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Who ate all the pies

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Ahead of England’s Euro 2008 qualifier Pies against Estonia brings you another Shit Lookalike. Striker Andres Oper – an injury doubt for tonight’s game – is a bit of a ringer for racing driver Ralf Schumacher.
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This video of Francesco Totti showing off his penalty taking skills has been doing the rounds. Pah, we can all do it training, Franny, but can you do it when the pressure is on!!!

Andres Oper is probably Estonia’s most famous outfield player. He currently plays for Roda JC in Holland. Here he is giving Estonia the lead against Latvia in the World Cup 2006 qualifier. Estonia held on to win the game 2-1.

Our weekly lists looks at 10 footballers who stupidly had at least one too many before getting behind the wheel. Far too many to choose from for this category, but here we go…
Addicted.jpg1 Tony Adams
Football’s most well-known drink-driver was jailed for three months in 1990 for drink driving. Already Arsenal club captain at the time, Adams was sent to Chelmsford Open Prison after crashing his car into a wall while four times over the legal limit.

Continuing our Estonian build-up to tomorrow’s Euro 2008 qualifier, here is Estonia striker Indrek Zelinski scoring a fluke which I believe is in the Swedish league for Landskrona. He attempts to pull the ball back with his right foot, kicks it against his left foot and the keeper is left stranded.

Dyer%2C%20Kieron.jpgThe word on the street is that Kieron Dyer may start at right-back for England against Estonia tomorrow. The Newcastle midfielder (there’s a clue in there somewhere, Stevie Mac) would replace the hopelessly one-paced Jamie Carragher, who played there against Brazil; Carra is set to switch to partner John Terry at centre-back, which makes more sense.

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Arseblog is not impressed with Arsenal’s ‘minging’ white kit, and I have to agree with him. It just doesn’t say Arsenal to me in any way, although I’ve always had a soft spot for hooped socks. Cesc, Thierry, Gilberto and little Theo seem very pleased with it though – either that or they’ve just bum-rushed the Tube ticket barrier and saved a fiver.

Mehmet%20Scholl%20%26%20gf%20Jessica%20Luther.jpgWhilst searching the internet for pictures of Radka Kocurova (it’s a hard life, Piesfolk), I stumbled across this tremendous picture of Mehmet Scholl (former Bayern Munich star) and his new girlfriend Jessica Luther. I like a man who’s not afraid to be seen in public wearing leather shorts and knee-length socks (traditional Bavarian dress, I believe). Much braver than wearing a sarong, a la Beckham.

physician-scientist.jpgThe Times’ football boffin, Daniel Finkelstein (the man responsible for the brilliantly named Fink Tank column), has ranked every Premiership player based on some impossible-to-comprehend mathematical formula. It’s ‘a multivariate Poisson log-normal model’, if that means anything to you at all.

_41904442_ajeverton416.jpgWhat has Everton boss David Moyes done to piss off West Ham Utd? Moyes has been forced to publicly rubbish claims that star striker Andrew Johnson will be tempted to Upton Park for around a £13m fee: ‘AJ was a top layer at Everton last season and he will be again next season… The West Ham consortium wouldn’t have enough money to buy Johnson or any other Everton player… and for them to think they could shows a real lack of understanding of our game.’

Pies suspects that Classic England v Estonia Moments might be a tad thin on the ground, so here is Estonian keeper Mart Poom scoring for Sunderland against Derby (we might be in danger of having a Classic Mart Poom Moments section!). And as if that desperate topical peg wasn’t reason enough to put this video up, listen out for Des Lynam’s nonsensical ramblings. What a header about that, Ron!

Props to Pies reader Lupek for alerting us to this screamer of an own goal, scored by a player called MÄ…dry ( which, according to Lupek, means ‘wise’) of ŁKS Łomża, in an away game against Polonia Warszawa, in a Polish second-division fixture last week. Enjoy…

Rodrigo%20Palacio.JPGOur latest Horror Hair candidate is Boca Juniors’ Rodrigo Palacio, as nominated by Pies reader David Keyes. We thought the rat-tail look had been once again confined to Horror Hair heaven following a brief outing by Sweden’s Christian Wilhelmsson at last summer’s World Cup.

