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Who ate all the pies

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This week Pies salutes some of football’s finest schnozzles.
ogrizovic04.jpg1 Steve Ogrizovic
Steve Ogrizovic boasts a head that has been kicked so many times it looks like it tried to make the grade as a ball before converting to be a goalkeeper. Oggy’s nose(s) have brave/daft keeper written all over it/them. The nose is so wonky that it looks like three very thin noses stuck together.

74015016.jpgI can hardly bring myself to type up the news of yet another round of Jose Mourinho vs Alex Ferguson, but this one is too good not to post. Fergie has rounded on Jose after the Chelsea boss took another pop at Cristiano Ronaldo. Mourinho/Arrogantio accused Ronaldo of being uneducated because he came from working-class family in Madeira, Portugal.

_39822625_barton_emp245x300.jpgAccording to the BBC, Man City’s chief arse Joey Barton has been suspended for the rest of the season for striking team-mate Ousmane Dabo during a training session. Dabo, a French midfielder signed from Lazio in 2006, reportedly had to go to hospital with mouth injuries.

‘Referee is act like a tit…’ Just about the only funny thing on Ruddy Hell! and worth watching for Jose’s cheeky pout at the end. More Jose Arrogantio here.

In my review of Reading v Newcastle, I totally forgot to mention the best incident of the evening, namely the moment when ref Mike Riley sent off Reading mascot Kingsley in the first half (a massive cuddly lion who wears a Reading home kit). Apparently, Riley was confused by the presence of Kingsley. Steve Coppell joked: ‘I can see where the referee was getting confused, you know he does look like so many of my players.’ Perhaps this video helps explain Riley’s decision:

Phew, all this Liverpool v Chelsea build-up is getting a bit serious for our liking, so here’s a light-hearted moment from a Liverpool v Chelsea match, from the days before anyone had heard of Roman Abramovich. Ouch, that’s gonna sting. It makes my eyes water just watching it…

Newcastle were truly dire last night and should have lost by at least two goals – they are stuck on 42 points and in danger of registering their lowest ever tally in the Premiership. On the bright side, little Michael Owen returned from injury, the first time Glenn Roeder has been able to pick him.

As usual, our pals at Climbing the Ladder have put together a handy video of all the goals from the latest round in MLS. Noobs Toronto FC have yet to score a goal, whilst Chicago Fire and Red Bull New York are setting the pace in the East. In the Western Conference, the big news was LA Galaxy’s first win of the season, a 3-1 win against CD Chivas. Do they even need Becks?

So how did you fare with your crystal ball? Ours is clearly f**ked… SATURDAY Chelsea v Bolton Lawro: 2-0 Pies: 1-0 Actual: 2-2 Everton v Man Utd Lawro: 1-1 Pies: 0-1 Actual: 2-4


The Daily Snapshot

May 1st, 2007

Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho and a member of his staff take time out during training prior to tonight’s Champions League semi final second leg match against Liverpool at Anfield. [Photo: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images]

The Special One has been called many things since he took over as Chelsea manager, but here is Bill O’Herlihy cutting a little too close to the bone as he brands Mourinho… [drum roll please]… ungenerous!

FourFourTwo has been pondering the similarities between Lionel Messi’s recent wonder goal and the one scored by his idol… Roy Wegerle! Weggers – which I have no idea whether he was nicknamed, but he is now – scored this cracker against Leeds for QPR in 1990.

The Beckhams have ended their mansion-hunting by purchasing a property in Los Angeles. The couple bought the six bedroom house in the legendarily upmarket Beverly Hills area. The Italian-style villa reportedly cost £11 million, which begs the question: what will Becks spend next week’s wages on? The house – dubbed Beckingham Palace West – also […]

Blatter_33451e.jpgEngland could be in line to host the World Cup in 2010 if South Africa cannot get the necessary infrastructure ready in time. FIFA president Sepp Blagger erm… Blatter has confirmed that England are being considered as potential replacements along with the United States, Mexico, Japan and Spain.

Kilmarnock goalkeeper Alan Combe managed this superb assist for Aberdeen at the weekend. He propelled his throw into the head of Aberdeen’s Darren Mackie, and could only stand and watch as the ball bounced back into the net. Mackie was only too happy to claim his goal! [Via The Offside]

Former France and Manchester United goalkeeper Fabien Barthez has quit Nantes after being attacked by a fan while driving away from the ground at the weekend. Barthez’s car was kicked as he left the stadium following a 0-2 defeat to Rennes.

73488526.jpgFrom Big Sam to Little Sam in one complicated move…

73940807.jpgHere’s how Pies sees the Premiership relegation battle panning out. Charlton fans, look away now…

73799287.jpgWe don’t cover Dutch football very often, but the climax to this season’s Eredivisie title race was so remarkable that we’d be remiss not to mention it. AZ Alkmaar, Ajax and PSV entered Sunday level on 72 points each at the top of the table. AZ had a superior goal difference and needed just three points against the not-very-good Excelsior to walk away as champions. However, AZ choked, losing 3-2 and getting a man sent off in the process.

1 Dimitar Berbatov, Middlesbrough v Spurs
As Alan Hansen would say, that is fantastic technique. If Dimi carries on like this, Spurs will really struggle to keep him in the summer. Chelsea and Man Utd will surely be keen to track down his agent’s mobile number.

Apologies for crappy video quality, btw.

Arsenal Ladies’ Irish contingent, Ciara Grant, Emma Byrne and Yvonne Tracy (l to r), celebrate after the Gunners defeated Swedish champions Umea IK over two legs to win the Women’s UEFA Cup Final. The second leg was held at Meadow Park, home to Borehamwood FC. The match finished 0-0; Arsenal had won the first leg 1-0. [Photo: Ian Walton/Getty Images]

This video shows nicely how the Championship relegation spots were sorted out… If you’re an Ipswich fan, get yourself to Hull now to collect your free round of drinks.

74016168.jpgCome on, admit it – you wanted Leeds to go down all along, and the fact that Dennis Wise is involved is a heart-warming bonus. Because who really loves Leeds United outside of Leeds?

Props to Pies reader Patrick for spotting that Roy Keane-plus-beard is a modern-day King Leonidas (leader of the frankly suicidal Spartans). I can imagine Roy’s half-time team talks in a totally different light now: ‘Mackems! Tonight we dine in hell!’

73376001.jpgJose Mourinho’s Chelsea still have three big trophies to play for this season but I already have half an eye on next season, when Jose will come up against Roy Keane.