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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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rwc.gifThat’s right, folks – Scrumbag is back, it’s on the protein powder and it’s fired up.

Gabriel Heinze’s attempts to move from Manchester United to Liverpool are expected to be settled by a Premier League arbitration panel later today. This should provide a speedy resolution to the situation, just ask Heinze’s new team-mate and compatriot Carlos Tevez!

I reckon we would settle for a scoreline like this tomorrow night. It is not likely though. In fact, Michael Owen making it through the game without breaking down would be good, never mind scoring a hat-trick.

You have heard of the downward header, the glancing header and even the diving header, but have you ever heard of the lying down double-header? If not, it may just have been invented by Peru under-17 international Carlos Bazalar. Check him out heading against the crossbar before finishing the job off while lying flat on the grass.

[Via The Offside]

New look Bayern Munich continued to look unplayable as they demolished Werder Bremen 0-4 at the weekend. Franck Ribery was at the heart of the thrashing. He opened the scoring and set up Hamit Altintop for the third with an outrageous piece of showboating. A video of the 79th minute goal is after the jump. Watch in amazement and wonder how he made it through the last ten minutes without someone decking him!

loew.jpgLast summer I very cruelly mocked up Joachim Loew’s face on a box of Just For Men. A year down the line and the Germany boss does now have a few grey hairs sneaking through. The barnet remains equally as dodgy though. His thick mop-mit-side-parting is Paul McCartney-meets-Lawrie Sanchez-meets-emo-kid.

John Terry discusses England’s defensive options ahead of the Germany game. Just like that!

[Via FanBanta]

Thanks to Pies reader Dave Sparks for notifying us of the glaring similarities between Portsmouth boss Harry Redknapp and the Lion from The Wizard of Oz. The pair have similar wigs and identical droopy cheeks. I always get the characters mixed up. If I recall correctly, the Tin Man was looking for a heart and the Scarecrow wanted a brain. I think the Lion was after a bung as part of Dorothy’s controversial move to Emerald City.

76174518.jpgWith only two points to show from their first three games, it’s United’s worst start to the league for 15 years and Fergie has already admitted that the Champions face an uphill struggle to reclaim their title.

76170188.jpgBecks made his first start for the LA Galaxy at the weekend but, despite a hat trick of assists, he couldn’t prevent his team from losing 5-4 to the New York Red Bulls.

Buenos dias! The big news in Spanish football is Sevilla’s victory over Real Madrid in the Spanish Super Cup last night. The Andalucian outfit beat Real 5-3 on the night and 6-3 on aggregate to lift the trophy. A Fredi Kanoute hat-trick and a brace from Renato secured victory for Sevilla.

1 Micah Richards is a superhuman backtracking machine who will hunt you down and tackle you (and he’ll get himself in all sorts of terrible positions first just to give you a bit of a chance!).

Ian%20Holloway%20kidney.jpgIan Holloway missed Plymouth Argyle’s match against Ipswich Town on Saturday after being rushed to hospital suffering from a kidney stone. Ollie was admitted to hospital with lower back pains shortly before kick-off.

It would have been too easy to go for the entire Romanian 1998 World Cup squad, so here is Pies blond bombshell collective.
Santiago Canizares
He’s daft as a brush but Canizares gets the nod for the Bottle Blond XI. Impressive for Spain and Valencia over the years, Santi went peroxide circa 2002. We’ll put it down to a mid-life crisis.

But, the pick of the bunch so far has to be Obafemi Martin’s overhead kick for Newcastle against Bolton last Saturday. The Nigerian pocket rocket chested up a James Milner cross before unleashing a spectacular bicycle kick from close range – and judging from Geremi’s face in this picture, even his team mates were astonished.

One’s a Bulgarian winger that plays for Aston Villa and the other is an 80s American teen film star – but both share a fondness for big hair and highlights

73690038.jpgDavid Bentley is paying the price for refusing to play in the U-21 European Championships by being omitted from Steve McLaren’s England squad to face Germany next week.

Ian Holloway’s outstanding BBC column is back in action this week. The Plymouth Argyle boss has been mulling over his start to the season, Roy Keane, Wayne Rooney’s boots, Sven and the Euromillions jackpot winner. You may be aware that Pies loves Ollie nearly as passionately as Landon Donovan loves David Beckham. And he is excelling himself even at this early stage in the season.

Nancy and Le Mans finished level on points last season in distinctly mid-table positions. They are level on points again three games into the Ligue Un season, but both have a 100 per cent record and are top of the table. As you can imagine, Le Mans set the pace headlines are de rigeur. Pre-season favourites Lyon and Marseille are both languishing in the bottom-half of the table, although Lyon have a game in hand.

57579372.jpgEddie Murphy impersonator, Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink, has teamed up with Robbie Fowler at Cardiff City in what once would have been a dream partnership in the Premier League.

There is the football season, and then there is seasonal football. My guess is that as soon as this pitch gets a bit waterlogged, you get out of there! This pitch is slap bang in the middle of the Rio Almanzora, in Andalucia, Spain, which is fine until the snow melts and it rains in the mountains. Any more suggestions for football pitches in unusual location, Pies fans?

sven%20mobile.jpgA student has been receiving good luck messages and player offers intended for Sven Goran Eriksson. Christina Tambaros was assigned the number used by Eriksson when he was England boss after he quit last year. The 17-year-old received messages from former Charlton boss Les Reed and PFA chairman Gordon Taylor, and an offer to take Inter Milan midfielder Aparecido Rodrigues Cesar on a free transfer from his agent.

o%27connor%20hair.jpgBirmingham City’s Garry O’Connor is getting all geographical with his disastrous barnet. On top he has been building mountains, but down below there are waves. O’Connor was born in Edinburgh, which also happens to be the hometown of the Bay City Rollers. Coincidence? We think not. Could we be on the verge of a mullet revival? Let’s hope so, Horror Hair fans!

With a combined cost of around £250m, even Roman’s roubles would be stretched to afford this team consisting of the most expensive players (in their position) in the Premier League.

Pitch invader extraordinaire Jimmy Jump has been up to his old tricks again. The Barca fan – most famous for ‘jumps’ at the 2006 Champions League semi-final between Villareal and Arsenal and the 2007 Champions League final – entered the fray once again at the Catalan giants’ friendly with Bayern Munich yesterday.