This isn’t quite up there with David Dunn’s famous f**k-up, and you can’t compare it with the Greatest Goal of All Time®, but it is funny enough to publish on Pies. What is this, Australia Day or something? That’s three Oz posts in a row. It won’t happen again, we promise.

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Australian fans support their team during the friendly match between Australia and Uruguay at Telstra Stadium on 2 June, 2007 in Sydney. Uruguay won the match 2-1. Watch the goals after the click. [Photo: Matt King/Getty Images]

viduka_mark_mfc_profile_2006.jpgNewcastle Utd have agreed ‘in principle’ to sign big-boned Boro striker Mark Viduka. The Aussie, still only 31, has been offered an extended deal by Gareth Southgate but has yet to decide if he will stay at the Riverside…

Ramos.jpgSeville boss Juande Ramos is the new favourite to take charge at Manchester City. The Spaniard is the new frontrunner to take over at Eastlands after Claudio Ranieri was appointed Juventus manager. The 52-year-old is still overseeing Seville’s La Liga title tug-of-war with Real Madrid and Barcelona.

So Harchester United have played their final game on Sky One. I was never a big fan of Dream Team – yes it was harmless TV froth, but it celebrated the materialistic, shallow, tabloid-friendly side of British football, and as such it never appealed to me. Anyway, if you were a fan or you haven’t seen it before, here’s a compilation of some of the best bits from previous series, starting with the first ever series:

More ‘best bits’ highlights from all ten seasons of Dream Team after the jump…

The Euro 2008 qualifier between Sweden and Denmark was abandoned after 89 minutes after a Danish supporter ran onto the pitch and attacked referee Herbert Fandel. The Danes had been 3-0 down but had fought back to 3-3 against their bitter rivals. With just a minute to play, Christian Poulsen had a rush of blood to the head and wallopped Swedish striker Markus Rosenberg in the penalty area.

Andy%20Gray%20Horror%20Hair.JPGWhile Andy Gray is taking a slating in the red tops, it is worth considering that the bald Sky Sports pundit was once an excellent Horror Hair ambassador. It may be hard to imagine as the studio lights bounce of his shiny forehead, but Gray once sported this candy floss perm. I suspect the crazy blond barnet is hiding a multitude of sins and that the hairline was already receding at this stage.

Token Scousers Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher have extended their contracts at Anfield until 2011. The pair have wasted no time in committing to Liverpool’s new American owners Tom Hicks and George Gillett. Carragher, aged 29, said: “Yerrrrrrm, I am very pleased. Obviously we are both local lads and I’ve always said I wanted to stay here for the rest of my career.”

AndyGray.JPGWe are used to tabloid tales of football players getting up to no good on their summer holidays, but it seems the rule also applies to former players-turned-pundits. It seems when Andy Gray is not getting all over-excited about yet another hyped-up Sunday afternoon 0-0, he loves nothing better than to get drunkenly over-excited about women on his holidays.

Man Yoo’s Portuguese replacement for Ryan Giggs, Nani, scored a lovely, Cristiano Ronaldo-esque goal for the national team against Belgium on Saturday. Watch it below…

That’s another sleepless night for Premiership defenders.

With a huge fanfare made about Man Yoo’s signings of prodigies Nani and Anderson, it’s been easy to overlook the fact that Liverpool recently signed the Brazilian player of the year, Lucas, a 20-year-old box-to-box midfielder who scores plenty of goals and has been compared to Steven Gerrard. Lucas is not as flashy as compatriot Anderson but I think he’s better suited to the Premiership. Can’t see him breaking in to the Liverpool first team for a while though.

xin_22050108101609303421.jpgBad news for Man City fans hoping to see Claudio Ranieri transform their club’s fortunes next season – it’s just been announced that Juventus have appointed the Tinkerman as their new coach. Ranieri resigned as Parma head coach last week and had been strongly linked with the vacant City job.