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Who ate all the pies

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Italy will wear this unusual new Puma kit during this month’s Confederations Cup in South Africa (the other competing nations are Egypt, USA, Iraq, Spain, Brazil, New Zealand and the hosts). As you can see, it’s a much lighter shade of blue than the usual “Azzurri blue”. The new blue is more typical of the […]

Ooh, that hits the spot Sylvinho’s contract with Barcelona ran out at the end of last month, and the club decided not to re-sign him – so the veteran full-back, 35, is now a free agent. Which means Barca need a new left-sided defender as back up for first-choice LB, Eric Abidal. claims that […]

They don’t make ‘em like “Griller” Greavsie anymore (shame). If football is a funny old game, wrestling is even more strange. Shame Jimmy didn’t team up with old pundit partner, Ian “Saint” St John – they would have made a brilliant tag team. [Spotted @ Guardian] Which football pundit would you like to see being […]

OK, a couple of things: 1) I’ve never seen Gareth Barry celebrate with a rubbish forward flip. He’s way too dull to do something so exuberant. 2) Surely it would take more than a forearm to put down Big John Carew? 3) At least FIFA’s collision detection works. This wouldn’t happen in Pro Evo Soccer, […]

The Daily Express, that bastion of quality journalism, has awarded substantial damages to Little Mickey Owen. The Express paid (an undisclosed amount) for an article it published on its back page last month, titled “Unwanted Toon striker at a cross roads, Finished at 29?” Another piece ran with the headline “Owen ready for sad finale”. […]

Barry will never wear Villa’s lovely new away kit in anger Man City don’t do long, drawn-out transfer sagas. Leave that to Real Madrid et al. Their move to sign Gareth Barry was ruthlessly and swiftly executed. Few people saw it coming, and I guess there are more than a few irate Villa fans wondering […]

It’s crystal clear where Le Coq Sportif’s designers got the inspiration for Everton’s home shirt for 09/10. As you can see, it’s a deliberate copy of the classic HAFNIA kit of the mid-Eighties, as worn by one of Everton’s finest ever teams - the Eighties revival shows no sign of stopping. And doesn’t Louis Saha look […]

With Kaka set to sign for Real Madrid in the next few days, where does that leave Madrid’s acknowledged No.1 target, Cristiano Ronaldo? On the face of it, you might think Madrid had chosen one marquee player over another. But with the amazing – and galling – success of rivals Barcelona this season, Real president […]

Yanic Truesdale is a Canadian actor best known for his portrayal of Michel Gerard in the TV series Gilmore Girls, which I can safely say I’ve never watched. I have watched Gabby Agbonlahor though, scampering down the wing as fast as his little legs will take him. Cheers to Kath McPherson for sending this one […]

Liverpool fan sizes up his captain This is what all “real” football fans look like, of course. In other words, they look like shit: overweight, bald and with a hint of special needs around the eyes. I guess Adidas were going for the “ordinary bloke in the Kop” look but went a bit too far. […]

Spanish media claims it’s a done deal I belong to Jesus and Madrid According to Marca and other sources in Spain, Kaka will be presented at the Bernabeu next week, having completed a €65m deal to Real Madrid. Although Kaka said he didn’t want to leave Milan, I never doubted that this deal would happen. […]

Norwegian giant praised to the heavens “Brede Hangeland, Brede Hangeland, He is Norway’s Bobby Moore (Bobby Moore). He is Norway’s Bobby Moore.” Hangers might not be on the same level as the great Moore, but if he has a few more seasons like this one, he won’t be far off. Fulham fans worship him, clearly.

Recognise this ex-player? Face look familiar? Or perhaps you’ve seen those finely tuned knees before? Know the answer? Have a guess and click below to see if you’re right…

Watch it and your bottom lip will wobble This is the real reason Barcelona won the CL final – a cheesy, yet rather inspiring highlights package of Barca’s stars in action, cut with footage from Ridley Scott’s Gladiator. (The final was in Rome, you see.) Barca boss Guardiola showed it to his players before the […]

And he was wearing rock and roll shoes! The Kasabian guitarist apparently once harboured ambitions of playing up front for Leicester City and on this evidence there is no reason why he couldn’t leave his rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle behind to become a journeyman striker at Championship level. Live on Soccer AM with the cameras […]

You do the maths… Comedian Ryan Stiles (a Who’s Line Is It Anyway? stalwart) plus Jeff Boomhauer (Hank Hill’s mumbling neighbour from King of the Hill) = which footballer? Answer after the jump…

The famous Scouse sense of humour Well worth watching for a couple of terrific air-shots, plus the best chant of the season, aimed at Alan Shearer (who takes it in good spirit): “You should have stayed on the telly!”

Some links to feed your mouse with 1. David Beckham to follow Carlo Ancelotti to Chelsea. Hmm, Becks has no loyalty, so yeah, I could see that… [@ BigSoccer] 2. Ribery, Villa or Aguero (or all three)? How Chelsea should spend Roman’s millions. [@ The Game] 3. Why Gerrard and Iniesta are better than Messi […]

Great Teacher Onizuka is a famous manga character. He’s great and he’s a teacher. And his name is Eikichi Onizuka. What can I tell you? And he makes a very shit lookalike for Senor Nando Torres. Got any shit lookalikes you’ve seen lately? The shitter, the better. Email Pies with your suggestion. More lookalikes

One point if you can name this former player Face look familiar? Think you know who it is? Answer after the click…

Um, no “Why Arsene Wenger may decide to cash in on Cesc Fabregas this summer.” Or, why the Mirror will write any old tosh to bait Gooners (ah, there’s a paper after Pies’ cold heart). A Mirror hack called Steve Stammers (seriously?) penned an article about how Arsene Wenger might consider selling Cesc Fabregas (Arsenal’s […]

Almost everything you need to know about Chelsea’s new gaffer 1. After a Vespa crash as a teenager, Carlo’s left eyebrow was left permanently arched (see photo). Sometimes he arches his right eyebrow on purpose, to appear symmetrical. 2. Carlo speaks better English than Big Phil Scolari and Ray Wilkins, but not as good as […]

Football’s worst-kept secret, no longer a secret… In the interests of continuity, Chelsea has decided to replace the outgoing Guus Hiddink with another manager who likes a crafty fag. That man is Carlo Ancelotti, who has just been announced as the new man at the Bridge, on a three-year deal. A statement on Chelsea’s official […]

Cesc is lonely, crying out for Xabi Alonso “Attractive, slim Spanish guy seeks partner for weekend strolls in the park. Must be world-class, have GSOH.” Neither Abou Diaby, Alex Song nor Denilson are good enough - yet, at least - to partner Cesc Fabregas at the heart of Arsenal’s midfield. I’m sure that’s the view of Cesc […]

Everton’s big hair bear won’t cut his locks Hair are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly into the brain As the photo on the right shows, Marouane Fellaini didn’t always have enormous hair - and look how much happier he looks with a big-ass Afro! Fellaini’s hair has become […]