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Who ate all the pies

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There is no doubting the big news in the Eredivisie this week. As reported by Pies earlier this week (because sometimes you just can’t keep these things a secret until a Wednesday!), Heerenveen thrashed Heracles 9-0 with Brazilian striker Alfonso Alves weighing in with no fewer than SEVEN of the goals.

With the international break in full effect, I thought now would be a good time to look back at the Prem season so far – we are almost a quarter of the way through, after all – and choose a team based on the players who have been at the top of their game. This […]

In which Brighton & Hove Albion fan Des Lynam – good sport that he is – participates in a PR stunt to show how bad conditions at the Withdean Stadium could be, particularly for away fans in the uncovered section. Having been to the Withdean, I can confirm that you’d be better off sitting in […]

Rio Ferdinand (obscured) and Micah Richards take out Peter Crouch during an England training session. Photo Phil Cole/Getty Images

Today Radiohead released a new album, In Rainbows, that has no fixed price – you, the consumer, decide how much you want to pay for it. It’s a remarkable ploy, and one that only a major-league band like Radiohead could get away with, but could it work for football? Currently one can expect to pay […]

Here is former Middlesbrough hero Bernie Slaven showing his loyalties remain with the Teeside club as he quite embarrassingly chants Who’s That Team They Call The Boro? on his own into a camera.

The football thinkers over at Philosophy Football have launched a 100 per cent cotton rebellion against the Premier League’s big four with this t-shirt.

Congratulations to Stephen Ireland’s hairdresser who seems to have found a cure for baldness. Last season the Manchester City midfielder sported a hairline not to dissimilar to that of Monty Burns. And yet this season the occasional Republic of Ireland international has a fringe The Beatles would be proud of.

As spotted today on sister site Chelsea Pies. Reason No.6 is our favourite… 1 Inter desperately need him Apparently Milan’s second best team want to buy Non-fat Frank to replace Non-fat Patrick Vieira who seems to be heading Manchester City’s way. 2 He still hasn’t been offered a proper new contract by Chelsea Come on […]


The Tuesday Teaser

October 9th, 2007

I know that many of you love the Fiendish Friday Quiz, so I’ve decided to beef up the quiz content on Pies by introducing a Tuesday Teaser, which will appear, as if by magic, every Tuesday. Simply look at the three sets of photo clues and name the footballer each refers to (click each image […]

Little Michael Owen is prepared to defy club manager Sam Allardyce by passing himself fit, against the Newcastle medical team’s advice, for England’s Euro 2008 qualifier against Estonia this Saturday. Big Sam, understandably, is unhappy with Owen’s country-above-club stance: ‘I don’t know whether two games in such a short space of time is right,’ the […]

Cristiano Ronaldo has offered an olive branch to Jose Mourinho after the pair became embroiled in a row at the end of last season, which ended with the ex-Chelsea boss claiming Ronaldo ‘lacked class’. But, in a surprising U-turn, Ronaldo has shown he bears no ill feeling towards Jose: ‘English football will miss Jose Mourinho. […]

The chaps on the Guardian’s excellent Football Weekly podcast alerted me to this save by the oft-maligned Valdes, and since I hadn’t seen it, I hunted it down on YouTube, especially for you. It’s certainly a fine double save, although not quite in the same league as Jim Montgomery’s famous effort for Sunderland in the […]

A touch of A-list glamour came to Loftus Road last night, in the form of supermodel Naomi Campbell. She was accompanied by ex-boyfriend and Renault F1 boss Flavio Briatore, who has been sniffing around QPR of late. C-lister Tamara Beckwith – didn’t she used to be some sort of useless IT girl? – was also […]

A pilot who let scaredycat Robbie Savage on to the flight deck has been sacked for breaking anti-terrorism rules. Ex-RAF pilot Pablo Mason, who sports a tremendous handlebar moustache, was shown the door by Mytravel after letting Savage near the controls in an attempy to ease his fear of flying. Savage had been travelling with […]

We don’t want Teutonic Tuesday to become Bayern Munich-watch, but it is impossible to ignore them when they keep putting three or four goals past every team they come up against and dominating the Bundesliga. Just ask Nuremburg – the latest victims served up for Bayern by the fixture list – who were on the receiving end of a Luca Toni brace and a Ze Roberto goal at the weekend.

Time for a little game of What Was The Chinese Goalkeeper Thinking? again. The initial keeping from Qingdao Zhongneng goalie Li Shuai is a little dodgy, but Paul Robinson gets away with palming the ball to opposition strikers most weeks so we can’t be too harsh there. He then gets a bit of luck when the ball bounces off the crossbar, so why does he head the ball into his own net instead of catching it? Answers on an e-postcard please.

blackpool%20rock.jpgPlymouth manager and philosophical genius Ian Holloway told a Blackpool fan where he could put a stick of rock – in his ear. Ollie reacted when the Tangerines fan branded Argyle players thugs.

One’s an 80s popstar who couldn’t actually sing while the other is a footballer who’s also been fluffing his lines until recently. Via Man United Pies

It’s sort of a rhetorical question, because to my mind he is definitely the worst player in the top flight. I’ve seen him in the flesh a couple of times this season and he’s been truly shite, of a standard you’d expect of players in League One or worse. Quite why Lawrie Sanchez bought him, […]

This clip from the Australian A-League shows Newcastle Jets’s Joel Griffiths somehow managing to hit the assistant referee in the balls without any complaint from the official!

Lionel Messi was instrumental as Barcelona demolished Atletico Madrid 3-0 at the weekend. The Argentine made one and scored one to keep the Catalan club within two points of table-topping Real Madrid. The league leaders also kept up their winning ways by beating Recreativo Huelva 2-0. At the other end of the scale, Levante have just one point to their name after seven games.

Wow, I’m surprised her head stayed on her shoulders. She got OWNED, as they say Stateside. Noob. By the way, this isn’t funny – I posted it as a warning to all dads and uncles who think it’s safe to have a garden-based kickabout with kids in the area… Ok, it’s a little bit funny.

Who predicted that the most successful transfer of the summer would involve Shakhtar Donetsk and Man City? Not me, for one. But this Sven chap clearly knows his stuff – signing playmaker Elano Blumer has been a masterstroke. The Brazilian put in yet another man-of-the-match performance, in City’s 3-1 stroll against Middlesbrough yesterday. Elano is […]

‘Where’s your wooden spoons Gaz?’ asks Dave. ‘I haven’t a fooking clue’ is the gist of Gary’s answer. Excellent stuff from football’s oddest couple – this is taken from a documentary titled ‘The Real David Beckham’, which was shown on Sky about five years ago, if I remember rightly. Aw, what a lovely couple they […]