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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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God, who apparently is like “the referee on life’s big pitch”, has not revealed the correct score of this Chelsea vs Liverpool encounter. At least not to this preaching loon, who seems a little startled when a Chelsea fans confronts him. The fence-sitting Jesus freak, as I believe they are called, goes for a 2-2 […]

Ouch! And to add insult to injury, he doesn’t even prevent the goal!

Probably the funniest football-related GIF Pies has seen this week. Don’t ask us to explain it… just enjoy it. Thanks to Guardian’s Football Weekly for the spot.

PSV’s players celebrate winning this season’s Eredivisie at the weekend, thanks to a 1-0 win at Vitesse Arnhem. Sef Vergoossen’s side just needed a draw to secure the championship, but won thanks to Danko Lazovic’s goal. Photo Bruno Press/Bruno Press/PA Photos

Liverpool co-owner George Gillett has invited prospective new owners Dubai International Capital to the Champions League semi-final with Chelsea. BBC Sport Manchester City are close to their highest ever transfer pay-out after reportedly agreeing terms to pay £20m to CSKA Moscow for Brazilian striker Jo (pictured, left) – surely Jo is the man with the […]

Ooh… erm… let me see. There must be something – they’ve played four Champions League semi-finals matches against each other in the past three years. Surely this series of matches must have generated at least one memorable moment. Well, erm… did Steven Gerrard have a shot at some point? I can’t remember – I think I was must have drifted off at that point. Oh! There was Luis Garcia’s goal, but then again that wasn’t really a goal… Hmm… what about Stephen Warnock’s chewing gum prank on John Arne Riise.

This video is absolutely stomach-churning. Hadjuk Split’s Mladen Pelaic had his season brought to an abrupt end (and looking at the injury he will be lucky to make it back in time for the start of next season) by a lunge from Cibalia’s Mario Andricevic. Pelaic, aged 24, is left with a leg much more bendy and shapeable than it ought to be. In fact, at one point the lower half of his shin seems to be flat against the floor while the upper half remains upright.

In no particular order, and not including goalkeepers (for the record, just five goalies have played every minute of every league game this season: David James, Robert Green, Brad Friedel, Pepe Reina and Marcus Hahnemann), here are the six hardest-working players of the 2007/08 campaign, in terms of minutes played: Stephen Kelly (Birmingham City) The […]

For the second time in a week, David Beckham has attended an LA Lakers game. The first time, he hung out with racing drivers; he was also caught sneaking a look at a cheerleader’s arse. On Sunday, he took sons Brooklyn and Romeo along to see the Lakers defeat the Denver Nuggets 128-114 in Game […]

Chelsea’s Frank Lampard and Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard should both be fit for tomorrow night’s Champions League semi-final at Anfield. Which is nice. F365 Jose Mourinho has finally agreed to manage Inter Milan. Not only that, but he wants to snatch Frank Lampard and Didier Drogba from Chelsea. The traitor. The Sun Striker Samuel Eto’o […]

Sir Alex Ferguson is getting on, Arsene Wenger hasn’t won anything for three seasons, Rafa Benitez seems pissed off at the whole Hicks vs Gillett/Parry circus (can you blame him?) and Avram Grant can do no right, even when he does no wrong. So which of the big four’s gaffers do you think will leave […]

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It seems a foregone conclusion that the Premier League will lose one of its greatest characters/moaners this summer. Jens Lehmann has made no secret of his woes at Arsenal, and has had no problems in voicing concerns about those who upset him. Pies looks at Jens’ guide to making friends and influencing people.

In which King Kahn, or Genghis Khan, or whatever nickname you wish to bestow on him, bites the neck of Dortmund’s Heiko Herrlich. The incident happened during a title decider between Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund in 1999. Dortmund raced into a 2-0 lead but Kahn’s moment of vampire-inspired madness stung Bayern into life and […]

Bastian Schweinsteiger pours beer onto team-mate Lukas Podoski as Bayern Munich’s players celebrate winning the DFB Cup final against Borussia Dortmund on April 19, 2008. Munich won the match 2-1 after extra time. Luca Toni scored both of Bayern’s goals. Photo AP Photo / Christof Stache Watch highlights of the match after the jump…

Fortunately for Kevin Ellison, the referee doesn’t even know what day it is never mind who has just blasted the ball into his head. And cheeky chappy Ellison then signals for the official to be substituted.

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Ashley Young The Aston Villa starlet was in outstanding form as he pulled the strings and grabbed a brace in the 5-1 derby win over Birmingham.
Carlos Tevez Scored a vital equaliser against Blackburn to keep the title race in Manchester United’s hands.
Michael Owen The rejuvenated Newcastle striker scored both goals as Newcastle beat Sunderland 2-0 in the Tyne-Wear derby.

According to the stats (at time of writing), here are the top 10 dirtiest players in the Prem this season, in terms of fouls committed. In reverse order… 10. George Boateng (Middlesbrough) – 59 fouls Boateng is a robust, destructive player who gets through a lot of “work” in each game. He loves a sliding […]


The Fiendish Friday Quiz

April 18th, 2008

1. Career path Schalke 04, AC Milan, Borussia Dortmund, Arsenal (current) 2. Multiple choice Who did Liverpool defeat to win their first European Cup, in 1977? a) Malmo, b) Inter Milan, c) Borussia Monchengladbach, d) Club Brugge 3. Picture round Who’s this? 4. Team-mates Johnny Rep, Romario, Mario Kempes, Patrick Kluivert and Didier Deschamps have […]

An amazing goal by King Kev against mighty Man Utd (wearing blue!) at The Dell… er, except it wasn’t. The linesman flagged for David Armstrong’s offside, thereby cruelly robbing KK of a truly wonderful strike.

Liverpool must repay £31.5 million to banking institutions in little more than a year or risk having to sell Fernando Torres and Ryan Babel! Yeah, can’t see that happening. The Times Avram Grant gives the silent treatment to newspaper journalists after Chelsea’s win at Everton. Daily Mail Hicks vs Gillett, round 1,268: George Gillett issued […]

EVERTON 0-1 CHELSEA Chelsea goal Essien 41 The title race is still alive, thanks to a gritty performance by Chelsea. Winning at Everton is no easy feat, so Avram Grant’s team deserves a lot of credit for scratching out a result, especially without Didier Drogba, Michael Ballack or Frank Lampard in the line-up. Everton, for […]

Ah, you can never start a rivalry too young… Here, Sofia Nati of Germany is tackled by Leah Galton of England during yesterday’s U15 women’s International friendly match between England and Germany at The National Sports Centre in Bisham Abbey, England. I have looked everywhere online for the result but can’t find it – if […]

What a cheeky little goal from Lee Sharpe. The main reason it is forgotten is that United only drew the match 2-2, while Barcelona won 4-0 at the Nou Camp. The Red Devils were left behind at the group stage as Barca and unlikely table-toppers IFK Goteborg progressed. I can’t wait to see these pair getting together on Wednesday night (even it is minus Lee Sharpe!).

How will Manchester United win the Premier League title? Just like that. Avram Grant was coming over a bit Tommy Cooper on the touchline last night as Chelsea picked up three points with a 0-1 win at Everton.

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Remember when little old Def Leppard, from Sheffield, were the biggest rock band in the world? It’s true, they were. Here are the lads, all three of them bona fide Horror Hair candidates, promoting the beautiful game of soccerball in the States…