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Who ate all the pies

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Michael Owen scored his first Newcastle goal since 2005 in Sam Allardyce’s first game in charge. Joey Barton also made his debut to rave reviews as the Magpies came from behind to see off Hartlepool. Of Barton, Allardyce said: “He was very good – but that’s him just taking it easy, really. He can be anything he wants to be as a footballer. He can be the very best if he wants to be.”

Man City

Sven signs Geovanni

July 17th, 2007

Here’s his goal in that match and ‘Arry telling us what a ‘clever footballer’ he is – surely, an oxymoron?

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German side MSV Duisburg have signed some fat Brazilian dud(e) called Ailton (seriously, he’s a little chunky, don’t you think?). It also seems they have signed a team of psychedelic zebras – at least, that’s the only logical explanation I could find for this photo.

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Wayne Rooney, complete with new crewcut, powers past a couple of Urawa Red Diamonds at Saitama Stadium on July 17, 2007. The game finished 2-2. [Photo by Junko Kimura/Getty Images]

400.jpgOne average Prem club sells average Prem striker to another Prem club. Hmm, it’s not the sort of news to make my day. I can’t imagine that Villa fans are even that excited about the prospect of Harewood – who, let’s face it, is not that good – arriving at Villa Park. He always seems to put in a lot of effort, and does occasionally find the net, but so what?

WCHAM21806102048.jpgWhen he’s not averting civil war in Africa, the Drog is telling any journalist who’ll listen that he may or may not stay at Chelsea next season. He is quoted in today’s Sun as saying ‘Any strong economic pull can make me change my mind.’ In other words. if he got offered a shit load more cash, he’d put a money-shaped gun to Chelsea’s head and hope they match that offer. If not, he’ll leave.

Chelsea

Spurs down with SWP?

July 17th, 2007

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Is there no end to Spurs spending? Rumours are that the club are in ‘advanced negotiations’ to bring pocket-rocket, Shaun Wright-Williams, to White Hart Lane this week.

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Look at these two jokers. You’d swear it was the same person. Sven really, really loves sitting in the corner of a dugout, doesn’t he? Like some sort of bespectacled Swedish cat.

66090.jpgEven the most ardent of Richardson supporters could never argue that he was an integral part of Man Utd’s squad. Alex Ferguson seemed to rate him more highly than the rest of us – whenever I saw him play for United he ran around like a headless chicken, giving the ball away for fun and generally looking not fit to wear the famous red shirt. In fact, if asked ‘Which player would you get rid of this summer?’ I’d imagine that a majority of Utd fans would name Richardson as their first choice.

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Oh, I enjoyed writing that headline. Seriously though, what the hell is The Ugliest Footballer in the World doing riding a big yellow toy pig? Is is a Bayern mascot or something? It looks a lot like Pikachu, don’t you think?

torres%20tshirt.JPGCalm down, calm down. TShirts365 have come up with this offering which is guaranteed to look good under even the most flammable of polyester shell-suits. In Spain the Kid is called El Nino, but on Merseyside he’s just La’ like everyone else! The Rafa-lution is a hotbed for t-shirt designs it seems!

75439805.jpgFrom sublime hype to ridiculous and predictable reality. Yes, Becks LA Galaxy debut, set to be against Chelsea this Saturday, is in doubt due to a swollen ankle. Amazing what £250m will buy you these days.

Some new light has been shone on Thierry Henry’s exit from Arsenal and his even-more miserable-than-usual manner for most of last season. It has emerged that the new Barcelona man has split from his English model wife, Claire. The Sun claimed Henry said: “I didn’t really want to leave Arsenal — they’re my favourite club and I loved playing for them. But lots of things have changed recently and I had to get away from everything English, including my wife unfortunately.”

Domenechtash.jpgAs Raymond Domenech has been mouthing off today, Pies thought it was worth remembering the days when he didn’t have a mouth. Here is the France boss showing that, before his time as a Paul O’Grady-alike, he was in fact a proto-Graeme Souness. But look at the thickness of that ‘tache! It looks like his balancing a small rodent on his top lip.

ogrady.jpgFrance boss Paul O’Grady has blasted new West Ham signing Julien Faubert over his move to Upton Park. The £6 million winger joined from Bordeaux earlier this month after a move to Rangers fell through. His international manager says it was an ‘unspeakably stupid’ move. The France manager said: “I can’t understand Faubert’s decision to join West Ham. I struggle to understand why he has done it. It is a great pity when you are on the brink of the French national team.”

Self-proclaimed Asian Cup champions elect Australia recorded their first win of the tournament in their third group game. The Socceroos had previously drawn with Oman and lost to Iraq. Thailand were a different matter: not so hot in the air, unable to deal with Mark Viduka and his big booty and unlucky enough to be the first side in 673 matches that Harry Kewell completed a run-on-goal against without tweaking his hamstring, groin or eyelid.

1torres.jpgThere are bound to be a few more twists to this year’s transfer season, especially if someone remembers where they put Carlos Tevez’s ownership papers, but new TV money and the arrival of more glory hunting billionaires means there’s been plenty of action.
Here’s what we think are the ten best deals done so far:

Chelsea struggled to overcome Club America of Mexico, having conceded a goal after just three minutes. New signing Florient Malouda did score on his debut to equalise, then super skipper John Terry headed the winner with six minutes left to play. Watch all three goals below, plus a rather crap goal celebration after JT’s goal.

Playboy Brazil has chosen a Brazilian football official for their next line-up. Paula Oliveira shot to fame after incorrectly ruling out a goal in a Copa Brasil match and received a three-match ban from the Brazilian FA. You can find out more about her and get a rundown of five top footballing females at Pies’ […]

chinaglia_cosmos.jpgChinaglia, a striker, was born in Italy but grew up in Wales, where he began his football career, with Swansea Town. But he made his name with Lazio, where he played for seven seasons, scoring more than 100 goals in that time. He remains a cult hero with Lazio fans. Chinaglia was also one of the first big-name players to go to America to play in the NASL (North American Soccer League).

They could overlook the corruption allegations and even his dubious human rights record, but this might be taking it a bit too far for Manchester City fans. Here is the former Thai Prime Minister proudly holding his United shirt aloft as Fergie looks on.

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Gunnerblog makes an interesting point about Arsenal’s current squad in its match report of the Gunners’ 2-0 friendly win at Barnet this weekend: ‘One man who wasn’t in the side despite his presence at Underhill was Eduardo [da Silva]. Worryingly, he is very very slight in the flesh (as you can see from the picture). If a breeze had struck up, he might well’ve blown over. People talk about missing [Thierry] Henry’s speed and finishing prowess, but let’s not forget that the man was six-foot plus and incredibly powerful. Our already small team is getting smaller.’

beckham%2C%20galaxy.jpgLA Galaxy have appointed themselves the footb… soccer ( I’ll get used to that some time) version of the Harlem Globetrotters. The MLS outift – who not so long ago were concerned about the effect of David Beckham jetting back to England for international games – have decided that a David Beckham Travelling Circus is the solution to their problems.

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John Terry and Frank Lampard snuggle up during an appearance at the Adidas Sports Performance Store on July 15, 2007 in Santa Monica, California. Just look how much the pair love each other. It’s scary. [Photo: Lisa Blumenfeld/Getty Images]

God, you’d think he was a member of the royal family. And don’t think we didn’t see you almost call it football, before quickly realising where you were. Slick.