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Who ate all the pies

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AshtonEng205.jpgWith the boy made from glass, Michael Owen, seeing a specialist about his brittle bones, the Newcastle United striker going to miss England’s crucial Euro 2008 qualifiers against Estonia and Russia next month. It’s a damn shame as he looked like he might be returning to form with some decent goals in recent weeks…

I see your Gabriel Agbonlahor and raise you one Wes Brown…

Arsenal

Pies Player Power Rankings

September 25th, 2007

Every Tuesday throughout the season, Pies will publish its Player Power Rankings, a top 10 list of the hottest footballers in the Premier League, based on form, influence and subjective stuff like, er, how much we like their hair.
Here’s how the rankings table looks in its second week (with last week’s position in brackets)…
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1 Cesc Fabregas, Arsenal (1)
Yep, Cesc Fabregas is still the most powerful player in the Premier League – and look how delighted he is to discover the news! He topped the Power Rankings last week, and after another string-pulling performance against Derby, he’s still the main man – and, unlike last season, he just can’t stop scoring. Who can knock him off his lofty perch?

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Pies reader Dave Sparks reckons Aston Villa’s Gabriel Agbonlahor is a dead ringer for Tony Hart’s plastercine assistant, Morph.

ian%20holloway%20fft.JPGThere is a great interview with Pies hero Ian Holloway in the October edition of FourFourTwo. Ollie reveals that he never set out to build a reputation as one of football’s funniest managers, and that his hilarious rambling metaphors stem from repetitive interviews.

51200455.jpgWhilst looking for something entirely different, I stumbled across this image of Fulham chairman, Mohammed Al Fayed. Thing is… what the bloody hell is going on…

pes2008grab.gifSo the latest version of the godlike Pro Evolution Soccer, PES 2008, is coming out in a month’s time (launched on 28 October, to be precise), and I for one am like a kid at Christmas. The last PES was a major letdown (on the Xbox 360, anyway; it wasn’t so bad for the PS2), so I’m hoping that Konami has learned from its mistakes and created another game worthy of the rightly revered PES title – I can hardly live without PES in my life. And for the record, I simply cannot be friends with anyone who would choose the mediocre FIFA series over PES.

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The eye-catching results from the Bundersliga this week were Bayern Munich’s 1-4 win over Karlsruhe and Werder Bremen’s 4-1 victory against Stuttgart. Bayern are two points clear of Hertha Berlin at the top-of-the-table. Bremen are struggling in eighth but will be hoping they have now played themselves into some form.

I always thought Steven Gerrard should have been made captain of England, and John Terry’s increasingly shameful behaviour only reinforces that opinion. When JT tried to snatch the red card from ref Mike Dean’s hand during Sunday’s showdown between Man Utd and Chelsea at Old Trafford, he crossed the line. Terry deserves at least a […]

Great story this. The players of Lynam Athletic, who play in the Birmingham Coronation League Alliance Division 3 – and last season finished bottom – have all changed their names to those of world stars, and it seems to be having a positive effect. It’s the brainchild of player-manager Cafu (aka Dan Branch, 29), dreamed […]

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Not easy to come up with this shortlist, but it’s all so subjective – in other words, if I’ve missed off a player you think should be on the list, add a furious comment. Anyway, I thought it would be interesting to poll you lovely people to see who you thought was the most-improved player in the Prem, based on what you’ve seen so far this season – I know it’s early days, but still, we all love a good debate, no?

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Denilson of FC Dallas (yes, that Denilson, who was once the most expensive player in the world) casts a shadow during Dallas’s MLS tie with LA Galaxy at the Home Depot Center on September 23, 2007. The Galaxy, minus you-know-who, defeated the Texas outfit 2-1.
Photo Jeff Gross/Getty Images

Zoe finds reasons to be cheerful. After all Spurs might be third from bottom, broke after wasting shed loads of cash on underperforming strikers and very envious of the position of their North London rivals, but at least they aren’t Chelsea.

It’s Gay Week on Pies, to coincide with the Gay World Cup, which takes place in Argentina this week. Now, obviously there are NO gay footballers in the Premier League. I can’t stress that enough – they are ALL, to a man, strapping heterosexuals with lovely Wives & Girlfriends. But, ask yourself this hypothetical question: […]

As we told you last week, the Gay World Cup is about to kick off later today in Buenos Aires, Argentina. The event is in its 17th year and is currently held by London side Stonewall FC, who are defending their crown. So, unlike the men’s and women’s World Cups, this is actually an event […]

Cheers to Chris Wright for this lookalike.

1 Fulham’s Craven Cottage is the place to go if you want six-goal thrillers. First a 3-3 draw with Spurs, a couple of weekends ago, and then another six-goal fest against Sven’s Man City this weekend. Thaksin Shinawatra and Mo Al-Fayed (pictured) seemed to enjoy it anyway. 2 Avram Grant won’t be Chelsea manager come […]

newnoucamp.jpgThe Nou Camp is one of the most football stadiums in the world (should that read stadia?) and has seen some of the most wonderful footballers in history grace the pitch… Johan Cruyff, Ronaldinho, Diego Maradona, Luis Figo and… Steve Archibald. Now, Barcelona‘s Nou Camp is to get a new look with a redesign by the award-winning British architect Norman Foster….

1948577.jpgBradford City gaffer (and world’s best beer carrier) Stuart McCall claimed that he wouldn’t “give a monkey’s” if the Football League hit his side with a fine for fielding a weakened line-up in the Johnstone’s Paint Trophy. Guess what? He’s now pleading with the Football League to let Bradford off a £5,000 fine.

Great news, HolloWatch fans. Ian Holloway’s autobiagraphy, Ollie, is in the shops now! A whole book full of the Plymouth boss’ perculiar ramblings, mixed metaphors and wonderfully eccentric turn-of-phrase. The book apparently contains the chapter titles: ‘Ollie and the Chocolate Factory’, ‘Double Ham & Eggs’, ‘Marvin Hagler’s Eyes’, ‘Bring on Los Galacticos’. And does he […]

We are not comparing Wigan boss Chris Hutchings to one of history’s greatest monsters in any capacity other than this mildly amusing pose, although JJB Stadium regulars mights testify that the pair share a philosophy on torture!

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Two late goals from Lionel Messi got Barcelona out of a pickle and gave them a 2-1 victory over Sevilla. The Argentine scored a spectacular volley and a penalty to secure the win and blemish Sevilla’s unbeaten record.

Arsenal 5-0 Derby
Emmanuel Adebayor scored a hat-trick and Cesc Fabregas stole the show as the Gunners hit top gear.
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ronaldo%20pro%20evo.JPGCristiano Ronaldo is the face Pro Evo 2008 (due out next month), but we are more interested in his hair than his face. To be fair, that is exactly where your eyes will be drawn when you look at the picture on the game’s box. His perfectly sculpted quiff defies gravity. Whether he fancies David Beckham’s old Brylcreem contract we don’t know, but some serious quantities of hair gel have gone into extending his forehead to that length.

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Who is the best striker in the Premier League at the moment? Well, according to the league’s in-form defender it is none other than Aston Villa rent-a-tree John Carew. Manchester City and England starlet Micah Richards reckons the 6ft 5in Norwegian – worth exactly one Milan Baros – has been his toughest opponent so far this season.