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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Pies’ handy guide to Man City’s new Belgian defender Name Vincent Kompany Age 22 Nationality Belgian Club history Anderlecht, Hamburg SV, Man City (current) Position Central defender Is he any good? I know that in Konami’s Pro Evolution Soccer series he used to be a very talented, fast-improving young centre-back (I had him in my […]


The Fiendish Friday Quiz

August 22nd, 2008

1. Career path Marconi Stallions, Dynamo Dresden, Kaiserslautern, Bradford City, Middlesbrough, Fulham (current) 2. Multiple choice Who was Man Utd’s club captain before Roy Keane? a) Steve Bruce, b) Bryan Robson, c) Eric Cantona, d) Paul Ince 3. Picture round Who dis? 4. Get shirty Danka, Kejian and One 2 One have all sponsored the […]

Come to Wearside, my pretties


These days Roy Keane and Sunderland seem to be taking a Panini sticker approach to the transfer market (“got, got, got, need, got”). Either that or they have drafted in Barry Fry to work behind the scenes because the Black Cats seem to be assembling a HUGE squad. If you believe the papers, there is barely a footballer in the Northern Hemisphere who Collector Keane hasn’t got an eye on. And if they are Irish that’s even better.

Chelsea must break British transfer record to buy Robinho According to The Guardian, Real Madrid have told Robinho that he will be allowed to leave the Bernabeu, but only if Chelsea offer £32m for the Brazil international. The London club recently had a bid of £26m refused. Big Phil Scolari is desperate to sign his […]

Love letters from Beijing


How do you keep your club manager happy when you have missed the start of the Premier League season to play for your country’s under-23 squad on the other side of the world? Easy, you send messages of your undying love for him through the media. Javier Mascherano has been letting Rafa Benitez know that, even though he is in China, his heart is in Liverpool.

Arsenal star embarrassed in restaurant Cesc Fabregas was dining out with two female friends at Soho club Studio Valbonne when his bill of almost £300 arrived. A witness said: “He tried one card, it failed. Then another. It failed again. After much faffing he sent an aide out to get cash.”

Liverpool’s boss up to mischief? As soon as it was clear that Argentina would beat Brazil in their Olympic football semi-final (when the Argies went 2-0 up), Brazilian midfielder Lucas seemed hell-bent on picking up a red card. Lucas fouled Liverpool team-mate Javier Mascherano from behind, and was indeed sent off. The red card means […]

Why has Man City defender fallen out of favour for his country? How many more times do I have to watch Wes Brown flail around for England at right-back? Brown is a capable centre-back, but a poor full-back. He often looks nervous on the ball, his close control is lacking, and while he runs the […]

David James, consider yourself bamboozled Like all England friendlies, last night’s match against the Czech Republic, was depressing and pointless. At least Marek Jankulovski had the decency to light up proceedings with this moment of class. Thanks Marek.

An ode to a miserable Bulgar


Czech stalemate

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1. Fabio Capello needs to stop the rot quickly before he turns into Steve McClaren. Expectations are high, but he has made a few key promises about what he expects from the team which he has not yet delivered on.

Stevie G cursed with OCD? Steven Gerrard is so obsessed with cleanliness he won’t even walk barefoot on a beach, according to his wife Alex Curran. Recalling their first-wedding anniversary holiday to Miami in June, Curran said: “We didn’t leave the pool on holiday because Steven doesn’t like to get his feet dirty in the […]

Why John Terry is OK by F-Cap

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1. Misses penalties
An essential attribute for a true England leader. How can you fully command respect if you are coolly slotting your spot-kick home when all those around you are missing theirs?


David Beckham: the musical!

August 20th, 2008

West End to see a “Theatre of Dreams” show based on Becks? A songwriter is talking with West End producers about staging a musical based on the life of David Beckham. No suprise really – in fact, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened sooner. Librettist Mark Archer has written a collection of songs for the musical, […]

Who’s going where, and who’s not going anywhere… Baked-bean head Mikael Silvestre was reportedly undergoing a medical at Man City when he was informed that Arsene Wenger wished to sign him. ‘Silvestre immediately abandoned the medical and hurtled down the M1 to meet Gunners boss Wenger and discuss terms,’ The Sun claims. Hope he stuck […]

Old-new England captain John Terry looks like he has got a chance of competing in the Olympics even if a Great Britain side do not enter the football tournament. The Chelsea man’s post-Moscow penalty shootout trauma does make him look uncannily like a synchronised diver. For all his flaws on the field, we never thought JT could be accused of being a diver.

Arsenal boss drops the F bomb “If I go into a season and I say, ‘For fuck’s sake, if we don’t win anything, they will all leave,’ I have already lost. The problem of the media is always to imagine the worst. The problem of the manager is always to imagine the best.” Arsene Wenger […]


The Super Shirt Quiz

August 19th, 2008

Name the six clubs. Some shirts are current, others older Answers after the jump…

Whose crystal ball worked the best? Congratulations to Pies reader Dagnarus, who is the first winner of Pies Picks for this new season. He predicted that Man Utd would draw 1-1 with Newcastle, and also that Bolton would thump Stoke 3-1, on the way to amassing 10 points (two correct scores, four correct results). Dagnarus […]

Chelsea’s Brazilian star goes over the top Online Videos by Seventy seconds into this clip, Deco makes his first ever tackle in the Premier League. It was the sort of reckless “over-the-top” challenge that earned several players a straight red card last season – but the Brazilian didn’t even see yellow! I don’t think […]

Proof, if proof be need be… “Shirts are more generous” is just a polite way of saying “our sorry collection of fat-fuck fans told us they couldn’t even squeeze into an XXL shirt”. I reckon these expanding City fans should follow the famously obese Toon Army’s example and go shirtless. [EPL Talk]

Internacional keeper Cleber seems to be angling for a move to Blackburn Rovers as Paul Robinson’s understudy. You see, if Cleber was capable of dealing with a fairly strong knee-high backpass by cleanly volleying the ball upfield, he would probably be a candidate for the Internacional strikeforce. But he can’t and he isn’t. Not a very Cleber boy.

How to offend one billion people First came Ronaldo at the 2002 World Cup. Then, in 2008, it was Spain’s men’s basketball team, followed closely by the Spanish tennis team. And now Argentina’s Olympic women’s footballers have been caught in the act. This photo was published – without controversy, we add – in the Argentine […]

Who messed up in their opening match?

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1. Manchester United
We are sure Fraizer Campbell will become a very good player in his own right, but he is not ready to lead the line for the champions of Europe. Man Yoo did not look comfortable against Newcastle, and you don’t want to be relying on Darren Fletcher to score your goals all season.

C-Ron voted “ultimate gay icon” An online survey of 3,000 gay men voted C-Ronaldo the ultimate gay icon. A spokeswoman for said: “Ronaldo’s ripped body, slicked-back hair, shiny white teeth and jewellery swung the votes his way. He looks like any gay man or woman’s dream.” Yeah, he also looks like a frickin’ Guido. […]