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Who ate all the pies

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Che%20Mourinho.JPGJose Mourinho has once again been showing off his revolutionary approach to pre-match press conferences, so it is probably as good a time as any to invest in this Che Guevera-style t-shirt.

Chelsea

The Daily Snapshot

April 24th, 2007

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Chelsea trio Sean Wright-Phillips, Carlo Cudicini and Jon-Obi Mikel muck about during training before tomorrow’s Champions League tie against Liverpool. [Photo: Getty Images]

We all know kit manufacturers love nothing better than to recycle a design, swap the colours a bit and flog it to millions more fans. AC Milan’s away kit does bear a striking resemblance to the Germany national shirt and Real Madrid home shirt. The shirt will be on display at Old Trafford this evening […]

Rio%20Diddy.JPGFresh from the upper echelons of our top 10 vain footballers list, here is Rio Ferdinand partaking in a spot of shameless self-promotion and ego-boosting. Rio met rapper/producer P Diddy as part of Myspace’s The Hook Up.

franklampard-justin.jpgfranklampard-eric.jpg
Simple really – who’s the worst Lamps lookalike (Justin Eason on the left, in Chelsea shirt; Eric Yabsley on right, in England shirt)? Yes, we know they’re both really shit.

I’ve seen this vid posted on a few blogs (including The Offside), but it’s too funny not to share. Either Zlatan is mesmerised by Ronaldo’s lovely teeth, or he’s trying to catch his eye and stare him out. Given how damn cocky Zlatan is, I guess it’s the latter.

sp2.jpgJerzy Dudek, Liverpool’s reserve goalkeeper, was quoted in The Sun today as saying he planned to quit Liverpool as he is pissed off being treated like ‘a slave’. The Polish keeper was reported to have said: ‘I have to finally tell Rafa I’m leaving because maybe he’s not aware of it… I will remember Liverpool fondly as a success but not the situation I’ve found myself in… When a player knows he is a slave, he’ll never give his employer his heart.’

0%2C%2C2007181679%2C00.jpgAtletico Madrid captain Fernando Torres, reportedly a summer transfer target for Man Utd, wears an armband with ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ inscribed on the inside – the armband came loose during Atletico’s 2-0 defeat away to Real Sociedad at the weekend.

cristiano-ronaldo-traje.jpg1 Cristiano Ronaldo (Man Utd)
He’s so vain, I bet he thinks this post is about him… yep, Master Ronaldo is the winner by some distance. Everything he does screams ‘Everyone look at me!’ When Patrice Evra revealed that Ron’s nickname at Man U is ‘Playboy’ and that the Portuguese poser has his own personal mirror in the Old Trafford dressing room, was anyone really surprised?

In which Homer barfs into a traffic cone and Lisa learns the art of diving (or ‘flopping’). Then some toothy Brazilian dude turns up… [via The Offside]

_39451333_mtaylor203x270.jpgYesterday you selected Michael Essien and Tom ‘The Bunker’ Huddlestone to slot into the central defence of your team of the season. I suspect there may have been some double votes for The Bunker, but he got so many that I have to let him in. And that’s no bad thing – he is, after all, a talented young English midfielder with great vision and a fierce shot. Essien’s selection was a no brainer.

essien_michael_cfc_profile_2006.jpgMichael Essien was arrested for drink-driving as he left a nightclub at 5am yesterday. The Chelsea midfielder/defender/goalie/physio etc. was driving his black Range Rover when he was stopped by police. Essien was breathalysed on the spot and nicked when the result proved positive. He was held for several hours then freed on bail at 10am. He must report back to police in July.

Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez demonstrates his unique method of introducing himself!

JoseMourinho.jpgDaniel Craig might be the current incumbent, but next time the hunt is on for a new James Bond Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho might just be in the frame. Details have emerged today of the Special One’s daring escape from Stamford Bridge as he defied a Uefa touchline ban. Mourinho is alleged to have escaped from the dressing room in a laundry basket after giving an illicit half-time team-talk.

A Brazilian footballer was booked last weekend for kissing the referee. Cabofriense defender Cleberson received a yellow card for getting too friendly with Ubiraci Damasio.

swire.jpgThe busiest man in football at the moment is Manchester United physio Rob Swire. The Red Devils barely have enough first-teamers available to put a side out as the injury curse that afflicted Chelsea earlier in the season seems to have moved north. So we thought we would help Fergie by compiling a physio room XI for him. Click below to see the line-up.

There were no fewer than four red cards in the La Liga fixture between Espanyol and Real Betis last weekend. Betis finished the game with eight men after having Pedro Contreras, Miguel Angel and Edu sent-off in the space of a minute. Goalkeeper Contreras was dismissed for a foul while his team-mates soon followed for their over-exuberant protests. Espanyol’s former Birmingham City flop Walter Pandiani had been red-carded earlier in the match. All the action is in the video below.

_38116489_lawro_150.jpgDid your crystall ball-gazing earn you a retro footy t-shirt this week? Did Pies manage to outpredict Lawro for once? Let’s find out…

mourinho.gifNo doubt you had a big chuckle at Jose Mourinho’s rant re: penalties this weekend: ‘It was a penalty at Old Trafford. It was a penalty to us. We are talking about points,’ said the Special One.

rooney_wayne_mufc_profile_2006.jpgCan you name the only two Man Utd first-team players not to make the PFA’s team of the season (Louis Saha doesn’t count, cause he’s been injured for much of 2007)? Stand up Michael Carrick and Wayne Rooney. I bet they get some stick from their award-winning team-mates in training.

Put simply, it was a shit weekend for goals in the Premiership, so I won’t post the top five. There were just two half-decent goals scored, both of which you can watch below…

Celtic wrapped up the SPL on Sunday but they weren’t the only team in Europe to win a league title at the weekend. Inter won their second Serie A title in a row (and 15th overall), thanks to a 2-1 at Siena (both goals scored by panto villain Marco Materazzi). Second-place Roma lost at Atalanta, gifting the title to Milan’s blue-and-black half. Inter’s lead at the top of the table is now an unassailable 16 points.

a href=”http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/76155.jpg”>76155.jpgSo Jamie Carragher just missed out on a place in your team of the season. In central defence you chose Nemanja Vidic and Joleon Lescott, two of Pies’ favourite Bond villains. Carra is a wee bit unlucky to miss out, but Lescott is an interesting choice – he has fitted in extremely well at Goodison. Vidic has been immense this season and few fans would dispute his selection.

John Barnes… Chris Waddle… Gazza… and now Didier Drogba. News reaches us from The Sun that P Diddier is set to release a rap album under the (crap) alias Drogbacite. DD said: ‘Drogbacite is about me and my success.’ Well, he certainly has the ego to make it in the rap game.

a href=”http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/HM0143m.jpg”>HM0143m.jpgIt’s funny because it’s true. God really does hate WAGs, which is a shame because they’re a very interesting bunch, not to mention being extremely easy on the eye.