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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Remember Graham Rooney, star of the TJ Hughes commercial and Wayne’s little brother? Well, if making a few bob by being a cheaper-to-hire version of Wayne seemed cheeky, Graham is now parading around with his very own Coleen. Carly Gardiner, Coleen’s cousin, is the other half of this (even more) downmarket match-up. Watch this space […]

So Dirk Kuyt (pictured, left) reportedly got himself booked deliberately during last night’s Champions League walkover, by failing to retreat for a free-kick. This means the Dutch striker will now serve a one-game suspension in the second leg of the virtually-dead Liverpool v PSV rubber and thus be free to play in the CL semis. […]

A new range of t-shirts (and loads of other merchandise, including mugs, calendars, button badges and even a kitchen apron) has been launched Stateside, urging David Beckham to break free from the shackles of Victoria. The ‘Keep Posh’ message is to us in the UK, apparently. ‘Fraid not people – we’ve been looking forward to […]

I’m sure this Leeds & England fan is a lovely chap – great with children and animals etc. – but he is also one scary-as-hell customer. Can’t put my finger on why – perhaps it’s the red-eye? [Via The Offside]

It will be seconds out at Stamford Bridge this evening as Valencia Amateur Boxing Club take on Chelsea in the Champions League quarter-final. The Spanish outfit will be boxing out of the white corner. Their Nike-manufactured shirt is pretty basic with just the orange and black trim and red Toyota logo providing a bit of […]

1 There are few sights in football as beautiful as a confident Peter Crouch doing his thing. It’s like watching an excitable baby giraffe taking its first steps. 2 Nicely bobbling ball, 25 yards out: John Arne Riise is the man you want! 3 We stuck our necks out after the last round and said […]

The German giants have the edge at half-time in this quarter final, thanks to two precious away goals. Milan thought they’d won it with a typically dubious ‘home’ penalty six minutes from full time, until Daniel van Buyten’s injury-time equaliser rather tipped the balance towards Munich. (Owen Hargreaves had a fine game in Munich’s midfield.) […]

The Reds looked great in yellow last night, beating PSV 3-0 away from home to virtually assure themselves a place in the Champions League semis, against either Chelsea or Valencia. As professional as Liverpool were, the Dutch side were very, very poor – on last night’s evidence you’d say they’d struggle to avoid relegation in […]

Plymouth boss Ian Holloway was understandably not best chuffed as his side were thrashed 4-0 by Burnley last night. Ollie resorted to talking about ‘Ian Holloway’ in the third person as he read the riot act to his squad. He said: “There are some massive decisions to be made involving the whole squad. The only […]

[Rob Parker]

SATURDAY Liverpool v Arsenal Lawro: 2-1 Pies: 1-0 Actual: 4-1 Bolton v Sheffield Utd Lawro: 2-1 Pies: 3-1 Actual: 1-0

Fancy snagging £100 in Amazon.co.uk vouchers just for mouthing off for five minutes? You could treat yourself to a pile of gorgeous coffee table books, some DVDs (Gazza’s Greatest Goals, perhaps) or whatever else takes your fancy, just for filling out a few questions. Shiny Red – a partnership between the Shiny Media founders and […]

Loads of HolloWatch action this week! On-loan Plymouth striker Scott Sinclair is the source of our latest snippet of Holloway fun. The Chelsea youngster told FourFourTwo magazine that last time he laughed on the pitch was watching Holloway wallowing in the mud. He said: “We were training in bad weather in Plymouth and the park […]

According to authorities in Bari, Italy, the average Scotland fan drank five gallons of beer each during a three-day stay. Figures showed almost 7,000 Scots fans consumed almost 265,000 pints of beer while in Bari to watched Scotland lose 2-0 to Italy in their Euro 2008 qualifier. That’s an average of around 13 pints per […]

AC Milan face Bayern Munich in the Champions League in the Champions League quarter-finals tonight. The two sides met in the round of 16 in March 2006. After a 1-1 draw in Munich, it was Milan who progressed comfortably with this 4-1 win in the second leg. Personally I will be rooting for Bayern tonight […]

Dutch outfit PSV Eindhoven have been the surprise package of this season’s Champions League competition. Tonight they host Liverpool in the first-leg of their quarter-final. PSV’s traditional red and white stripes form the basis of their current shirt. The kit is produced by Nike and obviously comes out of the same retro school of thought […]

Against the odds, Man City went down and Luton stayed up. Cue Luton boss David Pleat, resplendent in a hideous beige suit and tan shoes, skipping across the pitch in a demented, Riverdance stylee (at about 2min 40 sec into the clip). One of football’s great comedy celebrations.

Liverpool’s new owners George Gillett and Tom Hicks are set to make £40 million available for Rafa Benitez to go on a summer spending spree. Pies gives you the lowdown on the players linked with a move to Anfield today. 1 Daniel Alves (Sevilla) Benitez has been slobbering over the right-sided Brazilian for a long […]

George Gillett and Tom Hicks, Liverpool’s new American owners, have agreed to provide Rafa Benitez with a Chelsea-scaring £40m to blow in the summer transfer market. That’s twice as much as Benitez has had to play with since his arrival at Anfield Since his arrival at Anfield, the most Benitez has spent in a calendar […]

Plymouth boss – and the first manager to tell Pies to “go and swivel” – Ian Holloway has revealed he was thrown out of the referee’s room following his side’s defeat at Ipswich on Saturday. While we hang on Ollie’s every word, it seems referee Jon Morris was not so keen to hear his opinions. […]

If you’re a betting man/woman/animal, it pays to be informed. And while it doesn’t necessarily pay any more to be informed with humour, in the case of Chicken Dinner, it makes the advice even more palatable. The site’s packed with articles, mainly focused on sports or celebrities, providing analysis around big betting topics, as well […]

Forbes has just released its list of the top ten best-paid footballers in the world. The list runs as follows: 1 Ronaldinho (Barcelona) Total earning: £16m The toothy Brazilian has overtaken David Beckham as football’s top earner. 2 David Beckham (Real Madrid) Total earning: £15.8m It’s been a long time since Becks occupied anything other […]

I first became aware of Jefferson Farfan via Pro Evolution Soccer, the greatest video game series in history. In the PES series, he’s a seriously fast, seriously talented striker, who improves in leaps and bounds if you develop him in your Master League team. Now 22, this is Farfan’s fourth season at PSV. He has […]

What a difference a club makes. A few months ago, Javier Mascherano couldn’t get selected for West Ham’s ailing first XI. He was rated behind the likes of Hayden Mullins and Nigel Medi-Ocre. Having watched Mascherano closely during the 2006 World Cup in Germany, this astonished me – the young Argentine was clearly one of […]

It is only a couple of months since we established Vinnie Jones’ current line of work is singing as he appeared on Joss Stone’s album. The football hardman-turned-actor-turned-singer-turned-actor-turned-singer is now acting again. The ex-Wimbledon man has dtiched the glamour of Hollywood for an advert for breakdown service RAC. [Rob Parker]