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Who ate all the pies

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Well they can’t take all the credit because Fame Academy helped, but singer-songwriter Griffin’s tribute to Mark Viduka has been rendered useless by the big Aussie’s move to St James’s Park. Middlesbrough fan Griffin is unlikely to rewrite the words of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah yet again with Magpies-themed lyrics. The line And from our team you can’t take Mark Viduka is clearly even less true than all the ones about Boro playing exciting football!

When you play football as a kid aside from running around like a headless chicken, a few useful phrases usually help you to get by. The occasional ‘You’re kicking the other way’, ‘Play to the whistle’ or ‘If in doubt, kick it out’ bawled by the coach from the touchline can work wonders. Iceland – the country not the supermarket – must be wishing they had someone offering them the latter two pointers during their game on Wednesday night. Hilarity ensued after Iceland thought a penalty had been awarded against them.

1 Argentina 78
Simple and effective.

Keys’ excellent foul-mouthed blooper last night, when he thought he couldn’t be heard by the audience, went something along the lines of ‘Daft little ground, silly game, fuck off…’

That pretty much sums it up really. Check out the dummy – that takes real class!

Thanks to Pies reader Andrew Stewart for suggesting our latest Shit lookalike. As you can see, Brazil coach Dunga is in fact the spiky-haired twin of Portuguese actor Joaquim de Almeida. We would, of course, have got round to this lookalike eventually what with Pies being huge Portuguese cinema buffs!

55984409.jpgArsenal fans won’t thank Bob Pires for quotes in the Spanish press urging his old mate Thierry Henry to leave London and join Barcelona:

0.84.jpegThe Guardian reports on a fascinating radio interview (with Key 103) with Sir Alex Ferguson, in which the Man Utd boss reveals a more sensitive side to his personality. Fergie talks about his love of cookery and his friendship with fellow Scot Gordon Ramsay: ‘I was into cooking a great deal and I could do most things. In terms of what you see nowadays I would be lost, but I can still do a good pasta or a Chinese… He’s fine, Gordon [Ramsay]. The problem with being a perfectionist is that it must be terrible to think about dropping even a fraction. In football there is room for error in a 38-game programme but if he has one bad meal in 38 he could lose business and his reputation. I think that’s what keeps the real rough edge on Gordon.’

Denmark%20fan.JPGThe drunken oaf who forced the match between Denmark and Sweden to be abandoned after attacking the referee is the latest football incident to be given the Java treatment by footy-loving computer geeks. The rules and explanation are in Danish, which adds to the fun. As far as I can tell, you are referee Herbert Fandel. You mission is to chuck as many red cards possible at your drunken assailant until Christian Poulsen kills you. Isn’t this what the beautiful game is really about?! Click here to play.

Juan Pablo Angel scored for the fourth straight game to help Red Bull New York to a 2-1 win at Toronto last night. NY’s win moves them above the KC Wizards at the top of the Eastern Conference. Watch the highlights below…

0%2C%2C2007260245%2C00.jpgAccording the Super Soaraway Current Bun, Chelsea’s new luminous yellow away shirt, leaked a few days before its official launch, was ‘chosen by Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich, who likes Barcelona’s bright orange away jerseys’.

Steve McClaren must have slept well last night after a professional performance by his England team in Estonia. Joe Cole and Peter Crouch scored fine goals and then little Mickey Owen ensured the win with a clever finish…

74417918.jpgPaul Robinson Points for keeping a clean sheet but he is still unconvincing at this level and should have done much better on a couple of occasions. 6

Peter Crouch scores during the Euro 2008 qualifying match between Estonia and England last night in Tallinn, Estonia.
[Photo: Shaun Botterill/Getty Images]

The Euro 2008 qualifier between Finland and Belgium was held up for six minutes… by an owl. The eagle owl swooped into the stadium 19 minutes into the match, landing on the pitch and goals. Premiership referee Mike Riley stopped the game until the owl retreated to a safety barrier behind the goal to keep a beady eye on proceedings.

kenny.JPGIf you thought Sheffield United keeper Paddy Kenny was your traditional tubby pie-eating goalie (and we freely admit that is exactly what we thought), then think again. The Republic of Ireland international has run three marathons in three days to raise money for a children’s hospice. Kenny ran 26 miles a day from Skegness to Sheffield raising £10,000 in the process.

Here is former Crystal Palace midfielder Sasa Curcic taking part in the Serbian version of Celebrity Big Brother, including an excellent dance to MC Hammer’s U Can’t Touch This.

In which Vasco’s Morais take exception to a reporter’s question, following his team’s draw with Fluminense. I love the way he nobly puts up his dukes, Marquis of Queensbury style.

[Via The Offside]

We think it’s as simple as this: if England don’t beat Estonia tonight, they won’t qualify for Euro 2008. England should beat Estonia of course, but of course we’re looking at another Andorra style of match, where the underdogs have no intention of scoring a goal. A 0-0 draw would be a triumph for Estonia, […]

73716265.jpgClaudio Ranieri, the new manager of Juventus and the man who brought Frank Lampard to Chelsea from West Ham, is reportedly keen on luring Lamps to Italy with a £12m bid. Juve have already armed Ranieri with a £70m war chest for new signings and he will use part of that to table a bid for the Chelsea midfielder, who has yet to sort out a new contract at the Bridge.

A solid performance from our American cousins, featuring goals from Man City’s DaMarcus Beasley and Fulham’s Clint Dempsey. Big Gooch Onyewu, formerly of Newcastle United, also scored, with a well-directed header.

England under 21s beat Slovakia 5-0 in their warm-up match for the European Championships. Stuart Pearce’s side bagged four second half goals to secure a comfortable win. They also won a practice penalty shootout organised by Pearce 4-3.

Uefa spokesman William Gaillard – the man who branded Liverpool’s fans the worst in Europe – has been called a ‘clown’ by Liverpool’s co-owner Tom Hicks. From these pictures, we see exactly what Hicks means.

Beleaguered England boss Steve McClaren faces the media during the England press conference held at the Reva Olympia Hotel on 5 June, 2007 in Tallin, Estonia. [Photo: Alex Livesey/Getty Images]

lfclogo.jpgYou’ll Never Blog Alone (great title) is written by Amanda, a ‘Twentysomething American, distracting herself from law school by obsessing about 1) Liverpool FC, 2) the England national team, and 3) Steven Gerrard.’