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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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HOT OFF THE PRESS! Pies has acquired confirmation of the Chelsea line-up for tomorrow. All the information you need is after the jump. Remember where you heard it first.

Tell me, Kenyon, are you loaned sums tonight?

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1 Roman Abramovich – Chelsea
“Erm, Peter. You know that £500 million I lent you the other day when you were strapped for cash? I’m going to be needing that back.” The oil tycoon is apparently a more slippery character than we thought. While he continues to bankroll Chelsea, it has emerged today that the money is an interest-free loan rather than a donation. You could argue that being free of interest is a necessity for watching Chelsea play…

Sponsored post alert! It is not unheard of for games between United and Chelsea to be settled by three goals, usually with Chelsea winning – most famously in one of the greatest performances under Jose Mourinho when they comprehensively outplayed United at Stamford Bridge to win the Premiership title three years ago. That year they […]

Spurs midfielder goes all Miami Vice A good look for JJ? We think not.

Liverpool’s least glamourous Spice Boy vs Peter Sellers Aptly, this is one of the strangest lookalikes we’ve ever run. Spotter’s badge to Emmet Farragher.

In Pies’ new feature we go back to the old school to reminisce about 1990s Premier League footballers. We will be reliving the glory days of some random, forgotten and downright obscure ex-pros, beginning with Chelsea’s Jakob Kjeldberg.

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Location, location, location – should it matter to a professional footballer? It’s grim up north, so they say. They might have a point – for example, here’s the best pic I could find of the Middlesbrough skyline (with apologies to Jeff Stelling, who I would not want to upset). There’s no doubt that in the […]

Giving the Camp Nou a whole new meaning…


Wellity, wellity, wellity. Looks like we might have a couple of Gaydar regulars on our hands (so to speak). Barcelona duo Ronaldinho and Thierry Henry are back… and this time they brought friends. Young Lionel Messi has been groomed through the Catalan giants’ academy to make sure he does things the Barca way, and Gabriel Milito is the man making Henry’s eyes boggle.

Monday’s most attractive transfer gossip. Surely one of these might happen? 1. Samuel Eto’o to Spurs Tottenham have outbid Italian giants AC Milan and Inter for the mouthy Barcelona striker (pictured). The Yids will go up to £24m for the Cameroon international – that’s £8m more than the Italian sides are prepared to pay. [Epping […]

Pies dishes out its own gongs after the cup final, each one painstakingly handcrafted in Netto own brand kitchen foil.


The Award for the player on the winning side doing the best impression of a loser Sylvain Distin

Pompey uphold the good name of the Premier League. We have the pics Kanu gets jiggy with it – “it” being the FA Cup. Sacrilege!

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Continuing our walk down the Hall of Football Shirt Shame of our Premier League teams, here is a youthful looking Sir Ryan Giggs sporting Manchester United’s disgraceful away kit from 1991. Aside from being horrendous on the eyes, this shirt also managed to alienate Manchester United fans because it made them look like Scouse scallies and Manchester City fans at the same time. A kit that makes you look like your two fiercest rivals is truly a shit kit.

Have you entered our “My Video Life” competition yet? If not, there’s still time – you can shoot something over the weekend in fact, as the deadline is the end of Monday 19th May.

More fiendish than Dr Shinawatra 1. Career path Blackpool, QPR, West Ham, Man City, Cardiff City (current) 2. Multiple choice Who sponsored the FA Cup between 1995-98? a) Axa, b) Carslberg, c) Littlewood’s, d) Nationwide 3. Picture round Who’s this? 4. Team-mates Peter Ndlovu, Dean Windass, Phil Thompson, Chris Kamara and Steve Bruce have all […]

Write the best caption for this photo and win a Man Utd DVD! What could be going on here, Pies readers (could it have anything to do with this news)? if you think you know, write a caption, add it in a comment below and you could win a brand-new Man Utd “Magic of the […]

Please be kind to our sponsored post The long road to Moscow. Somehow it seems the most fitting city for this showdown of Mancunian brilliance and Chelsea’s winning machine. There are generous odds on the game going to extra time or penalties. Equally there are interesting numbers on the game going to a draw after […]

Pies counters yesterday’s boring FA Cup finals with some of the greatest finals.

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Friday’s best transfer talk – truth or lies? 1. Gerard Pique to Barcelona The Manchester United defender is believed to have agreed personal terms with Barca. El Mundo Deportivo reports that the Spanish club have already agreed a four-season deal with the player’s representatives. [Talking Soccer] 2. Ricardo Carvalho to go wherever Jose Mourinho goes […]

C-Ron hints at Spanish move after Champions League final Cristiano Ronaldo says he may consider his future at the club after next week’s Champions League final – great timing C-Ron, I bet Fergie will be chuffed to hear that. “I’m happy here, but let’s see what happens after the Champions League final,” Ronaldo told Antena […]

Palermo’s slaphead must be bored with “are you that Diesel fella?” question This is almost too good for a Shit Lookalike, but we’ll take anything these days. Spotter’s badge to Marco from mCalcio, one of the best Serie A blogs out there. Seen any good Shit Lookalikes recently? Send us an email or leave a […]

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In 1990, Newcastle circumnavigated the traditional ‘should we have thin stripes or thick stripes’ debate by having both. The Toon Army still get fun poked at them for being walking barcodes, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this particular kit did actually scan in the supermarket. Umbro served up this avant-garde disaster. It should have been the thick stripes all the way if you ask me!

This classic clip shows John Terry and Frank Lampard having a crafty snog on top of a double decker bus. The reporter claims: “It was the sort of day when John Terry and Frank Lampard kissed in public without a goal being scored.” Every day is that sort of day! Leather jacket-clad Lampard obviously had chills that he was concerned might be multiplying.

Pies recalls six Cup Finals that will live long in the memory for sweet FA.

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Man Yoo and Chelski unveil CL final kits Do fans actually like having to shell out for one-off, special edition commemorative shirts? If I was a Chelsea or Man Utd fan, I certainly wouldn’t want to spend the best part of £40 on a shirt that looks almost exactly the same as the one I […]

Villa’s departing defender gives souvenir shirt to 3,000 away fans Villa stalwart Olof Mellberg, who’s off to Juventus this summer, bought each Aston Villa fan a commemorative t-shirt, as a token of thanks for the support they have shown him during his Villa career, which began in 2001.