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Who ate all the pies

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ian%20holloway%20poppycock.JPGIn his battle to be more crazy than Stephen Ireland, Plymouth boss Ian Holloway has resorted to using words that were eccentric 50 years ago. Ollie managed to slip the word ‘poppycock’ into an interview in which he dismissed speculation linking him with the Leicester City manager’s post.

Isn’t this what football is really about? Forget the Premier League, lycra clad Japanese men wearing binoculars is where it’s at. Watch, laugh and then go and try it for yourself!

Fergie has been busy throwing down a psychological gauntlet to his current crop of players this week by claiming they are the best squad he’s ever had in his time at the club.

For a while it looked like Bayern Munich were going to walk the Bundesliga this season, but they have hit a nasty patch of from. A 3-1 defeat at Stuttgart this week saw Werder Bremen and Hamburg both close the gap on Bayern to just one point. Bremen cemented their intentions with an emphatic 4-0 win over Karlsruhe, while Hamburg’s 1-1 draw at Schalke was enough to keep them within touching distance.

We first noticed something different about Gallas’ bonce last week but couldn’t be sure. It’s not even conclusive in this picture but we think that the Frenchman has gone all punk with a mohican – is he trying to act the trendy dad to Arsenal’s young stars?

It is accidentally turning into Pro Evo day on Pies! Michael Owen and Cristiano Ronaldo obviously haven’t been experiencing any jerkiness with their versions of PES 2008. Here are the game’s cover stars sitting in Ronnie Corbett’s chair to talk football. Check out C-Ron’s rapper-style hand gesture seven seconds in and Owen talking about being broken in gently to PES by the England squad for some mild entertainment!

In a time when loyalty to your employer is unheard of in football, Pies ridicules 11 players who have sabotaged their own careers by staying put.

Two sets of ginger locks blowing in the breeze. Two pairs of ginger eyebrows and puffy eyes beneath them. One is Irish, the other is German. One plays in the red-and-white of Sunderland, the other played surrounded by the red-and-white of strawberries and cream!

I’m not from Catalunya but if I was I would definitely read El Mundo Deportivo, if only for KAP’s cartoons. Last week we featured his tribute to Ronaldinho’s supposed return to form. This week he has been doodling Rangers fans. If you don’t speak the lingo, one fan says: ““They say Barcelona scored two goals…” His mate replies: ““Great! I was so drunk I thought they scored four!” Can’t imagine there will be too many lawsuits from indignant Rangers fans concerned that their good names have been besmirched!

Real Madrid remain top of La Liga after a pulsating 4-3 victory over Real Mallorca. The champions came from being 2-3 down to win the match in exciting fashion. Robinho was at the centre of the display, bagging a brace, but it was Ruud van Nistelrooy who scored the decisive goal.

Seeing Nicolas Anelka all blinged-up to watch Bolton from the sidelines at the weekend (he was still wearing shades when the sun went down) reminded us of another ghetto-fabulous star whose mouth got him in trouble, Tupac (RIP).

Football’s least favourite bad boy, Joey Barton, is back in hot water after attempting to castrate Dickson Etuhu during the North East derby between Sunderland and Newcastle at the weekend.

Dirty Diego took his fancy footwork to the dance floor when he appeared in Italian TV show Dancing with Stars months after having extensive stomach surgery to reduce his ballooning weight.

There’s only one David Betnley – you can be sure of that. Blackburn Rovers’ kit man caused a bit of a chuckle yesterday when he got his ‘n’ and his ‘t’ mixed up in David Bentley’s name. The Rovers winger played with the incorrect spelling on the back of his shirt. The only time I […]

Local rivalries were resumed this weekend with a couple of big game derbies between clubs sharing the same cities – but with very little else in common.
With at least 12 teams in the Premier League that can claim fierce local rivals there will be more big game face offs to come this season – but which one can claim to be the the mother of all derbies?

There were some great goals scored at the weekend – Fernando Torres touch of class from the sub’s bench and Ronaldo’s finish from an exquisite Tevez pass come to mind – but we’re suckers for an overhead kick.

76772182.jpgBolton midfielder Gavin McCann favours the balding badger look these days, so much so that he only just made it into the Horror Hair category and was almost a Shit Lookalike for Pepe Le Pew! He has always had a receding hairline, but it has now receded so far that it is practically in-growing. Against Middlesbrough yesterday, McCann was shamed into covering his hair in a bandage (OK, the clash of heads might have influenced his decision slightly).

Lyon continued their march towards a seventh successive Ligue 1 title with victory over Valenciennes. Goals from Juninho and Sidney Govou gave them a 2-0 win. The champions have found their form after a shaky start and are now undefeated in 10 games. Surprise package Nancy are proving difficult to shake off and remain only four points behind with a game in hand. They kept up the pace with a 1-0 win over Bordeaux.

With so many greats wearing the shirt, the question of who it fits best is a difficult one but we’re sure you’ve got an opinion – click through to vote from our top ten players to don the shirt

Pies hero Ian Holloway has expressed concern that Manchester City midfielder Stephen Ireland could replace him as football’s number one nutcase. Ollie’s bizarre rants have endeared him to thousands of fans and led to him being adopted as Pies’ favourite manager. But he is worried that his outbursts just aren’t crazy enough to keep up with the new generation of footballers emerging with a screw loose.

Reportedly wantaway Tottenham striker Dimitar Berbatov can barely contain his indifference as he finds the net for Spurs in their 0-2 Uefa Cup win against Hapoel Tel Aviv.
Photo Getty

A Benfica YouTuber has begun clutching at straws like Celtic midfielder Scott Brown was clutching at his leg after the horrendous tackle by Augustin Binya the other evening. In defence of Binya, this compilation of “hard tackles” by Celtic players has been put together.

Peter%20Crouch%20book.jpgPeter Crouch is the latest footballer to bring out a book. Crouchinho has brought out Walking Tall (oh, I see what he did there!) just in time to cash-in on the Christmas market. Perhaps including a huge sock as a complimentary Christmas stocking would improve sales. Anyway with most of these books you have to wait until the inside pages for the unintentional comedy gold. Not so with Walking Tall. How much slap is he wearing in the cover photo? He looks like Alan Hansen’s make-up artist has been let loose on him!

Becks has made a comeback of Hollywood proportions to make it back into McClaren’s thoughts as he desperately tries to fulfill his dream of making it to a 100 England caps. But the irony is that he could come up one short.

“We always said that Crouch was all legs!”