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Who ate all the pies

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I’ll admit it: I want Michael Owen to be the Premier League’s top scorer this season. There, I said it. Then I want him to go to the World Cup with England and win the Golden Shoe/Boot/Whatever FIFA call it now. It’s a crazy dream, I know, but then a small part of me still […]

The world tour for Tony Hart’s Gallery was a massive success As expected, Tevez is off to City, for £25.5m. And so another pampered ego who couldn’t do his time on the bench moves on. But will things be any different for the whinging Tevez at Eastlands? Let’s look at the facts… City’s ridiculously swollen […]

Becks is back in training for LA Galaxy. Here he faces the usual array of media microphones. [Photo: PA] Yesterday Dave had his first training session with the Galaxy, after returning from his loan spell in Milan. His public feud with team-mate Landon Donovan was the issue on every reporter’s lips, but Becks claimed that […]

1. Oasis and Kasabian back England 2018 World Cup bid. [@ England 2018 bid] 2. Very sad news. John Hartson diagnosed with brain cancer. [@ BBC] 3. Man Utd to sign the ‘new Ronaldinho’? [@ Guardian] 4. Watch Alex Ferguson’s first press conference ahead of the new season. [@ 101GreatGoals] 5. Kiko Macheda robbed at […]

Hmm, this wasn’t what I ordered. Today’s quote of the day was uttered by Man Utd boss Alex Ferguson: “It is the end of our [transfer] business, so all these stories about who were are supposed to be getting – forget it.” Either this is a huge bluff or Fergie is pocketing a very large […]

I think today’s StB is quite tough. You may disagree… Who’s the faceless Arsenal player? If you think you know, leave a comment with your answer. [Click the image to enlarge, Photo: PA] Friday’s answer: Juan Sebastian Veron No, those aren’t the swarthy arms of Ryan Giggs. Congrats to those of you who identified the […]

One of these men may feature at the 2018 World Cup Even though 2018 seems an awful long way off, imagine how amazing it would be to have a World Cup in England… For many of us, it’s something we’ve never had the chance to experience, and more than 50 years after 1966, Pies thinks […]

Just a goal of absolute beauty and as fine an entry into Pies’ canon of forgotten wonder goals as you could ever hope to see; King Keggy’s involvement in it is key. And what a lovely Southampton kit that was. [Spotted @ Guardian]

Where did all the moustaches go? These days it’s all bare upper lips and waxed chests. Shame. Get a load of this… Caesar Jenkyns Hail Caesar. The rugged Welshman was one of the hardest defenders of his era - he played for Woolwich Arsenal from 1895-96, and became the Gooners’ first ‘international’ captain. Bob Holmes Elementary. […]

OK, this is shit, but shit meaning good - Landycakes needs bigger hair and a meaner glare, but he’s not far off. And any time I can squeeze a pixelated game character into Shit Lookalikes, I leap at the chance. If you’ve never played Dragon Ball Z, there’s more on Vegata here. Got any more videogame […]

How do Galacticos break the ice? By comparing pay packets? If so, C-Ron wins. And do you think Raul is jealous of the new young crop of superstars at his club? Would love to be a fly on the wall at one Madrid’s pre-season training sessions.

The USA has never lost a group match in the history of the CONCACAF Gold Cup. That record was severely tested by Haiti this weekend, when only a brilliant Stuart Holden strike in injury time saved the pre-tournament favourites from an embarrassing defeat. Highlights of the 2-2 draw below: Despite the draw, the Haitians still […]

‘I’ve got a bad feeling about this…’ ‘Just smile Daveed, everything will be fine…’ So David Bentley was thumped in the face as he sat in a restaurant. Not nice for the player and especially nasty for his heavily preggo wife, who witnessed the attack. Even if there’s a very small part of you that […]

Funny that Brian Ching, the first footballer we featured in our new series, Footballers Who Tweet, is now in a spot of trouble thanks to the social networking site. Ching Tweeted the following message yesterday, immediately after Houston Dynamo lost 2-1 to Seattle Sounders: Why was Ching so incensed? The ref had allowed a goal […]

Stockport c**t. I laughed. [Thanks to the Guardian’s Sean Ingle for the spot, via his Twitter feed]

This from The Times: ‘Though [John] Terry has had several injuries in recent seasons, Chelsea continue to insist he is “not for sale at any price”. The club are, however, mindful of dealings with Terry over his last contract talks in 2007, when he signed a five-year deal. ‘During those negotiations, Terry asked for a […]

After a shock midweek defeat to Gold Coast United, Fulham won the second game of their pre-season tour of Australia. Roy Hodgson’s team, led by skipper Danny Murphy, strolled to a 3-0 win against Melbourne Victory (the A-League champions). Their goals were scored by Andy Johnson, from the penalty spot, Eddie Johnson and Erik Nevland. […]

An extremely fresh-faced Trevor Brooking (aged 17) poses in a West Ham shirt prior to the start of the 1965/66 season. [Photo: PA/Barratts/S&G and Barratts/EMPICS Sport] Brooking signed for the Hammers as a teenager after leaving Ilford County High School. He went on to make 635 first-team appearances over the course of 19 years. This […]

Another day, another expensive galactico paraded in Madrid… Karim Benezma didn’t quite match the 80,000 screaming fans who came to see C-Ron, but he still drew almost 20,000 to the Bernabeu, which isn’t bad for a player who is not an A-List baller – not yet anyway. No doubt Madrid fans love him already for […]

[Photo: PA] Steven Gerrard trod the boards – for the first time, as far as I’m aware – at Liverpool’s Empire Theatre last night. Liverpool’s captain was in the audience to watch the opening night of ‘One Night In Istanbul’, a play about four Liverpool supporters who journeyed to Istanbul to watch the 2005 Champions […]

I think you know what to do by now. Name the ball-headed baller… [Click the image to enlarge. Photo: PA] Think you know who’s celebrating with Becks? Leave a comment with your answer. Yesterday’s answer: Darren Anderton Most of you recognised the fragile stick legs of Sicknote. But top of the class is Liam FP, […]

[Photo: PA] Firstly, let me say that I think Cesc Fabregas is very happy and settled at Arsenal. But that doesn’t mean he’s ruled out moving to Barcelona – his boyhood club – this summer. The two states of mind aren’t mutually exclusive. The Cesc-to-Barca whispers are mounting, and it’s not as if Barcelona president […]

As this photo montage shows, Franck Ribery is back in training at Bayern Munich. But that hasn’t stemmed the flow of transfer toss about Ribery’s future. Most of Europe’s major clubs have been linked with the wrong-faced Frenchman, and now you can add Liverpool to the list. This just in from “Bayern Munich winger […]

So Nando Torres won’t get David Villa as a playmate. Barcelona midfielder Xavi Hernandez has spilled the beans about the future of the Valencia striker. Xavi told Sport: “Talking to him [after the Confederations Cup], I noticed that he was very excited at the prospect of coming to Barcelona. “It is now only a matter […]

Two very ugly men with wonky faces and indisputably shit hair. That is all. ‘Nuff respect to Pies reader Kit Sheppard, who emailed us with this fine suggestion. Think you can do better than Kit? Email Pies with your lookalike(s).