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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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1 Marseille’s European home kit (see photo, above) is horrific. On the positive side, Djibril Cisse, who scored in the French side’s win over Besiktas, is looking good… until he next snaps one of his rubber legs, that is. Photo Getty Images

Is that the sound of wheels coming off at Stamford Bridge? Not exactly, but I really expected Chelsea to win this game with relative ease. Ironically, but somehow predictably, it was misfit Andriy Shevchenko who saved face, with an equaliser early in the second half. If we learned one thing from last night’s game, it’s that Chelsea are half the team without Dider Drogba and Frank Lampard.

Not a vintage Liverpool display by any means, but a point away at Porto is a perfectly decent start to their CL campaign. After going behind early when Jose Reina gave away a penalty, Rafa’s boys did well to come back, via a Dirk Kuyt header from close range. For the hosts, Ricardo Quaresma looked […]

Chelsea vs Rosenborg, Tues 18 Sept (ko 7.45pm BST) With no Didier Drogba and Frank Lampard in the team, you have to wonder where the goals will come from for Chelski. Andriy Shevchenko has scored 46 times in the Champions League, but only three of those goals have been in a blue Chelsea shirt. Jose […]

Porto vs Liverpool, Tues 18 Sept (ko 7.45pm BST) Rafa Benitez, the Incredible Rotating Manager, rested star men Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres for Liverpool’s league clash with Portsmouth at the weekend, with this tricky fixture in mind – it’s probably Liverpool’s toughest group match in the Champions League. I expect Benitez will replace ‘B’ […]

When we told you that Didier Drogba was to sing a song on the big stage, it got you Pies readers thinking. Pies regular, Chringle thought that he might ‘Live and Let Dive’, ‘Fall At Your Feet’, ‘Going Down In A Blaze Of Glory’ or ‘Get Up, Stand Up’ (much funnier than anything we could […]

Every Tuesday during this season, Pies will feature its Player Power Rankings, a top 10 list of the hottest footballers in the Premier League, based on form, influence and, you know, how much we like ‘em. So without further ado, here goes with the inaugural Player Power Rankings:
cesc-fabregas.jpg1 Cesc Fabregas (Arsenal)
Fabregas is the main reason why Arsenal currently sit on top of the Premier League, and few would dispute that he has been the player of the season so far. He’s added goals and increased stamina to his frighteningly mature repertoire of incisive passing and tactical awareness. If he continues to improve at this rate, he’ll be the best midfielder in the world in no time at all. Some Gooners would argue that he’s there already – they wouldn’t now swap him for Thierry Henry + £20m. And I say this as a Spurs fan. Nice one Cesc – you are top of our first-ever Player Rankings.

Cracking own goal by the Argies to get England going, followed up by some decidedly dodgy keeping. Well done ladeez, you be representing England up in the place.

Thanks to Stacy S for sending in this top quality Shit Lookalike. One’s a bald-headed goon who is part of a dysfunctional family… and the other – you’ve guessed it – is Uncle Fester (groan).

jolbook.pngThis 24-page children’s book has to be the ideal gift for any self-respecting Tottenham fan: ‘Become the star of this fantastic story, play for Spurs and score the winning goal in the cup final.’

Pies presents a Snapshot special to celebrate England’s 6-1 thrashing of Argentina in the Women’s World Cup. Our plucky girls have yet to taste defeat in the tournament – today’s win against Argentina followed draws with Japan and favourites Germany – but they face a very tough quarter-final showdown against the winners of Group B, […]

Here’s the first of our daily round-ups of some of the best posts on our excellent array of club sites dedicated to the big five (don’t laugh, but the big five does include Spurs), as well as Kickster, our new blog devoted to women’s football: Gunners rolling in cash (not unlike Demi Moore in Indecent […]

Spirit of the Blitz stuff from the Hot Spur. There are more Zoe vids on the Spurs Pies blog.

Ah. South America. You gave the world excitable commentators, footballing flair… and huge brawls on the pitch. The one-all draw between Venezuela and Panama (which, ironically was a friendly) descended into a classic South American brawl which was started when the Panama goalkeeper started knocking seven bells out of a Venezuelan player after he conceded a penalty. If you’re interested in the game itself, click here. It looks like it could have been nine-all!

