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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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wine_racks2_small.jpgWith the Premiership title in the bag, Alex Ferguson has written off Liverpool’s chances of winning a sixth European title later this month. ‘I told Carlo [Ancelotti, Milan's boss] at the end of our semi-final that there is no way he can now not win this competition,’ said Fergie.

NewcastleOwen.jpgIt is clear to see that some nasty injuries have claimed a yard or two of Michael Owen’s pace over the years, but he must still fancy his chances in a foot race if reports in this morning’s papers are anything to go by.

The 1999 to 2000 season: it was a simpler time. Chris Sutton was considered a big money signing by Chelsea fans, Fergie’s ‘kids’ still formed the backbone of his team and Dennis Wise was a pesky Premiership midfield imp instead of a newly-relegated League One manager.

He’s got a pineapple on his head. Nottingham Forest striker Jason Lee and his pineapple haircut were the victims of endless ribbing from David Baddiel and Frank Skinner in the early 1990s.

Celebrate the World Cup-winning exploits of the late Alan Ball with this new t-shirt from TShirts365. As the spiel on their website says: “A man who we grew up knowing as a cap wearing squeeky-voiced underachieving manager… Later we found out he was one of the best English players of all time and won the World Cup.” Here’s to Bally – a legend. Click here to buy the t-shirt for £14.99.

Kevin%20Bond.jpgNewcastle could weaken their defence in a legal case if, as expected, they appoint Big Sam Allardyce as their new manager. Remember Glenn Roeder’s former assistant Kevin Bond? Yeah, the guy who was Harry Redknapp’s assistant at Portsmouth and was sacked by Newcastle after being implicated in the BBC Panorama bungs investigation. Do you see where we are going with this now?

valdano2.jpgEx-Real Madrid coach and World Cup winner Jorge Valdano has attacked Rafael Benitez and Jose Mourinho, likening the Champions League semi-final between Liverpool and Chelsea to ‘a shit hanging from a stick’.

73892138.jpgAs we told you yesterday, Man Utd boss Alex Ferguson is on the look-out for three players to strengthen his squad this summer. Striker is one position he needs some more quality, but where are the world-class strikers? It’s a question that Fergie has been asking himself: ‘You look through the world and say to yourself: “where are all the strikers?” There are not a lot of them going around, believe me.’

Gallagher.jpgOasis guitarist Noel Gallagher received a gloating phone call from Primal Scream bassist Mani – and a pub full of Manchester United fans – after the Red Devils were crowned champions.

74094109.jpgNow that Charlton have been relegated, they’ll struggle to hold on to Darren Bent, their best player by some distance. Bent, still only 23, has won a couple of England caps already, but is he good enough to play for one of the Premiership’s big four (Man Utd, Chelsea, Liverpool & Arsenal)?

sweet-sixteen.jpgOlympos Xylofagou striker Panagiotis Pontikos scored an astonishing 16 (sixteen) goals as his side thrashed SEK Ayios Athanasios 24-3 in the Cypriot third division this weekend. That’s six more goals than Man City scored all season at home.

72237496.jpgIf, during a Premiership relegation battle, you look around the dressing room and see any of the following players, ask for a transfer immediately because you’re going down:

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The FA Premier League initiated legal action against YouTube on Friday for copyright infringement, which could be bad news for football fans everywhere. If you miss Match of the Day on Saturday night/Sunday morning or Sky’s Super Sunday, YouTube is the first port of call to catch up on any Prem action you have missed.

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Ollie has kept us thoroughly entertained this season. English football would be a more boring place without his wit and wisdom. Ollie, we salute you! Here’s ten of his best quotes of the season:
1 ‘If anybody’s offended by seeing a backside, get real. Maybe they’re just jealous that he’s got a real nice tight one, with no cellulite or anything. I thought his [Joey Barton's] bum cheeks looked very pert.’
2 ‘I think us human beings will end up with thumbs like giant crabs pretty soon because of all the texting that goes on and the playing of these stupid computer games, and we’ll have lost the art of talking. It really does worry me.’
3 ‘If you go to the ballet you have about eight intervals – it’s different class. In fact you could almost have your 10 pints during the breaks and by the end of it you’re loving it. I strongly recommend it.’

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Let’s hear it for Arsenal Ladies! In winning the Women’s FA Cup at the weekend (4-1 against Charlton Women), they completed an unprecedented quadruple (League Cup, Premier League, FA Cup and Uefa Cup). In other words, they did what Chelsea couldn’t. Many congrats to all concerned – a fantastic achievement.
It was also very encouraging to see that a crowd of almost 25,000 turned up at Nottingham Forest’s City Ground to watch the FA Cup final – that’s double the previous record crowd for a women’s FA Cup final. [Photo: Getty Images]

71305930.jpgIf this isn’t prime material for pub-based speculation, I don’t know what is: Fergie has announced, via chief exec. David Gill, that Man U have identified ‘three targets’ to buy during this summer’s season break. We’ve taken a good look at Man U’s squad to see which areas they need to strengthen…

1530992.jpgMan City v Man Utd
Lawro: 0-2
Pies: 1-3
Actual: 0-1
Everton v Portsmouth
Lawro: 1-0
Pies: 0-0
Actual: 3-0

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Two Charlton Athletic fans come to term’s with their club’s relegation. Charlton lost 2-0 at home to Spurs last night, condemning them to the drop. Tottenham’s win keeps them in the hunt for a Uefa Cup place, and also ensures the Premiership status of Fulham for at least another season. Watch highlights of the match after the click…
[Photo: Getty Images]

Scoring an own goal is always galling for a footballer, but to score it from a penalty – and a penalty you conceded at that – must make you want to walk off the pitch there and then. PogoÅ„ Szczecin’s Thiago is the man wishing the pitch would open up and swallow him. More Polish […]

73488478.jpgI could hardly bring myself to post on Glenn Roeder’s demise because just thinking about the charisma-free Roeder makes me fall asleep and dribble on my keyboard – and dribble + keyboard = f**ked-up keyboard.

Some fine goals scored this weekend. The game of the weekend was a ‘six-goal thriller’ (aren’t they always?) between Real Salt Lake and Red Bull New York. Real still hasn’t won a game this season but they pushed NY all the way and picked up a well-deserved point. Red Bull’s failure to win saw the Kansas City Wizards, who defeated Columbus Crew 1-0, move to the top of the Eastern Division.
There’s a three-way tie at the top of the Western Division, with Colorado Rapids, Houston Dynamo and FC Dallas all on seven points (although Dallas has played one game more). Houston beat Colorado 3-1 in this division’s big match-up.
Current MLS standings & all the weekend’s goals below [Via Climbing the Ladder]:

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Yesterday’s crunch game at the Emirates was absorbing, if only to watch Chelsea’s grip on the Premiership title finally relax – they’ve been bravely hanging on with one hand to the edge of a cliff for several months now. A team with a lesser manager than Jose Mourinho would have capitulated long ago, so I give the Blues my respect for pushing Man Utd almost all the way.

1 Mark Noble, West Ham v Bolton
Cock the hammer, pull the trigger, bosh…


3-0 Noble vs Bolton
Uploaded by wwwARSENALCLIPStk

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And so, after a mighty slog of a season, we now know the champions in each of English football’s top four divisions: