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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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I think Becks summed it up best himself when he announced (approx. 10 seconds into this video): “It’s painful.” Ever wished you were a fly-on-the-wall of a love-in between David Beckham and Mia Hamm. No, me neither but what can you do? There is ego massaging aplenty!

The scythe has been Photoshopped in. The scary Grim Reaper lookalike with the black hood is genuine!

They may be living the dream as millionaire footballers but that doesn’t mean that they can escape every man’s mid-life concern of losing their hair.
Thankfully the days of the ‘Bobby Charlton comb over’ have disappeared and today’s players seem more willing to whip it all off at the first sign of any recession up top – Alan Shearer please take note!
The Premier League is awash with bald bonces so we’ve put together a first XI of follically challenged players who have gone through the ‘hair today, gone tomorrow’ experience…

David Beckham’s heir apparent to the England team still has to prove he has the balls for the big stage, especially after receiving a clattering during the weekend.

Cristiano Ronaldo’s impudent back heel nutmeg against Villa at the weekend must be a surefire contender for goal of the season.
It takes a special type of player to pull of a move like that and the only other goals we can remember that have come close in quality have been scored from the illustrious boots of Thierry Henry and Gianfranco Zola.

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There have been many plump footballers over the years, but I cannot remember anyone filling out a Premier League shirt quite as well as ‘stocky’ Sunderland player Andy Reid.

This is one of the best own goals I have seen in ages! Firstly, a little information on the setting for this momentous blunder. Fehervar had beaten champions Debrecen 2-1 in the first leg of this cup tie. The champs had got themselves back on top by taking a 2-0 lead in the second leg before Fehervar pulled a goal back. The underdogs were happily holding out for extra time when they conceded a penalty. The penalty was actually saved but defender Jan Durica curled the rebound into the top corner for a truly bizarre own goal.

Poor old Gordon Strachan is really under the kosh at the minute. His Celtic side have seemingly lost their SPL title to Rangers, they lost the Old Firm derby 1-0 and now Setanta Sports cameras have caught him whistling along to Rangers anthem Follow, Follow.

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Cristiano Ronaldo In sensational form as Manchester United cruised to victory against Aston Villa. He scored a crazy backheel goal and set-up three other goals.

Pies reader Berbaismyhero has confirmed what we have all known for some time now. Steve McClaren is a Joker.

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Since we started asking Pies’ readers to vote for the players who would make it into their Premier League team of the season, we’ve got half the player’s names penned in on the team sheet.Cesc Fabregas beat Steven Gerrard to the playmaker’s position and now we’re looking for a tough tackling central midfield partner to support the defence, break up the attacks and feed the flair players with simple passing.


Pies had long suspected that Arsene Wenger viewed Arsenal as the French Embassy in London. And what have we here? Monsieur Wenger is now hosting state visits from French President Nicolas Sarkozy at the Emirates Stadium.

This compilation features Jeff Stelling and co and some of their funniest moments covering this season’s FA Cup. The video includes a surprising number of uses of the word ‘beaver’.


The young Dinamo Tblisi and Georgia keeper wears his hair tall and proud (even when conceding four goals against Northern Ireland). The tight, wiry curls really set off that Screech from Saved By The Bell chic look.

Both consider themselves to be academics and share the same unkempt afro hairstyle – and, after last night’s performance, maybe David James should start taking up wearing glasses too…

Fabio Capello might have seen some positives from last night but we couldn’t see anything but the same uninspired passing, dull movement and over reliance on long balls that led to our failure in Euro 2008 qualification.
The jury is definitely still out over whether Capello can transform England into a hard to beat passing team – do you think Don Fabio can do it?

Pies celebrates a team made up of Premier League carrot tops (with a dubious guest appearance from David James!).
David James

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David James conceded England’s only goal against France last night in almost exactly the same way that he brought down Thierry Henry in Euro 2004 before Zidane claimed victory with a last minute penalty – some things never change.
You can see the goals in the highlights here along with us playing better football…four years ago!

As the commentator on this clip notes, you would be delighted if this came off in a training session never mind a Premier League game. David Beckham drifts a pinpoint corner to the edge of the penalty area for Scholesy to volley home with a perfect finish. Scholes himself has cited this as the best goal he has scored.

n the eve of David Beckham’s century of England caps we thought we’d take a look back at one of the of the most inspirational careers in world football.
Beckham’s greatest asset has always been his ‘bouncebackability‘ and his greatest highs have often been driven by his darkest lows – write him off at your peril because he almost invented the recipe for humble pie.

As far as I can gather, this advert is for a group of Italian banks who have joined together to create a formidable team. So good is this team that they overshadow the World Cup-winning team of 2006. And who should be on the next table but Marco Materazzi, Andrea Pirlo and Daniele De Rossi. The punchline – which you don’t need to be Italian to work out – is that mild-mannered Pirlo loses his temper while Materazzi and De Rossi keep their cool.

This match was England’s final group game of the 1966 World Cup. Sir Alf Ramsey’s men kept up their momentum with a 2-0 victory over France. Roger Hunt grabbed both goals with a tap-in and a free header.

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Becks lines up to make his England debut against Moldova on September 1, 1996.

Just look at this strike from soon-to-be Bayern Munich coach Jurgen Klinsmann during his Stuttgart days. Overhead kicks are usually spectacular enough on their own, but look at the build-up play to this one. A pinpoint 40-yard cross-field ball which is casually volleyed into the area for Jurg to do the business with the overhead.

Unless Fabio Capello has a very cruel sense of humour then David Beckham will win his much sought after 100th England cap when we play France tomorrow.
Since Ferdinand is captain, it’s unlikely Becks will start but is his century of caps simply a golden handshake for past efforts (and to silence the media circus) or will Becks still be in consideration when the competitive games start?