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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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There is a distinct increase in volume of newspaper football gossip today as greedy managers start tapping on the transfer window and pleading for someone to open it. Although the window will remain shut until January, click below for a round-up of all the latest transfer rumours. Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. West Ham have announced that they will make a statement regarding the future of boss Alan Pardew at 2.15pm (GMT) on Monday. The Hammers have struggled all season and are currently in 18th place in the Premiership following Saturday’s 4-0 annihilation at the hands of Bolton Wanderers…

Attention Pompey fans. You’re probably still laughing yourselves stupid at your loftly position in the league aren’t you? Quite right too… lap it up. To make your memories of the weekend even sweeter, watch Matthew Taylor’s sublime 45 yard volley again. Chelsea and Arsenal can keep their amateur dramatics eh? [Mof Gimmers] Heart of Midlothian is without doubt, the most bonkers club in Europe at the minute. With the insane ramblings of chairman Vladimir Romanov (click here and here for examples), they’ve managed to retain the mental one, and lose one of their best players, club captain Stephen Pressley…

Does this even count as handbags? Handbags is a bit too manly to describe the shenanigans between Jens Lehmann and Didier Drogba in yesterday’s Chelsea-Arsenal match. Try to keep a straight face as they drag football’s reputation through the Stamford Bridge mud! Both players were booked in the end (for diving I sincerely hope, and […]

Bradford City fanzine The City Gent has created a special Leeds United edition just in time for Christmas. The Super L666ds tribute book features no less than 36 blank pages. Billed as "diligent and exacting" and "Everything you ever wanted to know about the not so massive club that was Super L666ds," the book is […]

This classic advert features Peter ‘Garlic… bread?’ Kay as John Smith: the no nonsense footballer. [Rob Parker]

Good weekend Manchester United Now have an eight-point lead over Chelsea following their win against Manchester City.Obafemi Martins The Nigerian striker had been criticised for his lack of goals but now he can’t stop scoring.Portsmouth Played some excellent football on the way to a 2-0 win against Everton. They are now up to third. Bad […]

SaturdayManchester United v Manchester City (12.45pm) United to go to town on City. 3:0Blackburn v Newcastle (3pm) The Magpies are on a good run and could sneak it at Ewood Park. 1:2Liverpool v Fulham (3pm) The Reds to elevate themselves to fourth with a home win. 2:0Middlesbrough v Wigan (3pm) Two inconsistent sides to share […]

These are quite possibly the worst pieces of football merchandise ever! is selling this collection of ‘Football songs to sing and learn.’ The perfect Christmas gift for the music-loving football fan, right? Unfortunately instead of just taking your £6, someone at FootballCD had the bright idea of letting you listen to a sample of […]

Jose Mourinho is planning a clean sweep of England’s top two divisions. The Special One has been touting the possibility of a Chelsea ‘B’ team competing further down the Football League in a different division from his ‘untouchable’ stars. He said: "I would love to see it. I can tell you for sure that if […]

The Guardian‘s Gallery is usually good for a chortle at topical Photoshop works of art of varying standards. This week it is the turn of new West Ham owner Eggert Magnusson. Entries include a Humpty Dumpty reference, an alien and even a ‘Eggert’ Humperdinck. If only we had realised in advance, we could have submitted […]

It’s a funny old game! Just this morning we were bemoaning the fact that, in the current climate of footballer sex scandals, you can no longer post an innocent video of a group of footballers spanking animals without people jumping to conclusions. And sure enough, what should break this afternoon but another football sex scandal. […]

This nasty tackle comes from last month’s League One clash between Bradford and Bournemouth. Veteran striker Dean Windass has, for some reason, completely lost it just 13 minutes into the match and decides to make a Dean Windass-shaped hole in Cherries defender Neil Young. Lunging tackle + two feet + being late + being about […]

Chelsea‘s Ashley Cole will be greeted by a shower of fake £20 notes when he faces former club Arsenal on Sunday. An email has been circulating urging Gooners to cut out the notes – which feature Cole’s head rather than the Queen’s -  and "wave them in the direction of greedy little Cashley Hole". The […]

What on earth is this about? Most clubs show off their squad for the coming season with a team photo, but not Juventus it seems. This video from a few seasons back shows the Turin giants prefer a promotional video. In this age of footballer sex scandals, it would be easy to jump to conclusions […]

It’s the new game everyone wants for Christmas (OK, it’s not – I just invented this – but run with me). You’re Neil Warnock. You have been given £5 million to keep your relegation-threatened club in the Premiership. How would you spend the money? I’m going to spend the first million on: Lee Hendrie – […]

Jermaine Pennant was one of Liverpool‘s better players as they lost 3-2 to Galatasaray, including setting up Robbie Fowler for his second goal with an excellent run and chipped cross. But how much do we know about the man himself (other than his well documented past misdemeanors)? Well, now we can find out what really […]

We’ve all seen the famous footage of the Argentinian fans showering their players with ticker tape during the 1978 World Cup finals… but what about the Turks? Well, the Fenerbahce fans can create an impressive mess of their own with this breath taking display of support. Amazing. [Mof Gimmers] Wigan gaffer Paul Jewell has spoken out on the subject of diving admitting he would legalise it. What? Can that be right? Anyway, with everyone talking about ‘simulation’ at the moment after ManYoo’s Cristiano Ronaldo went tumbling through the air like a gunned duck and subsequently incurred the bile virtually everyone under…

He’s a cheeky chappy, our Ronaldinho. Here is his goal from last night’s Champions League match against Werder Bremen: a side-footed free-kick underneath the jumping wall to secure a 2-0 win and a place in the knockout stages. [Rob Parker] The former editor of The Sun, Kelvin MacKenzie, has reportedly claimed that the newspaper’s allegations about Liverpool supporters at Hillsborough was “the truth”. The Sun famously claimed that Liverpool fans had caused the tragedy (which resulted in the loss of 96 lives) by drunkenly storming the gates, and also alleged that fans urinated on the bodies of the dead and pickpocketed them…

Manchester City full-back Micah Richards has revealed he nearly missed out on his first England cap after putting the phone down on Steve McClaren. The 18-year-old hung up believing he was the victim of a prank call. Richards said: "I was in a barbers in Moss Side when my mobile phone rang. This voice said […]

David James might have ditched his greasy side-parting, but Horror Hair of that standard doesn’t just disappear over night. The Portsmouth keeper has transformed his Clark Kent look into this backcombed effort, which we must admit is an improvement (although it wasn’t difficult to improve on the previous look). The BBC website has a nice […]

Plymouth boss and all-round legend Ian Holloway will go down in football folklore for his zany outbursts. His most famous (or should that be infamous?) moment in front of the microphone to date is, of course, his Swiss Toni-style speech. Olly seems to be taking the Swiss Toni link a bit too far though. He […]