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Who ate all the pies

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cmlotto.jpgHe may well be a born leader of men but that doesn’t mean Fergie wears the trousers at home. Apparently, the United manager has been grounded tonight and will miss United’s final pre-season friendlies while he helps his missus move house.

DiogoFinger.jpgWith Leroy Lita resting up after his nasty bed-stretching incident, Pies looks at some equally slapstick injuries that footballers have picked up over the years. Meet the team so unlucky with injuries that they would be tempted to hire Jonathan Woodgate as a fitness coach: it’s the Pies Silly Injuries XI.

Litainjury.jpgReading striker Leroy Lita will miss the start of the Premier League season after apparently injuring himself by stretching in bed. The 22-year-old claims he sustained the nerve problem by enjoying a nice stretch when he woke up. Pull the other one, Leroy (that’s an incredulous outbust rather than my suggestion of how he injured himself, I think!).

Rangers are through to the next round of Champions League qualification after beating FK Zeta of Montenegro 0-1. DaMarcus Beasley’s 81st minute strike was enough to secure a 3-0 aggregate win, but the game was overshadowed by racist chanting aimed at Beasley and team-mate Jean-Claude Darcheville. They will face Red Star Belgrade or Levadia Tallinn in the next round.

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Chelsea’s squad for last weekend’s Community Shield match was so bare that they played without a recognised striker for most of the match. And it looks like they’ll have to make up the numbers when their Premier League kicks off on Sunday.

BWFCbadge.gifAnother chance to hear some footy fan spouting off about their side! It’s time to look at a fan’s eye view of the forthcoming Prem season, and this time, we’re stopping at the door of Bolton Wanderers.
Introduce yourself to Pies readers then…
Peter

I’ve always wondered what would happen if you had a penalty shoot-out in a German cup game. Surely you’d be there all night? Not so it would seem. Bayern Munich survived a penalty shootout to defeat third division amateurs Wacker Burghausen in the first round of the German Cup. Bayern went a goal down in the game, only to scrape…

Before Mr Motivator there was Diego Maradona. This is supposedly his pre-match warm-up, although whether he was supposed to be warming himself up or warming the crowd up we are not sure. While being very entertaining, this is a kick in the teeth for any footballer who has gone through a rigorous warm-up routine and then pulled their hamstring anyway. Dance, Diego, dance!

gabbyheinze.jpgGabriel Heinze is a troubled man. Apart from being the footballer that no commentator can agree on in terms of pronouncing his surname, he’s also trapped in a loveless relationship. By that I mean his stay at Old Trafford. Heinze will take his dispute with Manchester United to a Premier League arbitration panel next week regarding his wish to leave the club….

Aston Villa are the new Premiership champions. Well, Inter Milan beat Manchester United 3-2, and Villa beat Inter 3-0 so they must be the best in the league. Right? Gareth Barry slotted home and scored a penalty either side of a header from defender Martin Laursen.

LeeCook.JPGNew Fulham signing Lee Cook has donated his £250,000 signing-on fee to former club QPR. Boyhood Rangers fan Cook knew QPR were struggling for cash and thought they had been paid under the odds by Fulham for his services. He said: “It goes through your mind the club might go into administration but I heard new investors are coming.”

This week’s Tuesday 10 celebrates footballers who thought extra time was the outcome of a bad parole hearing. This list comes a bit too soon for Mr Joseph Barton, but he faces a maximum of five years banged up if he is convicted of assaulting former Manchester City team-mate Ousmane Dabo.

sol-campbell.jpgWhat started as a new regime is starting to resemble an old school reunion in Steve McLaren’s England camp. First, Becks was brought back from the brink and now it seems Sol Campbell could be making a comeback.

Following our feature on footballers who rap, perhaps we should next consider footballers who look like rappers. First we showed you that El Hadji Diouf is Pharrell Williams. Now we can conclusively proove that Spurs and England midfielder Jermaine Jenas is a passable double for US hip hop star Rich Boy. Nuff respec’ to Pies reader Craig for spotting this one.
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Sven just can’t help putting his foot in it. It comes naturally to him, as do negative tactics and poor substitutions. Here he is asking new signing Valeri Bojinov how it feels to have signed for Manchester United! Valeri probably got all excited for a couple of seconds until the howls of the watching media kick in!

Arsenal_badge.jpg More rants and opinions from the fans about the upcoming Premier League season. This time, we speak to Arseblogger, who unsurprisingly supports a certain North London team who have just lost their talismanic striker.
Hello there. Introduce yourself to the class…
Arseblogger – Arsenal – Arseblog.com
How do you think you’ll do next season?

73115111.jpgThe UEFA president, Michel Platini, said yesterday that the European governing body must crack down further on racial abuse inside stadiums.
“We will be strong,” said Platini. “We will…

kierondyer8mil.jpgNewcastle gaffer Sam Allardyce has revealed that Kieron Dyer’s move to West Ham collapsed after the Hammers refused to pay…

newtricks.jpgA drama writer managed to create a cast littered with West Brom-related character names without anyone noticing – and kept it up for four series. Roy Mitchell, creator of the BBC’s detective drama New Tricks, began his homage to the Baggies by naming the three central characters Jack Halford, Brian Lane and Gerry Standing after Albion’s Halford Lane Stand.

Watch out Chris Brass because you might have some competition, matey! This has got to be up there with the best own goals of all time. An overhead kick own goal from about 14 yards out – you wouldn’t think it was possible but it is! This astounding incident comes from a recent Brazil under 20s game between Fluminense and Cruzeiro. The defender – with no attackers anywhere near him – pulls off this spectacular bicycle kick to leave his keeper stranded.

1 Chelsea’s reserves have pretty much got their league sewn-up already.
2 Thomas Kuszczak and Ben Foster (when he is fit again) will have their work cut out ousting Edwin van der Sar.
3 Wayne Rooney is back! Was he ever away? Anyway, Fergie has predicted a big season from the England star and he made a promising start as he ran at defenders in a way he didn’t seem confident enough to do at times last season.

Edwin van der Sar was the star of the show as Manchester United lifted the first silverware of the season. The Dutch keeper saved three consecutive Chelsea penalties to win the Community Shield for his side in a shootout. The game had finished 1-1, with Ryan Giggs giving United the lead and Chelsea new boy Florent Malouda equalising with a neat finish. Van der Sar then saved from Claudio Pizarro, Frank Lampard and Shaun Wright Phillips in the shootout.

blackburnrovers.jpgLooking forward to the new season? Who isn’t?! Well, in the name of looking forward let’s carry on from where we left off (a look at Aston Villa’s season,) and look to the North with Blackburn Rovers. Dreams of an FA Cup final against Burnley…

Despite fielding a pretty strong side, Blackburn went down to Huddersfield in their pre-seaon friendly which saw Morten Gamst Pedersen missing an open goal (spectacularly) from a matter of yards out. Huddersfield 2-1 BlackburnUploaded by super-goal

Essential-Football-Swearword.jpgThere is nothing quite like venting spleen at a football match. In fact, you could argue that watching your team for 90 minutes is enough to get 7 days worth of venom out of your body, leaving you cool and placid for the rest of the week. Well, do that in China and you could spend a night in the clink…