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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Arsenal boss wants to buy central defender & playmaker in the summer. Who should he target? Arsene Wenger has admitted he wants to strengthen his young Arsenal squad, specifically with two key summer signings: one centre-back and one creative midfielder. So I’m asking you to advise Monsieur W on which two players to go for. […]

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If this was based on waistline alone, the answer would be a resounding yes. But no, we are talking social networking and Myspace. There is a Tom Huddlestone MySpace, which not only features links to Pies’ videos of Huddlestone, but even includes our One to Watch profile of him!

Have Liverpool priced Villa’s captain too low? Aston Villa boss Martin O’Neill believes Liverpool have undervalued skipper Gareth Barry at £10m. O’Neill and his club captain will hold talks early next week after Liverpool made a players-plus-cash offer for the England midfielder. “Is Barry undervalued at £10m? Absolutely, without question,” said O’Neill. “He is playing […]

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Barcelona swallowed their pride to form a guard of honour and applaud fierce rivals Real Madrid onto the field. Barca’s respect for the new La Liga champions did not stop there. The Catalan club then proceeded to bend over and be spanked 4-1 (a show of deference which probably went a bit too far for most of their fans’ liking).

For those who like to set up camp in the opposition half…

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Bayern Munich pair Lukas Podolski and Luca Toni look like they are having fun here. The bouquet-wielding duo appear just moments away from a full blown game of kiss chase. And is the German international stealing a sneaky tickle of his Italian team-mate?
More Gaydar

Pack it up, pack it in. Let the news begin

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Liverpool have made a cash-plus-players offer worth £10 million for Aston Villa skipper Gareth Barry. Martin O’Neill is not keen on receiving Rafa’s hand-me-downs. [BBC]

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When we told you about Kevin Keegan’s love affair with Alan Curbishley the other day, we thought King Kev only had eyes for one man. Not so. A hilarious post over at The Spoiler proves that KK has a bit of a fetish for touching faces. Yes, opposition managers beware – Keegan is on the prowl and he can’t wait to get his mitts on your cheeks. See Keegan’s gallery of gropes after the jump.

Becks gets his mojo back, scores from open play! Sweet strike by Beckham to pull a goal back for LA Galaxy against Real Salt Lake in MLS last weekend. He then scored a lovely free-kick to help his team to a 2-2 draw, which you can see below…

City fans defend their beloved Sven ‘We don’t need no Phil Scolari, We don’t need Mourinho Hey, Thaksin, leave our Sven alone!’ Absolutely inspired.

Today’s best football news and rumours, brought to you in association with the letter ‘P’ and the number ’5′ Liverpool’s revised plans for its Stanley Park stadium (pictured) have been approved by the city council, at last. Anfield will now be redeveloped as a car park, sports centre and hotel. [BBC] Arsene Wenger reveals summer […]

When it’s a bowling ball, of course. It is an easy mistake to make as this advert for an opticians shows.

Mad Jens interviewed after final appearance for Gunners So long Jens, we’ll miss you and your crazy ways. Seriously, the Prem will be a less interesting place without you. More Jens YouTube goodness below…

FA set semi target for international team In their infinite wisdom, the Football Association has demanded that the national team reach at least the last four of the next World Cup, or Euro 2012. The FA revealed their optimistic vision this week in a 52-page document which set out several policy initiatives for the international […]

Spurs reveal new kits I guess we can presume from this PR shot that Ledley King, Robbie Keane and Jon Woodgate will all be at Tottenham next season? No Dimi Berbatov though? Does that mean that Spurs are more than willing to offload him in the summer, at any cost? Anyway, what do you think […]

Throughout the season the 2 Good, 2 Bad feature on Match of the Day 2 has been good for the occasional chuckle. They rounded up their 2007-08 coverage with a compilation of some of the best bits of the season, as well as last weekend’s funny moments. It is worth watching for some true Gaydar moments involving Danny Murphy and Jimmy Bullard, and Sulley Muntari and a ref.

Remember we told you about Ronaldo’s brush with transvestite prostitutes? You must remember. If you can’t, remember when The Sun told you about it then go back 24 hours before that. Now you remember.
Anyway, the main developments since then have been Ronaldo’s fantastic quote: “There were no sexual relations because the moment I discovered they were transvestites I ended the whole thing. I am completely heterosexual, there is no doubt about that.” And also the mildly amusing fact that one of the prostitutes looks a bit like Carlos Tevez. Of course, this begs the question would Ronaldo try to pick up Tevez if he was wearing a dress? Carlitos himself is not averse to such activity as we discovered after his public schoolboy romp with Lucas Neill and Nani!

Sometimes as a defender you have to acknowledge that you were beaten by a better, quicker and younger player and be gracious in defeat. Alternatively, you could simply tug the player back by his genitals. Rooney never takes his eye of his balls. Prostitute Charlotte Glover once told the Sunday Mirror that her twin sister was “starstruck with Wayne and asked if she could touch his willy, so that she could say she had held Rooney’Â’s manhood”. We can only assume Mellberg felt the same way!

Don’t ask us why he’s wearing a swimming cap… Who ate all the pies? This gutted Leicester City fan, by the look of him. And all the pasties, crisps and biscuits too. [Spotted on The Offside] Photo Getty Images

This spectacular goal was scored by Montgomery Town keeper Steve Goodwin in the far from prestigious Division 2 JT Hughes Montgomeryshire League. But thanks to the wonders of mobile phone technology and YouTube the goal was captured and is now available for all to see. Goodwin took a free-kick from the edge of his own penalty area which sailed over his opposite number and into the net.

For those who like to hold and give, and get round the back…

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Liverpool’s dynamic midfield duo of Xabi Alonso and Steven Gerrard enjoy a game of tonsil tennis. I guess you never know what sort of urges winning a European Cup will bring out until you have experienced it yourself.

Wigan boss urged by Chelsea to “really, really try” against United Seems that Sir Alex Ferguson has no shortage of go-to guys in a crisis. Alan Curbishley (lurking on the right of this photo) ordered his West Ham team to roll over and let United scratch their tummies – “Lads, me and Alex are in […]

Portuguese cheater (not C-Ron, the other one) play-acts after butt And I thought Nani really had something with Lucas? Apparently not. Disgraceful stuff from Man Utd’s trickster. Fortunately, the officials didn’t buy it. Worthy of a five-match ban (but he’ll only be banned for three), not to mention the two weeks’ wages it has already […]

West Ham mercenary offered hand relief by Man Utd starlet? I wouldn’t want to share a prison shower with Nani or Carlos Tevez. Not on this evidence. Still, Lucas seems to be enjoying it, and that’s what counts.

Promoted Potters will be new worst team in Premier League history So, congratulations to Stoke City, who get to replace Derby County as the Premier League’s gimp. Jon Parkin, Richard Creswell, Rory Delap, Leon Cort: these Stoke lads, journeymen through and through, clearly have what it takes to go one better than the Rams and […]

Arsenal star plays keepy-up whilst ablaze! Does Arsene Wenger know that his most valuable player is getting up to such antics away from the Emirates? Cesc will do anything to promote his TV show for his Nike paymasters. But is it actually Fabregas on fire, or just more digital wizardry. I suspect it might be […]