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Who ate all the pies

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The Tuesday Teaser

October 16th, 2007

It’s simple – guess the footballer from each set of devious picture clues. Lateral thinking is required. (If that makes no sense, check out last week’s Teaser to get the gist of it.) 1 2 3 Answers below…

The England B international between England and Russia in 1998 saw Matt Le Tissier staking his claim for a place in Glenn Hoddle’s 1998 World Cup squad. Despite scoring a hat-trick in a 4-1 victory, and fans unfurling a banner urging ‘Please pick Le God, Hod’, Le Tiss was left out of the squad. Here […]

With the Wembley crowd harrassing Frank Lampard against Estonia on Saturday, Pies looks at an England XI who have had to cope with being booed by their own fans. The message seems to be: don’t be an England midfielder if you’re not thick-skinned!

Actually, make that the world’s greatest ever keeper. Yashin, who played for Dynamo Moscow his entire career, remains the only goalie to win the European Player of the Year. He also had a great secret to saving penalties, a skill at which he excelled: ‘Have a smoke to calm your nerves, then toss back a […]

Lawro sits on the fence and predicts a 1-1 draw, saying: ‘I think England are playing well at the moment and enjoying the run of the ball and I do not expect them to lose… Russia looked distinctly average at Wembley – Steve McClaren’s team were better in all areas.’ Prediction Russia 1-1 England On […]

The Sun’s ‘exclusive’ story that England would recall Frank Lampard in a 4-3-3 formation for tomorrow’s Euro 2008 qualifier against Russia would appear to be bollocks. It’s no great surprise that The Sun should get it so wrong; they took a gamble and got it wrong. It’s more of a surprise that Steve McClaren has […]

… or so proclaims the maker of this video/photo. How he got himself into this position we do not know. I would like to think he had been thrown javelin style by his goalkeeper after some poor defending.

No Bundesliga action this week, but Germany did become the first side to qualify for Euro 2008 (aside from the hosts, of course) after a 0-0 draw in Dublin against the Republic of Ireland. The lack of goals in the match perhaps helps to explain how Jens Lehmann found time work on his levitation. More from Mad Jens after the click.

Plymouth manager Ian Holloway has prepared a series of team-talk videos to appear on the internet in order to pass on his motivational skills. Ollie has recorded four team-talks to suit different scenarios as part of Carling’s Halftime with Holloway initiative. The rants are intended to inspire pub team managers. Click here to watch the videos.

My site was nominated for Best Sports Blog!Just because Gordon Brown has had a change of heart it doesn’t mean you can’t use your vote this autumn – just vote for Pies instead! We have been nominated in the Best Sports Blog category (well, we would have worried if we had found ourselves in the Best Animal Blog section) in the Blogger’s Choice Awards.

When we gave Stephen Ireland our usual Horror Hair treatment last week we thought we were just indulging in a little harmless mickey-taking at the expense of a guy who had clearly had some sort of baldness treatment/hair transplant. When we linked the mystery of his reappearing hair to the mystery of his reappearing grandmothers it was purely in jest. However, it now seems that Ireland’s hair could be the real reason for his departure from the Republic of Ireland squad.

Cue Denis Norden with clipboard/pithy comment. Taken from a regional news show when Jimmy was playing for Peterborough United.

I miss Jimmy Bullard, but not as much as Fulham have missed him. Football’s cheekiest chap is due to return from injury next month for Fulham. By the way, for our younger readers, Paul Nicholas is a former TV star/stage actor/pop star type, best-known for his roles in Just Good Friends, famous for being one […]

No La Liga action this week, of course, but a new-ish look Spain side did manage a 1-3 away win against Denmark. Raul Tamudo returned from a two-year international absence to open the scoring, Albert Riera made his debut and found the net and centre-back Raul Albiol also made his bow. Spain are now second in Group F, level on points with Sweden having played a game more.

What’s this? A new, untried formation on a plastic pitch in a crucial away qualifier? Yes, it can only be the latest episode of the soap opera that is Team England. Just as the Croatia away game was not the time to experiment with a 5-3-2 formation, I don’t believe that Wednesday’s Euro 2008 qualifier […]

Go on Volzy, my son. Pies hero, superstar diarist and Fulham player, Moritz Volz, has been using his column on the Times’ website to voice his distaste for Sepp Blatter – a distate shared by Pies and most right-minded football fans. The issue particularly concerning Volzy, though there are many to choose from, is Blatter’s plans to limit the number of foreign players in starting line-ups.

With England set to play Russia on an artificial surface on Wednesday, what better time that to post this charming regional news report on the demise of Preston North End’s plastic pitch.

Liverpool, and to a lesser extent Celtic fans have made this song their own. It’s taken from the musical Carousel, although most people in the UK are more aware of it from cover versions, most notably the one performed by Gerry & the Pacemakers. Other artists who have covered the song include Aretha Franklin (whose […]

David Beckham could make his LA Galaxy comeback this Thursday against Red Bull New York. Becks is reportedly close to full fitness and may figure in the Galaxy’s must-win clash against New York this Thursday, which is followed by the potential play-off decider against Chicago Fire on Sunday. Beckham, pictured here with team-mate Abel Xavier […]

After a truly horrible start to the season, LA Galaxy has finally woken up. In beating Toronto 2-1 at the Home Depot Center, Team Becks recorded its fifth straight win – albeit without Becks in the team. Against the odds, the Galaxy can qualify for the playoffs if it wins its final two matches against […]

Thanks to Pies reader Rusty for this gem.

Once a goalkeeper, always a goalkeeper… Whilst indulging in a spot of ill-advised, Rene Higuita-style chicanery outside his box, Poland’s U21 goalie suddenly remembered that he wasn’t a playmaker and used his hand to help him evade a Spanish attacker. The officials spotted his f**k-up and sent him off. The score was 0-0 at the […]

Man alive, Germany club FC Sachsen Leipzig has the scariest looking mascot I’ve ever seen. What the hell is it? It looks like a mange-ridden lion. Mascots are supposed to be friendly and approachable, but that thing looks like the stuff of nightmares. For the record, visitors Loko Leipzig won the Leipzig derby 3-1. Photo […]

With Ashley Cole ruled out of England’s match against Russia with a dodgy ankle, Steve McClaren has a selection headache. Given that you sorted out his midfield problem so effectively, we thought we would put this to the Pies public as well. Phil Neville is by far the most experienced candidate, but he does have […]

1 Saturday’s result was a decent result against poor opposition. A better second half performance would have been good, but the victory was secured.