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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Ha ha! I’m still laughing at Dida’s pathetic, delayed dive after being tapped on the neck by some buffoon of a Celtic fan (at least I presume he’s a Celtic fan). Why do so many professional footballers have this Pavlovian reaction to being touched above the waist? Not the face! The fact he went off […]

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Roma have been one of Serie A’s form teams and pacesetters in the early days of the season, but it has all gone a bit pear-shaped this week.

Stop it Rafa, stop it now. You’re being a very silly boy. Do you have OCD when is comes to rotating your squad? Because you can’t stop yourself, can you? Benitez’s decision to leave out Euro specialist Javier Mascherano in favour of out-of-form Momo Sissoko and Seb Leto was very strange – Mascherano is the […]

This was a pretty remarkable win for Avramovitch’s Chelski at one of Europe’s toughest places to get a result – if Jose Mourinho had been in charge, we’d all be celebrating his managerial genius. As much as I find much to dislike about John Terry, you can’t argue with the purity of his fighting spirit, […]

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There is just something about the droopy cheeks and the crazy eyewear that tickled me when I saw the two photos near each other on the Beeb’s website. Arsenal fans, who would you rather have take control of the club?!!

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Well, there you have it. John Terry in training for Chelsea’s crucial Champions League match against Valencia tonight complete with a face mask to protect his broken cheekbone. It’s not quite as colourful as we had envisaged. Let the lookalike suggestions commence!

‘Wussia went left-wing – and I’m not talking John Barnes…’ Check out this fine send-up of professional West Ham fan/annoying wide boy Danny Dyer, actor and presenter of Sky’s Real Football Factories. The man under the wig is slapheaded stand-up comic Terry Alderton.

Another belter from Chringle, who should really get his own Shit Lookalikes Corner. This has to be one of the best lookalikes we’ve ever published, no?

Roma’s uncompromising central defender trapped in the body of a beach bum, Philippe Mexes, has Horror Hair at the best of times. The Frenchman’s greasy, peroxide-tinted long locks have been featured on Pies before. But last night’s match against Manchester United revealed a cheeky little addition to his barnet, which pushes him further up the Horror Hair stakes: pig-tails. Yes, Philippe now has little tiny girls pig-tails.

Here’s a clip of the greatest pound-for-pound boxer in the world, Floyd ‘Pretty Boy’ Mayweather, wearing a Man Utd shirt during his visit to the north-west to promote his mega fight with Ricky ‘The Hitman’ Hatton. Of course, Mayweather, who has to be the most annoying sportsman on the planet, is not really a United […]

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It has been approximately one unbelievebly disappointing spell at Newcastle since the words ‘Albert Luque’ and ‘goal’. But just like buses, you wait ages for an Albert Luque goal and then two come along at once. He scored Ajax’s opening two goals in their 6-1 victory over VVV Venlo. He is pictured Forrest Gump-ing towards his first goal for the club above. The next Luque strike might be a little longer as the Spaniard went off injured after bagging his brace.

The first in an occasional series celebrates arguably the most famous song by The Hitchers, a punkish rock group from Limerick, Ireland. If I remember rightly, this single, which was a double A side (backed with ‘You Can Only Love Someone’), made John Peel’s Festive 50 in 1997, and there’s not much higher praise than […]

This is Falcao – the futsal star of Brazil. The 30-year-old is a hero in his home country and is reportedly the man Ronaldinho looks up to for inspiration. What he can’t do with a football ain’t worth doing. In fact, most of what he does with a football ain’t worth doing, but it sure is entertaining to watch.

Whatever happens tonight in the Champions League, this was the shock result of Matchday Two, no question. When Glasgow Rangers were drawn in the Group of Death, with Barcelona, Stuttgart (the champions of Germany) and Lyon (French champions), I thought they stood less than a 5% chance of making it into the next round. Now, […]

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1 A quality finish from Wayne Rooney. He put it the one place where the keeper couldn’t reach it from a narrow angle.

Like the Miroslav Klose and Franck Ribery video we showed you yesterday, this is a viral promoting FIFA 08. Here is what happens when Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney and Real Madrid’s Sergio Ramos decide to go for a quiet game of golf.

A disagreement turns into a full-blown scuffle during this season’s Community Shield between Man United and Chelsea. This is what happens when Man Yoo fans from Croydon and Manchester clash, I guess.

Oof! Krzysztof Lagiewka’s eyebrow just took one hell of a beating. Scientists often say that repeatedly heading the ball is bad for the brain, and this photo shows why. Lagiewka’s eyebrow gets all bent out of shape as he heads the ball during the Russian Football League Championship match between FC Dynamo and FC Krylya […]

Not a bad way to mark your first game for a new club. Dutch veteran Philip Cocu, now playing in the UAE for Al Jazira, scored with this fierce bicycle kick to help his new club to a 2-1 win over Al Wasl. I always thought Cocu was an underrated player, and it’s nice to […]

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Luca Toni’s transfer fee is starting to look like the best €11 million Bayern Munich have ever spent. The Italian’s six goals just eight games into the Bundesliga season have sent Bayern top with a four-point cushion. He scored his latest goal in the 0-1 win against Bayer Leverkusen at the weekend. He is pictured above taking in Munich’s famous Oktoberfest with Miroslav Klose and Franck Ribery.

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Fans of Euro 2008 co-hosts Austria have launched a petition to have their national team thrown out of the competition on the grounds that they are going to humiliate the country. The Österreich zeigt Rückgrat (Austria show backbone) initiative calls for the team to be withdrawn for the benefit of football fans everywhere and national pride in Austria.

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On the left we have the real Wayne Rooney (unless EA Sports hired a lookalike for their FIFA 08 photoshoot, which would complicate matters further) and on the right we have his computer-generated evil twin. FIFA 08 Rooney has a slight glint in his eye which suggests he might be about to kill his clean-shaven, slightly thinner, human other half!

One of the most stunning nights of European football at Old Trafford. One thing’s for sure: there will be no repeat of this scoreline tonight, when the two teams meet in the CL again. More Man Yoo talk at Man United Pies

Wow, what a pulsating game to mark Spurs’ 125th anniversary! At 4-1 down, Martin Jol looked like a dead man walking, but Spurs roared back to snatch an unlikely draw – that no doubt felt to Spurs fans more like a win – with a Younes Kaboul goal in added time. This photo (Getty Images) […]

John Terry will play for Chelsea in their Champions League match against Valencia tomorrow, despite suffering a depressed cheekbone fracture, courtesy of Clint Dempsey’s elbow, on Saturday. The Sun imagine JT’s mask will look like this, putting me in mind of that great episode of Only Fools and Horses, when Del and Rodney dress up […]