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Who ate all the pies

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New West Ham signing Craig Bellamy gets into the first of an inevitable many arguments with match officials this season. Bellamy and referee Trevor Kettle reach boiling point in last night’s friendly between the Hammers and MK Dons. (Photo by David Rogers/Getty Images)

FootballMonk360.jpgWhile most clubs have their players running around the training ground until they’ve hurled up the last of those holiday excesses, Romanian outfit Cetatea Targu went for a more laidback approach. The players spent 10 days in a monestary. Club officials took the players into the mountain monestary six miles from the nearest village in the hope that the team would be ‘close to God’ for the new season.

RonnyScotland.JPGBarcelona star Ronaldinho has played down reports that he snubbed a move to St Mirren. The Scottish side tried to sign a 21-year-old Ronaldinho in 2001. Saints claim he turned down a loan move while his transfer to Paris Saint Germain was held up.

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New Birmingham City owner, Carson Yeung, has a dream – but we’re not sure it’s one that will help Blues fans will be sleep easy tonight. Apparently, the Hong Kong-based tycoon wants to eventually put out a team featuring 11 Chinese players.

If you’re clock-watching at work or just need some cheering up then take a look at this collection of footballing lowlights including own goals, gaffes and starting with probably the worst head-butt/dive combo we’ve ever seen.

Are you a football fan whose talent for writing is classier than Ronaldo racing down the wing? If you can post stories and features on the Premiership’s top clubs fast and accurately, this could be your chance to sign for the hottest squad in the world of blogging. Web or sports writing experience is an […]

Sven has beaten Spurs to the signing of Bulgarian international, Martin Petrov, following a £4.7m deal that brings him to Manchester City from Athletico Madrid.

In the same way that overweight comedian Peter Kay looks like John O’Shea we think that another out of condition comic and 8 Out of Ten Cats presenter, Jason Manford, looks like a larger than life Michael Owen.

Is that Nery Castillo she is supposed to be marrying?!

Barton%20%26%20Lee.JPGFormer England internationals Warren Barton and Rob Lee have been arrested on suspicion of taking a luxury limousine and driving it while unfit. The ex-Newcastle pair were arrested at around 11.30pm last night before being released on bail. Barton, 38, and Lee, 41, allegedly took the Mercedes E220 from a street in east London.

Frank Lampard and Carlo Cudicini helped Chelsea to a 1-1 draw against Feyenoord in this pre-season friendly. Lampard scored on 80 minutes to cancel out Kevin Hofland’s headed opener, before keeper Cudicini saved Roy Makaay’s spot-kick. The video below shows Chelsea’s goal, which came from some promising attacking play by young substitute Scott Sinclair.

57186254.jpgApparently, Kieran Dyer’s likely move away from Newcastle hasn’t got anything to do with a better contract or his testing relationship with the fans – it’s about ‘family problems’.

Blackburn are trying to bolster their front line by bringing in Roque Santa Cruz from Bayern Munich.

Dan%20Petrescu%20t-shirt.jpgOne thing Pies loves about RetroFootballTshirts’ range is that you will often come across a shirt in honour of a player who doesn’t tend to cross your mind very often. And you can’t beat a bit of nostalgia! One such player is Dan Petrescu.

Digao.JPGKaka’s younger brother has joined AC Milan’s first-team for the coming season. Rodrigo Leite – or Digao in Brazilian footballer nickname lingo – was signed by the Italian giants in 2005, but immediately loaned out to Rimini. But Digao – a 6ft 4in defender – has now been drafted into the reigning European Champions’ first team plans for next season. He trained with the senior squad for the first time yesterday.

Radiation.JPGItalian club Catania have cancelled a pre-season jaunt to Japan amid fears than an earthquake had caused radiation leaks. The tour was scrapped because an earthquake in the northwestern city of Kashiwazaki is reported to have caused radioactive leaks from a large power station in the area.

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Thanks to Pies reader Doug Myers, who has taken advantage of our new Facebook group to suggest this outstanding Shit Lookalike. Carlos Tevez – despite being a dead ringer for Red Hot Chilli Peppers frontman Anthony Kiedis – is also the spitting image of Blanca from the video game Street Fighter. That is uncanny!
Oh, and if anyone has a clue whether this should be in the West Ham or Man United category, let us know!

No, he hasn’t made a shock switch to Celtic. Ronaldinho is in Scotland with Barcelona ahead of their friendly matches against Dundee United and Hearts. The boys from Barca were training at St Andrews. (Photo by Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images)

Welcome once again to Friendly Watch. It’s like the pre-season version of Springwatch, but with less Bill Oddie and more goals. This is possibly – unless anyone can think of another example – the first all-Premiership clash of the season. Portsmouth defeated Fulham 1-0 in the Barclays Asia Trophy with this goal from Benjani (although you are more likely to be struck by the eerily anti-Prem walking pace of the game).

I know that Liverpool fans don’t have the monopoly on this song (Celtic fans sing it regularly, as do fans of Ajax and several other European clubs) but it’s still weird to see Man Yoo fans belting out the song associated with their arch rivals. Are they on a wind-up, or did United fans ever adopt this song as their own? Answers on a postcard please (or just leave a comment!).

_40846604_falmer_203.jpgBrighton, home of pebbled beaches, dirty weekends, men in makeup and now a new football stadium…hopefully. As a Brighton resident, we’ve been waiting for this news for years but it seems the Seagulls can finally come home to roost.

There’s obviously no way you’ll agree with every selection, but I’d still be interested to hear your thoughts on this XI, comprised of players who I think are playing at a level above them…
paredes-robinson.jpgPaul Robinson (Spurs) If Spurs aspire to be a top-four, title-challenging club, they simply must find a better keeper than Robinson. His positioning is frequently awful and he often seems lead-footed. Yes, he makes the odd good save, but so does every keeper in his division.
Should be playing for… Any lower-table Prem team. Derby or Fulham, say.

A little while back Pies was pondering whether Italian bad boy Marco Materazzi makes it too easy for people to libel him by repeatedly putting himself in compromising positions. On a completely unrelated subject, here is the Matrix bending down to kiss Luis Figo’s leg!

kluivert.jpgAjax, AC Milan, Barcelona…er, Sheffield Wednesday. Former Dutch superstar, Patrick Kluivert has played for some of Europe’s greatest clubs but his fall from grace seems to have almost reached rock bottom.

e_olisadebe.jpgI always, without fail, used to sign Olisadebe for my Master League team. In his PES prime (he was very good in PES2 and PES3, as I recall), the Polish striker (via Nigeria) was terrifyingly quick, skillful, cheap to buy and deadly in front of goal. He was my own cult hero and I used to decimate opposing defences with him. Ah, happy days.