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Who ate all the pies

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75372908-thumb.jpgMonths and months of relentless hype come to an end on Friday 13th of all dates, as David Beckham will be officially unveiled as a Los Angeles Galaxy player today, at 6pm. He will be paraded, like some very expensive pony, before a select audience of season-ticket holders and special guests. About time too, because let’s face it, hype means nothing in football.

Chivu.jpgRoma defender Cristian Chivu was put up for grabs on eBay after a fan got fed up of his on-off move to virtually any Champions League side who would give him the time of day. The Romanian is looking to move amid rumours that the Italian club could not offer the money he wanted in order to stay at Stadio Olimpico. Barcelona, Real Madrid and Inter Milan were all said to be interested, but the news that Barca were having second thoughts led one Roma fan to take matter into his own hands.

This clip from last week’s U20 tie between Brazil and the USA shows Brazilian youngster Luiz Adriano throwing himself into the back of the net at full speed (for some reason best known to himself). His side are losing with three minutes to play, but it is nothing smashing your face into the net won’t solve!

Spare a thought for Uzbekistan coach Rustam Akramov. His nation are not exactly one of football’s major powers, but nonetheless they are currently battling it out for the Asian Cup. The question is: who do you play in goal when all your keepers look like crazed serial killers?

Pies loves a good goalkeeping blunder – and this is a great one. Vietnam’s Phan Thanh Binh unleashes his shot from 25 yards. Qatar goalkeeper Mohamed Saqr lets the ball squirm under his body Massimo Taibi. He can only spin round like a dog chasing its tail and watch the ball roll over the line.

Babel%2C%20Ryan.jpgThat’s Ajax’s Ryan, not the mediocre Brad Pitt movie of the same name. Rafa ‘we’re working with wingers’ Benitez has reportedly got his man after an £11.5 million deal was agreed. The 20-year-old will finalise his move over the coming days.

1 Robbie Fowler to Everton
It would certainly interesting to see the childhood Evertonian lining up in a Merseyside derby against the club where he is known as God. Fowler is available on a free transfer, but a drop down to the Championship or a move to Australia or the States seem more likely than a move to Goodison Park.

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David Beckham and New Orleans Saints star Reggie Bush swap uniforms. [Photo: Adidas/Getty Images]
More Beckham pictures after the jump…

beckhams.jpgFor those of you following David Beckham’s Big Hollywood Adventure, here’s how his diary shapes up for July (this is just the football, God knows what sponsors’ obligations he’ll have to fulfill):
Thurs 12 July: Becks flies from Heathrow to Los Angeles.

Nothing like showing off to your new team-mates with a rebona goal, although you just know that some of them are thinking ‘flash bastard’ as he walks back…

[Via 101greatgoals]

soccerpee.jpgNow you can piss and score a ‘goal’ at the same time, thanks to this ‘football urinal sieve’. The ball even changes colour if you hit the target. Nice touch. According to the website that markets this wonderful invention, Klokicker (for that is it’s name) ‘will make men’s hearts leap and make the women’s league give a loud groan’. Whatever that means.

A football blog dedicated to just one position? It’s crazy but it might just work. To be honest, goalkeeper is the only position that works for a blog like this – keepers are generally madder than a box full of frogs and therefore seem to get up to more crazy shit than players in any other position.

Uruguay would win a Bad Losers World Cup every time. Their senior team scuffled with Brazilian players after the Copa America semi-final defeat on penalties, and their U-20 players started a scuffle with the youngsters from the USA, after their loss (2-1 in extra time) in the U-20 World Cup this week. Don’t fuck with the Uruguay.

fasoiyhfaosihfishf.pngSeveral minutes’ worth of fun to be had from this Arsene Wenger soundboard. I can’t understand why there’s no ‘I didn’t see the incident you speak of…’ but apart from that, it’s pure Wenger, with a fine range of ‘errs’ and other choice gems, such as ‘It is not a long hard thing’ and ‘Don’t force it anymore’.

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New signing David Nugent poses with a Portsmouth shirt after a press conference at Fratton Park on July 11, 2007. [Photo: Clive Rose/Getty Images]

A Brazil v Argentina Copa America final – didn’t see that one coming! This game was a masterclass from the side that deserved to win last summer’s World Cup. Soon-to-be-ex-Manchester United defender Gabriel Heinze gave Argentina the lead with his kung-fu volley. Lionel Messi then scored a goal so cute that you will want to marry it and have its babies. He lifted the ball over Oswaldo Sanchez. Juan Roman Riquelme completed the scoring with a cheeky chipped penalty.

Getafe may have just lost manager Bernd Schuster to Real Madrid, but apparently another guy with flowing locks and facial hair is still on their side. The mid-table La Liga outfit is causing a bit of a stir with its new advertising campaign, which features Jesus Christ on the cross, Moses in the wilderness and Adam in the Garden of Eden all rejecting God and claiming they would only sacrifice themselves for Getafe.

Sagna%20hair.JPGNew Arsenal signing Bakary Sagna will certainly light up the Premiership with his peroxide barnet, even if we do have to wait until the Eboue is away at the African Nations Cup to get a proper look at him. Looking like the lovechild of Taribo West and a Backstreet Boy, Sagna is the latest in a series of black footballers who seem to believe that Premiership managers prefer blonds. Someone ought to tell him he needs his roots doing though!

Shiny Media, the lovely people who publish Who Ate All the Pies, as well as many other excellent blogs, is looking for several football-loving types (that’s you) who think they have what it takes to write (for cold, hard cash, no less) about the beautiful game. Think of it as a Pies Idol, but without that muppet Simon Cowell.

russia_cold.jpgEngland’s crucial Euro ’08 qualifier against Russia on 17 October looks set to be played on an artificial pitch, at the Luzhniki Olympic stadium in Moscow. I guess the Russian FA is worried about a frozen pitch, and with good reason – Moscow in October can be colder than a witch’s tit.

Say what you like about the Yanks, they know how to do hype better than anyone in the world. Here’s a new TV ad promoting Beckham’s first match for the Galaxy, which, if you didn’t already know from reading the previous Pies’ post, is scheduled to be against Chelsea on July 21.

75270812.jpgWelcome to David Beckham overkill! American sports network ESPN has announced plans to offer ‘blanket coverage’ of Becks’ US debut, ie. LA Galaxy’s friendly against Chelsea on July 21.

0%2C%2C2007311935%2C00.jpgBakari who? you may well ask. Bakari Sagna, that’s who. He’s a 24-year-old right-back, signed by Arsene Wenger from Auxerre, for a reported £6-7m. Sagna’s arrival, on a five-year contract, may herald a move into midfield for the ever-likeable Emmanuel Eboue, particularly as Freddie Ljungberg looks set to leave the Gunners for Fiorentina.

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We recently reported that Premiership legend and Scouse deity, Robbie Fowler, was having trouble finding a new club to ply his goal-poaching trade. Well, it seems all is not completely lost, as lowly League One club, Port Vale have made a cheeky attempt to sign his services.

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That Harry Redknapp, he’s a canny operator and no mistake. Who’d have thought that David Nugent, a much-coveted England U-21 international, would have ended up at Fratton Park? Not Pies, that’s for sure.