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Who ate all the pies

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Burley.jpgThe Sun – who very kindly mentioned us in their paper today – reports that Southampton fan Matt Pearce is offering a month’s holiday in his beach-front home in Australia in return for tickets for his team’s play-off match against Derby.

premierleague.JPGOh, forget the Premier League! It’s over and done with. The Pies Fantasy League is where it’s at! As we head into the last round of fixtures. Tommy is playing the part of Man Utd and seems to have the league wrapped up, but Matt M is doing a better job than Chelsea in keeping it going to the wire.
Click here to see the latest league table.

Sir Bobby Charlton pulls back the drapes on the new statue of Sir Bobby Moore, situated outside the new Wembley Stadium. Outgoing PM Tony Blair was also in attendance. To see more pics from the statue’s unveiling, click below…
[Photo: Getty Images]

With the news that Robbie Fowler will not be offered a new contract at Liverpool at the end of the season, Pies has tracked down pictures of the veteran striker storming out of Anfield at a steady pace!
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muamba.jpgBirmingham City’s squidgy-nosed boss Steve Bruce has pulled off a bit of a coup by snapping up Arsenal loanee Fabrice Muamba on a permanent basis. The 19-year-old has been one of the stars of the Blues promotion season. Arsene Wenger had previously indicated that Muamba would not be allowed to leave the Emirates permanently.

image2.jpgArsene Wenger has confirmed Arsenal are set to sign Poland goalkeeper Lukasz Fabianski [F365]
Man City to decide fate of Joey Barton [BBC Sport]

73639862.jpgI once shaved a line in one of my eyebrows. Don’t ask me why I did it – I was young and dumb. And yes, it made me look like an utter twat.

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So Lionel Messi’s wonder goal counted for nothing! Last night Getafe staged a remarkable comeback in the second leg of the Spanish Cup semi final to win 4-0 (6-5 on aggregate). Two goals from Daniel Guiza (pictured) and one each from Javi Casquero and Angel Vivar Dorado sealed an astonishing comeback for Getafe, who now face treble-hunting Sevilla in the final on 23 June. [Photo: Getty Images]

Unlike Pies vs Lawro, the Fiendish Friday Quiz isn’t going anywhere this summer. It may take two weeks in Dubai but will return for pre-season training, full of optimism for the new season…
1 Man Utd, West Ham, Stoke City, Norwich (current). Whose downward spiral?
2 Who wears the unlucky No.13 shirt for Chelsea?
3 Picture round. Who ‘dis?
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Band_queen2.gifSo, it’s the last Pies vs Lawro for a couple of months (sniff). Thanks to everyone who’s taken part over the last few months. Pies vs Lawro will return, stronger than ever and with regular prizes to boot…
Blackburn v Reading
Lawro: 2-0
Pies: 2-1
Bolton v Aston Villa
Lawro: 1-1
Pies: 1-2

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So which team out of Wigan, West Ham and Sheffield Utd do you want to go down? I’d have to say Wigan – non-Latics fans, would you really miss them? They get feeble crowds, play pretty unattractive football (not all the time, I hasten to add) and generally don’t add that much to the Premiership – although I do have a lot of time for Paul Jewell. Wigan fans will obviously think I’m talking shit (they’d be wrong).

74080813.jpgCARLOS TEVEZ TO SCORE FIRST FOR WEST HAM V MAN UTD (9-1)
It’s just three clean sheets in 12 games for Man United and it could be worth taking a chance that Carlos Tevez (six goals in nine games) can bag a surprise opener amid the carnival atmosphere at Old Trafford. The Argentine is in the shop window after all and this wouldn’t be a bad way to impress Sir Fergie.

That Quaresma, he’s a bit special. This goal, scored for Portugal against Belgium in their Euro 2008 qualifier in March this year is an absolute pearl.

Full match highlights after the jump…

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Yes, John O’Shea not only looks like a bouncer/bodyguard. He also look like a slimmer version of Peter Kay. Sweet baby Jesus of Nazareth.

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Master of merks, Rio Ferdinand, gets his comeupance here courtesy of an exercise machine. His face is priceless!

Manchester United’s first team celebrated watching their reserves draw 0-0 with Chelsea last night by going to Ladies Day at Chester Racecourse. Oo-er! Cristiano Ronaldo – who appears to have hired John O’Shea as a bodyguard (now that is a utility player!) – was a non-runner.

Eagles.JPGPies is always eager to see young up-and-coming Horror Hair candidates breaking into the first-team. Manchester United youngster Chris Eagles is an excellent example of this.

Although we love to slag him off for his vanity, Becks hasn’t had that many dreadful hair styles over the years. At least he has the option of a style – Pies is sadly afflicted with male pattern baldness and is in no position to pass judgment…

72940001.jpgBookmakers Ladbrokes have suspended all betting on Sam Allardyce’s appointment as the new Newcastle boss. The bookies don’t get it wrong very often and so it seems like a done deal. Most Newcastle fans seem pretty happy with Big Sam’s imminent appointment, although I have heard some complain that he’s too defensive to please the Toon Army. Bollocks, I say. Sam did a very impressive job at Bolton – people unfairly criticised him for playing negative, long-ball football but which manager extended the careers of entertainers like Jay-Jay Okocha and Youri Djorkaeff?

Added to YouTube in October 2006. I guess you don’t have to be a psychic rodent to know that Dennis Wise is no Roy Keane.

Another brilliant Jose impersonation by Mario Rosenstock, as featured on Today FM’s brilliant Gift Grub spot. It’s funny because it’s true…

1 Watching paint dry
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Well that was fun. What had been built up as a potential Premiership decider (Super Wednesday! Sky would have screamed) ended up as the dampest squib of the season. The sight of Chelsea’s players dutifully forming a guard of honour for the likes of Kieran Richardson, Dong Fanzhuo and Chris Eagles was faintly ridiculous, and the 90 minutes that followed was zzzzz-worthy. I got so bored I changed channels to watch Ugly Betty – and I’m not even metrosexual.

Chelsea

The Daily Snapshot

May 10th, 2007

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Tomasz Kuszczak of Man Utd stretches for the ball under pressure from Chelsea’s John Terry during last night’s Premiership match at Stamford Bridge. [Photo: Mike Hewitt/Getty Images]