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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Yesterday you voted for Cristiano Ronaldo (obviously) and Steven Gerrard to play in wide midfield for your Premiership team of the season. They join Petr Cech, Steve Finnan, Patrice Evra, Nemanja Vidic, Joleon Lescott, Michael Essien and Tom Huddlestone.

Tyldesley.JPG1 He is biased in Manchester United’s favour to the point that he would probably no longer be allowed to commentate on the BBC even if he was good enough (and it’s a big if). During his four years at the Beeb in the early 1990s he was assigned to a grand total of four live matches!

73963565.jpgMan Utd reaction:
‘Wayne’s goal puts us in a fantastic position. I think that with the speed of our team we will score over there, but I don’t know whether that will be enough.’ Alex Ferguson is still wary of Milan

The Italian FA seems to be finally taking diving seriously, and now the A-Team is clamping down on cheats too! In this Snickers advert, Mr T takes an all action approach to stop one Sunday League diver. I pity the fool who simulates! I do, I do! [Rob Parker]

Kaka outclassed Ronaldo in the ‘best player in the world’ showdown but Wayne Rooney saved the day for Man Utd with two second-half goals, including a lovely finish in added time. United now have a slight edge but if they lose 1-0 in the San Siro then the Italians go through, so the tie is very much in the balance (60-40 in favour of United I’d say).

I hesitate to put this in the ‘funny old game’ category, but it is, well, funny – and the kid’s okay now, as long as you don’t count 30 stitches in the head (we don’t). Proper football needs more of these mismatches. Let’s have John Terry kicking seven shades of shit out of a seven-year-old mascot… [Via With Leather]

Alan Ball, the youngest member of England’s 1966 World Cup-winning team, has died of a heart attack aged 61. The former Blackpool, Everton, Arsenal and Southampton midfielder won 72 caps for hs country. Ball also took charge of seven clubs in a managerial career spanning almost 20 years. His most recent post was as Portsmouth […]

Che%20Mourinho.JPGJose Mourinho has once again been showing off his revolutionary approach to pre-match press conferences, so it is probably as good a time as any to invest in this Che Guevera-style t-shirt.

Chelsea

The Daily Snapshot

April 24th, 2007

73961270.jpg
Chelsea trio Sean Wright-Phillips, Carlo Cudicini and Jon-Obi Mikel muck about during training before tomorrow’s Champions League tie against Liverpool. [Photo: Getty Images]

We all know kit manufacturers love nothing better than to recycle a design, swap the colours a bit and flog it to millions more fans. AC Milan’s away kit does bear a striking resemblance to the Germany national shirt and Real Madrid home shirt. The shirt will be on display at Old Trafford this evening […]

Rio%20Diddy.JPGFresh from the upper echelons of our top 10 vain footballers list, here is Rio Ferdinand partaking in a spot of shameless self-promotion and ego-boosting. Rio met rapper/producer P Diddy as part of Myspace’s The Hook Up.

franklampard-justin.jpgfranklampard-eric.jpg
Simple really – who’s the worst Lamps lookalike (Justin Eason on the left, in Chelsea shirt; Eric Yabsley on right, in England shirt)? Yes, we know they’re both really shit.

I’ve seen this vid posted on a few blogs (including The Offside), but it’s too funny not to share. Either Zlatan is mesmerised by Ronaldo’s lovely teeth, or he’s trying to catch his eye and stare him out. Given how damn cocky Zlatan is, I guess it’s the latter.

sp2.jpgJerzy Dudek, Liverpool’s reserve goalkeeper, was quoted in The Sun today as saying he planned to quit Liverpool as he is pissed off being treated like ‘a slave’. The Polish keeper was reported to have said: ‘I have to finally tell Rafa I’m leaving because maybe he’s not aware of it… I will remember Liverpool fondly as a success but not the situation I’ve found myself in… When a player knows he is a slave, he’ll never give his employer his heart.’

0%2C%2C2007181679%2C00.jpgAtletico Madrid captain Fernando Torres, reportedly a summer transfer target for Man Utd, wears an armband with ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ inscribed on the inside – the armband came loose during Atletico’s 2-0 defeat away to Real Sociedad at the weekend.

cristiano-ronaldo-traje.jpg1 Cristiano Ronaldo (Man Utd)
He’s so vain, I bet he thinks this post is about him… yep, Master Ronaldo is the winner by some distance. Everything he does screams ‘Everyone look at me!’ When Patrice Evra revealed that Ron’s nickname at Man U is ‘Playboy’ and that the Portuguese poser has his own personal mirror in the Old Trafford dressing room, was anyone really surprised?

In which Homer barfs into a traffic cone and Lisa learns the art of diving (or ‘flopping’). Then some toothy Brazilian dude turns up… [via The Offside]

_39451333_mtaylor203x270.jpgYesterday you selected Michael Essien and Tom ‘The Bunker’ Huddlestone to slot into the central defence of your team of the season. I suspect there may have been some double votes for The Bunker, but he got so many that I have to let him in. And that’s no bad thing – he is, after all, a talented young English midfielder with great vision and a fierce shot. Essien’s selection was a no brainer.

essien_michael_cfc_profile_2006.jpgMichael Essien was arrested for drink-driving as he left a nightclub at 5am yesterday. The Chelsea midfielder/defender/goalie/physio etc. was driving his black Range Rover when he was stopped by police. Essien was breathalysed on the spot and nicked when the result proved positive. He was held for several hours then freed on bail at 10am. He must report back to police in July.

Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez demonstrates his unique method of introducing himself!

JoseMourinho.jpgDaniel Craig might be the current incumbent, but next time the hunt is on for a new James Bond Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho might just be in the frame. Details have emerged today of the Special One’s daring escape from Stamford Bridge as he defied a Uefa touchline ban. Mourinho is alleged to have escaped from the dressing room in a laundry basket after giving an illicit half-time team-talk.

A Brazilian footballer was booked last weekend for kissing the referee. Cabofriense defender Cleberson received a yellow card for getting too friendly with Ubiraci Damasio.

swire.jpgThe busiest man in football at the moment is Manchester United physio Rob Swire. The Red Devils barely have enough first-teamers available to put a side out as the injury curse that afflicted Chelsea earlier in the season seems to have moved north. So we thought we would help Fergie by compiling a physio room XI for him. Click below to see the line-up.

There were no fewer than four red cards in the La Liga fixture between Espanyol and Real Betis last weekend. Betis finished the game with eight men after having Pedro Contreras, Miguel Angel and Edu sent-off in the space of a minute. Goalkeeper Contreras was dismissed for a foul while his team-mates soon followed for their over-exuberant protests. Espanyol’s former Birmingham City flop Walter Pandiani had been red-carded earlier in the match. All the action is in the video below.

_38116489_lawro_150.jpgDid your crystall ball-gazing earn you a retro footy t-shirt this week? Did Pies manage to outpredict Lawro for once? Let’s find out…