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Who ate all the pies

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And about time too… so Chelsea have finally completed the signing of Florent Malouda from Lyon, on a four-year contract. The 27-year-old French international has moved to Stamford Bridge for an undisclosed fee. Malouda will join Chelsea in the US for their pre-season tour, which includes a match against LA Galaxy.

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Apologies for the terrible extended headline, but, hey, we kinda liked it. Here’s a pic of Craig Bellamy, signed this week by West Ham, with Lee Bowyer, during a training session with the Hammers. Bellamy and Bowyer, what a charming combination!
[Photo: Paul Gilham/Getty Images]

Following yesterday’s news that Jamie Carragher was considering his international future, the Liverpool defender rang up radio station TalkSport to respond to criticism about him. A very unhappy Mr Carragher rang the station to dismiss accusations he was a ‘bottler’.

Watching England’s national team has often made Pies want to throw itself of the top of the stadium, but this Argentina fan does it after victory just to get a sniff of Lionel Messi’s sweaty feet. Messi gives the girl a hug and gets on with it. If Pies was ever going to do something like this it would develop a crush on Frank Lampard – at least he could cushion the fall a bit!

andyColeOutstanding.JPGWord up, Pies posse. This week’s Tuesday 10 celebrates rapping footballers. We really shouldn’t be able to compile a list this lengthy but, alas, we can and we have. Shout out to John Barnes – grandfather of the UK football/hip-hop scene!

If you thought Kevin McCabe and Sean Bean were the men most distraught at Sheffield United’s relegation, think again. It seems the Blades board is made up of even bigger names than that!

[Via 101GreatGoals]

Japan coach Ivica Osim had his interpreter crying like a baby as he delivered a post-match rollicking following a 1-1 draw with Qatar in their Asian Cup opener. Celtic midfielder Shunsuka Nakamura revealed that Osim was not best pleased after his side conceded a late equaliser.

Cristiano Ronaldo was on hand to announce one of the new Seven Wonders of the World at a ceremony in Lisbon at the weekend. The Manchester United winger announced (after staring gormlesly into space for a few seconds) that Chichen Itza pyramid in Mexico had been selected.

Liverpool have apparently made a bid for Dutch U-21 star Ryan Babel. The Ajax forward is rated as the brightest young prospect in Dutch football by none other than Marco van Basten and has already been linked to Arsenal and Newcastle – whadyareckon?

Fulham

Volzy does Wimbledon

July 9th, 2007

gingervolz.jpgPies’ favourite nutcase Moritz Volz, the wackiest player in the Prem, has been taking in the tennis at Wimbledon. As per usual, this was an excellent opportunity for an exciting entry in the Fulham man’s online diary (one day this will be printed and become a bestseller, Pies is sure). And, as per usual, the diary entry was packed with the kind of crazy quotes we have come to expect from the German.

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Real Madrid legend Alfredo di Stefano (left) and gobby president Ramon Calderon (right) welcome new coach Bernd Schuster to the club at the official photo-call at the Bernabeu (Photo by Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images).

a%2520schuster-thumb.jpgFormer German international Bernd Schuster is the latest man to be handed the poisoned chalice that is the Real Madrid coach’s job. The 48-year-old has left mid-table Getafe to take over at the Bernabeu, where winning the league gets you the sack.

There has been talk of Rafa Benitez’s striker selection headache since the arrival of Fernando Torres at Liverpool, but he could soon have another option in the unlikely shape of Javier Mascherano. The Argentine midfielder – who is usually required to take his passport with him for ventures into the opposition half – is on two goals in two games for his country. He was on target as Argentina eased past Peru to face Mexico in the Copa America semi-finals. Juan Roman Riquelme (twice) and Lionel Messi also found the net.

Mexico were always favourites to win this game, so when Paraguay goalkeeper Aldo Bobadilla picked up a red card in the 2nd minute it was pretty much game over. Monobrowed baby/lethal in-form striker Nery Castillo tucked away the subsequent spot-kick, and added his second the other side of a Gerardo Torrado goal. Fernando Arce then scored the pick of the goal from 25 yards, before a Blanco penalty and Omar Bravo tap-in completed the rout.

whu_1164106448_chairman1.jpgIt’ could be a tale of two chairmen if Carlos Tevez completes a move to Man Yoo later today – apparently he’s completing a medical in Venezuela in a deal that could eventually be worth more than £30m.

Hmm, if you thought Peter Crouch has ‘good feet for a big man’, you want to check out some of the mad skills Zlatan has in his locker. He’s a bit of a big-headed show-off, but I love watching him.

With photos like this knocking around, is it any wonder that Marco Materazzi finds himself being forced to take people to court for libel?! This is crying out for a caption that Marco’s lawyer could really get his teeth into… Pies signing off before we end up with a date in the High Court ourselves!
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So fiendish you’ll eat your own hands in frustration…
1 Shakhtar Donetsk, Dynamo Kyiv, Tottenham, West Ham, Dynamo Kyiv (current club). Whose career?
2 Which Turkish club are nicknamed ‘The Yellow Canaries’?
3 Who’s this new Premiership recruit?
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ZidMat.jpgItalian World Cup winner Marco Materazzi has begun legal proceedings against three British papers he claims libelled him after the 2006 World Cup final. The Inter Milan centre-back is seeking damages from The Sun, Daily Star and Daily Mail over their reports of insults he made to Zinedine Zidane.

tevez3.jpgDamn, why can’t a football transfer be as simple as ‘You pay us what we want for this player and he gets to wear your shirt…’?

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Some say nostalgia isn’t what it used to be. But now that another icon, Monsieur Henry, has left our league we took a moment to reflect on the finest overseas imports that have ever played in the Premiership.

landon_donovan12.JPGA big fat ZERO. Yeah, nil points. That’s what the USA scored in this year’s Copa America, after defeats at the hands of Argentina, Paraguay and Columbia. Eight goals conceded, two goals scored.

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Something to please Spurs fans this morning: New Tottenham signings Younes Kaboul, Darren Bent and Gareth Bale pose with manager Martin Jol (far left) and sporting director Damien Comolli at Spurs Lodge on 5 July, 2007 in London, England. [Photo: Hamish Blair/Getty Images]

Copa America’s invited guests from the North, Team USA, are out of the tournament after their third consecutive defeat. The Americans lost 1-0 against Colombia with Jaime Castrillon scoring the only goal of the game.

steve%20bruce.jpgBirmingham’s prospective new owner Carson Yeung has revealed he will foist Hong Kong players upon manager Steve Bruce. Blues fans will be delighted to hear that the businessman sees their return to the Premiership as the perfect opportunity to test the credentials of young Hong Kong players. The return to the top for flight could degenerate into an international exchange programme!