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Who ate all the pies

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Here is Argentina star Lionel Messi teasing Norway’s defence in last night’s friendly. His skills were not enough for victory though as Norway ran out 2-1 winners.

[Via 101Greatgoals]

Chase me, chase me, chase me! … oh, they’ve buggered off. Sevilla, the little teases, have apparently failed in their bid to get Roman Abramovich to part with almost £25m for a right-back/Star Trek character. They should really have accepted Chelsea’s reported bid of £21.5m, which is still way over the odds for Alves, who is very good, but not that good.

It’s a protracted transfer from Sevilla to Chelsea Jim, but not was we know it. Or something like that. Many thanks to Carey Roberts for the heads-up. Keep those lookalikes comin’…

Steven Velez of Columbia leaps over a tackle by Mexico’s Julo Cesar Dominguez during the international friendly match between Mexico and Columbia at Dick’s Sporting Goods Park on August 22, 2007 in Commerce City, Colorado. Colombia won a very tight match 1-0, thanks to a goal from Interdependiente Medellin winger Jaime Castrillon.
Photo Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

lehmannnnn.gif‘Mad Jens’ Lehman literally handed Blackburn the equaliser at Ewood Park on Sunday with his second goalkeeping gaffe in as many games.

Roma picked up the first meaningful-ish trophy by beating Inter 1-0 in the Supercoppa (if you’re translation skills are appalling, that’s the Italian Super Cup). Daniele De Rossi’s late penalty secured Roma’s win. The real star of the show was Simone Perrotta who managed to get himself sent-off for dissent while waiting to come on as a substitute. The midfielder is now suspended for the start of the Serie A season.

This video shows something that is a bit of a rarity at the moment: Kasper Schmeichel conceding a goal. But here he is Peter’s lad aged six conceding a sloppy goal in the Old Trafford tunnel. Steve Bruce’s son Alex, currently playing at Ipswich, is the man who beats him at his near post.

With Paul Robinson looking increasingly out of sorts and hopelessly out of form following his blunder against Germany last night, who should Steve McClaren stick in nets for the next qualifier? Is Robbo getting a rough deal from England fans? Is David James the man to call upon? Should be McClaren be looking at a younger keeper? Is this too many questions?

1 England started in promising fashion, but it all ended in the same old flat performance and poor result.

Germany defender Per Mertesacker stretches at a training session at Wembley ahead of tonight’s friendly against England.
Photo Martin Rose/Bongarts/Getty Images

David Beckham might take all the credit for creating the metrosexual footballer, but Gazza was showing men it was OK to cry back in 1990. Then again, he has also done some pretty un-metrosexual things but we won’t go into those here!

With England facing Germany in a friendly tonight, Pies looks at the German players who have dared to ply their trade in England.
Bert Trautman
Regardless of your thoughts on the effect foreign players have on the England national team, you could hardly hold it against Trautman. He came to England as a prisoner of war during the Second World War. When the war was over, he stayed on and played for Manchester City. His most famous moment came when he played with a broken neck in the 1956 FA Cup final.

‘Thank you darling…’ Big Martin Jol turns on the charm, as only he can. Gabby Logan, ever the professional, takes it in her stride and laughs it off.

76175753.jpg‘I think I have a naive team. They are naive because they are pure and they are clean.’ Jose Mourinho, exceeding himself in the ‘they said what!?’ stakes.
‘If Chelsea are naive and pure then I’m Little Red Riding Hood.’ Rafa Benitez disagrees with Jose Mourinho’s assessment of his own side.

Does Roman call Jose ‘Hunny Bunny’, I wonder? Probably not, but the thought makes me chuckle. Thanks to Egyptian Gooner for the spot.

We thought Bayern Munich had thrown the gauntlet down to the other teams in the Bundesliga, but in neighbouring Holland the signal of intent from Ajax has been emphatic. They thrashed De Graafschap 1-8 in the opening round of matches of the Dutch Eredivisie. Klaas Jan Hunterlaar weighed in with four goals.

Of course, he wasn’t actually Russian. He was really from Azerbaijan, but that is about as relevant as the whole ‘was it over the line or not?’ debate. The goal was given, we won the World Cup, job done. Cue Nobby dancing.

rwc.gifThat’s right, folks – Scrumbag is back, it’s on the protein powder and it’s fired up.

Gabriel Heinze’s attempts to move from Manchester United to Liverpool are expected to be settled by a Premier League arbitration panel later today. This should provide a speedy resolution to the situation, just ask Heinze’s new team-mate and compatriot Carlos Tevez!

I reckon we would settle for a scoreline like this tomorrow night. It is not likely though. In fact, Michael Owen making it through the game without breaking down would be good, never mind scoring a hat-trick.

You have heard of the downward header, the glancing header and even the diving header, but have you ever heard of the lying down double-header? If not, it may just have been invented by Peru under-17 international Carlos Bazalar. Check him out heading against the crossbar before finishing the job off while lying flat on the grass.

[Via The Offside]

New look Bayern Munich continued to look unplayable as they demolished Werder Bremen 0-4 at the weekend. Franck Ribery was at the heart of the thrashing. He opened the scoring and set up Hamit Altintop for the third with an outrageous piece of showboating. A video of the 79th minute goal is after the jump. Watch in amazement and wonder how he made it through the last ten minutes without someone decking him!

loew.jpgLast summer I very cruelly mocked up Joachim Loew’s face on a box of Just For Men. A year down the line and the Germany boss does now have a few grey hairs sneaking through. The barnet remains equally as dodgy though. His thick mop-mit-side-parting is Paul McCartney-meets-Lawrie Sanchez-meets-emo-kid.

John Terry discusses England’s defensive options ahead of the Germany game. Just like that!

[Via FanBanta]

Thanks to Pies reader Dave Sparks for notifying us of the glaring similarities between Portsmouth boss Harry Redknapp and the Lion from The Wizard of Oz. The pair have similar wigs and identical droopy cheeks. I always get the characters mixed up. If I recall correctly, the Tin Man was looking for a heart and the Scarecrow wanted a brain. I think the Lion was after a bung as part of Dorothy’s controversial move to Emerald City.