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Who ate all the pies

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Former Arsenal flop Julio Baptista scored this great bicycle kick against Real Betis last night. Apparently his landing measured 6.8 on the Richter scale.

[Via 101Greatgoals]

Top 10s & lists

The Drugs Ban XI

September 28th, 2007

Pies puts together a team so pumped up with drugs that even a Glenn Roeder team-talk could get them motivated!

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With Russian billionaire Alisher Usmanov increasing his stake in Arsenal today (looks like his chef has been steadily increasing his steak for some time, by the way) this t-shirt is as timely as ever for Gooners.

I can’t tell you how chuffed I am to able to combine Hollowatch with a Shit Lookalike. In his latest online column for BBC Sport, Ian Holloway claims that Avram Grant looks like a famous character from Wind in the Willows (not Beatrix Potter, as the Beeb claims). Ian says: ‘If we’re talking lookalikes he’s […]

If you didn’t know, Pies now has its own community, a place where you, dear readers, can hang out, make friends (in a Facebook stylee), upload videos and discuss football until you’re blue/red (delete where applicable) in the face. See the ‘Community’ tab at the top of this page? Click it, sign up, create a […]

As he’s being interviewed after a Liverpool FA Cup victory – was it that crazy game against Luton a couple of seasons ago? – Stevie G almost goes arse over tit. He holds it together though, much to the amusment of the interviewer and Ian Wright in the studio – if you listen closely, you […]

Perhaps ominously for Gooners who are quite content with the status quo, podgy Russian billionaire Alisher Usmanov has increased his stake in Arsenal to 23%, just a week after saying he wanted at least a 25% share in the club. If Usmanov, who frankly looks not very much like Harold Bishop from Neighbours, gets to […]

Games

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

September 28th, 2007

It’s that time of the week again, when Pies twists your brains into fiendish shapes… 1 Albacete Balompié, Real Zaragoza, Real Madrid, Liverpool, Valencia (current). Whose career path? 2 Which phantom-like Dutch star has the middle names ‘Rudolphus’ and ‘Antonius’? 3 Picture round. Which Premier League defender? 4 In which country was Germany striker Miroslav […]

The evergreen Luis Figo in action for Inter Milan, who went level at the top of Serie A (with Roma) after a 3-0 win against Sampdoria. Figo scored Inter’s third goal, adding to a brace by Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Photo Getty Images

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As Alisher Usmanov draws ever closer to an Arsenal takeover, so does the sound of a distant Antipodean tuba. That’s right… pudgy face… bad specs… receding hairline… it’s Harold Bishop from Neighbours…

Dr Lopes is not happy when he’s being interviewed for Portguguese TV and the interview is interrupted by footage of Jose Mourinho returning to his homeland. Lopes, who was Prime Minister of Portugal from 2004-2005, bemoans the fact that such news would be deemed more important than him, and ends the interview. Good old Jose, […]

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Arsene Wenger has serious fears for the future of English football, believing that the domestic game is in danger of being severely damaged by mass media coverage and new club ownership…

_linesman_offside.jpgReports are saying that our referees and assistants have been told to favour attacking teams on tight offside calls after being sent a directive that tells them: “Don’t get stuck in a time warp. Gone are the days when we would prefer a ‘dodgy offside’ to a ‘dodgy goal’.”…

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Marseille have sacked their manager Albert Emon (pictured). OM’s poor start to the season sees them sitting just one-point off the relegation zone. The club has moved quickly to install former Galatasaray coach and Belgian international Eric Gerets as the new coach.

Jose Mourinho has been given the Guardian Gallery treatment this week. And with Special One hype at its peak there is a bumper load of entries, including the one below which paints Chelsea as the Addams Family. Click here to see them all.

‘Motivation, motivation, motivation… the three Ms!’ Great to see this fantastic old clip again on YouTube – Peter Cook couldn’t be unfunny if he tried, even when he’s walking the line like this, ad-libbing left, right and centre… Via Guardian Sport Blog

Over on SpursPies, they’re looking at which Spurs player would make a welcome return to the side as the club celebrate their 125th anniversary. Personally, I’d like to see Ossie Ardiles back around, just so I can hear him sing “Tottingham!” See below if you’ve no idea what I’m talking about.

stefan%20wessels.jpgEverton keeper Stefan Wessels finished last night’s Carling Cup victory over Sheffield Wednesday looking like a cross between Bjorn Borg and Mr Bump after a collision with former Toffee Francis Jeffers.

joljoljol.jpgMartin Jol, currently caretaker manager of Tottenham Hotspur, has had a tough time of it lately. The fans love him and don’t want him to go, but boo him when he substitutes a player. Even though they went on to win the game. The chairman doesn’t like him and keeps asking just about everyone in the world if they fancy being Spurs manager. Jol, it seems, is not a popular boy….

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Again, whilst looking for something completely unrelated, I stumbled across this peculiar snap of Petr ÄŒech spread eagled in front of a camera man on the hollowed Wembley turf. What’s being said here do you reckon? “Come on Pete… this is the money shot…” or what? Chuck your version of events in the comments as usual Pieheads.

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Pies regular Jess Malone has submitted the latest in our series of Shit Lookalikes. Do you think Marky Mark Wahlberg could adapt to life in Liverpool’s midfield as easily as he made the transition from fresh-faced popster to haggard Oscar winner?

Now we know where Jose Mourinho went wrong. When Roman Abramovich started giving him a bit of lip he should have simply paraded in front of the Chelsea fans holding his genitals and shouting insults in the billionaire’s general direction. At least that would have been the advice of Colombian striker Leider Preciado.

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Since West Brom were relegated from the Premier League, Pies has come to expect the occasional arrogant outburst from young centre-back Curtis Davies. The 22-year-old has been eager to tell all and sundry just how good he is – too good for the Championship and ready for the Premier League again.

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No doubting the big game in Serie A this week. Table-topping Roma were held to a 2-2 draw by newly-promoted Juventus (that still sounds strange!). Roma still lead the way, but the chasing pack are now within two points. Juve manager Claudio Ranieri has been bigging his side up in the wake of the emphatic… draw. He said: “Our history demands that we win the scudetto. The pitch will be the only judge. But I can say that, after the excellent showing (against Roma), we want to fight for the title right to the end.”

Just for the record, you know, to clear things up, Chelsea have NOT offered the manager’s job to Marco Van Basten. And the Dutch FA says the same thing. Got that? Because I wouldn’t want you to think otherwise… Avram Grant is going NOWHERE. You heard it here first (well, second or third). More on […]