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Who ate all the pies

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West Ham’s recent signing Kieron Dyer receives physio treatment and comfort from his team-mates after suffering a double leg fracture in last night’s Carling Cup tie with Bristol Rovers. Dyer was injured in a tackle by Rovers’ Joe Jacobson, which left Hammers boss Alan Curbishley fuming. Click here to see the incident.

Ajax are looking more dominant than in recent years after two games of the Dutch Eredivisie. They are top-of-the-table after coming from behind to beat Heerenveen 4-1 at the weekend. Ajax have not won the title for three years, but with the talented Luis Suarez in top form they seem to be favourites this season.

Following Wayne Rooney’s Put It Where You Want It virals for Nike, Germany international Torsten Frings is now aboard the bandwagon. Once again Welsh daredevils Dirty Sanchez were drafted in to help Frings demonstrate his accuracy.

Following the tragic death of Antonio Puerta yesterday, Pies celebrates the James Deans of the football world who died too young.

74194551.jpgMeddling Michel Platini’s proposal to restore some respect to the FA Cup is to award the winners the fourth and final place in the Champions League.

75447801.jpg‘Arry Redknapp is renowned for his wheelin’ and dealin’ skills but even a master sometimes makes mistakes like, ‘buying the first one you see only before the end of sales bargains arrive.’

Robbie Savage has had this haircut since the beginning of time. It has always been dodgy. He has always been blond, but he has never been this blond. Mr Savage is now undoubtedly a candidate for our Bottle Blond XI. Shades of Pavel Nedved, but without the footballing ability.

Teutonic Tuesday is in danger of becoming a weekly tribute to Bayern Munich’s seemingly unstoppable march towards the Bundesliga title, so for a bit of variation here is a picture of Eintracht Frankfurt’s Ioannis Amanatidis stroking their eagle mascot at the end of a 1-0 victory over Werder Bremen. The victory puts them on seven points and in the pack chasing Bayern Munich (who thrashed Hannover 3-0, by the way).

Attacks on match officials can range from the petty to the horrific. Former Wolves striker Ionel Ganea opted for that age old playground tactic, the nipple twist. The Politehnica Stiinta player was sent off against Rapid Bucharest at the weekend after seemingly grasping the assistant referee’s nipple before holding him by the throat. Ganea was eventually escorted away from the pitch by four policemen!

72956219.jpgHe might not have made much of an impact at Arsenal during a foreign exchange loan deal for Reyes last season, but The Beast could be back in the Premier League.

At last someone has posted the hilarious footage of Jens Lehmann’s pre-match warm-up against England last week. Here is Mad Jens showing the Wembley turf his best moves (for anyone who missed it, this went out live on primetime BBC One!).

[Via Bundesliga Offside]

Paul%20Scharner%20Horror%20Hair.jpgWigan’s Austrian man might have been on the scoresheet against West Ham at the weekend, but his barnet is definitely off target. Pretty much anything you could want to be wrong with his hair is incorporated into this look. The fluffiness of the mohican gives a hint of baby duckling chic. The shaved section of the hair reveals a worryingly bumpy head. The mohawk thins towards the crown and – to top it all – has a ginger tinge. Good work, Paul.

Ole brings the ball under control during a Champions League match against Fenerbahce in 1996. Photo Clive Brunskill/Allsport

Arsenal 1-0 Manchester City
Cesc Fabregas finally found a breakthrough, despite an excellent performance from Manchester City goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel. The young Dane made a string of saves, including Robin van Persie’s 65th minute penalty.

Photo Getty Images Arguably the most popular footballer in Premier League history – even Man City fans quite like Solskjaer – is to retire from the game, aged 34. A series of knee injuries has afflicted the Norwegian in recent seasons, and he’s sensibly decided to call it a day. He has already been involved […]

This is what Newcastle can expect to face in the North-East derby on Sunday… Sponsored link: Boro v Newcastle is available on Setanta on 26/08/07

73757653.jpgHe’s gone from the country’s most expensive signing to a misfiring misfit who’s struggling to command a transfer fee, but Andriy Shevchenko still has his admirers.

Who is this slim hunk of a man? Surely not Big Martin Jol, before he got big? Yes, it’s true.

Not a bad way to mark your international debut. Pander clearly has a foot like a traction engine…

Thanks to Pies reader Leean Pindar, who spotted this glaring error in last weekend’s Sunday Times Style supplement.

The other day we were pondering whether Peru under 17 international Carlos Bazalar had invented the lying down double-header. While he may be able to claim that particular title, Swedish Tomas Brolin was scoring lying down header long before Bazalar. This may look like a fluke, but it is actually Brolin’s carefully honed method of […]


The Fiendish Friday Quiz

August 24th, 2007

1 Tonnerre Yaoundé, Metz, Salernitana, Liverpool, West Ham United, Lens, Galatasaray (current). Whose career path?
2 Which French club did Zinedine Zidane start his career with?
3 Picture round: which club’s stadium (click to enlarge pic)?

72940195.jpgApparently, Andy Cole is on the verge of signing for Sunderland after Harry Redknapp agreed to release the 35 year-old from the last two years (!?) of his Portsmouth contract.

No player has scored more Squadgod fantasy points so far than… Antoine Sibierski (pictured, above, with Sunderland’s Kieran Richardson). That’s right, Wigan’s Gallic slaphead has bagged an incredible 70 points so far. Other players who have started strongly are Micah Richards (three games, three clean sheets) and Frank Lampard (whose shoot-on-sight policy is rewarded in this league, where shots on goal score extra points).

Real Madrid new signings Arjen Robben and Gabriel Heinze are presented at the Bernabeu stadium on August 23, 2007 in Madrid, Spain. Photo Jasper Juinen/Getty Images With Robben and Heinze on board, Madrid now have one strong-looking squad – consider that this summer they have also signed Dutch wonderkid Royston Drenthe, German centre-half Christoph Metzelder, […]