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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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World’s best player flops at Free Kick Masters ESPN reported that both Lionel Messi and Ronaldinho demanded first-round byes in the Free Kick Masters, a gimmicky event held in Houston on Saturday. The free pass didn’t help either South American though – both men scored zero points in the format, which saw each player take […]

New Chelsea boss bamboozled by Lamps saga Big Phil: “Frank wants to stay. Very good, yes.” Lamps: “That’s news to me: unless Chelsea give me a five-year contract, I’m off to Inter.”

Former FIFA president Joao Havelange claims that England’s greatest footballing moment was suspicious In a recent interview with Brazilian newspaper Folha de Sao Paulo Havelange (a Brazilian) claimed that referees assigned to Brazil’s games in the 1966 World Cup finals tried to harm Brazil and to favour hosts England and West Germany. “Brail had virtually […]

Another day, another batch of rumours 1. Darren Fletcher & Diego Milito to Everton Man Utd’s Scottish international and Real Zaragoza’s Argentine striker are high on David Moyes’ wanted list. Andy Johnson could be sold to fund the double deal. [Liverpool Daily Post] Pies verdict I doubt Fergie will sell Fletcher, but there’s a good […]

Featuring Nazis and bad language (apart from that, it’s safe for work) Favourite reference? QPR and their “sellotape hoops”. Maybe I’m easily pleased, but I can never see too many dubbed Downfall/football clips.

The name’s Frank… Fat Frank If you squint, and close one eye, then Lamps could just about double for buff 007. I know F-Wank is not fat, not at all, but compared with the ultra-trim Craig, he looks like he could lose an inch or two around the waist. Thanks to Pies reader Jack for […]

Fail of the week! As revealed in today’s soaraway Sun, Crystal Palace winger Ashley-Paul Robinson, 19, accidentally posted two messages on Facebook revealing he was having a trial with London rivals Fulham. But rather than restrict the news to his 198 friends, he mistakenly revealed it to… everyone on Facebook. That’ll be almost 3 million […]

Inter open negotiations with Chelsea Internazionale have reportedly sent a fax (old school!) to Chelsea to kick-start their bid to sign F-wank Lampard. Here’s the thing: I find off-season transfer rumours just about the most tedious aspect of modern football. Today Lampard is going to Inter, tomorrow a source will reveal that he wants to […]

King Eric to reclaim Old Trafford throne? With Carlos Queiroz lined up to replace Big Phil Scolari as coach of the Portuguese national team, Fergie will need a No.2. According to the ever-reliable Sunday Express, a friend of Cantona’s says that a coaching job at United could tempt the Frenchman out of self-exile: “Eric does […]

The things players get up to in their down time… (click on image below to view gallery)

The best thing Madonna’s bloke has ever done? This full version of Nike’s “Take it to the next level” campaign, which is centered around the rise of a mysterious young Arsenal star, features WAGs, flash cars, random vomiting and some of the best on-pitch camerawork you’ve ever seen. In other words, it’s the best thing […]

A picture gallery of Barca’s new Brazilian being unveiled at the Camp Nou… (click on image to view the whole gallery)

Unofficial pic of Villa’s home shirt for 08/09 This is the new Aston Villa home kit, with new sponsor Acorns – or rather, Villa have given up a lucrative sponsorship deal to support the West Midlands-based children’s charity. An admirable gesture. Do you like kit? One more pic below, and the chance to have your […]

It’s that time again… 1. Career path West Bromwich Albion, Aston Villa, Middlesbrough, Rangers, Sheffield Utd (current) 2. Multiple choice Which English club has the most outright Community (formerly Charity) Shield wins? a) Man Utd, b) Liverpool, c) Arsenal, d) Everton 3. Picture round Who dis? 4. Get shirty Viglen, The Woolwich, Llanera and Redbus […]

Get your kit off This amusing video, shot in the centre of Amsterdam, celebrates the launch of Ajax’s new adidas kit. (We know who we’d like to swap with.)

Who’s top of European clubs’ shopping lists? Here’s who… (click on the image below to view the gallery)

The greatest Ottoman ex-pats

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1. Colin Kazim Richards
CKR – the Coca Cola Kid – not only made himself at home in Turkey, he bagged a Champions League goal for Fenerbahce against Chelsea and broke into the Turkish national team.

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Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the Premier League the Horror Hair talents of Marvin Emnes. Middlesbrough’s new signing’s receding afro hairline is begging for a keep-it-simple grade one all over. But no, this 20-year-old isn’t going to bald himself before his time. He’s gone for the backcomb, displaying his copious forehead in all its splendour. Fair play to you, lad.

Who’s on their way out of Stamford Bridge? 1. Shaun Wright Phillips SWP can’t hold down a first-team place at Chelsea, and that won’t change under Scolari, I predict – Wright-Phillips doesn’t feel like a Big Phil type of player. The Brazilian likes intelligent players with exemplary ball control; SWP doesn’t fit the bill. Where […]

Barca star snapped wandering around NYC, looking for new club It’s not a fashion crime as such, simply because Henry manages to look good in just about anything (bastard) – that includes an ironic t-shirt, accessorised with old-school high-top sneakers. Pies verdict Thierry gets away with it; John Terry, for example, wouldn’t. [Via The Spoiler]

Spanish stopper has big future as after-dinner speaker At Spain’s Euro 2008 celebration parade in Madrid, Pepe grabbed the mic and didn’t let it go. He told several jokes – we’re sure they were funny, if you understand Spanish – and then introduced every single member of Spain’s winning squad, as well as coach Luis […]

Gooners look to the past for new Nike away strip An official photograph of Arsenal’s new away kit has been leaked on the worldwide web. The shirt is yellow with navy sleeves and red piping, which is reminiscent of Arsenal’s famous away shirt from the late 1980s. We leaked an unofficial pic of this kit […]

Lardy Brazilian ex-genius still has some skills Fat-Ron, unwanted by Barcelona, showed he still has some magic left in his feet in a comeback friendly, against a Lionel Messi representative game. In his 56 minutes on the pitch, Ron scored twice, made two assists, and generally belied his chunky frame with a nimble performance. Black […]

Sparky makes his first signing Mark Hughes hasn’t wasted much time in strengthening Man City’s sketchy forward roster. Today he unveiled Jo, signed from CSKA Moscow for a “club record” undisclosed fee. In his Moscow days, Jo looked like a windswept crackhead, but he’s since had a haircut, which sucks, because there aren’t enough crackhead […]

Acquaint yourself with Spiderman

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Name Jonas Gutierrez
Age 24 (25 on Saturday)
Nationality Argentinian
Club history Vélez Sársfield, Real Mallorca, Newcastle United (current)

Position
Winger