing up a move for Inter Milan striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Manchester United boss Fergie, who yesterday completed the £3.5million signing of Bordeaux winger Gabriel Obertan, has missed out on several of his top targets to replace Cristiano Ronaldo. Lyon striker Karim Benzema opted to join Real Madrid, while […]

Damnit kids, who do you think you are? Daddy told you not to tackle like Mascherano. Fabio Aurelio twisted his knee while having a harmless kickabout with his young children on holiday. Stupid boy. Early reports suggest the Brazilian’s injury is so serious that he’ll have to undergo surgery. The freak injury could keep him […]

Felipe Melo, who looked very good at the heart of Brazil’s midfield in the recent Confed Cup, is off to Juventus, not north London. He has agreed a deal in principle to move to Juve for around £17.5m (Fiorentina, Melo’s current club, also get winger Marco Marchionni as part of the deal, though Marchionni appears […]

There’s never a bad time to celebrate the most terrifying/amusing hairstyle in football history. Sit back, relax and enjoy our gallery of long-at-the-back horror hair… Frank Worthington Hello ladies. Charlie Nicholas Words fail me. Paul Mariner Sweet Jesus. Gerry Francis Twat sandwich. Mark Hateley That tracksuit top is awesomeness squared. Rudi Voller 1990s, time for […]

A thousand thanks to Pies reader Nick Dennon for this suggestion. SUCCESS. Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email me with your suggestion.

Juventus’s new home kit features black and white stripes, as usual. Juventus’s new away kit features, er, black and white stripes, albeit on a grey background. I thought the whole point about an away kit is that it’s supposed to be distinctly different from the home version? I know that Juventus’s home kit has white […]

In this silly season, plagued by filthy agents stirring the pot, it’s nice to report that a couple of highly valued footballers have pledged their futures to the clubs they play for. Steven Gerrard has signed a four-year deal that will keep him at Liverpool until he’s 33. Great news for Scousers, if not that […]

‘I thought being Chelsea manager would be more glamourous than this.’ Ross Turnbull is the first signing of the Carlo Ancelotti era. The English goalkeeper, 24, was signed on a free transfer from Middlesbrough. But I wonder if Ancelotti had anything to do with this transfer, other than to approve it. Apparently Chelsea took an […]

After three seasons at the Lane, Didier Zokora is moving on. Spurs have accepted Sevilla’s £7m offer for the Ivorian midfielder, and as a Yiddo I have to say it’s a decent deal, for both parties. Zokora never quite made good on the immense promise he showed at the 2006 World Cup, but he will […]

Tottenham Hotspur players Dave MacKay, goalkeeper Bill Brown, Jimmy Greaves and Terry Dyson (l to r) peer out into the fog in search of Manchester United players. [Photo: PA] The match, a Uefa Cup Winner’s Cup first-round tie in 1963, was postponed because of poor visibility. Ah, those were the days.

Welcome to the second edition of our new daily quiz. Who the dickens is this, on the end of a yellow card? If you’re struggling, click the image to super-size it. So who do you think it is? Leave a comment with your answer. The answer will also be revealed at the end of tomorrow’s […]

Rene Adler and Tranquillo Barnetta show off Leverkusen’s new Adidas away kit, which boasts a white, yellow and red McDonald’s-style colour scheme. That wouldn’t normally be a good thing, but I think this kit gets away with it. Another pic below: Like the kit? Think it looks cheap and nasty? Vote below… Rate Bayer Leverkusen’s […]

“Who are these old men?” Few objective fans could deny that Cristiano Ronaldo is one of Man Utd’s all-time great players. But where exactly does the departed C-Ron rank in United’s hall of fame, alongside legends like George Best, Bobby Charlton, Duncan Edwards, Eric Cantona, Roy Keane, Bryan Robson, Peter Schmeichel, Denis Law, Ryan Giggs, […]

One is a gentleman footballer. One is a lady footballer. Can you tell who is who though? Think you have a better Shit Lookalike than this? I highly recommend that you Email Pies with your suggestion. This isn’t Diego’s first appearance in SLALs: Shit Lookalikes: Diego Forlan & Fenella the witch from Chorlton and the […]

Some clubs have no No.13 squad shirt (Liverpool and Arsenal, for example), but not all players believe it’s bad luck. Here’s our list of ten players who aren’t triskaidekaphobics: Michael Ballack Wears the No.13 for Chelsea and sometimes Germany. Indeed, Ballack has worn the number 13 shirt for every team he has played for, with […]

Nick Love did a half-decent job directing the film adaptation of John King’s novel ‘The Football Factory’, but then Danny Dyer did a half-decent job of torpedoing the movie’s credibility. Now Love is making is own version of Alan Clarke’s classic 1988 BBC movie, which starred Gary Oldman as ‘top boy’ Clive ‘Bex’ Bissel. Clarke’s […]

Wally Hardinge Wally played cricket for Kent and won one England cap, against the touring Australians in 1921. He also played football for Newcastle United, Sheffield United and Woolwich Arsenal (just before they dropped the Woolwich from their name). While at Bramall Lane he won one England cap, against Scotland in 1910. Gary Lineker Mr […]

1. Is Abbey Clancey’s swimsuit too tight? I’ll let you – and Crouchy – be the judge… [@ Daily Mail] 2. EPL Talk starts Legends of English Football series. First up, Sir Stanley Matthews. [@ EPL Talk] 3. Some high-falutin’, wine-related football blogging that is way too smart for me, but well worth a read […]

If you can’t sleep, watch this video: Either Taylor is so thick and humourless he doesn’t even know what a sitcom is (unless he mishears the question, in which case he’s still thick and humourless); nor does he have any concept of the phrase ‘guilty pleasure’. Jesus Christ on a bicycle. When the Newcastle defender […]

On the left, we have Man Utd’s latest signing (well, provided he passes his medical). On the right is some dude with a tie who looks a little bit like Man Utd’s latest signing. Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email me with your tip. If you don’t know anything about Obertan, he’s a French […]

Recently on Twitter, Freddy Adu asked followers to suggest a nickname for him. He replied to suggestions by Tweeting: “so far i like fredinho, the golden child, and the phantom. Who can give me better ones than these???” The Phantom sounds pretty cool to us. Freddy Tweets once a day at least, with enough regularity […]

An official statement from Milan confirmed the news that Gooch is on his way to Italy: “AC Milan announces the signing on a permanent deal of defender Oguchi Onyewu from Standard Liege. The player has signed a contract with AC Milan through 30 June 2012.” This is massive news for Gooch, obviously, but it’s also […]