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Who ate all the pies

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Health firm Herbalife are the latest business to buy into Brand Beckham after becoming the new shirt sponsors of LA Galaxy. The company flogs weight loss and nutritional products, despite a logo and name which make it seem like the friendly face of marijuana dealing! Herbalife has signed a deal worth between $3.5 million and […]

Remember when Wayne Rooney used to score goals for England? Vaguely? Well, his last two competitive goals for England were this pair he scored against Croatia at Euro 2004. Check out some excitable commentary from John Motson, including the prophetic: "Is there nothing this boy can do!" [Rob Parker]

The release dates for the new kits seems to get earlier and earlier each season. Newcastle’s home shirt for next season is already available for pre-order ahead a 2 May launch. Out go the traditional stripy sleeves in favour of an a much more black affair. Think more zebra than bar-code for the 2007-08 season! […]

If it had been David Beckham or Xabi Alonso we would have all been raving about, so why shouldn’t we get excited about Hawar scoring from his own half for Al Ain against Al Shaab in the UAE President’s Cup last month. This was the winning goal in a 3-2 victory. Not bad! [Rob Parker]

Ladies and gents. Pies can finally reveal something that Frank Lampard is great at (which many people have been wondering after yet another woeful performance in an England shirt). Yes folks, Lamps is great at beating Kalou in a thumb wrestling match whilst wearing a Mexican wrestling mask. Stops us looking at that face which […]

We’ve got a rubbish manager who can’t help to stop negative play and it’s all infuriatingly boring. For any Englishman, this isn’t exactly news, but what is worrying about the current set-up is the lack of drive, willingness to perform and a dressing room that looks about as harmonious as George Best’s relationship with his […]

Fulham defender and unofficial English Tourist Board spokesman Moritz Volz has leapt to the defence of the English climate. The German told The Guardian’s Small Talk [Cue Land of Hope and Glory in the background]: "It’s not as bad as people say it is. England has to be one of the most beautiful countries in […]

1 He is not Steve McClaren.2 Even after a dull 0-0 bore draw with Israel, Ollie would still entertain us with his post-match interview. Whereas McClaren… 3 Ian Holloway could motivate a stone (although whether this is a big a feat as motivating a bunch of overpaid egotists is up for debate!)4 Ollie is happily […]

Paul Robinson Robbo (pictured, left) failed miserably to score the goals for which he was brought into the side. And he wore gloves when it wasn’t even cold. 1/10Phil Neville His lopsided face only served to upset the balance in the team. Surely Gary/Phil’s sister Tracey would be a better bet? One point for at […]

So whilst England failed abjectly to trouble the scorers against plucky Israel (and respect to the home side’s stalwart defenders), the good ‘ole US of America stood as one to applaud this hat-trick, scored by Landycakes for the national team against Ecuador. Watch out for his third goal – it’s a cracker:

Here’s a picture of Ollie, Pies Ed. arriving at work in his new yacht this morning, having cleaned up at the bookies this weekend. Mad props to Lee Honeyball, our new tipster, who landed all four of his live bets in his debut column, adding up to around a 150-1 quadruple. Mystic Lee correctly predicted […]

Cristiano Ronaldo rammed Belgium goalkeeper Stijn Stijnen’s threats of violence down his throat as he helped Portugal to a 4-0 victory on Saturday. And he scored two goals against the man who warned he would be leaving the pitch on a stretcher for good measure! Just like England, Portugal made the necessary adjustments after a […]

Good weekendTurkey A 1-4 away win in their grudge match against Greece.David Healy The Northern Ireland striker scored his second hat-trick of the qualifiers against Liechtenstein.Scotland Still sitting pretty on top of Group B after victory in Georgia. Bad weekend [Rob Parker]

[Mof Gimmers]

Did you enjoy the brilliant Top 20 Comedy Football Moments (Vol. 2) t’other day? Well, the flip side of the footballing coin is the ugly bit of the game. This video features the recent spat between Inter and Valencia, but you’d have to look hard to top the horrendous Schumacher hip-tackle that saw Battiston breaking […]

With FA Cup matches decimating the Premier League fixtures a fortnight ago, a Fantasy Friday last week would have been about as well-received as a bronze statue of Ted Bates that looks like Jimmy Krankie. But we’re back this week with a vengeance. Click below to see the latest league table.

We fricking love bloopers. This compilation is perfect for a lazy Friday afternoon (thanks to Pies reader rozkminiacz for the spot). Watch out for the horny Owls at No.2…

Games

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

March 23rd, 2007

1 Trelleborg, Juventus, Djurgarden, Stade Rennais, Manchester City (current). Whose career?2 Only one nation has appeared in more European Championships than England. Which nation?3 Picture round. Who he? 4 Who is currently club captain of Blackburn Rovers?5 Which English league club (including the Premiership), has the fewest letters in its full name?6 The club crest […]

How did England get themselves into yet another ‘We’ve got a rubbish manager who we don’t want’ scenario? Anyway, no use moaning. Pies would like to suggest these two scenarios: a) We scrape a result against Israel and then end up sneaking into Euro 2008, where we fail to get past the quarter finals because […]

Pies is delighted (look at our Steve McClarenesque grin) to welcome Lee Honeyball, former tipster for the Racing Post, Observer Sport Monthly and Guardian Unlimited, into its fold. Lee will be writing a betting column for Pies every Friday, laying out his top five tips for the weekend. Then, on Monday, we’ll see how he […]

These new TUNiTs are the most advanced footy boots adidas have ever made. They’re fully customisable, depending on which surface you’re playing on, and their dazzling whiteness will make you look a bit like Cristiano Ronaldo, if not play like him. The boot is now completely seamless which allows for a better touch, while the […]

Karate kick, go! Ouch, that’s gotta sting. As far as I can make it, it’s a foul by Anthony Tieku on Leendert van Steensel, committed during a German league match between Koblenz and FC Jena.

‘Tis the season for goalies to get their name on the scoresheet. Like these special chaps… 1 Anonymous dude with a foot like a traction engineThis incredible goal makes me grin like an idiot every time I watch it. Undoubtedly the best ever goal scored by a ‘keeper.

Soccer Fiesta proudly celebrates ‘The Wonderful of Soccer’, which is a beautiful sentiment – whether it’s meant to be the ‘Wonderful World of Soccer’ or simply the ‘Wonder of Soccer’, we’re not sure. Either way, we agree with them that, yes, soccer/football (delete where applicable) is bloody wonderful. Like Pies, Fiesta features news, videos, scurrilous […]