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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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I remember the 1981 centenary FA Cup final, if not like it was yesterday then a lot more recently than 28 years ago. It was the season I began supporting Spurs, and so I’ll always have very fond memories of the cup-winning exploits of Perryman, Hoddle, Archibald, Ardiles, Villa and co. I thought I knew […]

“Er, gaffer, the hat’s a bit too big. And I know I’m black but, er, not all black guys wear baseball caps. I do have a magnificent penis though…” “Shut up and smile for the cameras, big man. You’re gonna get me some goals.” “Yeah, about that…”

All hail Robbie Blake, who looks like a plasterer but thankfully doesn’t play like one. His terrific strike put paid to Man Utd on a famous night for Burnley. United had their chances, notably a Michael Carrick penalty that was brilliantly saved by Brian “The Beast” Jensen, but Burnley were good value for the win; […]

Uncle Woy Hodgson has strengthened his squad with the addition of Damien Duff (signed from Newcastle for au undisclosed fee) and Jonathan Greening (taken on a season-long loan from West Brom). Duff will add some much-needed width to Fulham’s team, while the underrated Greening might slot in nicely alongside Danny Murphy, or indeed act as […]

We are top of the league, sing we are top of the league… Tottenham’s perfect start to this season couldn’t be in starker contrast to the nightmare of 08/09. Props to Arry Redknapp, who has managed to create what looks uncannily like a proper team – even David Bentley is back in the fold. And […]

Who’s the Liverpool player doing his defensive duty on the post (click image to enlarge)? If you know the answer, or you just want to make a wild guess, leave a comment with your shout. Previous answer: Mikael Silvestre Joe got it right at the second attempt. Shay, Tom P and Jules also got it […]

“Weeeeeeeeeee!” This is where you get to step into Rafa’s shiny slip-ons and pick Liverpool’s best starting line-up for this season. First up though, I’ll reveal my selection (based on the Pool’s squad at time of writing). I meant to post this before the season started (duh), but horrible server gremlins meant I’ve had to […]

When Carra was all bandaged up for last night’s game against Stoke (photo gallery up next, btw), the first face that flashed into my head was that of Derek Zoolander. For serious. MORE Shit Lookalikes: Rafa Benitez and Derek Zoolander Zoolander GIF Classic: Arsene Wenger dances in the back of a jeep driven by Cesc […]

OK, just a friendly – it was the annual Joan Gamper Trophy – but still a great result for City’s morale. Looking at the line-ups/subs [@ Goal], you can see just how seriously Pep Guardiola and Sparky Hughes treated it: FC Barcelona: Pinto, Montoya (Alves 45), Fontas (Henry 63), Puyol (Bartra 31) (Pique 63), Maxwell (Muniesa, 63), […]

One draw and two wins now for Newcastle, who move up to third in the Championship table. Shola Ameobi’s fourth goal in two games was enough to sink the Owls at St James’ Park. The game was watched by almost 44,000 fans – that’s a massively impressive attendance for a Championship match on a Wednesday […]

That didn’t take long! Available now from Newstowear, priced just £9.99 As one of Pies’ Twitter followers just pointed out, there is one small problem with the shirt – they got the date wrong. D’oh! Anyone brave enough to send one of these to Fergie? I’d say he’s a Large these days.

This jumped out at me, as Shit Lookalikes sometimes do. (Pellegrini is Real Madrid’s new manager, btw.) Got a lookalike for Pies? Email me with your shout(s).

With C-Ron gone, it’s time for someone to step up and take his place as the Prem’s least popular player. Here’s Pies selection for a team of the most unpopular players in the league: Paul Robinson (Blackburn) Out-of-form goalkeepers may be booed but generally they’re a likeable bunch. Robbo is about the least popular Prem […]

I don’t know if it’s because the recession has levelled the playing field – by weakening the big four – but already this season feels very different. By different, I mean unpredictable. And about time too. For years we have waited for a genuinely unpredictable Premier League, sitting through countless dreary games where the result […]

Twitter is almost on fire, the result of a scorchingly hot rumour that Rafa Benitez has walked out on Liverpool. There is no concrete reason to believe this internet chatter, but I will say that it wouldn’t surprise me if it happened, especially in light of the news that the club told Rafa he had […]

We hear that Joleon Lescott has been dropped for Everton’s Europa League qualifier against Sigma Olomouc on Thursday. David Moyes said of Lescott: “His attitude in the past few days has been poor and for that reason I won’t include him. “I’ve always thought he was a good lad. But I think he has not […]

Caught during Leeds United’s 2-1 win at Walsall last night. Jermaine Beckford scored the winner in the 86th minute, causing ecstatic scenes in the away end – only one female Leeds fan cocked up her rush to the front. That’s a FAIL, lass.

I don’t know how much crack Steven Bernasconi has been inhaling, but it’s clearly the good stuff. This is the sort of Shit Lookalike Pies wants – madder than Stephen Ireland. Can you do better than Steven? Email Pies with your suggestion(s).

“Pick me, pick me!” This is where you get to pick United’s best starting line-up for this season. First up, I’ll reveal my selection (based on United’s squad at time of writing). I planned to post this before the season started, obviously, but server gremlins meant I couldn’t. Anyway, better late etc etc. So this […]

Bow down and tremble at these mad Photoshop skills. Ahem So apparently Evra is an iPod Nazi. (That’s OK, Patrice – so am I.) According to our chums at The Spoiler, the feisty Frenchman has appointed himself Man Utd’s official DJ-in-residence: “I enjoy the role very much. Before the match I sit down in my […]

Arsenal won’t score a pair of luckier goals this season, but they deserved their luck. The Premier League side outclassed Celtic – Tony Mowbray’s team didn’t play that badly but ran out of steam – and will surely now finish the job at the Grove and progress through to the CL’s group stage. Celtic, and their […]

Fernando Torres’ job is to score goals. Simple, especially for a striker as talented as he is. Except Torres seems to have taken his eye off the ball (or, as Jamie Redknapp would say, “He’s literally taken his eye off the ball there, Richard”). Torres cut a distracted figure at White Hart Lane on Sunday, […]

Sheesh, how frustrating football is. You beat Aston Villa away then go and lose to Wolves at home. Or, you lose at home to West Ham then go to an in-form Wigan and come away with three points. Funny. Old. Game. Anyway, terrific win for Wolves, reality check for Wigan and Roberto Martinez. Andy Keogh’s […]

Chelsea have six points out of six and yet they have stuttered in beating Hull and Sunderland – God help their rivals if they start playing to their potential. Darren Bent put Sunderland ahead last night to fuel hopes of a minor shock, but Chelsea got their act together in the second half. The visitors’ fightback […]

Not sure why Chelsea’s bus didn’t make it all the way into the Stadium of Light. Perhaps their driver is Deco’s dad and the little Portuguese playmaker was embarrassed: “Drop me off here Dad, I’ll walk the rest of the way. Pick me up later, same place at 10…” Always good to see professional footballers […]