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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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74138789.jpgTalk about the gap between the top clubs in England and the rest of the Premiership. Man U’s squad now looks so strong that they could arguably field two teams in the Prem and qualify for Europe twice over:
First XI: Edwin Van der Sar, Gary Neville, Nemanja Vidic, Rio Ferdinand, Patrice Evra, Owen Hargreaves, Michael Carrick, Paul Scholes, Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney, Carlos Tevez

Pre-seasonlampard.jpgLooks like Frank, aka Eric Cartman, has been demolishing his fair share of pies and cream cakes during his summer holidays. Jose Mourinho won’t be happy to see that his star midfielder has developed such an impressive set of man breasts, or moobs as we like to call ‘em. And he could do with a spot of lipo on that wobbly gut. Too much Christmas pudding Frank?

So mighty Brazil eke out a 1-0 win against Ecuador, thanks to a penalty by Robinho. The Brazilians advance to the quarter finals, just, but I still can’t seem them troubling Argentina or Mexico, to whom they have already lost in the group stages. By the way, Brazil’s victory eliminated the USA.

player-image-40637.jpgA few seasons ago, Jermain Defoe was being talked about as a future England star. Now he finds himself as fourth-choice striker (behind Dimi Berbatov, Robbie Keane and, arguably, Darren Bent) in a team that can’t win the Premiership. His career has stalled dramatically and I find it hard to put my finger on a specific reason why it’s happened.

pic534.jpgFootball’s hottest rumour of the day is that Man Utd are closing in on the signing of Carlos Tevez. BBC sports editor Mihir Bose ‘understands talks are underway and says Tevez may move on loan or permanently’.

Rafa’s goatee strikes again! Not only is the bearded Liverpool boss a dead ringer for David Gest, he also looks like Peter Kay in his sitcom Max and Paddy’s Road to Nowhere.

Rafa’s new goatee has generated some new Shit Lookalikes. Yay! Remember, while Fernando Torres still has to prove he is a quality Premiership player worth £20 million he is undoubtedly a better signing than Liza Minelli!

Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez (nice goatee beard, Rafa) unveils new signing Fernando Torres at a press conference held at Anfield on July 4, 2007. [Photo: Gary M. Prior/Getty Images]

Some really fine goals to enjoy from this entertaining match, which marked the USA out as genuine contenders for the FIFA U-20 World Cup, currently taking place in Canada. Freddy Adu’s first goal of three was a lovely turn and finish. The boy wonder, hyped for so long as the next big thing in American soccer, looks like he’s found his A game at last…

A final decision to uphold Sheffield United’s relegation from the Premier League was made yesterday. An arbitration panel decided that the Premier League was correct to not dock West Ham points over the registration of Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano. The panel stated: “The tribunal had much sympathy for Sheffield United’s grievances. However, the tribunal had to apply the principles of judicial review and determine whether the decision was irrational or perverse. This is a very strict test and is very difficult to satisfy. It concluded that it was impossible for this tribunal to find that the decision was irrational or perverse.”

JoyofCesc.JPGThis raunchy t-shirt from Goalhanger leaves Arsenal fans in doubt as to who is the man behind their sexy football. Apparently Cesc ‘Haribo Kid’ Fabregas is equipped to provide A Gourmet Guide To Midfielding. The t-shirt cost £16 and you can buy it by clicking here.

Oops, wrong video but you get the idea! Venezuela and Uruguay played out a dull bore draw which saw the hosts top the group and the Uruguayans sneak through as one of the top two third-placed teaks.who

There was a bit of a Premiership connection to this 2-2 draw. Former Middlesbrough player Jaime Moreno gave Bolivia the lead, and new Chelsea signing Claudio Pizarro grabbed a brace for Peru. Peru are now through to the quarter finals.

Harry Kewell takes a photo of Aussie teammate Lucas Neill with a fan in a Singapore hotel’s lobby, prior to the Socceroos depature to Bangkok for the 2007 AFC Asian Cup. [Photo: Robert Cianflone/Getty Images]

baldronaldo.jpgManchester United star Cristiano Ronaldo has challenged his manager Sir Alex Ferguson to another goalscoring bet which would see one of the pair lose their hair at the end of the season. The Portuguese winger won £400 on a bet with Fergie last season after beating a 15-goal target. This season he wants another hair-raising bet and wants to see Fergie parting with his side-parting if he bags more than 20 goals.

If the latest Nike viral ad featuring Wayne Rooney is anything to go by this looks like a season to be fearful for Premiership goalkeepers.

He may be revered as ‘God’ in Scouse circles, but it seems not everyone has as much faith in Robbie Fowler anymore. Liverpool’s favourite prodigal son looks set to start the season homeless after not receiving any offers from another club for the first time in his career. The Liverpool striker has been released after […]

Scotland and Cardiff striker Steven Thompson is facing up to six months on the sidelines after falling off a banana boat while on holiday. The 28-year-old former Rangers striker had an operation yesterday after the incident in the USA.

Riquelme.jpgEverton have been forced into an embarrassing backtrack after their website mistakenly announced that the club had signed Argentinian star Juan Roman Riquelme. The article was supposed to be test data for a new website but it was accidentally published yesterday. The ‘news’ broke at 11.30am yesterday and was online for about an hour before the error was spotted. By that time internet forums had been flooded by messages from excited Evertonians.

Thanks to long-time friend of Pies, Daryl, for suggesting our latest Shit Lookalike. It looks like Arsenal may have acquired The Artist Formerly Known As Prince as they attempted to fill the gaping hole in their strikeforce formerly filled by Thierry Henry.

heinze_gabriel_mufc_profile_2006.jpgRafa Benitez seems rather keen on bringing Argentine left-back Gabriel Heinze to Anfield. All well and good – Heinze is a quality defender who always gives his best. One small problem though: he currently plays for Man Utd and traditionally Liverpool and Man Utd don’t tend to buy players from each other. It’s a hate thing.

So here’s a vid of an advert in which Liverpool-bound Fernando Torres (how sweet that must sound to Reds fans) plays keepy-up with a hand grenade. After that, you can check out a music video, by Spanish pop band El Canto Del Loco, featuring a guest appearance by Torres.

Juan Roman Riquelme was key in the favourites’ first game in the tournament, scoring twice. On this evidence, Argentina is a hot, hot favourite to lift the trophy, although Mexico are live contenders also.
Uploaded by rangel1906

[Via 101GreatGoals]

A very disappointing result for the US, but a fine showing from Paraguay, who qualified for the quarter finals with this win. America has an outside chance of qualifying if they can thrash Colombia in their final game and hope that Argentina gets a beating at the hands of Paraguay, but let’s face it, that’s not gonna happen.

USA 1-3 Paraguay
Uploaded by BozWolf

[Via 101GreatGoals]