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Who ate all the pies

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With Nike pandering to the masses with adverts showing Wayne Rooney pelting the ball against a man in a jockstrap, Umbro have decided to go all arthouse on us with this commercial for their new boots. Deco is on board to express the virtues of Umbro’s waterproof technology by indulging in a little underwater football.

Liverpool.JPG1 The annual ‘will this be Liverpool’s year?’ discussions. It never is and this year is no exception.
2 Every pundit predicts that the three promoted teams will go straight back down. It hasn’t happened since 1998.
3 Alan Hansen maxes out his quote of Liverpool players/old boys for his Telegraph fantasy football team.

r10870_25609.jpgAfter Inter Milan scored three times in 17 minutes during yesterday’s friendly against Man Utd, Fergie pointed his hairdryer in the direction of the defence.

villabadge.gifWelcome to a new feature. Sporadically, we’ll be getting the opinions of the fans and bloggers of each Premier League side in the run up to the new season. Of course, these opinions will be biased and far from fair, but that’s part of the joy of football eh? Today, let’s have a look at the views of a Villa fan who is hoping that Reo-Coker will shine next season… and of course, some gentle slagging of Birmingham City.

75464295.jpgFinish drinking your tea. You don’t want to spit it everywhere when you hear some really shocking news. You’ll never guess. Joey Barton has been charged with assault after an alleged training ground bust-up with a former team-mate. *faints*

I love the internet. It gives you the chance to watch amazing goals from matches that feature teams you didn’t even know existed. From the cracking 101GreatGoals, here’s the top 10 goals from around the world that have been bagged in the last week.

GolTVs Top10 Goals July 2007 Week 5
Uploaded by CatrachoMillonario

In one of the most surprising transfers yet this season, overweight Spurs striker Mido has joined underachieving (in the Prem at least) Sunderland for a fee of £6m.

We all know which footballers can rap, but Blackburn’s new signing Roque Santa Cruz is capable of rocking out with the best of them. The Paraguayan striker scored a top 40 hit in Germany and Austria with his collaboration with German band Sportfreunde Stiller. Here is the video for the song, entitled Ich Roque.

United lost at home to Inter Milan in this pre-season friendly. Despite Wayne Rooney putting it where he wanted it to open the scoring, the Red Devils were 1-3 down at half-time after goals from David Suazo (two) and Zlatan Ibrahimovic. They pulled one back in the second half when Adriano headed a Cristiano Ronaldo free-kick into his own net.

DirtySancheznike.bmpPies has been keeping a close eye on Nike’s Put It Where You Want advertising campaign, in which Wayne Rooney vents his frustration at Colleen’s latest shopping spree by smacking the ball against a variety of targets (so far a badly drawn circle and an annoying film director have felt the venom of Wazza’s new T90 Laser boots).

da%20costa%20hair.jpgMore Horror Hair talent appears to be Premiership-bound if Rafa Benitez gets his wicked way with PSV Eindhoven over Portuguese youngster Manuel da Costa. Liverpool is a club with fine Horror Hair pedigree from the bubble perms of Keegan and co. to the peroxide dabblings of David James. Pretty soon we should be able to add the wiry mullet of 21-year-old da Costa to that list.

Sean Bean has given a Sharpe response to Neil Warnock’s accusations that the film star and Blades fanatic upset his family with a foul-mouthed tirade after last season’s relegation.

‘I never think about yesterday,’ says Thierry. That will please Arsenal fans no end.

[Via The Beautiful Game]

Mark Hughes wanted to sign Roque Santa Cruz and now he has his man, signed for a relatively modest £3.5m from Bayern Munich – it’s a good move for the popular Paraguayan striker, who would probably have spent much of this season at Bayern sat on his ass, watching the likes of Luca Toni, Lukas Podolski and Miroslav Klose score goals in the Bundesliga.

Rangers were expected to dominate this CL qualifier but they struggled to impose themselves against the underdogs from Montenegro. And you won’t see two uglier goals in your life.

FC Dallas fans mock the lack of playing time at the start of David Beckham’s LA Galaxy career with this cheeky Bench it like Beckham banner. Becks did not make the trip to Dallas due to his on-going ankle injury. (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

Vince%27s%20list.jpgThroughout the recent Asian Cup, Pies feared for Australia as they seemed to be heading down a dangerous road that England had gone down last summer. The Socceroos implemented The Masterplan (© Beckham, Lampard, Gerrard, A. Cole) of telling every man and his dog just how good they were before the tournament, not delivering on the arrogant promises on the pitch and crashing out trophy-less.

Oh, the fickle world of football: Tuesday 31st July: Fergie reveals a crop of promising youngsters he dubs ‘the future’ of the club. “My biggest management job next season will be with the young players – Johhny Evans, Gerard Pique, Danny Simpson Lee Martin, Chris Eagles, Frazier Campbell and Guiseppe Rossi,” he said. “They’re terrific […]

Chelsea%20new%20away.jpgApparently Chelsea’s new fluorescent away kit is supposed to give them some sort of edge on the pitch, although Pies would have to question the logic of having Jose Mourinho’s tactics printed on the kit for opposition managers and players to see.

The other day we told you about Big Sam Allardyce’s complaint that Juventus keeper Gianluigi Buffon had committed ‘common assault’ on Newcastle youngster Andy Carroll at the weekend. Well, the YouTubers of this world have finally caught up and here is footage of said incident. It is certainly reminiscent of the Harald Schumacher incident and, just like Schumacher, Buffon gets away with it. No wonder Big Sam was fuming.

A David Beckham-less Galaxy beat FC Dallas in a 6-5 thriller in the Superliga. Check out Landon Donovan signalling game over at 5-3 (there’s a few more goals left yet, Landy) and Abel Xavier proving why he is no longer good enough for the Premiership with some schoolboy defending. Our apologies for inflicting the Spanish language ‘Gol, gol, gol, gol etc’ commentator on you once again, but try to humour him!

Pies celebrates to truly appalling kits from the Premiership years.
1 Nottingham Forest’s yellow and black away kit

A big shout-out to Pies reader Mark Sharon for spotting that Kieran Richardson looks rather similar to Micah (played by Noah Gray-Cabey, a ten-year-old classically trained pianist), a character in new hit TV show ‘Heroes’. I haven’t yet seen Heroes, but friends tell me it’s rather good – unlike Kieran, who is rather shit.

Very nicely done, but methinks there’s some computer trickery involved…

Pies might just have a new favourite football commentator in the shape of former Newcastle United player Ray Hudson. Ray is the star of GolTV’s soccer coverage. We first noticed him following the Copa America final. His commentary makes him sound like the lovechild of Jonathan Pearce and Gazza who has popped a couple of Prozac prior to kick-off.