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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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It looks like Wayne Rooney has been attempting to mimic the facial hair of the man who pays his wages. Roo’s ginger beard (sans moustache) is an exact replica of the one sported by Manchester United owner Malcolm Glazer. How long before we see Wazza taking to the pitch in a pair of a gold-rimmed glasses?

“I am convinced that in one month I will be able to speak the language and it will not be a problem.”
Those were the words spoken by Don Fabio (albeit in his native Italian) when he first arrived in England at the tail end of last year – but more than three months later and we’re still listening to him through his dour faced translator.

You wouldn’t need a forensics expert to determine the glaring similarities between these two – surely Birmingham’s Scottish manager and Miami’s crime scene investigator were separated at birth?

Brazilian coach Wanderly (or Vanderlei) Luxemburgo loves nothing better than to chomp on a tasty fly. In fact the Palmeiras coach munched his way through one of his favourite insects during a recent interview. Here is the ex-Real Madrid boss eating a fly.

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Roma boss Luciano Spalletti’s smooth but ever so bumpy cranium makes him a Shit Lookalike for a peanut.

I think Becks summed it up best himself when he announced (approx. 10 seconds into this video): “It’s painful.” Ever wished you were a fly-on-the-wall of a love-in between David Beckham and Mia Hamm. No, me neither but what can you do? There is ego massaging aplenty!

The scythe has been Photoshopped in. The scary Grim Reaper lookalike with the black hood is genuine!

They may be living the dream as millionaire footballers but that doesn’t mean that they can escape every man’s mid-life concern of losing their hair.
Thankfully the days of the ‘Bobby Charlton comb over’ have disappeared and today’s players seem more willing to whip it all off at the first sign of any recession up top – Alan Shearer please take note!
The Premier League is awash with bald bonces so we’ve put together a first XI of follically challenged players who have gone through the ‘hair today, gone tomorrow’ experience…

David Beckham’s heir apparent to the England team still has to prove he has the balls for the big stage, especially after receiving a clattering during the weekend.

Cristiano Ronaldo’s impudent back heel nutmeg against Villa at the weekend must be a surefire contender for goal of the season.
It takes a special type of player to pull of a move like that and the only other goals we can remember that have come close in quality have been scored from the illustrious boots of Thierry Henry and Gianfranco Zola.

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There have been many plump footballers over the years, but I cannot remember anyone filling out a Premier League shirt quite as well as ‘stocky’ Sunderland player Andy Reid.

This is one of the best own goals I have seen in ages! Firstly, a little information on the setting for this momentous blunder. Fehervar had beaten champions Debrecen 2-1 in the first leg of this cup tie. The champs had got themselves back on top by taking a 2-0 lead in the second leg before Fehervar pulled a goal back. The underdogs were happily holding out for extra time when they conceded a penalty. The penalty was actually saved but defender Jan Durica curled the rebound into the top corner for a truly bizarre own goal.

Poor old Gordon Strachan is really under the kosh at the minute. His Celtic side have seemingly lost their SPL title to Rangers, they lost the Old Firm derby 1-0 and now Setanta Sports cameras have caught him whistling along to Rangers anthem Follow, Follow.

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Cristiano Ronaldo In sensational form as Manchester United cruised to victory against Aston Villa. He scored a crazy backheel goal and set-up three other goals.

Pies reader Berbaismyhero has confirmed what we have all known for some time now. Steve McClaren is a Joker.

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Since we started asking Pies’ readers to vote for the players who would make it into their Premier League team of the season, we’ve got half the player’s names penned in on the team sheet.Cesc Fabregas beat Steven Gerrard to the playmaker’s position and now we’re looking for a tough tackling central midfield partner to support the defence, break up the attacks and feed the flair players with simple passing.


Pies had long suspected that Arsene Wenger viewed Arsenal as the French Embassy in London. And what have we here? Monsieur Wenger is now hosting state visits from French President Nicolas Sarkozy at the Emirates Stadium.

This compilation features Jeff Stelling and co and some of their funniest moments covering this season’s FA Cup. The video includes a surprising number of uses of the word ‘beaver’.


The young Dinamo Tblisi and Georgia keeper wears his hair tall and proud (even when conceding four goals against Northern Ireland). The tight, wiry curls really set off that Screech from Saved By The Bell chic look.

Both consider themselves to be academics and share the same unkempt afro hairstyle – and, after last night’s performance, maybe David James should start taking up wearing glasses too…

Fabio Capello might have seen some positives from last night but we couldn’t see anything but the same uninspired passing, dull movement and over reliance on long balls that led to our failure in Euro 2008 qualification.
The jury is definitely still out over whether Capello can transform England into a hard to beat passing team – do you think Don Fabio can do it?

Pies celebrates a team made up of Premier League carrot tops (with a dubious guest appearance from David James!).
David James

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David James conceded England’s only goal against France last night in almost exactly the same way that he brought down Thierry Henry in Euro 2004 before Zidane claimed victory with a last minute penalty – some things never change.
You can see the goals in the highlights here along with us playing better football…four years ago!

As the commentator on this clip notes, you would be delighted if this came off in a training session never mind a Premier League game. David Beckham drifts a pinpoint corner to the edge of the penalty area for Scholesy to volley home with a perfect finish. Scholes himself has cited this as the best goal he has scored.

n the eve of David Beckham’s century of England caps we thought we’d take a look back at one of the of the most inspirational careers in world football.
Beckham’s greatest asset has always been his ‘bouncebackability‘ and his greatest highs have often been driven by his darkest lows – write him off at your peril because he almost invented the recipe for humble pie.