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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Here is Little Britain’s Matt Lucas in his previous incarnation as lounge singer George Dawes on Shooting Stars singing a little easy listening ditty called Football. Send that punk off the pitch, bitch.

This thunderbolt from Jon Harley was the ex-Chelsea man’s only goal during his stint at Fulham. Not that any Fulham fan would hold that against him. The 40-yard strike secured three points for the Cottagers against Aston Villa. Harley is currently at Championship side Burnley.

Just before Christmas a promotional blimp floating above Burnley’s Turf Moor ground had its wires cut and was set free. This caused a bit of a stir with air traffic control informed of the stray inflatable. Unfortunately for the prat who can expect a knock on the door from police shortly, footage of the incident has now made it onto YouTube.

Fifth division outfit Carquefou pulled off a huge shock in the French Cup this week as they dumped Marseille out of the competition. The winning goal in the 1-0 victory was scored by Senegalese midfielder Papa Idrissa N’Doye.

Brazil’s Marcio scores with a very cheeky backheel flick at the near post for Brazil in a friendly match against Sweden in 1983.

Mido’s eye-high lunge at Gael Clichy last weekend wasn’t the Egyptian’s first nasty challenge. This horrific tackle came in a supposed friendly match. It would be a nasty challenge whoever had made it, but with Mido’s weight behind it… ouch!

As you might have see, we’ve been asking Pies’ readers to pick their team of the season by voting for players in each position.
So far, the back four is sorted with David James in goal, Arsenal’s Bacary Sagna and Gael Clichy covering the flanks and a partnership of Ferdinand and Vidic in the middle. Now it’s time to select the creatives, starting with a midfield playmaker.

Fabio Capello has just announced his second squad selection to face France in next week’s friendly. A recall for old Goldenballs is the biggest story, although Capello hasn’t revealed if he’ll be wearing the captain’s armband for his 100th cap – or even starting.
Among the other five new faces missing from the first dquad are Chelsea’s John Terry and Frank Lampard while Jermaine Defoe and a long awaited return for Theo Walcott should add some pace to the squad. The biggest surprise is Middlesbrough’s young central defender David Wheater, although there’s a long pecking order in that position.
So, from the 30 players that Don Fabio has chosen – who would be the first eleven names on your team sheet?

Pies gives you the rundown on 10 of the best goals scored directly from corners.

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These pictures show Paul Scholes and David Beckham in (left to right) 1998, 2000, 2002, 2004, 2006 and 2008. While Becks changes his hair as often as he changes his designer socks, modest professional Paul Scholes has stuck with the same combed forward ginger hair for the past decade (and probably longer than that). Unless… wait a cotton pickin’ minute – is that an application of hair gel on Mr Scholes’ 2006 photograph? That flash so and so…

Don Fabio is still auditioning for the role of captain of the England team as he prepares to announce his selection for only his second game in charge – next week’s friendly against Thierry Henry and co.
Steven Gerrard was given the armband in his first match but there are rumours that Capello agrees with most in that Gerrard is a different capatain at club level than he is with the Three Lions on his shirt.

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Colorado Rapids goalkeeper Justin Hughes has truly terrible hair. He looks like a poodle in a headband. Looking at Hughes’ curly barnet for too long might also make you want to start humming the theme tune to Jonathan Creek!

Cristiano Ronaldo turns matador in this new advert for Fuji Xerox. In the Japanese advertt, C-Ron shows off his tricks as the bull charges round after the ball. Don’t worry if after a few seconds you start rooting for the bull – it is perfectly natural.

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Arsenal striker Emmanuel Adebayor has been branded Samson by The Sun because he has lost his goalscoring powers since having his haircut. The Togolese forward ditched his trademark beaded hairstyle last month and has not scored a Premier League goal.

Standard Liege goalkeeper Rorys Aragon Espinosa relived Rene Higuita’s scorpion kick with his own attempt in a match against Gent. The Ecuadorian didn’t quite get the same contact as Higuita, but the ball didn’t fly into the net so I suppose it has to go down as a successful save. I don’t know too much about this guy and you probably don’t either, so check out his MySpace. It’s a veritable who’s who of Ecuadorian football!

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This Snapshot shows Chelsea manager Glenn Hoddle unveiling new signing Ruud Gullit in June 1995.

The latest installment of the Rubber One’s television phone-in show features Sven Goran Eriksson dressed as a pimp and some cracking line from David Beckham. Need I say more?

Keegan has been banging on about so-called ‘six-pointers’ but in the end he had to settle with sharing the points as his Newcastle side drew 1-1 with Birmingham last night.
The good news on Tyneside is that Michael Owen scored with a typical poachers goal after Obafemi Martins shot was blocked – can Owen go on to repay the Geordies faith by scoring the goals to keep them up?

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David Beckham splashed out on a new tattoo during LA Galaxy’s recent tour of the Far East and has been taking the opportunity to flash it around for the cameras. The top-of-the-range tat was done using a technique which is apparently not available outside Hong Kong and appears to have been brushed on to the skin.

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… in their dreams.

As we have featured Jorge Ribeiro’s Yeboah-esque strike for Boavista this week, it only seems right to remind ourselves of the original. So here is Tony Yeboah – a man signed by Leeds United seemingly with a brief to score spectacular goals which bounced in off the crossbar. Here he is against Wimbledon…

This beautiful strike from Boavista’s Jorge Ribeiro never gave the keeper a chance. Ribeiro, brother of Maniche, gave the ball a fair whack from getting on for 40 yards. The ball bounced in off the underside of the crossbar in what a generation of youngsters grew up calling a ‘Yeboah’.

In recent weeks we’ve been asking Pies’ readers to vote for the best players in their positions to make up our own Premier League team of the season.
So far you’ve gone for the enduring David James in goal while the attacking merits of Arsenal’s Bacary Sagna and Gael Clichy have sewn up the full-back positions – but who’s going to compliment their silky skills with some steel in the centre of defence?

Roy Keane can’t have made too many friends from officials during his playing career and, with some of the appalling decisions made against his Sunderland team since he returned to the Premier League as a manager, maybe his early behaviour has come back to haunt him.

Now that the quarterfinal draw for the Champions League has been made with teams separated into opposite halves, fans who prefer not to ‘take one game at a time’ will be analysing various permutations to predict this season’s final.