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Who ate all the pies

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No.1 Claudio Pizarro (pictured) is not a world-class striker. He’s more a Derby County-class striker. He could have had a hat-trick but missed several good chances that team-mate Didier Drogba – who is a world-class striker – would surely have put away. Chelsea should ditch Pizarro in the Jan. transfer window.
No.2 Valencia are seriously shit.

No.1 Playing in black suits Liverpool, it seems. Playing in peach-and-sky blue definitely does not suit Marseille. One look at the respective kits of both teams, even before the match had kicked off, told me that Liverpool would win. That and the fact they have much better players. No.2 I never thought I’d say it, […]

This American youngster has been banned from playing for his high school football team for getting a mohawk haircut (and not a very good one). Apparently the soccer field is not the place for individuality.

Having whipped Australia and New Zealand into a frenzy during his LA Galaxy’s recent tour, David Beckham has now turned his attention to housewives the world over (we might as well take this opportunity to offer a firendly ‘welcome to Pies’ to the hundreds of bored housewives who have landed on this page directly from a Google search!).

78355054.jpgPies says:
Marseille 1-2 Liverpool I agree with Alan Hansen that Liverpool will sneak the win they need to qualify for the next stage.


The Tuesday Teaser

December 11th, 2007

Guess the three footballers from each set of picture clues (click to enlarge)… EASY MEDIUM HARD

The first in a new series that celebrates forgotten wonder goals recalls Erik Edman’s thunderous, out-of-character strike for Spurs against Liverpool in April 2005. Edman, a full-back, currently plays for Rennes in France. He hasn’t yet scored for them.

Bayern Munich couldn’t find the net but the four goals scored by Hannover were enough to keep the Bavarians top of Bundesliga. Bayern played out a 0-0 draw against Duisburg, but nearest rivals Werder Bremen were defeated in a 4-3 thriller at Hannover.

The manager from Portugal, he say no.
The only people who seemed to think that Mourinho might say yes were the tabloid media (Sun, Mirror, Sky etc.) who fabricated the story in the first place – because they are acutely aware that Jose gives good copy. Now the gutter press will refocus their unrelenting spotlight on Fabio Capello, and no doubt put him off the job in the same way they did with Felipe Scolari.

Who would have thought that a five-minute video of one footballers’ assists from crosses could be so interesting. But this highlights reel of is utterly fascinating – it’s easy to forget just how deadly Beckham was for Man Utd out on the right wing. No wonder Dwight Yorke and Andy Cole, neither of whom were world-class […]

Marvel at the versatility of David’s tresses. Via The Offside

And you thought Steve McClaren would never win any silverware! The former England coach has picked up the Plain English Campaign’s annual foot in mouth award.

Nothing new there, you might think. The interesting difference on this occasion is that it has emerged that Benitez himself has given the video a critique after [EGO ALERT] searching for himself on YouTube.

December 1998 A parachutist in a Santa Claus costume is stretchered away after crashing into the Trinity Road Stand during his descent, breaking both his legs and falling 100 feet onto the perimeter track during halftime in the FA Carling Premiership match between Aston Villa and Arsenal at Villa Park. Photo Clive Brunskill /Allsport

The perils of being a cameraman at a live sporting event… Anyone know which country this might have come from? Australia maybe?

The awful behaviour of Emmanuel Eboue got me thinking: Which player are you embarrassed to see wearing the beloved shirt of the team you support? As a Spurs fan, I’d nominate Hossam Ghaly, who doesn’t seem to value the Tottenham shirt at all – the fact he’s shit doesn’t help. Nominations please…

This video rather neatly wraps up some of the funniest own goals into a handy five-minute video.

Urawa Red Diamonds celebrate after defeating Iran’s Sepahan in their FIFA Club World Cup match at Aichi’s Toyota Stadium on December 10, 2007. Urawa’s 3-1 win saw them progress to the semi finals, where they meet AC Milan; the European champions have been given a bye into the last four. Photo Koji Watanabe/Getty Images

20060626113026.jpgAlan Hansen is about the only decent football pundit the BBC has, and he’s been doing the job for more than a decade; Mark Lawrenson is a poor man’s Hansen, but he’s not as bad as the rest of them, who make up a sorry collection of the bland – Lee Dixon and Gavin Peacock, to name two charisma-free ex-players – and the incompetent.

scarf%20toffs.JPGYou can make sure your neck doesn’t get too chilly as you tuck into your prawn sandwich with one of the classy football scarves from Savile Rogue. Despite providing that old school terrace look, the scarves are probably a bit less itchy than the one your dad used to wear to the match.

77546090.jpgInsert your own swearword in the headline…
Seriously, I know Eboue wasn’t in our poll of most hated players in the Prem, but he really should have been. An oversight on our part.
The Ivorian might have been sent off twice over against Middlesbrough at the weekend. Once for a double-slap to the face of Emanuel Pogatetz (he connected with the second slap), twice for a deliberate raking of Stewart Downing’s thigh that could have resulted in a serious injury.

As this video shows, Crissy Ronaldo blatantly cheated to win a penalty against Derby County on Saturday – let’s ignore the fact he got up and took the penalty, when a selfish player would have allowed Carlos Tevez the chance to get a well-deserved hat-trick; the fact is, he conned the ref. All well and good in such a one-sided game, you might say, but that’s not the point. Imagine the furore if it had happened against Arsenal or Chelsea.

It is as you were at the top of La Liga. Real Madrid remain four points ahead of second-placed Barcelona as both sides picked up three points at the weekend. Ruud Van Nistelrooy’s goal gave Real a 1-0 win over Athletic Bilbao, while Barcelona came from behind to beat Deportivo La Coruna 2-1.

Sulley Muntari Scored just about the sexiest pair you are likely to see this season against Aston Villa.

old%20man%20football.jpgPies presents eleven players who were given names more suited to the pension queue than the Premier League: