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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Put yourself in Fabio Capello’s hand-stitched leather shoes… comfortable, no? Now choose your England squad, starting with three goalkeepers (click the three you want): surveys – Take Our Poll

Master Ronaldo isn’t the only one with magic in his boots… 1. Roberto Carlos, Brazil vs France Still the greatest free-kick I’ve ever seen, even if it was a glorious fluke.

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It looks as if David Beckham will have to wait a little longer to reach the 100th cap milestone he’s been chasing as The Daily Mail reports that Fabio Capello has decided not include him in his first England squad.

We reckon Brazil’s championship is definitely the funniest league in the world. There is always something crazy going on in the Campeonato Paulista, and this example is no exception. Cruzeiro goalie is still grieving the fact that his side have just gone 3-0 down safe in the knowledge that he can see the ball in the back of his net. Unfortunately, the Atletico Mineiro players and even his own team-mates had resumed action with a different ball. Oops!

I had a good laugh when I read the news that Liverpool fans are set to launch a plan to buy their club from George Gillett and Tom Hicks. A group calling itself Share Liverpool FC wants to recruit 100,000 fans from around the world, with the aim of raising £500m to purchase the club […]

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Inter Milan failed to win for the first time in nine matches as they were held to a 0-0 draw by Udinese. They remain undefeated in Serie A, although the slip-up allowed second-placed Roma to close the gap to five points. The club from the capital picked up three points in their match at home to Palermo. Mancini grabbed the only goal of the game.

Another dose of lookalike looniness from the warped mind of Chringle. More shit lookalikes

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West Ham 1-0 Liverpool An injury-time penalty by Mark Noble denied Liverpool a point that they didn’t deserve anyway. West Ham had the best chances, whereas Liverpool looked flat, as if their players were painfully aware that any chance of winning the league had disappeared several weeks ago. Rafa Benitez’s team are now 17 points behind both Man Utd and Arsenal. Fourth place is the best they can hope for now, and even that is no certainty.
Man of the match Mark Noble. On this form, the England U21 star must be close to a full England call-up.
Photo Getty Images

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And what a peach it was too!

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Spotted on 101GreatGoals.

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The so-called Premier League’s ‘big four’ clubs of Man United, Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool have shared the Champions League spots for what feels like an eternity.

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PSV extended their Eredivise lead to five points with a 2-1 victory over bottom-club Excelsior. Rivals Ajax only managed a 2-2 draw with Vitesse Arnhem. New boy Balazs Dzsudzsak opened the scoring for PSV and Geert den Ouden confirmed the win in the 81st minute. The real activity was at the bottom of the table though. Four of the bottom six recorded wins at the weekend. Most notable was NEC Nijmegen’s 2-0 victory over Utrecht, which was their first win since November 9.

Tottenham have finally captured Alan Hutton (left) from Rangers, for a fee believed to be around £9m. That’s a lot of cash for a young defender, but if Hutton can offer Spurs the same level of reliability as great Premier League full-backs like Gary Neville and Denis Irwin, for example, then it’s a good deal […]

Cheeky owls.

Aaron Hunt of Bremen goes flying during the DFB Cup match between Borussia Dortmund and Werder Bremen at the Signual Iduna Park on 29 January. Bremen, going well in the Bundesliga, lost 2-1. Italian midfielder Giovanni Federico and Spanish striker Diego Klimowicz scored either side of half-time for the hosts. Bremen’s Brazilian midfielder Diego hit […]

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Pies gives you the lowdown on XI players with a good engine.

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Fergie was forced to pay out on a friendly bet when Ronaldo broke the goal target set for him last season so the United manager has upped the anti by promising to raise the Portugeezer’s not inconsiderable wages if he can score 30 league goals this year.

78198579.jpgOld Goldenballs is still sweating over his inclusion in Fabio Capello’s inaugural England squad, which could earn him the 100th England cap he’s been chasing. Most people thought it would be a foregone conclusion that Beck’s former manager would give him an international swan song out of respect – but that’s not how Fabio rolls.

This hilarious video shows Celtic’s Johnny Doyle whipping in a cross against former club Ayr United, but finding the referee’s head with pinpoint accuracy. The ref is knocked out cold and is out for a bit of revenge when he comes round. Doyle becomes – as far as we know – the first player to be sent-off for knocking the referee out with a cross.

This spoof movie trailer shows Emmanuel Eboue performing his diplomatic duties from afar.

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The big news in German football this week is that Bayern Munich striker Luca Toni has been named Sport Fashion Ambassador for Italy by the Italian Sporting Goods Manufacturers Association. In between ambassadorial duties, such as providing Ferrero Rocher to his team-mates, Toni found the net in a 1-1 friendly draw with Bayern’s city rivals and Allianz Arena co-tenants 1860 Munich.

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Now that Newcastle have gone down the continental route and made the surprise decision of appointing Dennis Wise in a Director of Football role will they bring the club more success?

Love him or hate him, there’s no doubt that United’s fleet-footed winger, Cristiano Ronaldo, is quicker than a greyhound on steroids. Here in another of Nike’s ‘we doubt that really happened’ viral ads he takes on the world’s fastest road car, the Bugatti Veyron, and somehow manages to pip it at the post.

Joey Barton is free to play for Newcastle after his bail conditions were changed. Barton was charged with assault and affray last month, and ordered by a judge to live in Hampshire and return home every day by 7.30pm. However, he’s now been allowed to move to Newcastle and given a later time to report […]

Well, there’s no doubt which is the plum tie in the draw for the FA Cup fifth round – Arsenal‘s trip to Old Trafford to play Man Utd. To my mind, that fixture just increases the chances that Arsenal will end the season trophyless – it’s not been a great couple of weeks for the […]