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Who ate all the pies

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1. Career path Napoli, Parma, Internazionale, Juventus, Real Madrid 2. Multiple choice Which team’s motto translates as “More than a club”? a) Barcelona, b) Real Madrid, c) Atletico Madrid, d) Deportivo La Coruna 3. Picture round Who’s this? 4. Team-mates Kevin Campbell, Stan Collymore, Gordon Banks and Dennis Wise all played for which club? 5. […]

Pies celebrates the homoerotic side of the beautiful game What a lovely couple they make, in their matching tight t-shirts! And just how close must Vieri’s penis be to Maldini’s sculpted gluteus maximus? Christian, in particular, looks smitten. If you see any pics suitable for our new Football Gaydar feature, let us know by leaving […]

Walter Smith’s men can still win quadruple Congrats to Rangers, who reached the Uefa Cup final with a penalty shootout win against Fiorentina in Italy last night. Walter Smith’s team might have buckled and were lucky not to concede on several occasions, but you have to admire their resilience. However, Fiorentina coach Cesare Prandelli said […]

Leeds United legend Eddie Gray scored this sexy goal against Burnley in 1970. At the start of the video he is on the byline and in danger of letting the ball go out for a goal kick. He then decides to start treating defenders like training ground cones on his way to goal.

You use your camera to shoot video. You use your phone to shoot video. You may even be capturing the world in high definition. Now’s the time to get your footage working for you by entering our competition and scoring a great prize. We have teamed up with Visual Networking experts, Cisco, to offer shedloads […]

Peter Martin is probably most famous for playing Joe Carroll in sitcom The Royle Family. In the programme, Joe is the browbeaten husband of a hyperactive Irishwoman. In a bizarre case of life imitating art, his Shit Lookalike Giovanni Trapattoni is about to find out what life with an over expectant Irish mistress is like.

Old man of Italian football takes control of the Republic of Ireland “They told me to hold up this scarf and look confused… how I’m doing so far?” At least Trap spoke English at the press conference to unveil him as boss of the Irish national team. Which is more than Steve Staunton ever did. […]

We have a new contender for our top comedy penalty misses. First of all, the penalty taker makes Gareth Southgate look positively clinical with his weak effort. Then as he attempts to do better with the rebound, he suddenly finds himself eating goalpost.

dumbo lineker.jpg

Well, as close to official as you can get when the source is the Daily Star! Apparently, Match of the Day presenter and former England star Gary Lineker is being lined up to play the role of Dumbo by a top American photographer. The famously jug-eared forward is wanted by snapper Annie Leibovitz to play a key role in her Disney Dream Portrait Series. The project will see celebrities including David Beckham, Roger Federer and Beyoncé playing different Disney cartoon characters. (Wait it gets even better…)


We knew on Tuesday night that we were set for a historic all-English Champions League final, and we found out last night that it would be between Chelsea and Manchester United. So who will you be rooting for in Moscow? That is assuming you don’t support one of those teams, of course, otherwise the answer will be pretty obvious. Will you pick your team on geography (although I can’t imagine too many Manchester City fans cheering on United)? Do you have a preference for the colour red over blue? Or will you devise a complicated formula to work out who the underdog is and support them? Let us know who’s got your backing and if you want to leave a comment telling us why, that would be just grand.

What’s this? Is Kevin Keegan Head Over Heels In Love? It sure looks that way as he grasps Alan Curbishley by the head and looks longingly into his eyes. I’m not sure Curbs is quite up for it as much, but he looks pleasantly surprised by the offer.

This must be a Uefa ploy to get more American fans to watch the Champions League. Look, they have started incorporating American sports into the ‘soccer’. Avram Grant brought a bit of basketball to last night’s proceedings, and Steven Gerrard responded with a little bit of American football.

Last night’s game was a pulsating affair. If you were lucky enough to watch it, who gets your vote for man of the match? Most of the candidates wore blue, although I have put a couple of Liverpool players on the list, to prevent any accusations of bias. Vote below: Your man of the match? […]

Chelsea’s new home kits for next season (blue for outfield players, naturally, and Dutch orange for the goalies) have been leaked on the thing they call the interweb. So what do you think? The blue shirt, complete with old-school white collar, reminds me of Chelsea’s Autoglass Umbro kit, and the ‘keeper’s shirt is reminiscent of […]

CHELSEA Petr Cech Solid until Ryan Babel’s late late goal, which he really should have saved. 6 Michael Essien Started at right-back, but got involved in all areas of the pitch. An immense performance. 8 John Terry Not always convincing, but didn’t do too much wrong. 7 Ricardo Carvalho Like Terry, Liverpool’s attack gave him […]

The Drog showed off his masterful range of “look at me!” gestures during last night’s CL semi. A man-of-the-match performance: “What’s that? You’ll have to speak up, I can’t hear you because I’m so much richer than you and my ears are stuffed with £50 notes…” More poses after the break…

Highlights of last night’s barnstorming semi, the best European game ever contested between these two teams, which usually cancel each other out: Great game, and you have to say the right team won. And I bet Sir Alex Ferguson was loving the fact that Chelsea were forced to play extra time.

Maybe it’s not forgotten, cause it didn’t happen that long ago, but it’s certainly wonderful, and I’m sure quite a few of you won’t have seen it. As a Plymouth Argyle fan, watching this hurts (Argyle sold him to Wolves)… Great bit of skill and a potent finish.

David Beckham has filmed a guest appearance for cult U.S. kids’ show Sesame Street. Becks hooked up with Elmo to introduce a new word to the programme’s young (and stoned) viewers. The LA Galaxy star chose the word ‘persistence’ and went on to explain why it was so important to him. Er, I bet he’d […]

The cheeky young scamp. You should respect your elders. Don’t you know he’s got an MBE? Shame on you. This young Chelsea fan pretends he wants to shake hands with the Liverpool skipper, but has no intention of going through with it…

Simple question, to those of you who watched last night’s Champions League semi. Who was your man of the match? There were several fine performances, mostly from men in red shirts, but I’ve narrowed it down to a shortlist of eight players. If I’ve missed someone off the list, leave an angry comment. Vote below: […]

Watch the best moments from last night’s enthralling Champions League semi final second leg, including, of course, Paul Scholes’ wonder goal.

MAN UTD Edwin van der Sar Safe hands overall, despite one spill and a couple of sliced kicks. Took a couple of knocks for his trouble, from team-mate Wes Brown. In truth, Barcelona, never really tested him. 7 Owen Hargreaves Robot-like stamina saw him patrol the right-hand line with admirable discipline. Unsure of his positioning […]


1 What a time for Paul Scholes to score his second goal of the season. And what a goal!

This must be one of the worst looks we’ve seen Beckham rock, ever. He has more hair on his face than on his head, lending him a macho, “big gay bear” look that is a million miles away from his usual metrosexual image. At least things are looking up for the LA Galaxy, who thrashed […]