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Who ate all the pies

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Pies celebrates 10 players for whom being named on the substitutes’ bench meant a lie-in. Here are our Shit Tramp-alikes.
1 Trifon Ivanov

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Coventry City’s Ernie Hunt proves that football creativity didn’t arrive in English football when Dennis Bergkamp stepped foot in the country. This goal from October 1970 was made in England. Willie Carr flicks the ball up between his heels for Hunt to volley past Everton keeper Andy Rankin. Toffees boss Harry Catterick dismissed the goal as “Like something out of a circus.”

Despite gifting Sevilla a two-goal lead, Fenerbahce managed to take the game to penalties after an equal 3-2 final score. The goalkeeper Volkan Demirel atoned for earlier mistakes by saving three penalties, which takes the Turkish club to the first Champions League quarter-final in their history – cue wild celebrations from his watching team mates.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re a title chasing club with millions to spend or a club struggling to stave off relegation, the most important decision for any Premier League club is the man they appoint as manager – so why have so many teams got it so horribly wrong this season?

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Ajax closed the gap on Eredivisie leaders PSV Eindhoven to six points with a 4-0 victory over bottom-club Excelsior. A Klaas Jan Huntelaar brace and goals from Urby Emanuelson and Leonardo secured an easy victory. Meanwhile, PSV suffered a 3-1 at FC Utrecht. Despite taking the lead through a Timmy Simons penalty, the table-toppers slipped to their fourth defeat of the season.

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As the old saying goes, when you are in danger of leading a top ten Premier League team to relegation simply hit the catwalk. Well, that is the plan of Kevin Keegan at least. KK and some of his squad took part in a charity fashion show at St James’s Park last night. The event was organised by Shay Given and his wife to raise money for cancer charities. Former Brut boy Keegan was in his prime as he took to the catwalk in a leather jacket.

1. Simply the best?
That was Ronaldo’s 30th goal in as many games this season, which makes him top scorer in the Premier League and Champions League – if there’s a better player on the planet we’d like to know who…sit down Kaka.
2. Strength in numbers?
United were able to rest layers like Scholes, Hargreaves and Tevez and still win in second gear – will United’s strength in depth make the difference this season?
3. There’s no place like home
The win equaled Juventus’ Champions League of ten consecutive wins – is Old Trafford the strongest fortress in Europe?

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1 Arsenal will fancy their chances of winning the Champions League now. It was an incredible victory for them.

This advert for Mexican news agency Milenio shows what might happen if Zinedine Zidane and Marco Materazzi fail to leave their infamous bust-up from a couple of years ago in the past.

Ever-ready Teddy Sheringham has announced that he will retire from football at the end of this season – at the ripe old age of 42 years-old.
That’s a pretty impressive run for a career that started as a 16 year-old with Millwall and brought him 289 goals along the way as well as over 50 England caps. What Sheringham lacked in pace he made up for with one of the finest footballing brains of his generation, which also allowed him to play on for so many years.
He’ll see out his playing days with current club Colchester in the Championship but his lengthy career has seen him play for seven different English clubs, most notably Manchester United and Spurs.
But which one will he be most associated with after he retires?

Arsene Wenger claims that his young team will come of age tonight against the old heads of AC Milan in tonight’s Champions League second leg. The Gooners dominated the first game but only came away with a scoreless draw.
They begin tonight as underdogs, especially in the intimidating atmosphere of the San Siro, but a score draw will be enough to take them through – can they do it?

It is difficult to comprehend what this young Manchester City fan must be feeling. Firstly, his 15 seconds of fame come along at precisely the moment he happens to be dropping his tray of chips. Secondly, after spending half-time queuing up most of the way round Eastlands for said chips the youngster is now left with the prospect of watching another 45 minutes of dire football – served up by City and Wigan Athletic – on an empty stomach. Poor kid.

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Liverpool’s Brazilian full-back Fabio Aurelio has the ears and rodent facial features to make him a bit of a ringer for Roland Rat.

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Fabio Capello has made no secret of the fact that he will not be afraid to bring fresh faces into the England set-up, so here are 11 players that he must be giving some consideration to.

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It is as you were at the top of Bundesliga with the top three teams all recording victories. Miroslav Klose gave table-topping Bayern Munich a 0-1 win at Schalke. Werder Bremen remain four points behind courtesy of Markus Rosenberg’s brace against Borussia Dortmund. Third-placed Hamburg signalled their intent with a 4-1 victory over Eintracht Frankfurt.

Thanks to everyone who entered our EA competition to win one of five copies of FIFA Street 3. We had a great response and I’m going to make sure Pies gets its hands on more gear for you to win. The five lucky winners are: Pamela Kerr (Isle of Wight), Louise Oliver (Edinburgh), Ian Astley […]

As featured in one of our past Shit Lookalikes, Father Ted and Father Dougal take charge of an ageing football team, and we don’t mean Fulham.

We have just about accepted the strange phenomenon of the Premier League’s foreign imports wearing gloves from August until April, but Birmingham City striker Mikael Forssell might be taking things a bit too far with his winter coat!

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We interrupt our normal La Liga Lunes broadcasting to bring you this overhead kick from Ronaldinho against Atletico Madrid.

Unfortunately for Ronnie and his team-mates, this stunning effort was the opening goal in Barca’s 4-2 defeat to Atletico Madrid. This was probably one game Atletico’s fans wouldn’t have minded losing because their victory allowed Real Madrid to open up a five point lead at the top of La Liga. But win they did thanks to a Sergio Aguero double, a Maxi Rodriguez goal and a Diego Forlan penalty.

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HEROES
Nicklas Bendtner His last-minute equaliser against Aston Villa kept Arsenal top of the table.

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A Fred double opened Lyon’s Ligue 1 lead up to four points. The seven times champions beat bottom-club Metz 2-0. Nearest rivals Bordeaux drew 0-0 at home to Lille. Third-placed Nancy came from behind to beat in-form Lens 2-1.

Games

Fiendish Friday Quiz

February 29th, 2008

1. Career path
Viking, Manchester United, Viking, Groningen, Fulham
2. True or false
The first English side to win the European Cup Winners’ Cup was West Ham United.
3. Picture round
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David Beckham attends a promotional event for Adidas in Seoul, South Korea, ahead of LA Galaxy’s friendly match against FC Seoul.

Brazilian player Marcos Paulo suffered the misfortune of being attacked by a colony of red fire ants during a recent game. In a bid to avoid being bitten and stung half to death the full-back stripped off and tried to bath himself in a puddle. Having realised that he still had not rid himself of the pests, the Santacruzense player made a dash for the changing rooms to give himself a shower!

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Chelsea’s John Terry and assistant coach, Henk Ten Cate, are said to have had been involved in a bout of training ground fisticuffs before the Carling Cup Final, which any pundit will no doubt tell you, “happens all the time at every club in the country”.
You’d think that they would save their agression for the opposition but here is our list of top ten fights between team mates from the training ground to the pitch.