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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Liverpool have agreed a fee with Feyenoord for Dutch international Dirk Kuyt. That’ll piss off Newcastle, who also wanted the blonde striker. Kuyt will now undergo the usual medical and agree personal terms before completing a move believed to be worth around £10m. I may be proved wrong, but from what I’ve seen of Kuyt, […]

Have you ever needed someone to turn up at your party and be surly with everyone, and complain about how the jelly was officiated? Well, thankfully, Susan Scott Lookalikes have got just the thing for you. A lookalike of ‘The Special One’, Jose Mourinho. Leon Yianni (pictured) can turn up at your event… and… well… […]

Whilst looking for a video of Northern Ireland’s win on YouTube, I stumbled across something called Apres Match. Now I want one in England. Over the puddle, the Irish have a corking footy/satire programme called Apres Match, which is witty and funny. I’m still mourning the lack of funny footy progs on our screens… and […]

The number 7 shirt has always held a dear and fond respect in the England camp. If you look at some of the players who worn the shirt, you begin to understand it’s weight. It’s our equivalent to the Brazil 10 shirt. Or the Dutch 14. So, looking at the Super 7′s that have played […]

Paul Robinson 6 Nothing to do in 45 minutes. Upstaged by replacement Chris Kirkland, who made a couple of very good saves in the second half. Place not certain. Gary Neville 7Seemed liberated by the absence of best mate Beckham down the right flank. Linked well with Steven Gerrard and reliable at the back, as […]

If I was a defender, I’d like to mark Duncan Ferguson about as much as I’d like to stick my head in a cement mixer. Here’s more YouTube footage of the legendary hardman in action:

Scary man, big Dunc…

Here’s what posters to various football forums are saying about Owen Hargreaves, a reported target for Man Utd. (With all spelling mistakes, bias, bile etc. left in) ‘He runs a lot, has a fair bit of ‘nuisance’ value, and has ‘a good engine’. He has little skill, can’t shoot, doesn’t head the ball, is not […]

Betting on meaningless friendlies is not something I’d usually recommend but then tonight’s England v Greece international isn’t meaningless: every single English player will be trying his hardest to impress new manager Steve McClaren. This is a clean slate for our national team, so I’ve a feeling that there will be more edge to the […]

This has to be my favourite football story of the week [Via Guardian Unltd]: Botafogo goalkeeper Lopes has been sidelined for at least a month after being scalded in the showers at the famous Maracana stadium. Lopes said the players had gone into the showers after last Sunday’s game against Palmeiras but could not get […]

I know I shared the fairplay video with you (and I truthfully enjoyed that). Here’s the flip side to the coin. Sunday League Football. In under a minute, this clip offers you a kick in the face, fury, slack passing, then a horror tackle. Bloody fantastic! Imagine Robbie Savage with this lot snapping his leg […]

So, with the new season upon us (yes! yes! yes!) we can all get giddy about the same things. Seeing our team in their new kit, the great start by an unfancied team… and then, the new signings. It seems to have been quieter than usual in the transfer market, but there have been some […]

I don’t know if this has been seen by many. Even if it has, it is definitely worth seeing again. In an age which sees managers asking players to tone down the diving and winking, it’s a joy to see that the old gentlemanly spirit is still there (at times). Mof Gimmers

So, Bolton are still searching for someone who can be deemed by the Bolton faithful as ‘a decent signing’. Fortune is injured, Meite is a defender… and fans like strikers! Step forward Diego Tristan, who may be pulling on the Wanderers’ shirt if the rumours are correct. Mof Gimmers

Manchester United (plc) must think that their fans are the most stupid people on the planet. For years, they swindled them out of their hard earned pennies on kit after kit after kit… and now… well… the latest ‘offer’ from the big wigs at Man Yoo is probably reason to start supporting FC United in […]

I think we’ve got a quote to beat all of Ian Holloway‘s… no really. Accrington Stanley skipper Peter Cavanagh has revealed this little gem ahead of The Accies return to League footy after playing FIFA07 on his PS2. "The likenesses in the game are superb. I am really happy with mine but I don’t think […]

Around 700 Plymouth Argyle fans made the long trip to Sunderland last week. They were rewarded not only with a 3-2 away win, but also the promise of a pint from Pilgrims boss/Who Ate All the Pies hero Ian Holloway: ‘I hope I see one or two of those on the Barbican over the next […]

So, Premier League whipping boys new boys Reading will be taking to their new Premiership surroundings in their famed blue and white hoops. It’s not a bad kit actually, seeing the side opt for something simple and effective. It’s got the inclusion of an 80s collar too, so would-be rude boys can turn it up […]

Let’s have a look at Riise’s ridiculous goal again. If you want to know how good it is, imagine this. If it was you or me, we’d be throwing up and having an asthma attack before we’d reached the halfway line. Mof Gimmers

So, an uninspired Chelsea got beaten by a lively looking Liverpool outfit yesterday. What does that tell us? Well, not a great deal as a season shouldn’t be judged in pre-season, but a niggling thought in my head came to the fore again. Will Chelsea crack under the immense pressure of the upcoming season? We […]

Steve McClaren has dropped David Beckham from his first England squad. OK, Stevie Mac, we get the picture – you’re your own man. But is this decision a message to the national press (the message being, ‘I’ve stepped out of Sven’s shadow at last…’) or a genuine decision based on McClaren’s belief that Beckham can […]

Tottenham may have backed down but Glenn Roeder has now admitted an interest in Inter’s Nigerian striker Obafemi Martins. There’s one thing I know about Martins: in Pro Evolution Soccer, he’s famously blessed with speed and acceleration stats of 99 (the highest you can get). Here’s a video of him in action for Inter:

A recent poll of members of the official England Supporters’ Club shows that England fans are split as to who they want to captain the national team: 51% want John Terry and 46% want Steven Gerrard (Gary Neville and Frank Lampard make up the numbers, with 2% and 1% respectively). I would choose John Terry, […]