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Who ate all the pies

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Horror Hair: Jose Mourinho

September 3rd, 2007

76476527.jpgWhen he arrived, Jose Mourinho was seen as the king of Continental cool – the sharp suits, trademark Armani overcoat, and perfectly coiffured hair all made him look more like a matinee idols than a Premier League manager.

76450247.jpgIt’s been a long time coming but Michael Owen rediscovered his shooting skills with his first league goal for two years as Newcastle beat Wigan at the weekend.

1 Martin Jol is going to get sacked very, very soon.
2 Sammy Lee is going to get sacked shortly afterwards.
3 The Premier League is more competitive than it has been for a few years, which is great news for neutrals and anyone who doesn’t support Manchester United or Chelsea.

A pretty dull end to the summer transfer window in the end. Pies puts together an XI featuring the pick of the purchases. Not many goalkeepers to choose from, but Senegalese aplenty!

Remember the Brazilian ball boy who sneakily scored a goal? Well, it seems some Brazilian ball boys also have a penchant for saving their team with goal-line clearances!

Steve McClaren has announced his England squad for the Euro 2008 qualifiers against Israel and Russia, and the biggest surprise – assuming he doesn’t get injured between now and the matches – is the inclusion of Aston Villa’s Ashley Young. Blackburn’s David Bentley also gets a call-up despite being frozen out of the international set-up since he withdrew from the under 21 squad at the start of the summer.

21313a.gifPlenty of gems from Ian Holloway’s BBC Sport column this week, including this startling revelation: ‘I’ve ridden a horse but I’m rubbish at it. I look like a crab sat on a horse with my hunched back.’

Most football fans were more than happy to leap aboard the ‘Roy Keane is God’ bandwagon after he guided Sunderland from the depths of the Championship to the Premier League in one rocket-fuelled rise. But recent defeats to Wigan and Liverpool in the league, and then Luton in the Carling Cup, will test Keane’s resolve […]

So Ardwick AFC maintains its lead at the top of the Pies fantasy league. First-week leader DDG has moved back up the table into second spot. I had a better week, thanks to decent performances by Cesc Fabregas (who scored the winner against Man City at the Emirates) and Clint Dempsey (who scored for Fulham […]


Fiendish Friday Quiz

August 31st, 2007

1 Nantes, Olympique Marseille, Bordeaux, Olympique Marseille, Juventus, Chelsea, Valencia (retired). Which former player’s career?
2 Diego Maradona has tattoos of which two 20th century icons?
3 Picture round: who’s this?

A lovely instinctive strike from Kolo’s younger brother, signed by Barca this summer for a reported fee of €10m. On this evidence, they have picked up a bargain.

GAME OF THE WEEK Man Utd v Sunderland Lawro 2-0, Pies 2-0 Have to agree with Lawro here. Sunderland will fight like Tigers – Roy Keane will make sure of that on his return to Old Trafford – but United should have too much class for the visitors. The game kicks of at 5.15pm on […]

76403333.jpgGoals by David Bentley (pictured) and Jason Roberts helped Blackburn overcome a resilient MyPa to reach the first round of the Uefa Cup. MyPa keeper Janne Korhonen played a blinder, otherwise Rovers might have won by four or five.
‘We have got the job done and I am delighted we have progressed,’ said Rovers manager Mark Hughes. ‘That was the aim but fair play to MyPa they worked extremely hard and kept going until the end.’

Although Inter’s new away kit sports a large cross on the chest that looks exactly the same as England’s cross of St. George, it’s actually the cross of St. Ambrose, one of Milan’s patron saints. The kit, which Inter wore against Barca in the Gamper Trophy this week, is certainly eye-catching. Is it the sort […]

Thierry Henry leaves Pele (not that one) for dead during the Gamper Trophy match between Barcelona and Inter Milan at the Nou Camp Stadium on August 29, 2007.

It has been a busy week in Ligue 1. Most teams have played two games, managers have jumped ship and obese Dutch journeymen have been signed. At the top of the table Nancy still lead the way despite having played a game less than most of their nearest challengers. A couple of the surprise early pacesetters have started to drop down the table but with Lyon, Lille and Marseille outside the top eight, it is still not Ligue 1 as we know it.

Former Manchester United renegade Gabriel Heinze is the subject of this week’s Photoshop assault in the Guardian Gallery. Real Madrid’s new £6.8 million signing gets a ribbing over his pre-season antics. Pies’ particular favourite is this effort featuring Heinze Argentine Mean Beanz – currently on special offer at £6.8 million.

The draw for the Champions League group stages took place last night and we are already salivating at the thought of all that European football. But which club’s fans ought to be sweating rather than salivating?

Click below to read our live blog of the draw:

Mobile phone company O2 has released a couple of virals mocking football and rugby. Presumably not wanting to offend too many customers, the videos paint footballers as party animals with bigger egos than brains and rugger boys as fat public school toffs who love a bit of homoerotic rough-and-tumble.

Ole Solskjaer is hanging up his deadly boots, Wayne Rooney is out injured (although he’s reportedly recovering faster than expected), Alan Smith and Guiseppe Rossi have moved on, Louis Saha’s body can’t be trusted, Carlos Tevez is settling in…

There’s always a hint of ‘desperate boyfriend looking for a half-decent present at the 24-hour garage for his missus on Christmas Eve’ about Premier League managers at this time of the season. Panic sets in – do I have a strong enough squad to survive the season, or until January at least? Here, according to […]

So there are six (count ‘em!) clubs in the group stages of this season’s Champions League: the big four in England, plus Celtic and Rangers. The English clubs can’t meet each other, because they are all amongst the top eight seeds, but there’s a very strong chance that we’ll see another so-called ‘Battle of Britain’, […]

A girl writes a message in memory of Sevilla player Antonio Puerta on the outside of the Sanchez Pizjuan stadium on August 29, 2007 in Sevilla, Spain. Puerta, a 22-year-old Sevilla player, died on August 28 after suffering a heart attack during his team’s Liga match against Getafe in Sevilla. The message reads ‘See you soon Puerta, always in the hearts of Real Betis and especially Sevilla fans’.
Photo Denis Doyle/Getty Images

Arsenal would probably do better to shove Flea in goal right now, given Mad Jens’s shocking start to the season – Manuel Almunia played in goal for Arsenal against Sparta Prague last night, with Jens sulking at home in Germany, supposedly injured.