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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Dida%20stretcher.jpgIn what seems to be a relatively swift and bureaucracy free process, Uefa has announced that Celtic have been fined £25,000 after a fan ran onto the pitch and tapped AC Milan goalkeeper Dida during their recent Champions League match. Dida himself has been hit with a two-match ban for the histrionics which saw him briefly chase the fan before collapsing and being carried off on a stretcher.

Here is former footballer and current exciteable Sky Sports reporter Chris Kamara singing Van Morrison’s Brown Eyed Girl on karaoke. Just look at that stage presence.

Yes indeed. Daily Mirror columnist Stanley Victor Collymore gives us the run down on England’s possible line-up against Estonia. Does he say John Terry will get arrested?! Oi fur wun think whoever wrote Stan’s autocue used the phrase ‘I for one’ too often. Pies cannot accept responsibility for any damage caused when you put your fist through your computer screen while watching this video.

Pies offers up a team of lanky players who are literally head-and-shoulders above any opposition they come up against. Some would say Sam Allardyce spent most of his time at Bolton doing this, but we don’t care – we’re doing it anyway.

Impartial reporting at its very best from Sky Sports… More Scottish impartiality after the click…

Stick with this video, which begins with Richard Keys famously slagging off the Faroe Islands (‘Daft little ground, silly game, fuck off!’), just for the prank Keys plays on Jamie ‘sharpest tool in the box’ Redknapp at the end. ‘Awww, he’s a fucker, ain’t he!’ Yes Jamie, he sure is. Or, if time is short, […]

Stefan Kiessling, Mario Gomez and Marcel Jansen stretch during a Germany training session in Berlin. The Germans play the Rep. of Ireland on Saturday in a crunch Euro 2008 qualifier. Rainbow Rhythms, anyone? Photo Andreas Rentz/Bongarts/Getty Images

Thanks to Ben Chinn for this one. I can kind of see the resemblence… if I squint… and turn the lights off. No, seriously, it works for me – it is indeed a shit lookalike.

The silly rumour that Chelsea would sign Kaka for up to £100m got me thinking. Which player is worth the most money right now? I’ve put together a shortlist of potential candidates – all you have to do is click and register your vote. If you think I’ve missed someone off the list (I haven’t), […]

You will often hear commentators and managers bemoaning a reckless knee-high tackle, so I can only imagine the reaction to this assault. It can only be described as a neck-high scissor tackle. This challenge is too extreme even for the wrestling ring.

Most ridiculous football rumour of the day, without doubt, is the Daily Express’s story that Avram Grant wants to buy Kaka from AC Milan, ‘even if it costs him £100 million’. The Express’s ‘source’ (some bloke down a pub in Fulham, perhaps?) said: ‘Kaka is certainly a long-term target, and if there is any chance […]

Today is turning out to be Mascot Grand National Day on Pies, and that’s no bad thing. Here’s a YouTube clip of the 2000 MGN, which turned out to be the tightest finish in the event’s history. A brave effort from Cyril the Swan (Swansea’s mascot), who looked like a winner until Harry the Hornet […]

Dressed in a costume made by his mum (bless), the winner in this year’s Mascot Grand National in Huntingdon – and event that grows and grows by the year – is Darren Forster, aka Mackey Wacky the Bear. The 34-year-old Sunderland fan, representing Saffron Walden Town FC, won by 10 lengths in the splendid time […]

Sky’s Derek Tedder gets some special attention from the participants at this year’s annual Mascot Grand National, more of which later. Via mCalcio

Champions League-obsessed AC Milan have given the first indication that they might actually care about Serie A with an emphatic 5-1 win over Lazio. The Rossoneri are still down in eighth – while city rivals Inter top the table seven points ahead of them – but this was certainly a better performance. Goal-shy striker Alberto Gilardino, without a goal in five months, found the net twice in the rout to break his duck.

Sorry I had to squeeze this quote all the way down here but Barry Ferguson’s big head got in the way.

Richie%20Hart.JPGInverness Caledonian Thistle player Richie Hart has pleaded guilty to possessing cocaine. The 29-year-old was fined £300 after being found in his BMW car with cocaine worth £80 at a Scottish music festival. Police found some of the cocaine on a CD in the car after noticing Hart acting suspiciously.

If the Faroe Islands didn’t already have their work cut out for the match against France they do now. Les Bleus seem to have a Hindu goddess in their squad.

David Pleat has put together an interesting scouting guide on England’s midfield quandry in his column on the Guardian’s website. The former kerb-crawling Spurs manager has rated Frank Lampard and Gareth Barry on various aspects of their game to decide who is best-suited to partner Steven Gerrard.

There is no doubting the big news in the Eredivisie this week. As reported by Pies earlier this week (because sometimes you just can’t keep these things a secret until a Wednesday!), Heerenveen thrashed Heracles 9-0 with Brazilian striker Alfonso Alves weighing in with no fewer than SEVEN of the goals.

With the international break in full effect, I thought now would be a good time to look back at the Prem season so far – we are almost a quarter of the way through, after all – and choose a team based on the players who have been at the top of their game. This […]

In which Brighton & Hove Albion fan Des Lynam – good sport that he is – participates in a PR stunt to show how bad conditions at the Withdean Stadium could be, particularly for away fans in the uncovered section. Having been to the Withdean, I can confirm that you’d be better off sitting in […]

Rio Ferdinand (obscured) and Micah Richards take out Peter Crouch during an England training session. Photo Phil Cole/Getty Images

Today Radiohead released a new album, In Rainbows, that has no fixed price – you, the consumer, decide how much you want to pay for it. It’s a remarkable ploy, and one that only a major-league band like Radiohead could get away with, but could it work for football? Currently one can expect to pay […]

Here is former Middlesbrough hero Bernie Slaven showing his loyalties remain with the Teeside club as he quite embarrassingly chants Who’s That Team They Call The Boro? on his own into a camera.