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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Pies gives you the lowdown on XI players with a good engine.

Fergie was forced to pay out on a friendly bet when Ronaldo broke the goal target set for him last season so the United manager has upped the anti by promising to raise the Portugeezer’s not inconsiderable wages if he can score 30 league goals this year.

78198579.jpgOld Goldenballs is still sweating over his inclusion in Fabio Capello’s inaugural England squad, which could earn him the 100th England cap he’s been chasing. Most people thought it would be a foregone conclusion that Beck’s former manager would give him an international swan song out of respect – but that’s not how Fabio rolls.

This hilarious video shows Celtic’s Johnny Doyle whipping in a cross against former club Ayr United, but finding the referee’s head with pinpoint accuracy. The ref is knocked out cold and is out for a bit of revenge when he comes round. Doyle becomes – as far as we know – the first player to be sent-off for knocking the referee out with a cross.

This spoof movie trailer shows Emmanuel Eboue performing his diplomatic duties from afar.

The big news in German football this week is that Bayern Munich striker Luca Toni has been named Sport Fashion Ambassador for Italy by the Italian Sporting Goods Manufacturers Association. In between ambassadorial duties, such as providing Ferrero Rocher to his team-mates, Toni found the net in a 1-1 friendly draw with Bayern’s city rivals and Allianz Arena co-tenants 1860 Munich.

Now that Newcastle have gone down the continental route and made the surprise decision of appointing Dennis Wise in a Director of Football role will they bring the club more success?

Love him or hate him, there’s no doubt that United’s fleet-footed winger, Cristiano Ronaldo, is quicker than a greyhound on steroids. Here in another of Nike’s ‘we doubt that really happened’ viral ads he takes on the world’s fastest road car, the Bugatti Veyron, and somehow manages to pip it at the post.

Joey Barton is free to play for Newcastle after his bail conditions were changed. Barton was charged with assault and affray last month, and ordered by a judge to live in Hampshire and return home every day by 7.30pm. However, he’s now been allowed to move to Newcastle and given a later time to report […]

Well, there’s no doubt which is the plum tie in the draw for the FA Cup fifth round – Arsenal‘s trip to Old Trafford to play Man Utd. To my mind, that fixture just increases the chances that Arsenal will end the season trophyless – it’s not been a great couple of weeks for the […]

John Aloisi of the Mariners (left) competes with Jade North of the Jets during the A-League semi final first leg match between the Newcastle Jets and the Central Coast Mariners. Newcastle won the match 2-0, thanks to goals from the Griffiths brothers, Adam and Joel. Photo Brendon Thorne/Getty Images

We think he is a TV presenter anyway – from his line of questioning you could be forgiven for thinking he was from the customer services department of an airline. The video shows Ryan Giggs, Cristiano Ronaldo and Sir Alex Ferguson trying to answer questions as politely and diplomatically as possible while trying to work out what on earth the interviewer is talking about!

Michele di Piedi’s career never really took off, but he will always be remembered fondly by Sheffield Wednesday fans for this effort. You can just ignore Efan Ekoku. Instead focus on the spectacular goal from the young Italian, which continues our current overhead kick theme.

Kevin Keegan has provided some of football’s greatest quotes over the years with his own unique brand of gibberish. He has announced his return to management not with three points (yet), but with a fresh installment of undecipherable waffle.

With the news that Manchester City players were the victims of a dressing room theft during their FA Cup defeat to Sheffield United, Pies looks at XI other footballers who have been the victims of crime.

Jonathan Woodgate looked all set to move from ‘Boro to Spurs, but it seems Arsenal may have gazumped their north-London rivals at the eleventh hour. The Guardian reports that the Gunners ‘have also agreed a fee with Middlesbrough for the England international’. Wow, I didn’t see that coming. When I heard that a third club […]

Real Madrid closed in on a second successive La Liga title as nearest rivals Barcelona dropped points. The Catalan giants drew 1-1 at Athletic Bilbao, which meant Real’s 3-2 win over Villarreal was enough to extend their lead at the top of the table to nine points. The champions twice took the lead through Robinho, but both times Villarreal fought back. Wesley Sneijder’s 76th minute goal settled the match though.

Sas Ognenovski and Griffin McMaster collide during the A-League Minor semi final between Sydney FC and Queensland Roar at the Sydney Football Stadium on 25 January, 2008. McMaster had a fine game in goal for Queensland; despite that, Sydney had more than enough chances to take a lead into the second leg, to be held […]

More goals galore from the weekend’s fixtures in the Africa Cup of Nations. Here’s a quick recap of the four matches that took place on Saturday and Sunday, plus video highlights. Senegal 1-3 Angola A brace of goals in the second half by Man Utd-bound Manucho – fast becoming one of the stars of the […]

This morning’s top five football stories, condensed into one juicy post… 1. Derby County have new owners – the American-based General Sports and Entertainment group (fact of the day: their chairman, Andy Appleby, comes from a real-life Springfield). Rams’ fans will be relieved to know that the club and GSE have mutually agreed an investment […]

This fantastic video shows the reaction on Sky Sports’ Soccer Saturday to Havant & Waterlooville’s goals against Liverpool. Legendary Jeff Stelling begins a countdown to their victory, Matt Le Tissier gets all over-excited and the whole team take great pleasure in ribbing Liverpool old boy Phil Thompson.

Richard Pacquette The Havant & Waterlooville striker became the first school caretaker to open the scoring at Anfield for a while.

Kilcline, ‘Wolf’ (as played by Don ‘Hollywood’ Yates, a man so macho he makes Chuck Norris look like a little girl) and Sabretooth are men’s men (or, in Sabretooth’s case, a mutant’s mutant), and therefore not afraid of big, ‘statement’ facial hair. But who would take who in a three-way deathmatch? I can’t answer that, […]

Well worth giving up six minutes of your day for, especially if you’re having a shit Friday and want a good laugh… (good choice of music too) Hmm, given that he’s suposedly one of the best strikers of a dead ball in world football, David Beckham isn’t half shit at penalties.


The Fiendish Friday Quiz

January 25th, 2008

1. Career path Seven Stars, Ajax Cape Town, Ajax, Celta Vigo, Porto, Blackburn Rovers (current)? 2. True or false? David Beckham once played for Preston North End? 3. Picture round Who’s with his WAG? 4. Team-mates Karel Poborsky, Stefan Schwarz, Claudio Caniggia, Pierre Van Hooijdonk and Rui Costa have all played for which club? 5. […]