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Who ate all the pies

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Koumas.jpgMayfair.jpgThe UK property market has been overinflated for some time now. The football transfer market seemed to have calmed down a bit. Until now that is. Wigan have spent £5.3 million on the living football legend that is Jason Koumas. For that money you could buy a luxury four-bedroom penthouse apartment in Mayfair and still have enough change for a decent motor. Why would you spend that much on Jason Koumas?!! So Pies is asking, would you rather spend your money on Koumas or the flat?

Taibi.jpgLast week we took a look back at the greatest ever foreign players to grace the Premiership, but you can be sure that for every Bergkamp there’s a Boogers who’s just as remembered…but for all the wrong reasons.

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Yes, it’s not some elaborate wind-up, David Beckham really is going to Los Angeles to play for one of MLS’s weakest teams. Yay! And here’s a pic of him in the Galaxy’s new home kit, which looks not unlike the kit he wore for several seasons in Madrid. Not too late to back out though Dave…

The sting’s in the tail… ‘No dialogue, yet…’ Awooga!

I know Man Utd fans don’t always come from Manchester, but this is ridiculous. Vinnie Jones makes the least convincing Manc of all time. Taken from the movie Eurotrip, which, if this clip is anything to go by, is a steaming pile of dog shit.

An interesting little video tribute to some lost British football grounds…

bowyer_lee_whfc_profile_2006.jpgCraig Bellamy, Lee Bowyer, Lucas Neill, Anton Ferdinand, Nigel Quashie, Carlton Cole, Roy Carroll, Scott Parker (just for his squeaky voice)… surely West Ham now have the most irritating set of players in the history of the Premiership? Just as well they got rid of Nigel Reo-Coker, or the Premier League may well have judged them too damn annoying to remain in the top flight.

And about time too… so Chelsea have finally completed the signing of Florent Malouda from Lyon, on a four-year contract. The 27-year-old French international has moved to Stamford Bridge for an undisclosed fee. Malouda will join Chelsea in the US for their pre-season tour, which includes a match against LA Galaxy.

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Apologies for the terrible extended headline, but, hey, we kinda liked it. Here’s a pic of Craig Bellamy, signed this week by West Ham, with Lee Bowyer, during a training session with the Hammers. Bellamy and Bowyer, what a charming combination!
[Photo: Paul Gilham/Getty Images]

Following yesterday’s news that Jamie Carragher was considering his international future, the Liverpool defender rang up radio station TalkSport to respond to criticism about him. A very unhappy Mr Carragher rang the station to dismiss accusations he was a ‘bottler’.

Watching England’s national team has often made Pies want to throw itself of the top of the stadium, but this Argentina fan does it after victory just to get a sniff of Lionel Messi’s sweaty feet. Messi gives the girl a hug and gets on with it. If Pies was ever going to do something like this it would develop a crush on Frank Lampard – at least he could cushion the fall a bit!

andyColeOutstanding.JPGWord up, Pies posse. This week’s Tuesday 10 celebrates rapping footballers. We really shouldn’t be able to compile a list this lengthy but, alas, we can and we have. Shout out to John Barnes – grandfather of the UK football/hip-hop scene!

If you thought Kevin McCabe and Sean Bean were the men most distraught at Sheffield United’s relegation, think again. It seems the Blades board is made up of even bigger names than that!

[Via 101GreatGoals]

Japan coach Ivica Osim had his interpreter crying like a baby as he delivered a post-match rollicking following a 1-1 draw with Qatar in their Asian Cup opener. Celtic midfielder Shunsuka Nakamura revealed that Osim was not best pleased after his side conceded a late equaliser.

Cristiano Ronaldo was on hand to announce one of the new Seven Wonders of the World at a ceremony in Lisbon at the weekend. The Manchester United winger announced (after staring gormlesly into space for a few seconds) that Chichen Itza pyramid in Mexico had been selected.

Liverpool have apparently made a bid for Dutch U-21 star Ryan Babel. The Ajax forward is rated as the brightest young prospect in Dutch football by none other than Marco van Basten and has already been linked to Arsenal and Newcastle – whadyareckon?

Fulham

Volzy does Wimbledon

July 9th, 2007

gingervolz.jpgPies’ favourite nutcase Moritz Volz, the wackiest player in the Prem, has been taking in the tennis at Wimbledon. As per usual, this was an excellent opportunity for an exciting entry in the Fulham man’s online diary (one day this will be printed and become a bestseller, Pies is sure). And, as per usual, the diary entry was packed with the kind of crazy quotes we have come to expect from the German.

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Real Madrid legend Alfredo di Stefano (left) and gobby president Ramon Calderon (right) welcome new coach Bernd Schuster to the club at the official photo-call at the Bernabeu (Photo by Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images).

a%2520schuster-thumb.jpgFormer German international Bernd Schuster is the latest man to be handed the poisoned chalice that is the Real Madrid coach’s job. The 48-year-old has left mid-table Getafe to take over at the Bernabeu, where winning the league gets you the sack.

There has been talk of Rafa Benitez’s striker selection headache since the arrival of Fernando Torres at Liverpool, but he could soon have another option in the unlikely shape of Javier Mascherano. The Argentine midfielder – who is usually required to take his passport with him for ventures into the opposition half – is on two goals in two games for his country. He was on target as Argentina eased past Peru to face Mexico in the Copa America semi-finals. Juan Roman Riquelme (twice) and Lionel Messi also found the net.

Mexico were always favourites to win this game, so when Paraguay goalkeeper Aldo Bobadilla picked up a red card in the 2nd minute it was pretty much game over. Monobrowed baby/lethal in-form striker Nery Castillo tucked away the subsequent spot-kick, and added his second the other side of a Gerardo Torrado goal. Fernando Arce then scored the pick of the goal from 25 yards, before a Blanco penalty and Omar Bravo tap-in completed the rout.

whu_1164106448_chairman1.jpgIt’ could be a tale of two chairmen if Carlos Tevez completes a move to Man Yoo later today – apparently he’s completing a medical in Venezuela in a deal that could eventually be worth more than £30m.

Hmm, if you thought Peter Crouch has ‘good feet for a big man’, you want to check out some of the mad skills Zlatan has in his locker. He’s a bit of a big-headed show-off, but I love watching him.

With photos like this knocking around, is it any wonder that Marco Materazzi finds himself being forced to take people to court for libel?! This is crying out for a caption that Marco’s lawyer could really get his teeth into… Pies signing off before we end up with a date in the High Court ourselves!
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So fiendish you’ll eat your own hands in frustration…
1 Shakhtar Donetsk, Dynamo Kyiv, Tottenham, West Ham, Dynamo Kyiv (current club). Whose career?
2 Which Turkish club are nicknamed ‘The Yellow Canaries’?
3 Who’s this new Premiership recruit?
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