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Who ate all the pies

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beckhams.jpgFor those of you following David Beckham’s Big Hollywood Adventure, here’s how his diary shapes up for July (this is just the football, God knows what sponsors’ obligations he’ll have to fulfill):
Thurs 12 July: Becks flies from Heathrow to Los Angeles.

Nothing like showing off to your new team-mates with a rebona goal, although you just know that some of them are thinking ‘flash bastard’ as he walks back…

[Via 101greatgoals]

soccerpee.jpgNow you can piss and score a ‘goal’ at the same time, thanks to this ‘football urinal sieve’. The ball even changes colour if you hit the target. Nice touch. According to the website that markets this wonderful invention, Klokicker (for that is it’s name) ‘will make men’s hearts leap and make the women’s league give a loud groan’. Whatever that means.

A football blog dedicated to just one position? It’s crazy but it might just work. To be honest, goalkeeper is the only position that works for a blog like this – keepers are generally madder than a box full of frogs and therefore seem to get up to more crazy shit than players in any other position.

Uruguay would win a Bad Losers World Cup every time. Their senior team scuffled with Brazilian players after the Copa America semi-final defeat on penalties, and their U-20 players started a scuffle with the youngsters from the USA, after their loss (2-1 in extra time) in the U-20 World Cup this week. Don’t fuck with the Uruguay.

fasoiyhfaosihfishf.pngSeveral minutes’ worth of fun to be had from this Arsene Wenger soundboard. I can’t understand why there’s no ‘I didn’t see the incident you speak of…’ but apart from that, it’s pure Wenger, with a fine range of ‘errs’ and other choice gems, such as ‘It is not a long hard thing’ and ‘Don’t force it anymore’.

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New signing David Nugent poses with a Portsmouth shirt after a press conference at Fratton Park on July 11, 2007. [Photo: Clive Rose/Getty Images]

A Brazil v Argentina Copa America final – didn’t see that one coming! This game was a masterclass from the side that deserved to win last summer’s World Cup. Soon-to-be-ex-Manchester United defender Gabriel Heinze gave Argentina the lead with his kung-fu volley. Lionel Messi then scored a goal so cute that you will want to marry it and have its babies. He lifted the ball over Oswaldo Sanchez. Juan Roman Riquelme completed the scoring with a cheeky chipped penalty.

Getafe may have just lost manager Bernd Schuster to Real Madrid, but apparently another guy with flowing locks and facial hair is still on their side. The mid-table La Liga outfit is causing a bit of a stir with its new advertising campaign, which features Jesus Christ on the cross, Moses in the wilderness and Adam in the Garden of Eden all rejecting God and claiming they would only sacrifice themselves for Getafe.

Sagna%20hair.JPGNew Arsenal signing Bakary Sagna will certainly light up the Premiership with his peroxide barnet, even if we do have to wait until the Eboue is away at the African Nations Cup to get a proper look at him. Looking like the lovechild of Taribo West and a Backstreet Boy, Sagna is the latest in a series of black footballers who seem to believe that Premiership managers prefer blonds. Someone ought to tell him he needs his roots doing though!

Shiny Media, the lovely people who publish Who Ate All the Pies, as well as many other excellent blogs, is looking for several football-loving types (that’s you) who think they have what it takes to write (for cold, hard cash, no less) about the beautiful game. Think of it as a Pies Idol, but without that muppet Simon Cowell.

russia_cold.jpgEngland’s crucial Euro ’08 qualifier against Russia on 17 October looks set to be played on an artificial pitch, at the Luzhniki Olympic stadium in Moscow. I guess the Russian FA is worried about a frozen pitch, and with good reason – Moscow in October can be colder than a witch’s tit.

Say what you like about the Yanks, they know how to do hype better than anyone in the world. Here’s a new TV ad promoting Beckham’s first match for the Galaxy, which, if you didn’t already know from reading the previous Pies’ post, is scheduled to be against Chelsea on July 21.

75270812.jpgWelcome to David Beckham overkill! American sports network ESPN has announced plans to offer ‘blanket coverage’ of Becks’ US debut, ie. LA Galaxy’s friendly against Chelsea on July 21.

0%2C%2C2007311935%2C00.jpgBakari who? you may well ask. Bakari Sagna, that’s who. He’s a 24-year-old right-back, signed by Arsene Wenger from Auxerre, for a reported £6-7m. Sagna’s arrival, on a five-year contract, may herald a move into midfield for the ever-likeable Emmanuel Eboue, particularly as Freddie Ljungberg looks set to leave the Gunners for Fiorentina.

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We recently reported that Premiership legend and Scouse deity, Robbie Fowler, was having trouble finding a new club to ply his goal-poaching trade. Well, it seems all is not completely lost, as lowly League One club, Port Vale have made a cheeky attempt to sign his services.

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That Harry Redknapp, he’s a canny operator and no mistake. Who’d have thought that David Nugent, a much-coveted England U-21 international, would have ended up at Fratton Park? Not Pies, that’s for sure.

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Christoph Metzelder holds up his new shirt beside Real Madrid president Ramon Calderon (right) and club legend Alfredo di Stefano (left) during his presentation by Real Madrid at the Bernabeu on July 11, 2007. The German centre-back was signed by Real on a free after being out of contract with Borussia Dortmund at the end of last season.
[Photo: Denis Doyle/Getty Images]

74138404.jpgBarnet host Arsenal in a pre-season friendly this Saturday at 3pm, in a North London clash of the haves and the have-nots. The match is Arsenal’s first competitive game of the new season, so it will be interesting to see what sort of a team Arsene Wenger chooses to field. I’d imagine he’ll ring the changes and make as many substitutions as possible.

Ferg%20Mourinho.JPGIt’s July 11. We are juggernauting towards the new season like Ronaldo towards a buffet. And Jose Mourinho has decided it is time to get the Mind Games 2007-08 under way. The Special One has not fulfilled his quote quota over the last couple of months, but has sprung back into life with his latest offering.

We showed you the new Nike advert in which Wayne Rooney demonstrates his lack of ability to draw a circle, but makes up for it with a scorching volley. Well quicker than you can say ‘day do doe don’t dee do’, Nike have followed it up with this ad. This time Wazza sees himself paired up with a stereotypical American director with predictable consequences!

Last night’s Copa America semi-final between Uruguay and Brazil was a tense enough affair. So pity the poor BBC journalist who dreamt he had sat through a tense 30-minute period of extra-time too. Copa America 2007 matches go straight to penalties without extra-time, and yet the BBC report claims a ‘tense’ spell of extra-time took place in which neither side could ‘conjure up a breakthrough’. I don’t think either side could be criticised for failing to find the net in someone else’s subconscious!
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Brazil are through to the final of Copa America 2007. But they need penalties to see of Uruguay after a 2-2 draw. Maicon put Brazil in front before Diego Forlan equalised. Julio Baptista put Brazil back in the lead, but Sebastian Abreu pegged them back once again. The game went to a penalty shootout, which Brazil won 5-4.

Koumas.jpgMayfair.jpgThe UK property market has been overinflated for some time now. The football transfer market seemed to have calmed down a bit. Until now that is. Wigan have spent £5.3 million on the living football legend that is Jason Koumas. For that money you could buy a luxury four-bedroom penthouse apartment in Mayfair and still have enough change for a decent motor. Why would you spend that much on Jason Koumas?!! So Pies is asking, would you rather spend your money on Koumas or the flat?

Taibi.jpgLast week we took a look back at the greatest ever foreign players to grace the Premiership, but you can be sure that for every Bergkamp there’s a Boogers who’s just as remembered…but for all the wrong reasons.