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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Mehmet%20Scholl%20%26%20gf%20Jessica%20Luther.jpgWhilst searching the internet for pictures of Radka Kocurova (it’s a hard life, Piesfolk), I stumbled across this tremendous picture of Mehmet Scholl (former Bayern Munich star) and his new girlfriend Jessica Luther. I like a man who’s not afraid to be seen in public wearing leather shorts and knee-length socks (traditional Bavarian dress, I believe). Much braver than wearing a sarong, a la Beckham.

physician-scientist.jpgThe Times’ football boffin, Daniel Finkelstein (the man responsible for the brilliantly named Fink Tank column), has ranked every Premiership player based on some impossible-to-comprehend mathematical formula. It’s ‘a multivariate Poisson log-normal model’, if that means anything to you at all.

_41904442_ajeverton416.jpgWhat has Everton boss David Moyes done to piss off West Ham Utd? Moyes has been forced to publicly rubbish claims that star striker Andrew Johnson will be tempted to Upton Park for around a £13m fee: ‘AJ was a top layer at Everton last season and he will be again next season… The West Ham consortium wouldn’t have enough money to buy Johnson or any other Everton player… and for them to think they could shows a real lack of understanding of our game.’

Pies suspects that Classic England v Estonia Moments might be a tad thin on the ground, so here is Estonian keeper Mart Poom scoring for Sunderland against Derby (we might be in danger of having a Classic Mart Poom Moments section!). And as if that desperate topical peg wasn’t reason enough to put this video up, listen out for Des Lynam’s nonsensical ramblings. What a header about that, Ron!

Props to Pies reader Lupek for alerting us to this screamer of an own goal, scored by a player called MÄ…dry ( which, according to Lupek, means ‘wise’) of ŁKS Łomża, in an away game against Polonia Warszawa, in a Polish second-division fixture last week. Enjoy…

Rodrigo%20Palacio.JPGOur latest Horror Hair candidate is Boca Juniors’ Rodrigo Palacio, as nominated by Pies reader David Keyes. We thought the rat-tail look had been once again confined to Horror Hair heaven following a brief outing by Sweden’s Christian Wilhelmsson at last summer’s World Cup.

This isn’t quite up there with David Dunn’s famous f**k-up, and you can’t compare it with the Greatest Goal of All Time®, but it is funny enough to publish on Pies. What is this, Australia Day or something? That’s three Oz posts in a row. It won’t happen again, we promise.

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Australian fans support their team during the friendly match between Australia and Uruguay at Telstra Stadium on 2 June, 2007 in Sydney. Uruguay won the match 2-1. Watch the goals after the click. [Photo: Matt King/Getty Images]

viduka_mark_mfc_profile_2006.jpgNewcastle Utd have agreed ‘in principle’ to sign big-boned Boro striker Mark Viduka. The Aussie, still only 31, has been offered an extended deal by Gareth Southgate but has yet to decide if he will stay at the Riverside…

Ramos.jpgSeville boss Juande Ramos is the new favourite to take charge at Manchester City. The Spaniard is the new frontrunner to take over at Eastlands after Claudio Ranieri was appointed Juventus manager. The 52-year-old is still overseeing Seville’s La Liga title tug-of-war with Real Madrid and Barcelona.

So Harchester United have played their final game on Sky One. I was never a big fan of Dream Team – yes it was harmless TV froth, but it celebrated the materialistic, shallow, tabloid-friendly side of British football, and as such it never appealed to me. Anyway, if you were a fan or you haven’t seen it before, here’s a compilation of some of the best bits from previous series, starting with the first ever series:

More ‘best bits’ highlights from all ten seasons of Dream Team after the jump…

The Euro 2008 qualifier between Sweden and Denmark was abandoned after 89 minutes after a Danish supporter ran onto the pitch and attacked referee Herbert Fandel. The Danes had been 3-0 down but had fought back to 3-3 against their bitter rivals. With just a minute to play, Christian Poulsen had a rush of blood to the head and wallopped Swedish striker Markus Rosenberg in the penalty area.

Andy%20Gray%20Horror%20Hair.JPGWhile Andy Gray is taking a slating in the red tops, it is worth considering that the bald Sky Sports pundit was once an excellent Horror Hair ambassador. It may be hard to imagine as the studio lights bounce of his shiny forehead, but Gray once sported this candy floss perm. I suspect the crazy blond barnet is hiding a multitude of sins and that the hairline was already receding at this stage.

Token Scousers Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher have extended their contracts at Anfield until 2011. The pair have wasted no time in committing to Liverpool’s new American owners Tom Hicks and George Gillett. Carragher, aged 29, said: “Yerrrrrrm, I am very pleased. Obviously we are both local lads and I’ve always said I wanted to stay here for the rest of my career.”

AndyGray.JPGWe are used to tabloid tales of football players getting up to no good on their summer holidays, but it seems the rule also applies to former players-turned-pundits. It seems when Andy Gray is not getting all over-excited about yet another hyped-up Sunday afternoon 0-0, he loves nothing better than to get drunkenly over-excited about women on his holidays.

Man Yoo’s Portuguese replacement for Ryan Giggs, Nani, scored a lovely, Cristiano Ronaldo-esque goal for the national team against Belgium on Saturday. Watch it below…

That’s another sleepless night for Premiership defenders.

With a huge fanfare made about Man Yoo’s signings of prodigies Nani and Anderson, it’s been easy to overlook the fact that Liverpool recently signed the Brazilian player of the year, Lucas, a 20-year-old box-to-box midfielder who scores plenty of goals and has been compared to Steven Gerrard. Lucas is not as flashy as compatriot Anderson but I think he’s better suited to the Premiership. Can’t see him breaking in to the Liverpool first team for a while though.

xin_22050108101609303421.jpgBad news for Man City fans hoping to see Claudio Ranieri transform their club’s fortunes next season – it’s just been announced that Juventus have appointed the Tinkerman as their new coach. Ranieri resigned as Parma head coach last week and had been strongly linked with the vacant City job.

4.jpgFulham have signed a lucrative four-year kit deal with Nike (the American influence paying off?), which in addition to the club’s shirts sponsorship deal with electronic giants LG, is a sign that the club means business for next season.

This week’s highlights include a second straight hat-trick by Kansas City’s Eddie Johnson, a goal by Danny Dichio (remember him!) and a rare win for Chicago Fire.

[Via Climbing the Ladder]

bramble.jpgWigan have signed error-prone defender Titus Bramble on a three-year contract, thereby sealing their fate next season. Bramble joins on a free transfer and becomes Chris Hutchings’ first signing as Wigan manager – well Chris, things can only get better.

Anfield.jpgLiverpool fans have been labelled the worst in Europe. A Uefa report says Reds fans have been involved in more incidents in Europe – 25, to be precise – during the past four years than any other club. The damning report on the club’s fans will be handed to sports minister Richard Caborn tomorrow.

This crazy Euro 08 qualifer was officially abandoned with one minute left to play when a Danish fan attacked referee Herbert Fandel after Denmark defender Christian Poulsen was sent off; Fandel also awarded a penalty to the Swedes, which was never taken. A result will not be confirmed until a full investigation is completed by UEFA.

Paul Whitehouse and co’s own tribute to Giggsy Wiggsy. [Spotted on The Offside]

1 That must be the first time a match at Wembley has been held up while the President of a country snogs each of his players!
2 With David Beckham back in the fold, surely Alan Smith can’t be allowed to play as well. England’s bottle blond quota is met. We will soon be looking like the Romanian squad at Euro 2000.