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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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‘This was the saddest night of my career…’ Francesco Totti, on the verge of tears after Roma crashed out. ‘It was a fantastic performance by every one of our players. The speed of our play and our penetration was absolutely superb… That’s absolutely the best night of European football we’ve had here.’ Alex Ferguson, a […]

In a word, wow. Who really saw this coming? Not me, for one – I predicted a draw. Simply one of the most scintillating performances by an English club in Europe, ever. Roma were pretty poor, but that was down to United’s relentless waves of attack. When Premiership teams play at such a high tempo, […]

1 Manchester United v Roma and Valencia v Chelsea: two excellent matches in very different ways. I decided to watch Manchester United first half and Chelsea second half – a good call I reckon! 2 United were absolutely unstoppable. The pace and verve of their attacking play was out of this world. Cristiano Ronaldo was […]

A couple of bets for the Man Utd v Roma tie: 1 Man Utd half-time/draw full-time (12-1) I could see United scoring in the first half, but 1-0 is a dangerous score to sit on, and Roma have the talent to strike back an go through with a draw. 2 Cristiano Ronaldo to score first […]

Seems Becks can’t kick his tat habit. He recently showed off a new forearm tattoo, apparently in tribute to Wentworth Miller’s character on Prison Break, fugitive Michael Scofield. The intricate design on his right arm includes his shirt number 23, and connects to the angel and clouds he already had on his arm. [Via Just […]

Just think how much less interesting the Premiership would be without Jose. 1 ‘Please don’t call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.’ The quote that started it all, uttered not long after Mourinho had arrived at Chelsea, in 2004. 2 ‘If I wanted to have an easy job… […]

Following yesterday’s Alistair McGowan clip, more classic football comedy on Pies courtesy of Ali G. Hear me now! Staines’ finest puts the Beckhams through the mill for Comic Relief. Includes the immortal line (while talking about the then baby Brooklyn): “So would you like him to grow up to be a footballer like his dad, […]

One of the funniest things I’ve seen all season. Everton’s defence goes one way, all except poor Joleon Lescott, who forgot he was supposed to be playing the offside trap. Even Phil Neville found it hard not to laugh about it when he was interviewed after the match.

1 Alan Mahon, Watford v Portsmouth Hit with his weaker left foot. Hate to see what he could do with his good foot. Unstoppable.

So which Pies reader has outpredicted the rest and won a cool retro t-shirt from Goalhanger? To find out, read on…

Championship sides Barnsley and Birmingham can expect the postman to leave some fairly weighty packages from the FA over the next couple of days after a 22-man brawl erupted at the end of their Easter Monday fixture. Charges and disciplinary hearings are likely to be the order of the day after the scrap at Oakwell. […]

The Guardian, amongst others, reports that wee Michael Owen – how England & Newcastle have missed his goals – will take part in a Newcastle reserves match today against a junior team from Hartlepool United. Owen is expected to play at least 45 minutes but it’s extremely doubtful that he will play for anything like […]

Oh yes! These are the sort of moments that HolloWatch exists for. This is what it is all about! This sequence of videos shows Plymouth manager Ian Holloway becoming an air hostess for the day as he performs the traditional aeroplane safety talk in sign language. It is possible that this was for the benefit […]

Roma will be kitted out in their white away shirt as they try to hold onto a 2-1 advantage against Manchester United at Old Trafford tonight. The shirt is lacking in a sponsor as the Italian outfit are yet to find a company to pass what must be a pretty stringent vetting process after 18 […]

With the Premiership title race wide open after Saturday’s results, the Mind Games Tavern is open for business once again. The Sun reports today that Alex Ferguson is pondering which fine wine to share with Jose Mourinho after Chelsea meet Man Utd in the league at Stamford Bridge: ‘The last time Chelsea came to Old […]

A special bonus quiz to celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Saviour, Alan Curbishley… (answers after Mr Click) 1 York City, Sheffield Wednesday, Leicester City, Preston North End, Leeds United (current). Whose career? 2 What position did the late Pope, John Paul II, play in his youth? 3 Picture round. Aw, ain’t he cute! […]

Not a vintage selection this month, but still a couple of beauties in there, namely Cristiano Ronaldo/Wayne Rooney’s length-of-the-pitch extended one-two against Bolton and Andrei Shevchenko’s FA Cup curler against Spurs. [Via 101GreatGoals] March Goal Of The MonthUploaded by samgoff

Reigning champs Houston Dynamo couldn’t score against Becks’ LA Galaxy on opening weekend of the new MLS season. But neither could the Galaxy, so honours even for two of the league’s bigger names. Elsewhere, new boys Toronto flopped, suffering a 2-0 defeat at the hands of CD Chivas, while Chicago Fire downed New England Revolution […]

A couple of years ago, The Eleven Forty Company launched the Opus luxury football table, a bespoke work of art that cost a cool £40,000 – yes, forty grand. Their first custom-built table featured players sculpted to look exactly like real-life football idols, including Eric Cantona, Diego Maradona, Edgar Davids and Carlos Valderrama. Anyways, they’ve […]

In his latest BBC column, Ian Holloway has revealed that he blames golf for causing a hernia. Ollie has avoided golf since picking up the injury. He recalls complaining about the effects of his golfing exploits to his surgeon, Mr Gilmore (because when you are Ian Holloway, even your surgeon in a golf anecdote has […]

Rio Ferdinand found out the definition of the word karma on Saturday. A week after booting the ball into the face of a female fan, and this happens. Rio, son, you got merked! [Rob Parker]

Good weekend Chelsea Cut Manchester United’s lead to three points by beating Spurs as United slipped up at Portsmouth. Robert Green The West Ham keeper almost single-handedly secured victory over Arsenal. Dagenham & Redbridge The Daggers secured promotion to the Football League with a win at Aldershot. Bad weekend Paul Jewell The Wigan boss is […]

Spotted in TK Maxx for the princely sum of £3, it’s the Kevin Kuranyi Kick-o-mania toy! Yes, found propped up in the furniture department it’s the perfect Easter present for the English-based Stuttgart fan in your life! Kick-o-mania seems to be a German game somewhere between Subbuteo and Action Man. Anyone come across these before? […]

Ouch! At least Harald Schumacher sort of tried to make it look like he was jumping for the ball. This guy is about as subtle as six studs to the face. [Rob Parker]