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Who ate all the pies

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What a great picture of the moment this is! It is not quite up to Mike Tyson‘s standards, but it is a bite nonetheless. Martin Jol – who is fast overtaking Arsene Wenger and Jose Mourinho as the most blinkered Premiership manager – saw the incident as a "comical nibble." Under-pressure Alan Pardew has had […]

About time too! After weeks of: "We’re just happy to be in the Premier League," Neil ‘Sweetness and Light’ Warnock has finally let rip with the sort of post-match comments we had come to know and love from Football League Warnock. The performance of bald referee Dermot Gallagher – the man who deemed Ben Thatcher’s […]

Today is the first day of the Who Ate All the Pies 100 Greatest Premiership Players mega-list. Just who are the best 100 footballers ever to grace English football’s top flight? Well, you’re about to find out – over the next two weeks we’ll be featuring ten players per day, counting down in reverse order, […]

1 Arsenal are back to their flowing best. They could be up to third if they win their game in hand despite a poor start.2 Watford need to sign a striker who will put their chances away.3 Manchester City are challenging Middlesbrough to be this season’s Jekyll and Hyde team. 4 Referees see things differently […]

Earl Weavers, the former coach of baseball’s Baltimore Orioles, tells it like it is on a US radio phone-in. Jose Mourinho, Arsene Wenger et al – are you listening? You’d liven up press conferences if you copied Earl’s tell-it-like-it-is style. (Features NSFW language)

Good weekendJussi Jaaskelainen Made a string of excellent stops against Blackburn followed by two penalty saves.Arsenal Henry and Fabregas revived Arsenal’s sexy football of a couple of seasons ago.Paul Scholes A goal on his 500th appearance and a win against Liverpool. Bad weekendWest Ham Bad weekend regulars West Ham drop down to 19th place after […]

We leave Volzy alone for a couple of weeks and he ends up poisoning himself. According to his latest diary (or should that be diarrhea) entry on the lengendary, a homemade pumpkin and prawn soup disagreed with the Fulham full-back on Tuesday night. He said: "I’m never going through a night like I did […]

SaturdayWigan v Manchester City (12.45pm) Beanie the horse, Stuart Pearce’s lucky mascot, will lose his touch in the weekend’s early kick-off. 2:1Charlton v Watford (3pm) I expect this bottom of the table clash to be tight, but Watford to edge it. 0:1Chelsea v Portsmouth (3pm) Chelsea to work through any Barcelona hangover. 2:0Everton v Sheffield […]

Billy Wingrove is one of Britain’s top freestylers (ie. loads of skill but mysteriously not good enough to make it as a pro). Here he is having a tricksy kickabout with some of the best players in the world.

Did you know Carlos Tevez is a member of a band called Piola Vago? Apparently the band has a single coming out soon. You can listen to some of Piola Vago’s songs on their MySpace page. I’m not sure it is a sound that would do particularly well in the UK charts, and they are […]

Normally Five commentator John Helm is useful for little else apart from sending his viewers to sleep, but last night’s match between Newcastle and Fenerbahce allowed Helm the entertainer to come to the fore. Here are a few, erm, interesting quotes from last night.

David Beckham is set to be knighted in January, according to the Daily Express. The former England skipper could be in line for the honour for services to football and for the role he played in securing the 2012 Olympics for London. Surely a place in the Real Madrid starting line-up would be guaranteed if […]


The Fiendish Friday Quiz

October 20th, 2006

My brain hurts (no, it does – I’ve got a bastard of a hangover). 1 Everton, West Ham, Aston Villa, Everton, Portsmouth, Sheffield Utd (current). Which player’s career path?2 Which English stadium makes a cameo appearance in Coldplay’s ‘Fix You’ video?3 Who’s this Premiership midfielder? Aw, ain’t he cute. 4 Norwich City finished third in […]

1 ‘Everyone’s very comfortable on the ball and almost all of them are athletic. We play what I call "orgy football": the other team know they’re going to get it, but they don’t know from whom or where from.’ Cardiff chairman Sam Hammam (pictured). Lovely image, Sam – you’re a poet 2 ‘He can smell round […]

More pearls of Hollo wisdom can be found in his latest column for BBC Sport. Our favourite this week: ‘I sent someone down to the joke shop to see if they could find a false bum, cut a hole in a pair of club shorts and stuck the plastic one in there. I told the […]

That Cruyff, always taking the piss. (Bob Pires and Terry Henry tried the same thing once and royally ballsed it up.)

Celtic’s Shaun Maloney is being linked with a move to Chelsea after the Blues’ sporting director Frank Arnesen was spotted at Parkhead for the Champions League win over Benfica. Reports in some Scottish papers suggested Jose Mourinho wants to make a move for the 23-year-old in January when he will be allowed to sign a […]

The navy and yellow-striped faithful of Fenerbahce are on Tyneside this evening alongside the black and white-striped regulars for a Uefa Cup tie. The Turkish club are currently celebrating their centenary season and this is the shirt designed to commemorate the occasion. You can buy it by clicking here. [Rob Parker]

Starting next week, Who Ate All the Pies will be revealing its 100 Greatest Ever Premiership Players. From next Monday, we’ll be doing 10 players a day, starting at 100 and working down to the Top 10. It’s the list to end all lists and we hope it’ll generate a lot of heated pub/water cooler […]

BREAKING NEWS: The FA has confirmed that no disciplinary action will arise after Sunday’s incredible Reading v Chelsea Premiership match, in which two Chelsea goalkeepers (Petr Cech and Carlo Cudicini) were hospitalised. An FA statement said: ‘The FA has reviewed the incidents involving Stephen Hunt/Petr Cech and Ibrahima Sonko/Carlo Cudicini and has contacted referee Mike […]

Zola was a cheeky little scamp, wasn’t he? This lovely goal, scored for Chelsea against Norwich, sums him up perfectly.

Our favourite story from last weekend – and one I’ve been meaning to post all week – has to be the tale of the teenage twins hired to provide halftime entertainment at Hillsborough during Sheffield Wednesday against Barnsley. Francine and Nicola Gleadall, from Sheffield, made obscene gestures and swore at Barnsley supporters after performing their […]

A few conclusions drawn from last night’s Champions League heavyweight clash: 1 Barca’s bright-orange/gold away kit is nasty.2 Ronaldinho needs a haircut. Right now he’s like Samson in reverse – the longer his hair gets, the worse he plays. And ditch the terry-towelling hairband too. Not cool.3 Is there a less athletic-looking football superstar than […]

It is not a great surprise that Jose Mourinho has moved quickly to distance himself from reports linking Chelsea with a move for Fabien Barthez. It’s rumours like that which can ruin managerial reputations! With Carlo Cudicini almost ready to return and Hilario proving himself a capable understudy, there can’t be many options worse than […]

It’s March 1999 and Manchester United are well on their way to winning the treble. You know it’s going to be your season when even Gary Neville is getting on the scoresheet (at the right end too!). Here he is sliding the ball in from an acute angle against Everton. It demonstrates the type of […]