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Who ate all the pies

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JoseMourinho.jpgDaniel Craig might be the current incumbent, but next time the hunt is on for a new James Bond Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho might just be in the frame. Details have emerged today of the Special One’s daring escape from Stamford Bridge as he defied a Uefa touchline ban. Mourinho is alleged to have escaped from the dressing room in a laundry basket after giving an illicit half-time team-talk.

A Brazilian footballer was booked last weekend for kissing the referee. Cabofriense defender Cleberson received a yellow card for getting too friendly with Ubiraci Damasio.

swire.jpgThe busiest man in football at the moment is Manchester United physio Rob Swire. The Red Devils barely have enough first-teamers available to put a side out as the injury curse that afflicted Chelsea earlier in the season seems to have moved north. So we thought we would help Fergie by compiling a physio room XI for him. Click below to see the line-up.

There were no fewer than four red cards in the La Liga fixture between Espanyol and Real Betis last weekend. Betis finished the game with eight men after having Pedro Contreras, Miguel Angel and Edu sent-off in the space of a minute. Goalkeeper Contreras was dismissed for a foul while his team-mates soon followed for their over-exuberant protests. Espanyol’s former Birmingham City flop Walter Pandiani had been red-carded earlier in the match. All the action is in the video below.

_38116489_lawro_150.jpgDid your crystall ball-gazing earn you a retro footy t-shirt this week? Did Pies manage to outpredict Lawro for once? Let’s find out…

mourinho.gifNo doubt you had a big chuckle at Jose Mourinho’s rant re: penalties this weekend: ‘It was a penalty at Old Trafford. It was a penalty to us. We are talking about points,’ said the Special One.

rooney_wayne_mufc_profile_2006.jpgCan you name the only two Man Utd first-team players not to make the PFA’s team of the season (Louis Saha doesn’t count, cause he’s been injured for much of 2007)? Stand up Michael Carrick and Wayne Rooney. I bet they get some stick from their award-winning team-mates in training.

Put simply, it was a shit weekend for goals in the Premiership, so I won’t post the top five. There were just two half-decent goals scored, both of which you can watch below…

Celtic wrapped up the SPL on Sunday but they weren’t the only team in Europe to win a league title at the weekend. Inter won their second Serie A title in a row (and 15th overall), thanks to a 2-1 at Siena (both goals scored by panto villain Marco Materazzi). Second-place Roma lost at Atalanta, gifting the title to Milan’s blue-and-black half. Inter’s lead at the top of the table is now an unassailable 16 points.

a href=”http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/76155.jpg”>76155.jpgSo Jamie Carragher just missed out on a place in your team of the season. In central defence you chose Nemanja Vidic and Joleon Lescott, two of Pies’ favourite Bond villains. Carra is a wee bit unlucky to miss out, but Lescott is an interesting choice – he has fitted in extremely well at Goodison. Vidic has been immense this season and few fans would dispute his selection.

John Barnes… Chris Waddle… Gazza… and now Didier Drogba. News reaches us from The Sun that P Diddier is set to release a rap album under the (crap) alias Drogbacite. DD said: ‘Drogbacite is about me and my success.’ Well, he certainly has the ego to make it in the rap game.

a href=”http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/HM0143m.jpg”>HM0143m.jpgIt’s funny because it’s true. God really does hate WAGs, which is a shame because they’re a very interesting bunch, not to mention being extremely easy on the eye.

Arsenal

Queen supports Arsenal

April 23rd, 2007

The Queen has revealed that she has supported Arsenal for more than 50 years. The Sun claims that the Queen has followed in the footsteps of the late Queen Mother by following the Gunners. A ‘senior royal source’ confirmed that Her Majesty’s admiration for former player Denis Compton had led to her being a Gooner […]

Odra WodzisÅ‚aw striker Adam Czerkas settled his side’s match against Wisla Plock this weekend with a 25-yard strike courtesy of his backside. The former Queens Park Rangers loanee’s cheeky goal was not quite as impressive as it may sound at first but as flukes go, it was pretty good.

You can keep your cricket, rugby, F1 and any other sport. This is why football is the only beautiful game in town. So Italian, so emotional, so damn funny…

manu%202.jpgAs well as Ronaldo taking the individual spoils, the PFA Team of the Season was also announced last night. It makes sweet reading for Man Utd fans, with no less than eight United players making the cut: Edwin van der Sar; Gary Neville, Rio Ferdinand, Nemanja Vidic, Patrice Evra; Ryan Giggs, Paul Scholes, Cristiano Ronaldo (all Man Utd), Steven Gerrard (Liverpool); Didier Drogba (Chelsea), Dimitar Berbatov (Spurs)

ronaldopfa.jpgAs expected, Cristiano Ronaldo has won both the PFA Young Player of the Year and the Player of the Year awards. Ronaldo said: ‘It is a special night. It is amazing and a big honour for me to win trophies like this in the English Premier League. I am very proud.

Good weekend Celtic Wrapped up their inevitable SPL title with a last gasp victory over mighty Kilmarnock. West Ham The only side in the bottom-half of the table to pick up three points. The Hammers gave themselves a lifeline wih victory over Everton. David James The Portsmouth keeper eventually broke David Seaman’s Premiership record by […]

Well done Jamo – Portsmouth’s 0-0 draw at Aston Villa this afternoon (a deadly dull match) takes you up to 142 clean sheets, a new Premiership record. You got there in the end. Talking of clean sheets…

_42832615_celticceleb203i.jpgCongrats to Celtic, who wrapped up the SPL title today, but come on, there are teams in League One that could run Celtic closer than Rangers and co. The SPL is a joke league right now.

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The ref was right to disallow this goal during MAn U’s 1-1 draw with Middlesbrough on Saturday. Technically Solskjaer was interfering with Schwarzer’s kick, although you have to admire the Norwegian’s cheek. George Best did a similar thing when he knocked the ball out of Gordon Banks’ hand playing for Northern Ireland against England. That […]

You have to wonder what this referee would have wanted to see in order to call the game off. Waterlogged doesn’t cover it! At least the fans who put up with 90 minutes of swamp wrestling also got to see the magnificent goal celebration at the end of the clip. [Rob Parker]

Italian football leading the fight against diving. Would you credit it? Well, Inter Milan striker Adriano has been given a retrospective two-match ban for conning the referee into giving a penalty in a game against Roma on Wednesday night. As if that wasn’t justice enough Roma also won the game 1-3!

Everton manager David Moyes is suing Wayne Rooney over comments made in the Manchester United star’s autobiography. Moyes issued a writ at the High Court claiming Rooney’s book – My Story So Far -had “injured his professional and personal reputation” and caused him distress. The action relates to Rooney’s account of his transfer from Goodison […]