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Who ate all the pies

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1 With Paul Robinson fumbling a shot to leave Andriy Voronin with an easy tap-in – and nearly giving another goal away later on – the Spurs keeper’s England place must be in doubt. He is clearly not the in-form English goalkeeper, so he should not be England number 1.

Pies is loving this ad, which I guess comes from Sweden or some other Scando country where it’s acceptable to show a guy photocopying his butt cheeks. This office worker has some awesome skills, although I kind of suspect that it’s a fake!

Watched by fellow football legend Johann Cruyff, Sir Bobby Charlton tees off at the Alfred Dunhill Links Championship. As well as Charlton and Cruyff, Ruud Gullit and Matt le Tissier are among the ex-pros who turned up to play in the tournament in Scotland. Photo Matthew Lewis/Getty Images

Okay, I’ve just done a post about Sepp Blatter and his idea to introduce a quota system into European football, whereby clubs could field no more than five foreigners. In the Prem, this would obviously mean that managers – yes, Arsene, that includes you – would have to sign loads more English players to ensure […]

Crazy Sepp Blatter wants a quota on foreign players in European teams; each club would only be allowed to have five foreign players in its starting XI. Blatter sees this as the solution to encouraging home-grown talent, but, honestly, we’re too far down the line to go back to such a quota system, and anyway […]

In which outspoken Aussie sports pundit Les Murray steams into Terry Butcher, former coach of Sydney FC. Things didn’t work out for Butcher Down Under and when he returned to the UK he had a pop at Sydney FC, calling them a ‘gypsy club’ and bemoaning the fact he couldn’t get a simple cup of […]


The Fiendish Friday Quiz

October 5th, 2007

1 Atlético Paranaense, Manchester United, Besiktas, Flamengo (current). Whose career? 2 At the 2002 World Cup, which coach gave each of his players a copy of Sun Tze’s The Art of War? 3 Picture round. Who’s the angry young manager? 4 During his playing career, in which position did Sven-Goran Eriksson play? 5 How many […]

The French are often stereotyped as lazy workers, but this is totally unjustified. On to this week’s Ligue 1 round-up. Erm… all the teams had the weekend off except two of France’s Champions League representatives who took the opportunity to fulfil some fixtures. Lyon stuck three past Lens to go top of the table (albeit Nancy are level on points with a game in hand). The other match was a distinctly mid-table affair which saw Caen beat Toulousse 2-1.

Right Pies fans, you’ve spent all week in front of this computer and it is about time you worked off a bit of that excess. We were going to get Mr Motivator in to give you a workout but he was already booked. So we got the next best thing: David Moyes. All together now: you put your left leg in…

Have you been concerned that Ronaldinho has begun the great Brazilian tradition of piling on the pounds once you’ve got enough money to retire on? Don’t worry, it is probably just because of his other job. This FIFA 08 viral sees Ronny working as a chef in Brazil before some mute, but confident, Brazilian gamers request to see his moves.

This slightly weird video from Football365 shows Agent Peter Kenyon revealing his masterplan to topple Chelski from the inside after being sent to infiltrate them by General Sir Alex Ferguson!

Take a look at this picture of Dnipro supporters, snapped off the telly by an eagle-eyed fan. What the hell is going on with that banner? If that’s not racist, I don’t know what is! Or am I imagining the ‘Klansman-chasing-black guy’ theme of the banner? By the way, congrats to Aberdeen, who continued the […]

The Guardian’s weekly YouTube round-up usually throws up a couple of interesting football clips (many of which Pies has posted ages ago, but that’s another matter), and this is one of the most interesting I’ve seen recently. It’s a refreshingly candid TV interview with a 17-year-old Kevin Keegan, who displays admirable maturity, honesty and, above […]

Royal Mail workers have just begun a 48-hour strike so if you need something delivering in a hurry you need to get in touch with Roberto Carlos.

Top 10s & lists

The Face Mask XI

October 4th, 2007

John Terry is not the first player to take to the pitch in a crazy face mask, and we dare say he won’t be the last. Here are 11 players who didn’t mind taking to the pitch with their blinkers on.

This is not a strange dream I had last night, but an advert for bookmakers Ladbrokes (probably best to clear that up at the outsight). Right, so ex-footballers turned pundits Ian Wright, Ally McCoist, Chris Kamara and Lee Dixon are sat around in a cafe owned by Jimmy Hill having a bit of banter while dressed like they have come off a building site. They all share their opinions on who has a chance in the Premier League this season, including waitress Kirsty Gallacher.

Ha ha! I’m still laughing at Dida’s pathetic, delayed dive after being tapped on the neck by some buffoon of a Celtic fan (at least I presume he’s a Celtic fan). Why do so many professional footballers have this Pavlovian reaction to being touched above the waist? Not the face! The fact he went off […]

Roma have been one of Serie A’s form teams and pacesetters in the early days of the season, but it has all gone a bit pear-shaped this week.

Stop it Rafa, stop it now. You’re being a very silly boy. Do you have OCD when is comes to rotating your squad? Because you can’t stop yourself, can you? Benitez’s decision to leave out Euro specialist Javier Mascherano in favour of out-of-form Momo Sissoko and Seb Leto was very strange – Mascherano is the […]

This was a pretty remarkable win for Avramovitch’s Chelski at one of Europe’s toughest places to get a result – if Jose Mourinho had been in charge, we’d all be celebrating his managerial genius. As much as I find much to dislike about John Terry, you can’t argue with the purity of his fighting spirit, […]

There is just something about the droopy cheeks and the crazy eyewear that tickled me when I saw the two photos near each other on the Beeb’s website. Arsenal fans, who would you rather have take control of the club?!!

Well, there you have it. John Terry in training for Chelsea’s crucial Champions League match against Valencia tonight complete with a face mask to protect his broken cheekbone. It’s not quite as colourful as we had envisaged. Let the lookalike suggestions commence!

‘Wussia went left-wing – and I’m not talking John Barnes…’ Check out this fine send-up of professional West Ham fan/annoying wide boy Danny Dyer, actor and presenter of Sky’s Real Football Factories. The man under the wig is slapheaded stand-up comic Terry Alderton.

Another belter from Chringle, who should really get his own Shit Lookalikes Corner. This has to be one of the best lookalikes we’ve ever published, no?

Roma’s uncompromising central defender trapped in the body of a beach bum, Philippe Mexes, has Horror Hair at the best of times. The Frenchman’s greasy, peroxide-tinted long locks have been featured on Pies before. But last night’s match against Manchester United revealed a cheeky little addition to his barnet, which pushes him further up the Horror Hair stakes: pig-tails. Yes, Philippe now has little tiny girls pig-tails.