You know what, f**k Serbia. Yep, f**k ‘em and their racist fans and hotheaded players – it’s called karma. Good on you Matt Derbyshire for playing to the whistle and scoring the goal that ensured England’s Under-21 team progressed to the semis of the Euro Championship. That’s what we think anyway. Now let’s beat Holland in the last four and f**k Serbia again in the final.
In which Paul Kaye and Little Britain’s David Walliams perform a brilliant sketch featuring the eccentric character Labian Quest, the classically trained composer of football chants. No one says the f word quite like Kaye.
There are some things in football you never expect to see. England winning a major championship, Jonathan Stead scoring a goal or Gary Neville standing on the Kop to take in a Liverpool game during a Saturday afternoon off, for example. You could add to that list Thierry Henry celebrating victory in a Spurs shirt except it has happened – well, sort of.
Veteran striker Teddy Sheringham has been arrested for allegedly giving false details in response to a speeding charge. The ex-England international was interviewed by police on 15 May and has been bailed until July. Sheringham’s former team-mates at West Ham Bobby Zamora and Shaun Newton have been arrested under similar circumstances and have also been given bail.
England under 21s are through to the semi-finals of the European Championships after beating Serbia in controversial circumstances. Leroy Lita gave England the lead when he threw his enormous forehead at Steven Taylor’s cross-goal header. The victory was sealed by Matt Derbyshire (or “Durbyshire” according to the American commentator on the video below), who slotted home while being played onside by an injured Serbian player. More evidence that FIFA and the Premier League need to reach an agreement over the correct protocol for kicking the ball out for injured players.
In which comedian Paul Kaye (aka Dennis Pennis) takes a pop at the way our American friends cover soccerball.
Football referees truly are the traffic wardens of the sporting world. Good to see that the crowd’s first reaction is to cheer when the ref gets the ball smacked into his face at high velocity. One bloke even says ‘That’ll knock a bit of f**king sense into ye!’ Or something like that – his accent is so thick I can’t be sure.
He creeps the hell out of me with his permanent grin and blue skin, although the bit where’s he stuck in the tyre swing is mascot goldâ€¦
England can’t hold on to a bloody lead at any level, can they? Leading 2-0 against Italy, thanks to goals by David Nugent and Leroy Lita, Stuart Pearce’s lads let it slip in a big way. In the end England were very lucky to escape with a draw, after being comprehensively outplayed in the second half – none of the English players seemed to have a clue how to play it simple and keep possession.
We haven’t a clue what is going on here, but we know quality football entertainment when we see it! It seems to be some sort of mascot football, possibly between representatives of Mexican teams. Any Hispanic Pies readers who know what it’s all about, let us know!
Talking of attire for the summer, you might want to give this outfit a miss unless you also happen to have Fabrizio Ravanelli’s six-pack and baby-oiled thighs! The Silver Fox seems to have ditched his day job as a professional David Beckham lookalike and is now concentrating on modelling swimwear for Belgian designer Dirk Bikkembergs.
Hollywood actor and Sheffield United fan Sean Bean has recorded a video message criticising the Premier League panel’s decision not to dock West Ham points over Carlos Tevez’s transfer. The message is part of the Campaign for Fairness in Football. You can sympathise with the Blades’ plight but when Bean says they were relegated through no fault of their own you can’t help but think that winning more games might have helped their cause!
We haven’t taken a peek at Moritz Volz’s diary for a while, but a recent visit is full of tremendous information on his summer holiday to America – like how he took all six of his ‘heavy biology books’ to revise for his exams, but that he hasn’t yet got around to opening any of them, because he’s ‘relying on being asked the right questions’ – a cunning exam trick which Pies tried on many occasions.
The West Ham/Sheffield Utd relegation mess is still unresolved, but football league chiefs are clearly very confident that the Blades will fail in their bid to overturn their relegation from the Premiership – so confident that West Ham, not Sheffield, have been included in the brand new fixture list for the Prem 07/08 season.
Spurs striker Dimitar Berbatov has been named as the best transfer buy of last season by university researchers. Pies has already given you its transfer flops of the season, but now Professor Tom Cannon, of the University of Buckingham, is informing us where the wise money was spent last summer. The analysis ranges between the blatantly obvious and the alarmingly random!
In which the recently retired Mr McAteer manages a leaping karate kick that is way more impressive than the infamous effort by Eric Cantona, or the brutal block by Israel’s Kobi Mossa. The incident occurred during a World Cup qualifier between Macedonia and the Rep. of Ireland in 1996. The Irish’s away kit is quite a piece of work, tooâ€¦