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Who ate all the pies

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This must be a Uefa ploy to get more American fans to watch the Champions League. Look, they have started incorporating American sports into the ‘soccer’. Avram Grant brought a bit of basketball to last night’s proceedings, and Steven Gerrard responded with a little bit of American football.

Last night’s game was a pulsating affair. If you were lucky enough to watch it, who gets your vote for man of the match? Most of the candidates wore blue, although I have put a couple of Liverpool players on the list, to prevent any accusations of bias. Vote below: Your man of the match? […]

Chelsea’s new home kits for next season (blue for outfield players, naturally, and Dutch orange for the goalies) have been leaked on the thing they call the interweb. So what do you think? The blue shirt, complete with old-school white collar, reminds me of Chelsea’s Autoglass Umbro kit, and the ‘keeper’s shirt is reminiscent of […]

CHELSEA Petr Cech Solid until Ryan Babel’s late late goal, which he really should have saved. 6 Michael Essien Started at right-back, but got involved in all areas of the pitch. An immense performance. 8 John Terry Not always convincing, but didn’t do too much wrong. 7 Ricardo Carvalho Like Terry, Liverpool’s attack gave him […]

The Drog showed off his masterful range of “look at me!” gestures during last night’s CL semi. A man-of-the-match performance: “What’s that? You’ll have to speak up, I can’t hear you because I’m so much richer than you and my ears are stuffed with £50 notes…” More poses after the break…

Highlights of last night’s barnstorming semi, the best European game ever contested between these two teams, which usually cancel each other out: Great game, and you have to say the right team won. And I bet Sir Alex Ferguson was loving the fact that Chelsea were forced to play extra time.

Maybe it’s not forgotten, cause it didn’t happen that long ago, but it’s certainly wonderful, and I’m sure quite a few of you won’t have seen it. As a Plymouth Argyle fan, watching this hurts (Argyle sold him to Wolves)… Great bit of skill and a potent finish.

David Beckham has filmed a guest appearance for cult U.S. kids’ show Sesame Street. Becks hooked up with Elmo to introduce a new word to the programme’s young (and stoned) viewers. The LA Galaxy star chose the word ‘persistence’ and went on to explain why it was so important to him. Er, I bet he’d […]

The cheeky young scamp. You should respect your elders. Don’t you know he’s got an MBE? Shame on you. This young Chelsea fan pretends he wants to shake hands with the Liverpool skipper, but has no intention of going through with it…

Simple question, to those of you who watched last night’s Champions League semi. Who was your man of the match? There were several fine performances, mostly from men in red shirts, but I’ve narrowed it down to a shortlist of eight players. If I’ve missed someone off the list, leave an angry comment. Vote below: […]

Watch the best moments from last night’s enthralling Champions League semi final second leg, including, of course, Paul Scholes’ wonder goal.

MAN UTD Edwin van der Sar Safe hands overall, despite one spill and a couple of sliced kicks. Took a couple of knocks for his trouble, from team-mate Wes Brown. In truth, Barcelona, never really tested him. 7 Owen Hargreaves Robot-like stamina saw him patrol the right-hand line with admirable discipline. Unsure of his positioning […]


1 What a time for Paul Scholes to score his second goal of the season. And what a goal!

This must be one of the worst looks we’ve seen Beckham rock, ever. He has more hair on his face than on his head, lending him a macho, “big gay bear” look that is a million miles away from his usual metrosexual image. At least things are looking up for the LA Galaxy, who thrashed […]

Crazed commentator Ray Hudson got overexcited even by his standards when Real Madrid goalkeeper Iker Casillas (his favourite man in the whole wide world) saves a penalty from Athletic Bilbao’s Joseba Garmendia. Given that Garmendia looks like he is about to have a nervous breakdown before taking the kick he was never likely to score really.

Guy Ritchie makes shit films (well, apart from “Lock Stock”) but this time he has surprised us all by directing a pretty good ad: Some wonderful camerawork in there, although I’m not sure how much digital trickery has been employed. Via The Spoiler

A lookalikes/horror hair 2-for-1 mega deal, starring Cristiano Ronaldo and a crime-fighting robot Manga boy. As suggested by Pies reader Stacy S – thanks Stacy, a fine example of the genre. More shit lookalikes

West Bromwich Albion’s Jonathan Greening is mobbed by fans after the club (effectively) secured promotion to the Premier League following their 1-1 draw against Southampton. West Brom’s superior goal difference would require Hull City to win their last game by more than 10 goals. Congrats to Tony Mowbray and his excellent team: they’ve been the […]

1. Marcos Senna, Villareal vs Real Betis Great vision and even greater execution from the Villareal midfielder.

This clip from French TV shows at least part of the already infamous Battle of the Bridge in which Manchester United players got into a scuffle with Chelsea ground staff after Saturday’s match. It is difficult to see what started the incident (especially as it was allegedly something said by one of the groundstaff). Patrice Evra seems to charge at a groundsman who swings for the left-back, knocking a steward over in the process. Why not sit in a darkened room behind Venetian blinds and make your own judgement on the video for that authentic FA experience?

Arsenal striker Emmanuel Adebayor (right) celebrates with team-mate Emmanuel Eboue after scoring the eighth goal of the game, thereby completing his hat-trick. The win ensures that Arsenal will finish the season in at least third place – they could still win the league, if Chelsea and Man Utd can get no more than one point […]

ronaldo tranny.jpg

Remember the other Ronaldo (the one who was the Ronaldo but got fat and injured and eclipsed by Cristiano)? He has been up to his partying tricks again, but this time his antics backfired. The AC Milan striker picked up a couple of hookers in Rio de Janeiro on Sunday night. But Ronnie’s fun and games came to an abrupt end when he realised that he had quite literally got more than he had bargained for.

Pies looks at some of the sponsors who made it almost impossible to play for the shirt.
1 AC Milan – Pooh Jeans
Milano’s kit was giving off the sweet smell of success in 1981. Manfully modelled by Joe Jordan here.

ac milan pooh.jpg

Out here in the fields, Michael Brown fights for his meals. He gets his back into his living. Or something like that. Cheers to Chringle for this one. The boy’s back on form. More shit lookalikes

Stop the press! C-Ron has won the PFA Player of the Year, for the second year in a row – no surprise there. Ronaldo was not present in person to collect the trophy ahead of tomorrow’s crucial Champions League semi-final against Barcelona at Old Trafford. But he was shown on a video screen accepting his […]