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Who ate all the pies

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It seems Lyon have big forces on their side as they take on Manchester United in the Champions League. Man Yoo have complained to Uefa that Cristiano Ronaldo was attacked by a frickin’ laser beam before kick-off in last night’s match. Ronaldo was apparently dazzled by a “laser” during his warm-up.

Ajax stole the Eredivisie headlines with a 6-2 thrashing of Sparta, but they remain seven points behind league leaders PSV Eindhoven. Brace from Johnny Heitinga and Kenneth Perez, and goals from Klaas Jan Huntelaar and Rasmus Lindgren gave Ajax victory.

Just a couple of years too late, Sky Sports sent Steve McClaren to Spain to learn about being a football manager. He picks up some useful new phrases such as ‘technique’ and ‘tactics’. Click here to watch it.

Each of the so-called Big Four clubs – Man United, Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool – has a young jewel in their crown that’s been dazzling in the Premier League this season. There’s Cristiano Ronaldo (22) at United, Cesc Fabregas (20) at Arsenal, John Obi Mikel (22) at Chelsea and Fernando Torres (23) at Liverpool.

August 1985 Watford’s John Barnes, wearing the tightest of tight shorts, leaves a Spurs defender (any idea who it is? I guess Gary Stevens) for dead during a Division One match at White Hart Lane. Tottenham Hotspur won the match 4-0. Photo Allsport UK /Allsport Links: Spurs Pies

Anyone watching last night’s Champions League game between Olympiakos and Chelsea might have noticed a striking resemblance between the Greek goalkeeper, Antonios Nikopolidis, and screen legend, George Clooney – not quite Ocean’s Eleven but not far off.

Cesc bats away Mr CNN’s questions with the expertise of a veteran politician. Links: Arsenal Pies

I noted with interest that Arseblogger doesn’t seem massively bothered about tonight’s Arsenal vs Milan game. He writes: ‘Personally I’m a bit indifferent about the CL this season, it would be nice for the lads to have a good run, but I’ve got all eyes (yes, I said “all”) on the league title this season.’ […]

Watching Liverpool beat Inter last night reinforced the fact that Rafa Benitez has assembled a solid, professional squad. However, compare Liverpool’s strength to the squads of Chelsea, Man Utd and Arsenal, and it’s clear that they lack the quality to challenge the Premier League’s big three – one glance at the league table proves that. […]

Thierry: ‘Ronnie, brilliant news!’ Ronaldinho: ‘What is it Thierry?’ Thierry: ‘We drew Celtic in the Champions League!’ Ronaldinho: ‘Sweet!’ Is it that clear-cut though? Barca are obvious favourites to go through, but Celtic are in the last 16 of the CL on merit. Samuel Eto’o, Lionel Messi, Ronaldinho and Thierry Henry are in Barca’s squad […]

Despite the best intentions of Real’s defenders, David Pizarro of Roma scores the winning goal in last night’s UEFA Champions League match between AS Roma and Real Madrid at the Olympic Stadium in Rome. And who knows what Roma captain Francesco Totti is up to on the ground – is he praying, or has he […]

1 Losing to a Championship side is the perfect way to get your team prepared to play one of the best team’s in Europe.
2 Although it does help if they play most of the match with 10 men. Marco Materazzi’s first yellow was perhaps a little harsh but having picked it up he cannot complain about his second.
3 The referee hadn’t really intended to send Materazzi off. His body language as it dawned on him that this was Matrix’s second bookable offence was hilarious. “Oops, I already

Liverpool vs Inter (Anfield 7.45pm) A massive night for Liverpool, and especially for beleaguered boss Rafa Benitez. The Spaniard has been publicly backed by ‘Pool’s US owners, at least until the end of the season, but I still think there’s an outside chance that he could be sacked if Inter win – and win convincingly […]

Pies puts out a team of Premier League pension dodgers. Old heads might come in handy in the dressing room, but this lot have a combined age of 392!
Jens Lehmann (Arsenal, aged 38)
The Gunners old timer spends lots of his time sitting on benches and loves nothing better than a good moan.

A backheeled nutmeg (even if it was unintentional) to beat two defenders, followed by a strong run and clinical finish? Yes, it’s easy to see why so many people are raving about Lyon’s young striker, Kazim Benzema. A note of caution: the defending in the French top flight is considerably more forgiving than in the […]

June 1994 Alexi Lalas shows off a hand-drawn gift received from a fan after the USA’s World Cup victory over Colombia at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California. The U.S. won the game 2-1. Photo Mike Powell /Allsport


The Tuesday Teaser

February 19th, 2008

Three footballers, each one represented by a set of photo clues. Guess who they are (answers after the click). Lateral thinking required… 1. 2. 3.

Thanks to our friends at The Spoiler for this tremendous spot. Rafa’s working the Blue Steel, or is it Le Tigre? Or Magnum perhaps? I don’t know – they all look the same. Anyhoo, maybe after tonight, when Inter beat Liverpool, Rafa will need to find work as a male model.

Cruzeiro’s Kerlon Moura Souza is the latest player to be labeled ‘the next Ronaldinho’. The young Brazilian is famed for his so-called ‘seal dribble’ – running past players while bouncing the ball on his forehead.
Although, like with Nani, his opponents are less than impressed…

79796904.jpgArsenal exposed themselves as bad losers again after their FA Cup slaughtering at the hands of Man United. Wenger complained about the state of the pitch, Emanuel Eboue was sent off for a late challenge on Evra and several players had a kick at Nani for his impromptu ‘seal impression’.

Saturday’s FA Cup to lower league Barnsley was another nail in Rafa Benitez’s coffin. Liverpool’s season is virtually dead and buried now unless the Spaniard can ressurect them for another Champions League miracle – starting against Inter tonight.

Three Luca Toni goals in the space of 24 minutes gave Bayern Munich victory at Hannover. The win maintained Bayern’s three-point lead at the top of the table with rivals Werder Bremen also picking up three points from their match against Nuremburg. Markus Rosenberg and Ivan Klasnic goals gave Werder a 2-0 win.

England manager Fabio Capello arrives on the red carpet at the Laureus World Sports Awards in St.Petersburg, Russia.

Talk about talent, this kid’s got bags of it. The aerial prowess of Tim Cahill and the temperament of Zinedine Zidane.

Welcome to Who Ate All the Pies’ list of the best 20 teenage footballers in the world. You will have heard of some of them, but watch out for all these kids – they have the world at their feet…
20. Sadick Adams
Nationality: Ghanaian, Club: Atletico Madrid, Age: 18

Ghana is now producing some of the finest football talent in the world, and Sadick Adams is one of its most exciting Black Starlets. He was snapped up by Atletico Madrid after his impressive showing for Ghana at the Fifa U17 World Cup last year, when he scored four goals in the tournament, including one against Spain in their semi final. He’s a striker blessed with explosive pace and remarkable athleticism, although his lack of height (he’s 5ft 6in) may put off the biggest clubs.
The rest of the list after the click…