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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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The best pics from Chekski’s pre-final training session Ashley Cole lies injured after a hefty challenge by team-mate Claude Makelele. Cole should be fit to play this evening.

The best pics of United’s pre-final training session C-Ron, simply the chest.

French midfielder almost puts Cashley out of the Champions League final According to Chelsea, Ashley Cole should be fit enough to play tonight, but no thanks to Claude “Mad Mak” Makelele, who scythed down his team-mate with a two-footed tackle, of the type that might have earned the Frenchman a red card in a proper […]

On the pitch Michael Ballack will take risks to score… but not in the bedroom. Apparently this is a UN AIDS awareness campaign, although given how breathless Ballack is after his snail pace dribble it could just as easily be for asthma. Try not to have nightmares about Michael Ballack thrusting a condom in your face, kids.

Time to go back to the old school again. And it seemed sensible to catch-up with a Champions League winner given that the big day has arrived.

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Newcastle star faces several months in prison Bad boy Joey Barton has been sentenced to six months for assault and affray. The 25-year-old troublemaker was arrested in Liverpool on 27 December 2007 after he was involved in a confrontation outside a McDonald’s restaurant. The judge told the Newcastle star that it was a “violent and […]

There’s a £10 free bet for all Pie readers on tomorrow’s Champions League Final. Just open an account and your first bet up to £10 is free! – if you win you keep all the money, if you don’t, you lost nothing, nada, zilch. Bet now Reputations can die in the killing fields of Moscow. […]

Choose your Man Utd starting XI… Fergie has a very tough job picking just eleven players for tomorrow’s CL final. He has told the media “I know my team”, but obviously he has not yet revealed it. Which team would you start with? Here’s my selection, in a 4-3-3 formation: The back five Edwin van […]

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An ugly, but practical kit. This Everton away strip was safe to leave on the washing line in Liverpool because nobody would want to nick it. The season does hold some fond memories for Everton fans as they won the FA Cup. It also heralded the arrival of Joe Royle, Duncan Ferguson and Daniel Amokachi. I doubt very much if there are many Everton fans still getting wear out of this shirt.

Six rumours, but which is most likely to materialise?

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1. Wayne Bridge to Juventus
Claudio Ranieri is eager to sign Wayne Bridge for the second time in his career to rescue him from playing second fiddle to Ashley Cole. The Turin giants will battle a host of English clubs for Bridge’s signature and have made an official approach to Chelsea. [Daily Mail]

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HOT OFF THE PRESS! Pies has acquired confirmation of the Chelsea line-up for tomorrow. All the information you need is after the jump. Remember where you heard it first.

Tell me, Kenyon, are you loaned sums tonight?

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1 Roman Abramovich – Chelsea
“Erm, Peter. You know that £500 million I lent you the other day when you were strapped for cash? I’m going to be needing that back.” The oil tycoon is apparently a more slippery character than we thought. While he continues to bankroll Chelsea, it has emerged today that the money is an interest-free loan rather than a donation. You could argue that being free of interest is a necessity for watching Chelsea play…

Sponsored post alert! It is not unheard of for games between United and Chelsea to be settled by three goals, usually with Chelsea winning – most famously in one of the greatest performances under Jose Mourinho when they comprehensively outplayed United at Stamford Bridge to win the Premiership title three years ago. That year they […]

Spurs midfielder goes all Miami Vice A good look for JJ? We think not.

Liverpool’s least glamourous Spice Boy vs Peter Sellers Aptly, this is one of the strangest lookalikes we’ve ever run. Spotter’s badge to Emmet Farragher.

In Pies’ new feature we go back to the old school to reminisce about 1990s Premier League footballers. We will be reliving the glory days of some random, forgotten and downright obscure ex-pros, beginning with Chelsea’s Jakob Kjeldberg.

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Location, location, location – should it matter to a professional footballer? It’s grim up north, so they say. They might have a point – for example, here’s the best pic I could find of the Middlesbrough skyline (with apologies to Jeff Stelling, who I would not want to upset). There’s no doubt that in the […]

Giving the Camp Nou a whole new meaning…

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Wellity, wellity, wellity. Looks like we might have a couple of Gaydar regulars on our hands (so to speak). Barcelona duo Ronaldinho and Thierry Henry are back… and this time they brought friends. Young Lionel Messi has been groomed through the Catalan giants’ academy to make sure he does things the Barca way, and Gabriel Milito is the man making Henry’s eyes boggle.

Monday’s most attractive transfer gossip. Surely one of these might happen? 1. Samuel Eto’o to Spurs Tottenham have outbid Italian giants AC Milan and Inter for the mouthy Barcelona striker (pictured). The Yids will go up to £24m for the Cameroon international – that’s £8m more than the Italian sides are prepared to pay. [Epping […]

Pies dishes out its own gongs after the cup final, each one painstakingly handcrafted in Netto own brand kitchen foil.

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The Award for the player on the winning side doing the best impression of a loser Sylvain Distin

Pompey uphold the good name of the Premier League. We have the pics Kanu gets jiggy with it – “it” being the FA Cup. Sacrilege!

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Continuing our walk down the Hall of Football Shirt Shame of our Premier League teams, here is a youthful looking Sir Ryan Giggs sporting Manchester United’s disgraceful away kit from 1991. Aside from being horrendous on the eyes, this shirt also managed to alienate Manchester United fans because it made them look like Scouse scallies and Manchester City fans at the same time. A kit that makes you look like your two fiercest rivals is truly a shit kit.

Have you entered our “My Video Life” competition yet? If not, there’s still time – you can shoot something over the weekend in fact, as the deadline is the end of Monday 19th May.

More fiendish than Dr Shinawatra 1. Career path Blackpool, QPR, West Ham, Man City, Cardiff City (current) 2. Multiple choice Who sponsored the FA Cup between 1995-98? a) Axa, b) Carslberg, c) Littlewood’s, d) Nationwide 3. Picture round Who’s this? 4. Team-mates Peter Ndlovu, Dean Windass, Phil Thompson, Chris Kamara and Steve Bruce have all […]

Write the best caption for this photo and win a Man Utd DVD! What could be going on here, Pies readers (could it have anything to do with this news)? if you think you know, write a caption, add it in a comment below and you could win a brand-new Man Utd “Magic of the […]