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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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‘Who are ya?!’ Fair play to Savage for standing up and taking the joke. I don’t know why the darts players had to stop for the noise – they spend their whole lives playing in pubs! [As spotted on The Offside]

SATURDAYMan Utd v BoltonLawro: 2-0Pies: 1-1 Chelsea v Sheffield Utd Lawro: 2-0 (oh do f**k off Lawro) Pies: 3-0 Middlesbrough v Man City Lawro: 1-1 Pies: 1-0

I used to love Mancini, with his feathery hair and casual brilliance – he made scoring goals look so damn easy. The team I support in Italy is Sampdoria, purely because Mancini played for them in the Eighties and Nineties.

Managers and chairmen have predictably ridiculed Football League proposals to decide drawn games with a penalty shoot-out, for which a bonus point would be awarded to the winning team. This radical idea, a brainstorm of Football League chairman Lord Mawhinney, would supposedly make games more exciting. Personally, I think it’s a barmy idea – as […]

Weclome to Haiku Corner, a serene spot where Pies can sit, meditate and then come up with stunningly brilliant football-related haiku. This week we focus on the magician that is Tottenham’s Dimitar Berbatov. All in white this knightbrightens the Lane with shining goals.But Mido is shit.

That’s right, there is an entire blog dedicated to one football transfer, namely David Beckham’s move to the LA Galaxy. At the moment it’s essentially a Beckham news blog, but it does give you an idea of just how excited some Americans are at the prospect of Becks coming to play in their country: ‘The […]

Is this the jammiest goal ever scored in the history of the Premier League? Diaby is one lucky lucky sod. Diaby 0-1 AstonVilla-ArsenalUploaded by Tyfoon-Gunners

With Valencia’s David Navarro being handed a seven month ban after battering Nicolas Burdisso, it’s only fair to make him look even more stupid by showing his fracas again. However, this time it’s soundtracked by the Benny Hill theme.

The Football League board is to consider a proposal to scrap draws and decide matches by penalty shoot-outs according to the BBC. Obviously they’ve gone completely mental. The idea will be discussed by Football League chairmen and chief executives at a board meeting on Thursday. There is no indication as to when this could happen […]

Some players have faces that are crying out to be hit with a fierce jab-cross-uppercut combination, rather than the usual girly slaps dished out on the pitch. Here is our list of Premiership players who we’d like to slap down. 1 El-Hadji Diouf Bolton’s spitting striker is truly the king of slappable (is that even […]

Commentator Martin Tyler doesn’t seem to realise that’s it’s gone in (either that or the audio is out of sync). A wonderful strike to light up a pretty pointless friendly.

Italian football is making me sick at the moment. Match fixing, rioting than lead to the death of a policeman, the debacle that followed when the San Siro was opened without proper security, and now, Palermo president Maurizio Zamparini refusing to apologise after making derogatory comments about Fiorentina’s Romanian striker Adrian Mutu. Zamparini was furious […]

Today Valencia and Inter Milan will find out if they are to be punished by Uefa for the huge fisticuffs that ensued after their Champions League tie. Valencia duo Carlos Marchena and David Navarro and Inter’s Nicolas Burdisso, Ivan Cordoba and Maicon were also charged with gross unsporting conduct. Uefa’s Control and Disciplinary Body will […]

The pitch: high-school soccer team is losing 2-1 with less than five seconds to play. The goalie (the one in orange) rushes out to help his team-mates snatch an equaliser and bangs in a wonder volley from 30 yards just as the clock reaches zero. Only in America baby!

As reported in The Sun, Jose Mourinho will join Real Madrid as head coach this summer, but only if Frank Lampard comes too. The paper claims The Special One is resigned to leaving Chelsea this summer – he has already declared an interest in managing Madrid some day – and wants to build a Real […]

Apologies for the repost, and ignore it if you’ve seen it before, but otherwise read on… Please, please, pretty please with a cherry on top, find the time to vote for us in the sport category of the Ask.com Best of Brit Blog Awards 2007. You have to register to vote, but it only takes […]

Arsenal

Henry luvs Arsenal 4eva

March 13th, 2007

He may have made his stomach fall to bits by playing whilst injured, but contrary to reports, Thierry Henry insists that he hasn’t played his last game for Arsenal. The Gunners captain has said that he will stay with the club "for life". Henry, now out for the season after he buggered up his groin […]

Most British football fans are on very good terms with disappointment, shattered dreams, false hope and heartache. As this poignant video shows, every loser wins (in a weird way). So Nick Berry was right. Btw, how much fun is it to laugh at big Carsten Jancker’s tears? Answer: Lots of fun. Thanks to our German […]

Joey Barton’s making headlines again, and again for the wrong reasons. The Man City midfielder/serial troublemaker has reportedly been arrested on suspicion of assault and criminal damage. Barton was questioned by police over an alleged argument with a taxi driver in Liverpool, that took place earlier this month. Merseyside Police confirmed that a 24-year-old Widnes […]

Rumour has it that Bradford are keen on taking Stuart McCall back to the Bantams in a managerial role. Let’s hope he performs better on the touchline than he does when he’s seen wobbling around and falling off cars. Still, not a drop spilled. A legend.

I don’t quite know why Tennis behemoth Goran Ivanisevic is playing for Croatia. One can only assume that it’s some kind of charity match. Anyway, for a big lug like him, it’s a half decent finish from the big man… albeit with the help from some shoddy goalkeeping.

Only Jose Mourinho could escape a fine after calling Mike Riley a "filho da puta" ("son of a whore") during yesterday’s FA Cup quarter-final tie against Tottenham. The Chelsea manager was caught by television cameras using the phrase towards the referee at half-time, but Riley did not mention any incident in his report and told […]

They should really rename this the Premiership Cup, shouldn’t they? When is a non-Prem team going to reach the last four again, let alone the final? Anyway, this is how this season’s semi-final draw shapes up: Blackburn Rovers v Chelsea/Tottenham Watford v Middlesbrough/Man Utd Well, Chelsea/Spurs and Man Utd have been kept apart, which is […]

1 Ugo Ehiogu, Celtic v RangersIs that really Ugo Ehiogu? If so, where did he find the skill to manage this finish? Most out of character.

If you’re one of the many football fans who also likes a bit of hot leather-on-willow action, then Pies has just the site for you: The Googly is Shiny Media’s sparkling new (well, revamped) cricket blog. It’s like Pies only with smaller balls – not that we like to boast about the size of our […]