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Who ate all the pies

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Both are studious types in charge of a collection of young children…

77460907.jpgEveryone, except maybe the most tongue-tied Spurs fan, has been waxing lyrical about Arsenal all season – apparently Wenger’s boys have taken the beautiful game and given it an even more stylish makeover.

John Cleese, doing a fine impression of your average English football pro.

Scotland have risen one place to 13th in FIFA’s world rankings, their highest position since the rankings were introduced in 1993. The Jocks are now just two spots behind England who dropped down to 11th on the back of that defeat in Russia. Many Scottish fans – and no doubt some English fans too – […]

Didier Drogba and former England rugby union captain Martin Johnson pose at Stamford Bridge in NFL uniforms to promote the match between the NY Giants and Miami Dolphins, which will be played at Wembley Stadium on October 28th. Hmm, there must be a good caption or two in there… Photo Christopher Lee/Getty Images

Today’s most interesting/ridiculous/made-up in the pub football stories: Spurs have lined up Blackburn boss Mark Hughes to replace Martin Jol, if the struggling North Londoners fail to win at home against Rovers on Sunday. Will it happen? Not a chance. There’s no way Rovers will let Sparky go to Spurs – and I’m confident Hughes […]

The first in a Top Trumps-style series of Head to Heads pitches Mad Jens against the Drog. The category in question? Arrogance, which would obviously be the strongest suit of both players. So, who do you think is the more arrogant player (vote below)? Lehmann clearly thinks the sun shines out of every orifice of […]

The Dynamo Kiev defender has obviously attended the Didier Drogba school of style – step away from the straighteners!

A packed schedule of Championship fixtures last night, with a few results standing out: Plymouth Argyle earned a great 2-1 away win at Charlton (pictured, left), which moves the in-form Pilgrims above Athletic in the table, into fourth spot. The match was a feisty affair, with ten bookings, but that didn’t bother Argyle boss Ian […]

There were not quite as many goals as we saw at the Emirates last night, but this match was not so one-sided and therefore more entertaining. In truth this was a comfortable victory for the English champions, but Kiev never gave up. Kiev are not the force they were in the days of Rebrov & […]

Slavia Prague, aka the Keystone Cops, had no answer for the invention, youthful exuberance and firepower of Arsenal, who registered their biggest ever home win in Europe. Gooners will have been encouraged by the sparkling performance of Theo Walcott, who scored twice and was involved in much of Arsenal’s best play. The English youngster suddenly […]

I predicted a 1-1 draw and wasn’t too far off. This is a terrific result for Rangers, who were outplayed for significant periods of the game by the stellar cast of Barca (Messi, Henry and Ronaldinho all came close to scoring) but ultimately deserved a point for their discipline and calmness under pressure. In the […]

With Chelsea struggling to keep their stars happy while they supposedly attempt to change their style of play with an unproven manager, there’s a chance that another club could make it into the Big Four.

Rangers vs Barcelona, Tues 23 October (ko 7.45 BST) Despite having a substantial number of key players – Deco, Samuel Eto’o, Yaya Toure, Gianluca Zambrotta, Edmilson and Rafael Marquez, to name six – out injured, Barca will still take a strong squad, featuring Lionel Messi, Ronaldinho and Thierry Henry, to Ibrox to face one of […]

Arsenal v Slavia Prague, Tues 23 October (ko 7.45 BST)


The Tuesday Teaser

October 23rd, 2007

I hope you’re getting the hang of this by now. If not, then check out the previous weeks’ Teasers. EASY MEDIUM HARD

Dynamo Kiev v Manchester United, Tues 23 October (ko 7.45 BST)

Umbro make shit kits. They look cheap and feel cheaper. They’ve been making England kits for ages now and they have failed to design a single strip that I like. Other nations get nice kits by Nike or adidas, but England has had to suffer Umbro for way too long. I put much of our […]

A mixed bag, but some very fine strikes in the mix, especially from outside the box. Alan Hansen would have good reason to use his ‘terrible defending’ line on several occasions, but the MLS is improving in quality fast – although I would say that the standard of attacking play is far greater than in […]

What’s with the inflated carrier bags? I guess it’s a dig at Everton’s new stadium plans, which also include high street shops, a hotel and a giant Tesco supermarket. Anyway, I’m sure you can come up with a fine caption for this pic…

HEROES Benni McCarthy After some stinging criticism of his form and attitude from manager Mark Hughes, McCarthy bounced back with two goals against Reading. Antii Niemi The Finnish keeper salvaged a point for 10-man Fulham against Derby with a series of fine saves. Kenwyne Jones Sunderland’s best player by a mile against West Ham, and […]

Tempers were already frayed after the long-faced Dutchman contrived to get Patrick Viera sent off and then stepped up to take an injury time penalty with the game at 0-0.

77435306.jpgNow that Beck’s first MLS season has ended in an injury plagued anti-climax, he could be on his way back to Blighty to keep his fitness up over the winter.

Dimi Berbatov doesn’t look like a modern footballer. In fact, he doesn’t look like a modern man at all. No, the Spurs striker is a throwback to the Eighties, that cheesy decade defined by slip-on shoes (I bet he owns at least one pair), Yuppies, Duran Duran, Roger Moore as 007, and the Milk Tray […]

Here’s football’s vainest man, rolling around seductively on a mattress, for a TV ad for a Portuguese bank. Man, if he was chocolate – even crappy chocolate, like the sort you get in Kinder eggs – he would definitely eat himself. Via Kickette