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Who ate all the pies

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Where’s Yakubu?

February 8th, 2008

Have you seen Yakubu? Because his club Everton haven’t. The Nigerian striker should have returned to training on Wednesday, but he hasn’t showed up. Team-mate Joseph Yobo did make it back in one piece, which makes Yakubu’s mysterious absence look even worse. Yakubu will reportedly be fined £80,000, the maximum permitted under PFA rules, when […]

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Massimo Ambrosini of Italy slides in to tackle Ricardo Quaresma during the international friendly between Italy and Portugal at the Letzigrund Stadium in Zurich, Switzerland. Italy won the match 3-1 in a fixture that could be a dry run for the final of Euro 2008 (you heard it here first). Photo Michael Steele/Getty Images

What happened to the Ghana vs Ivory Coast dream final? Well, it’s off, that’s what. Here’s how: Ghana 0-1 Cameroon The hosts were outmuscled by Cameroon, in a match that was marred by the unbelievably inappropriate behaviour of Reading defender Andre Bikey. With Cameroon leading 1-0, thanks to a goal in the 71st minute by […]

Amidst the plethora of meaningless friendlies held this week – Macedonia vs Serbia, anyone? – there were some actual World Cup qualifiers, in the Asian section. Australia swept past Qatar, thanks to goals by Josh Kennedy, Tim Cahill and Mark Bresciano. Watch the goals below: There were also comfortable wins for Japan, who thumped Thailand […]

Is Fabio having a laugh? Probably not once he saw Wes Brown’s first touch. Thanks to John Rain for the spot. More Shit Lookalikes

Includes Jose’s stunning rendition of Petula Clark’s Downtown!

wes%20brown%20ginger%20crew.jpgWes Brown’s latest barnet ticks all the right Horror Hair boxes. Curly. Check. Ginger. Check. 1980s crew cut. Double-check. It’s like a ball of copper wool meets The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. As if he wasn’t drawing enough attention to himself by being England’s worst player against Switzerland, he was sporting this hairdo as well. Wesley, Wesley, Wesley, when will you ever learn.

Here’s a couple of different reactions from Pies writers to the major news that the Premier League is considering playing some matches overseas. The BBC Sport website reports: ‘At a meeting in London on Thursday, all 20 clubs agreed to explore a proposal to extend the season to 39 games. Those 10 extra games would […]

Herr Ballack (or should that be Herr Lip) donned this moustache for a Mercedes ad, in which he was cast in the role of intrepid adventurer. Not the first time that Germany’s captain has taken the corporate dollar. Watch the making of the Mercedes ad after the click…

A Mexican fan, clad in de rigeur wrestling mask, cheers on his team during their 2-2 draw against arch rivals USA in a friendly international held in Houston yesterday. More than 70,000 fans turned out to watch the game. A fine, looping header by Fulham reject Oguchi Onyewu gave the hosts the lead, but Magallon’s […]

The term ‘world class’ is a difficult one to quantify, especially when it’s over used by pundits every time a player does anything above average. We think that the world class club is more exclusive and should only be reserved for a few players who are exceptional talents – your Ronaldos, Messis and Kakas.

Alexandre Pato continued AC Milan’s march up the table by scoring the only goal in a 0-1 win at Fiorentina. The 18-year-old Brazilian left the pitch on a stretcher though after spraining his ankle. He will be out for around two weeks but is expected to be back in time to torment Arsenal in the Champions League.

1. The England Supporters Band. The first time I heard them play ‘The Great Escape’, it was mildly amusing – with the emphasis on ‘mildly’. Now it’s one of the most annoying things in the world. It’s the football equivalent of morris dancing, or real-ale pubs – tragically uncool and tin-pot and embarrassing. Please get […]

The blogging community’s verdict on England’s 2-1 win over Switzerland at Wembley, in particular the role of new boss Fabio Capello… ‘Capello has already given England something different. This team will play in a different way to its predecessors. Players will be encouraged to keep the ball, pass over shorter distances and attack from imaginative […]

fc%20nerds.JPGAccording to Mark Lawrenson, yes they are. Lawro and John Motson sparked up a conversation during last night’s commentary about Steven Gerrard being voted England’s player of the year by fans. Lawro was curious to find out who had voted and when Motty revealed it was ‘done online’, he replied that it had been awarded by ‘geeks’. So in a mind-bending post-modern vote, today we are asking are football fans who vote in internet poll ‘geeks’?

David James Didn’t have much to do. His handling and kicking was generally good, apart from one sliced clearance. Might have done a little better for the Swiss goal, but overall a sound performance from England’s best goalkeeper. 6 Wes Brown England’s worst player by a mile. Visibly on edge, his passing was dreadful and […]

No, not that Pele. This one is only 20 and he plays for Inter Milan as a holding midfielder. He is also a Portugal Under-21 international. On Tuesday night he scored this beauty against Scotland. If he keeps scoring goals like this, he will soon be the Pele.

While Steven Gerrard was named as the official official man of the match for a lung busting second half display, we think there were a few other players who could have deserved more.

1 England again have a ‘DB’ wearing number 7 who could make the shirt his own for years.
2 This was in many ways the perfect result. It was a victory, a decent performance, but nothing too flashy. Certainly no 5-0 win to get overexcited about.
3 The England players wanted to impress. There weren’t too many egos going through the motions at Wembley last night. Don Fabio wouldn’t stand for it.

Table-topping PSV Eindhoven recorded a 0-2 away win over nearest rivals Ajax to open up an eight-point gap. In a bumper week of Eredivisie action, PSV stretched their lead last Wednesday night thanks to goals from Balázs Dzsudzsák and Otman Bakkal. And they followed that up with a 0-2 win over AZ Alkmaar at the weekend.

At the end of this evening England fans will have a clearer idea of our imported Italian manager. We know it’s only a friendly and there are still a few players missing from the squad through injury but, with a new manager to impress, we should expect a spirited performance.

We won’t know until later this evening but if the rumours being leaked about Fabio Capello’s first starting line up are true then you can expect more than a few surprise selections and a different system being used.

Don Fabio Capello is his own man, clearly – no David Beckham and little Mickey Owen relegated to the bench? Becks & Owen have been England’s own galacticos for a decade, and it’s time to return to the days when England were a team (er, I can’t remember when those days were – the 60s?), […]

Yet another inspired lookalike suggested by Chringle, the undisputed king of shit lookalikes. More shit lookalikes