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Who ate all the pies

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Kerzhakov is known as the Russian Wayne Rooney in his home country – apparently for his size and appearance rather than his ferocious volleys and mistimed tackles, although by the looks of it Coleenska got the better deal

Here’s a Tony Hart style take on the defining moments from last night’s game
Steven Gerrard misses a glorious opportunity to put England 2-0 up.

It’s out of our hands now but there’s still an anorexic chance that we will make it to next year’s Finals – If Russia fail to get a result away to Israel and we win our last game at home (while pigs fly) we could still scrape through.

Hate to say I told you so, but… I told you so. I’ve read a fair bit of response on footy forums to England’s painful defeat in Moscow, and most of the blame seems to be aimed at Steve McClaren. This is nonsense. McClaren steered England to five consecutive 3-0 wins, had the balls to […]

Let us know what you think Steve McLaren is thinking

One is an indestructible English hero… the other is Captain Scarlet… Ahh, the old ones are the best. By the way, here are a few things I learned about Captain Scarlet on Wikipedia: ‘His real name is Paul Metcalfe. He has black hair and blue eyes, and speaks with an English accent and is said […]

It’s like Chris Kamara’s shirt collar is so stiff that he can hardly turn his head to see what’s going on. For some reason, this clip makes me laugh out loud.

Steven Gerrard and England team-mates take part in a training session on the artificial pitch at the Luzhniki Stadium on 16 October, 2007 in Moscow, Russia. Photo Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images

A fine away win for Argentina, thanks to goals from Gabriel Milito and then Lionel Messi, who twatted the ball as hard as his little leg could manage. Argentina go top of the South American qualifying group, but then they have played one more game than most of their rivals.

Galaxy head coach Frank Yallop has warned fit-again Becks that he won’t walk back into the Galaxy’s starting line-up. The Galaxy have been in fine form without Beckham – five wins on the trot – and can make the play-offs with wins in their final two regular season matches, against New York (Thursday) and Chicago […]


The Tuesday Teaser

October 16th, 2007

It’s simple – guess the footballer from each set of devious picture clues. Lateral thinking is required. (If that makes no sense, check out last week’s Teaser to get the gist of it.) 1 2 3 Answers below…

The England B international between England and Russia in 1998 saw Matt Le Tissier staking his claim for a place in Glenn Hoddle’s 1998 World Cup squad. Despite scoring a hat-trick in a 4-1 victory, and fans unfurling a banner urging ‘Please pick Le God, Hod’, Le Tiss was left out of the squad. Here […]

With the Wembley crowd harrassing Frank Lampard against Estonia on Saturday, Pies looks at an England XI who have had to cope with being booed by their own fans. The message seems to be: don’t be an England midfielder if you’re not thick-skinned!

Actually, make that the world’s greatest ever keeper. Yashin, who played for Dynamo Moscow his entire career, remains the only goalie to win the European Player of the Year. He also had a great secret to saving penalties, a skill at which he excelled: ‘Have a smoke to calm your nerves, then toss back a […]

Lawro sits on the fence and predicts a 1-1 draw, saying: ‘I think England are playing well at the moment and enjoying the run of the ball and I do not expect them to lose… Russia looked distinctly average at Wembley – Steve McClaren’s team were better in all areas.’ Prediction Russia 1-1 England On […]

The Sun’s ‘exclusive’ story that England would recall Frank Lampard in a 4-3-3 formation for tomorrow’s Euro 2008 qualifier against Russia would appear to be bollocks. It’s no great surprise that The Sun should get it so wrong; they took a gamble and got it wrong. It’s more of a surprise that Steve McClaren has […]

… or so proclaims the maker of this video/photo. How he got himself into this position we do not know. I would like to think he had been thrown javelin style by his goalkeeper after some poor defending.

No Bundesliga action this week, but Germany did become the first side to qualify for Euro 2008 (aside from the hosts, of course) after a 0-0 draw in Dublin against the Republic of Ireland. The lack of goals in the match perhaps helps to explain how Jens Lehmann found time work on his levitation. More from Mad Jens after the click.

Plymouth manager Ian Holloway has prepared a series of team-talk videos to appear on the internet in order to pass on his motivational skills. Ollie has recorded four team-talks to suit different scenarios as part of Carling’s Halftime with Holloway initiative. The rants are intended to inspire pub team managers. Click here to watch the videos.

My site was nominated for Best Sports Blog!Just because Gordon Brown has had a change of heart it doesn’t mean you can’t use your vote this autumn – just vote for Pies instead! We have been nominated in the Best Sports Blog category (well, we would have worried if we had found ourselves in the Best Animal Blog section) in the Blogger’s Choice Awards.

When we gave Stephen Ireland our usual Horror Hair treatment last week we thought we were just indulging in a little harmless mickey-taking at the expense of a guy who had clearly had some sort of baldness treatment/hair transplant. When we linked the mystery of his reappearing hair to the mystery of his reappearing grandmothers it was purely in jest. However, it now seems that Ireland’s hair could be the real reason for his departure from the Republic of Ireland squad.

Cue Denis Norden with clipboard/pithy comment. Taken from a regional news show when Jimmy was playing for Peterborough United.

I miss Jimmy Bullard, but not as much as Fulham have missed him. Football’s cheekiest chap is due to return from injury next month for Fulham. By the way, for our younger readers, Paul Nicholas is a former TV star/stage actor/pop star type, best-known for his roles in Just Good Friends, famous for being one […]

No La Liga action this week, of course, but a new-ish look Spain side did manage a 1-3 away win against Denmark. Raul Tamudo returned from a two-year international absence to open the scoring, Albert Riera made his debut and found the net and centre-back Raul Albiol also made his bow. Spain are now second in Group F, level on points with Sweden having played a game more.