75925338.jpgIt’s all fun at White Hart Lane at the moment isn’t it? At the start of the season, dreams of the top 4 were at the fore… now? It’s all gone a bit awry. Now, a spat between Martin Jol and Jermaine Defoe seems to have reached boiling point. Apparently, Jol has told Jermain Defoe to sign a new contract, or rot in the reserves.

76771455.jpgPoor old Martin Jol. A defeat to Arsenal sees his job (allegedly) dangling by a spindly thread. A poor start to the season and a battered Spurs cheque book has seen the big Dutchman coming under severe scrutiny from certain quarters. Even though there is no better option for Tottenham at the moment and Jol clearly doesn’t deserve the boot, it looks like his days could be numbered… and I love it

76673786.jpgOur American buddies at The Offside filled me in on the Free Kick Masters, a special tournament featuring some of the world’s best ‘free-kickers’ competing against some of the world’s best goalkeepers in a free-kick shootout. The event takes place on 22nd December at the Reliant Stadium in Houston, Texas. It’s a bit like the NBA’s dunk contest, I guess. The line-up of talent includes Ronaldinho (pictured), Alessandro Del Piero, Luis Figo, Lionel Messi, Jay Jay Okocha and David Villa. However, David Beckham is nowhere to be seen.

Against Blackburn at the weekend, Chelsea forward Salomon Kalou had a perfectly fair goal disallowed by a linesman (Peter Kirkup) who didn’t seem to realise you can’t be offside if you are behind the ball.

This has to be one of my favourite Shit Lookalikes for a while, so many thanks to Dave Harris (who edits his own fine Fulham blog, The Hammy End Chronicle) for sending it in. For younger readers, DeBarge is an RnB singer who was big in the 80s. If DeBarge played football, he’d also be a shoo-in for his own Horror Hair entry.

Props to Pies reader Piotr for sending this our way. This vid is apparently taken from a Polish league match between Górnik Zabrze and Cracovia Kraków. Marcin Cabaj, the goalkeeper for Cracovia makes himself look, in the words of Piotr, ‘like some random crack junkie put between the posts’. Quite…

A magical piece of improvisation by Zampagna to snatch a point for 10-man Atalanta – the Fiorentina keeper was caught totally off guard.
Via 101GreatGoals

Thanks to Pies reader Natasha Stephan for emailing in this shit lookalike. Like Rooney, Barrett is a young (22), pugnacious striker. Okay, Rooney has a slightly higher profile, but Chad is no schmuck and has already played for the US at junior level.

1 Cesc Fabregas (pictured after scoring against Spurs at the weekend) is so good it scares me. Two assists and one goal in the North London derby, and, as Arseblog points out, it wasn’t even his best performance of the season. Is there a more valuable player in the Premier League right now? (Answer: no, there isn’t)
2 I’m no West Ham fan, but it was great to see Dean Ashton score his first goal since the 2006 FA Cup final. Of course, the fact he’s in my fantasy football team has nothing to do with it!
3 More good news for Man City fans – this Michael Johnson fellow looks a bit tasty (click here to see his goal against Villa). And he’s still only 19. Suddenly the future of English football looks bright.

Kickster is Shiny Media’s new blog dedicated to women’s football. With the women’s World Cup in full swing (and England set to play Argentina in a crunch group match later today, at 1pm), Kickster brings you all the latest news, plus match reports and gossip. After the World Cup has finished, it’ll be back to […]

Tottenham v Arsenal 3-1 , Lawro 1-1, Pies 1-1 Birmingham v Bolton 1-0, Lawro 1-1, Pies 2-1 Chelsea v Blackburn 0-0, Lawro 2-0, Pies 2-1 Everton v Man Utd 0-1, Lawro 1-2, Pies 1-2 Portsmouth v Liverpool 0-0 Lawro 1-1, Pies 0-2 Sunderland v Reading 2-1, Lawro 2-0, Pies 1-1 West Ham v Middlesbrough 3-0, […]