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Who ate all the pies

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It’s been one of the longest running feuds in the Premier League but the latest spat between the two is over Sepp Blatter’s plans to limit the number of foreign players in English teams.

Just in case you’ve forgotten how good Dennis Bergkamp was here’s the final goal of his sensational hat-trick that destroyed Leicester in 1997 – all three goals were so good that they won first, second and third places in Match of the Day’s Goal of the Month competition. We dare you to suggest a better threesome that doesn’t involve girls…

The hacks at The Guardian obviously read a little wider than us. So while perusing English-language Turkish newspaper Today’s Zaman they uncovered a potential reason for Besiktas’ poor showing against Liverpool last night. The paper revealed bitterness about Besiktas’ defeat to Fenerbahce in the Istanbul at the weekend, moaning about “hair-pulling, pushing, shoving, rough tackling and provocation by both sides, and above all, terrible refereeing decisions. It will go into the record books as one of the worst-officiated Istanbul derbies in the Turkish soccer league since its inception in 1959. There were so many obvious errors, so many wrong calls and so many non-calls that it would be impossible to enumerate all of them.”

We have all heard managers remark that fans have been like a twelfth man for their side, but this is taking things a bit too far!

Slavia Prague v Arsenal, Weds 7 November (ko 7.45pm BST)
Prediction Slavia Prague 1-1 Arsenal

Man United v Dynamo Kiev, Weds 7 November (ko 7.45pm BST)
Prediction Man United 3-0 Dynamo Kiev

A slight variation on our usual Horror hair theme but Dean Leacock’s ghetto fabulous attempt makes him look more like a boy ‘in a hood’ – we only hope that what’s underneath is even worse.

Both of these mercenary strikers have been making unsubtle noises about leaving their respective clubs when the going got tough.

1. Despite all the claims of a new brand of football, Avram Grant can do a good Jose Mourinho impression when he wants
2. Chelsea’s fluorescent yellow away kit was the brightest move they made last night

Chelsea avoided defeat by the skin of the post’s paintwork as they weathered a storm of Schalke attacks last night, although they still only need one win from two to qualify.

Peter Crouch is back in the headlines, so it’s the perfect time to post this comically bad ‘remix’ of Dre and Eminem’s ‘Forgot About Dre’. Whoever edited this mix, don’t give up the day job – unless your day job happens to be editing music videos together with sports clips, in which case DO give […]

Since when did Rafa’s Liverpool score this many goals? Since last night, when they ripped an impotent Besiktas to shreds, thanks to a Yossi Benayoun hat-trick and a couple from Liverpool’s forgotten man, Peter Crouch.

Liverpool v Besiktas, Tues 6 November (ko 7.45pm BST)
Prediction Liverpool 3-0 Besiktas

Schalke v Chelsea, Tues 6 November (ko 7.45pm BST)
Prediction Schalke 0-2 Chelsea

Now it’s time to take the gloves off by asking you to decide who’s the hardest between two heavyweight managers that you wouldn’t want to meet down a dark training ground – it’s one North East derby that would guarntee claret being spilt.

72300094.jpgChelsea’s stars were less than impressed with Avram Grant’s primitive training methods.
Let us know if you can come up with a better caption

77683163.jpgTonight is the first of three crucial games that will decide if Liverpool, finalists in two of the last three seasons, will even make it out of the Champions League group stages this time around.

77680776.jpgSteve McClaren has travelled around 5,000 miles to watch David Beckham play in a charity match against Vinnie Jone’s Sunday league team, Hollywood United.

Pele wasn’t quite right when he said that an African nation would win the World Cup by the turn of the century. But, with the players emerging from the continent and the next tournament in South Africa, his comments are carrying more weight.

David Cann A linesman in correct call shocker! Cann didn’t hesitate to blow the whistle when Gallas’ last gasp shot crossed the line, which means the usual calls for video technology can be put on hold for a week – although Spurs fans who remember a similar incident starring Roy Carroll won’t have taken any consolation.

76959548.jpgHe was the bookie’s favourite to go next so it’s no great surprise that Wigan have shown Chris Hutchings his P45 after the club’s sixth defeat in a row against Chelsea on Saturday.

Spurs self-styled ‘Ghetto Kid’ made his debut at the weekend but had a bit of a stinker – not least for his Pepe Le Pew haircut.

Woah, it all kicked off, handbags-style (ie. a lot of shoving and pushing and shouting but not much more), following a game between Brazilian clubs Atletico Paranaense and Gremio earlier in the week. A mass brawl, captured by TV cameras, started in the changing rooms and then continued at the airport. Any Portuguese speakers want […]

Cheers to Shit Lookalikes stalwarts Chringle for this gem.

Jussi Jaaskelainen of Bolton claims a cross during the Barclays Premier League match between West Ham United and Bolton Wanderers at Upton Park on November 4, 2007 in London, England. Photo Ryan Pierse/Getty Images