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Who ate all the pies

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Is Roman Abramovich paranoid?

September 26th, 2007

abramov.jpgIs it me or is Roman Abramovich getting a bit paranoid? When Chelsea face Hull City tonight, the Russian billionaire will be guarded by ten bodyguards this evening in the Directors’ Box. Including himself, that makes a weird starting XI. Hull’s chairman, Paul Duffen, told The Daily Mail: “His security people have been in touch for the past couple of weeks and 10 of the 24 tickets we offer visiting directors will be taken up by security.”…

76174664.jpgDoes anyone else think that it’s funny that the British press seemingly wants Sven Goran Eriksson as the new Chelsea boss? It seems a little more than ironic that the same press who dragged the Swede over the coals for his drab tactics and dour approach whilst at the helm of the England side, seemingly feel that he’s the man to keep Roman Abramovich happy with beautiful free flowing football in the demise of Jose Mourinho’s tenure….

league_ladders.jpgRemember buying copies of Shoot and Match and giddily flicking through to pore over new kits and footy news? Salivating over your League Ladder (as pictured) and proudly keeping it correct with every result? Well, as you grow up, you leave those mags behind in favour of… well… Pies and the like. With that in mind, you may be thrilled to learn that Shoot is still knocking about and is all ready for a relaunch with a new look and features…

76967757.jpgIt doesn’t make much sense to me that Man Utd would complain about Avram Grant being granted dispensation to manage Chelsea without a Uefa pro licence, as reported by BBC Sport. If I was involved with Man Utd, I’d want Avram Grant to remain as Chelsea manager for as long as possible – rather that than they bring in a world-class manager like Guus Hiddink, surely? It all seems a bit silly, given that Grant has already managed the Israeli national team.

This is a classic middle-aged German woman’s haircut – bleached, slightly spiky, and, most importantly for this look, the hint of a mullet. I like it. For more entertaining stuff on women’s football, check out sister site Kickster

We don’t feature Turkish football a lot here on Pies. In fact, our coverage of it is pretty much limited to the gratuitous violence of the occasional mass brawl. I’m not sure whether this video will make you wonder why we don’t feature it more often or show you exactly the reasons we don’t.

With the Gay World Cup underway, Pies has become camper than the Village People sharing a tent with George Michael. To continue the theme here is a video showing what Baddiel and Skinner would call ‘homoerotic moments in football’.

After the latest round of Eredivisie matches, Holland’s big three are neck-and-neck at the top of the table. Ajax and PSV are level on 13 points, while Feyenoord are a point behind in third place. It was Feyenoord’s thumping 4-0 defeat against PSV that has pushed them down the table. A brace from Kenneth Perez and goals from Edison Perez and Danny Koevermans gave Feyenoord an easy win.

For all their attractive football and their dominance of the 2004-05 season, you have been able to discount Arsenal as genuine title-contenders for the last couple of seasons. Thierry Henry ‘s exit this summer didn’t look like improving things. And yet the Gunners are top-of-the-table with a game in hand.

It’s Gay Week on Who Ate All The Pies, so here is a cracking goal (a goal of the season, no less) from the first openly gay famous footballer, Justin Fashanu. This excellent turn and shot was against Liverpool in Fashanu’s Norwich days.

Remember me telling you about the new Nou Camp (El nou Nou Camp?). Well, here it is in video form and looking mightily impressive. Like some weird Catalan snake wrapped around a stadium, this is going to match any stadium in the world.

AshtonEng205.jpgWith the boy made from glass, Michael Owen, seeing a specialist about his brittle bones, the Newcastle United striker going to miss England’s crucial Euro 2008 qualifiers against Estonia and Russia next month. It’s a damn shame as he looked like he might be returning to form with some decent goals in recent weeks…

I see your Gabriel Agbonlahor and raise you one Wes Brown…


Pies Player Power Rankings

September 25th, 2007

Every Tuesday throughout the season, Pies will publish its Player Power Rankings, a top 10 list of the hottest footballers in the Premier League, based on form, influence and subjective stuff like, er, how much we like their hair.
Here’s how the rankings table looks in its second week (with last week’s position in brackets)…
1 Cesc Fabregas, Arsenal (1)
Yep, Cesc Fabregas is still the most powerful player in the Premier League – and look how delighted he is to discover the news! He topped the Power Rankings last week, and after another string-pulling performance against Derby, he’s still the main man – and, unlike last season, he just can’t stop scoring. Who can knock him off his lofty perch?

Pies reader Dave Sparks reckons Aston Villa’s Gabriel Agbonlahor is a dead ringer for Tony Hart’s plastercine assistant, Morph.

ian%20holloway%20fft.JPGThere is a great interview with Pies hero Ian Holloway in the October edition of FourFourTwo. Ollie reveals that he never set out to build a reputation as one of football’s funniest managers, and that his hilarious rambling metaphors stem from repetitive interviews.

51200455.jpgWhilst looking for something entirely different, I stumbled across this image of Fulham chairman, Mohammed Al Fayed. Thing is… what the bloody hell is going on…

pes2008grab.gifSo the latest version of the godlike Pro Evolution Soccer, PES 2008, is coming out in a month’s time (launched on 28 October, to be precise), and I for one am like a kid at Christmas. The last PES was a major letdown (on the Xbox 360, anyway; it wasn’t so bad for the PS2), so I’m hoping that Konami has learned from its mistakes and created another game worthy of the rightly revered PES title – I can hardly live without PES in my life. And for the record, I simply cannot be friends with anyone who would choose the mediocre FIFA series over PES.

The eye-catching results from the Bundersliga this week were Bayern Munich’s 1-4 win over Karlsruhe and Werder Bremen’s 4-1 victory against Stuttgart. Bayern are two points clear of Hertha Berlin at the top-of-the-table. Bremen are struggling in eighth but will be hoping they have now played themselves into some form.

I always thought Steven Gerrard should have been made captain of England, and John Terry’s increasingly shameful behaviour only reinforces that opinion. When JT tried to snatch the red card from ref Mike Dean’s hand during Sunday’s showdown between Man Utd and Chelsea at Old Trafford, he crossed the line. Terry deserves at least a […]

Yep, looks like MacGyver, the most resourceful action hero in TV history, is coaching the USA Women’s team. With Mac on board, how can they fail?

Great story this. The players of Lynam Athletic, who play in the Birmingham Coronation League Alliance Division 3 – and last season finished bottom – have all changed their names to those of world stars, and it seems to be having a positive effect. It’s the brainchild of player-manager Cafu (aka Dan Branch, 29), dreamed […]

Not easy to come up with this shortlist, but it’s all so subjective – in other words, if I’ve missed off a player you think should be on the list, add a furious comment. Anyway, I thought it would be interesting to poll you lovely people to see who you thought was the most-improved player in the Prem, based on what you’ve seen so far this season – I know it’s early days, but still, we all love a good debate, no?

Denilson of FC Dallas (yes, that Denilson, who was once the most expensive player in the world) casts a shadow during Dallas’s MLS tie with LA Galaxy at the Home Depot Center on September 23, 2007. The Galaxy, minus you-know-who, defeated the Texas outfit 2-1.
Photo Jeff Gross/Getty Images

Zoe finds reasons to be cheerful. After all Spurs might be third from bottom, broke after wasting shed loads of cash on underperforming strikers and very envious of the position of their North London rivals, but at least they aren’t Chelsea.