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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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So who’s the Chelsea player with the ball for a head? (Click image to enlarge) Leave a comment with your answer. Monday’s answer: Steve Stone David Allison not only knew that it was Steve Stone, but even named the correct match. Sterling work, David. Shout-outs to Oller and MattyDub for also getting it right.

I was trawling through Press Association’s photo archive and came across these amazing pics of a couple of young footballers who were clearly very much in love… Heart-meltingly beautiful. MORE FOOTBALL LOVE STORIES John Terry and Frank Lampard: a football love story, in photos Cristiano Ronaldo and Ole-Gunnar Solskjaer Christian Vieri and Paolo Maldini Xabi […]

In which professional geezer/West Ham fan/shit actor/twat Danny Dyer takes one in the “north and sarf” (mouth): “That’s a powerful tool, that…” You are, Danny. You are. Most enjoyable.

This is where you get to pick Tottenham’s best starting line-up for this season. First up, I’l dazzle you (ahem) with my selection (based on Spurs’ squad at time of writing)… My XI, played in a fairly standard 4-4-2 formation: Huerelho Gomes Vedran Corluka, Jonathan Woodgate, Ledley King, Benoit Assou-Ekotto Aaron Lennon, Wilson Palacios, Jermaine […]

Shaq has been calling out Becks on Twitter. On July 29, the LA Lakers star Tweeted: “Its official, today is david beckham is scared of shaq, day, he should b scared, he can never score a goal on me,” Nice grammar there Shaq. Now Shaq has challenged Beckham, in a video captured by gossip website […]

Yes, lots of Xabi posts today, but like so many fans, Pies always had a bit of a man crush on him… The reasons to miss Xabi keep on coming… In this vid he comes across as, well, just a top bloke. And he’s not so immodest that he won’t admit that he’s one of […]

The beginning of the end for Xabi Alonso at Liverpool occurred a couple of seasons ago, when Xabi Alonso decided – quite rightly, in my view – to miss a Champions League match to attend the birth of his first child. That was the moment when relations between Rafa Benitez and Xabi soured, and the […]

Liverpool fans, I feel your pain. To mark the sad passing of Senor Xabi (more on which later today), Pies offers up a gallery of some of his finest moments in a Liverpool shirt. Click the image below to see the photos (right-click to enlarge - you know, in case any of you wants a commemorative […]

Proof that Aston Villa’s new signing looks suspiciously like one of Villa’s former players. As spotted by… me. Go me. Got a lookalike for the Pies? Email me with your shout.

Congratulations to Richard Wilkinson of Waterlooville, who wins a hardback copy of Grant Wahl’s “The Beckham Experiment”. Richard was the only Pies reader to correctly identify all three Man Utd players: 1. Paul Scholes 2. Teddy Sheringham 3. Clayton Blackmore Quite a few of you got two out of three. For example, regular Baller David […]

Joleon Lescott wants to leave Everton. Their new home kit has been cited as a key factor Seriously though, can you really blame Lescott for being tempted by a contract that is at least twice as fat as the one he’s currently picking up? Of course not. After all, he left Wolves before to go […]

“And this is where I keep my gold-plated pen, for signing new players. It doesn’t write in ink, it uses oil.” Mark Hughes has asked Diego Maradona to omit Carlos Tevez from Argentina’s squad to play Russia in next Wednesday’s international friendly. “We don’t think Carlos should play for his international team and we’d prefer […]

That is one impressive Plymothian accent by Mr Whitehouse. And I should know – I grew up in Plymouth. (It’s a bit of a shithole, tbh – very high proportion of chavs.) What’s a Janner, you ask? I refer you to the Urban Dictionary: A word often misused to describe a Plymouth resident or a […]

In order of preference: Nemanja Vidic (Man Utd) Man Utd may struggle to replace C-Ron’s goals but they should still be very mean at the back, thanks to the tried and trusted Vidic/Ferdinand axis. Vidic is the most expensive defender in most fantasy leagues, but with good reason: he’s a rock at the back and […]

Worst-case scenario: Liverpool lose both Xabi Alonso and Javier Mascherano this summer. Best-case scenario: Alonso and Maschy stay, obviously. But, Liverpool fans, if you could lose just one of the pair (and I know that it’s more likely to be Alonso), who would you let go? Let’s look at the evidence: Mascherano, 25, is a […]

Did Louis lose a pre-season bet? Or did he mean to dye his hair blonde and get the wrong colour? Or perhaps he’s trying to look like even more of a dick in a box than team-mate Marouane Fellaini? Whatever, this look is a tonsorial FAIL.

1. Why the Hillsborough disaster still matters. [@ Dan Loney Says It All] 2. Carlo Ancelotti is inspired by cheese. [@ At the Far Post] 3. C-Ron ignores crazy stalker ex-WAG. [@ Kickette]

City’s new away kit: … versus United’s new away kit: Gotta say this is a comprehensive victory for City’s new away kit. Very classy, especially the grandad collar. United’s, however, looks exactly like what it is: an unimaginative Nike template. Yawn. Which one gets your vote? Man City’s away kit v Man Utd’s away kit: […]

Think you know who this is? (Click image to enlarge) Leave a comment with your shout… Fridays answer: Jamie Redknapp Congrats to Sheldon, who was the first to identify the baller correctly as old Spice Boy Jamie Redknapp. Props also go to Mike P, Komutan and 6L4D3, who said Redknapp too.

Thanks to David Franzén for this one. Lovely stuff. Got a lookalike for Pies? Please do email me with your suggestion(s).

Worst-kept secret in football? Philippe Senderos has signed for Everton. Or so every Arsenal blog seems to think. And it’s no secret that Arsene Wenger invited offers for the out-of-favour defender. Percentage chance that this is true? I’d say 95%. Doing the maths, does this suggest that Senderos will replace a current Everton defender? In […]

Alvaro Arbeloa has moved to Real Madrid for around £3.5m. Few Liverpool supporters will mourn his departure - he was not the type of player who excited fans – but you have to say, Real have got an absolute bargain there: Arbeloa is a Spain international and at 26 he still has several good years in […]

On paper, no one can argue that Man City now have a strong squad, and one that could be strengthened further before the summer transfer window slams shut. Witness: Shay Given Micah Richards, Kolo Touré, Richard Dunne, Wayne Bridge Nigel de Jong, Stephen Ireland, Gareth Barry Robinho, Emmanuel Adebayor, Carlos Tevez Outside of the big […]

In order of preference: Tim Howard (Everton) On current form, you could make a case to argue that T-Ho is the best keeper in the world. He’s definitely in the top five and although he’s not cheap, he does cost a bit less than Cech and Reina (see below), and he will get you a […]

By all accounts, 17-year-old Jack Wilshere was a revelation for Arsenal in the Emirates Cup this weekend. So much so that many Gooners are now calling for the teenager to be fast-tracked into not only Arsenal’s first team, but England’s senior squad too. Yes, the hype machine has been activated. A few quotes on Wilshere’s […]