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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Real Madrid, stick that in your overpriced pipe and smoke it! Master Ronaldo loves playing with John O’Shea, Kieron Richardson and Darren Fletcher so much that he has decided to snub your billion-dollar advances and sign a new, improved five-year contract that will keep him at Old Trafford until 2012. ‘I am delighted,’ said CR. […]

Watford are reported to still have 1,500 unsold tickets for Saturday’s semi-final against Man Utd at Villa Park, whilst Blackburn and Chelsea, who meet at Old Trafford on Sunday at 4pm, have both failed to sell 8,000 tickets of their allocations. The FA has come in for criticism for its choice of venue, but, as […]

As someone with a soft spot for Spurs, I really thought they were going all the way in the UEFA Cup this season. Their name was on the cup, or so I thought until about ten minutes into last night’s second-leg quarter final, when they found themselves 2-0 down to a very strong Sevilla side […]

DIDIER DROGBA TO SCORE FIRST FOR CHELSEA AGAINST BLACKBURN (4-1) Blackburn’s rugged approach to life should be ideally suited to defending against big powerful players. If it is then no one has told Didier Drogba. The Ivorian has scored each of the last three times he has started against Mark Hughes’s men, twice bagging the […]

Welcome to our weekly Fantasy Football review. Things are hotting in up in the Pies Fantasy League. With just a handful of games remaining, there is everything to play for (well, unless you’re among the mid-table masses in which case you might as well pack up for the summer like Blackburn in real-life). Anyhow, I […]

Fulham goalkeeping coach Dave Beasant found himself out of work for about half an hour on Tuesday night. The ex-Wimbledon keeper was sacked at 11pm – along with manager Chris Coleman and most of his coaching staff – in a telephone call from the Cottagers’ managing director, David McNally. Beasant had barely had time to […]

Yes, that Brian McFadden – the chunky one who used to be in Westlife. Cracking finish (from a charity football match). Steve Staunton, you could do a lot worse…

Like ‘Who Ate All the Pies’, Some People Are On the Pitch is a phrase that is a part of the fabric of English football. And, like Pies, SPAOtP (a handy acronym, don’t you think?) is also a fine football blog that you should add to your favourites. It features good writing (always a bonus), […]

Jeff Stelling is a big Hartlepool fan, but of course he has to remain impartial at all times in his role as anchor of Sky Sports’ weekend football coverage. Except when Hartlepool concede a goal in the last ten minutes of a game, in which case he may be tempted to let out a silent […]

Are Real Madrid really prepared to splash out £54m on Cristiano Ronaldo, as reported in the Guardian today? That is a monstrous transfer fee, not to mention the £150,000 a week salary that he would be looking to pocket. Is he really worth that much cash? And what happened to Real’s claim that the galacticos […]

Not the greatest game you’ll ever see, but then Liverpool did 95% of the work in Holland; there was no way PSV were going to overturn a 3-0 first-leg deficit. Crouchinho scored his third goal against PSV in two games to complete a thoroughly professional job. Apart from that, not much to report. You can […]

Talking of big, tough centre backs with girlie hair, keep you eyes peeled for Sevilla’s Javi Navarro playing against Tottenham tonight. The Spanish side’s captain is hard as nails, yet there is more than a hint of Mexes about his choice of haircut. In the first leg, Navarro wore his hair in the sort of […]

With a Chelsea-Liverpool Champions League now confirmed, time for a spot of deja vu. Here is Luis Garcia’s goal which decided the 2005 semi-final between the two sides. All of the ball over all of the line? Hmm. [Rob Parker]

England 3-1 Italy. That is the makeup of this season’s Champions League semi-finals. No representatives from Spain, Germany or elsewhere. So of Manchester United, AC Milan, Chelsea and Liverpool, where will you be putting your money? United are in scintillating European form judging by Tuesday night; Milan shouldn’t be in the competition but their quality […]

England will play their first game at Wembley on 1 June against Brazil, and not a blind team as we had first thought! The match is England’s first at Wembley since the Kevin Keegan-inspired 0-1 defeat to Germany in October 2000. The friendly will come just five days before the Euro 2008 qualifier in Estonia. […]

The gang at 101Greatgoals has tracked down footage of some of the greatest spankings in the history of the Champions League. Viva Youtube! 1 Juventus 7-0 Olympiakos (10 December, 2003) David Trezeguet bags a brace as Juve thrash the helpless Greeks.

This cracking video must have slipped through the Pies net last month, but is still worth showing now. Cheeky Leroy Lita spots Jens Lehmann wandering off for a rant and figures that he will probably have to return to his goal at some point. Schoolboy humour at its finest! [Rob Parker]

There is something wrong, almost contradictory, about an uncompromising centre-back with a girl’s haircut. The surftastic barnet of Roma’s Philippe Mexes is no exception. The Frenchman’s normally assured performances (although he horrendously lacked any sort of assurance last night) and sunkissed highlights have earned him the nickname Laurent Blond. Anyway, as is his hair wasn’t […]

Pies will miss Cookie Coleman. He has lovely shiny hair, big manly thighs and a finely tuned sense of humour. He’s also a damn good manager and despite Fulham’s poor form I didn’t get the feeling that his time at Craven Cottage – ten years of sterling service, as a player and manager – was […]

Improbably, the quadruple is still on after Chelsea overpowered Valencia last night. The English champions’ second-half performance was not pretty (compared with events at Old Trafford, at least) but it was an awesome display of power, stamina and mental strength. Valencia are very strong at home and it takes a very strong team to go […]

Bayern Munich are in pole position to face Manchester United in the Champions League semi-finals following their 2-2 to draw with AC Milan at the San Siro. For the return leg tonight expect the Germans to be kitted out in this football/rugby hybrid effort from the house of Adidas. To be honest I would be […]

AC Milan striker Ronaldo is the latest celebrity guest to be given The Simpsons treatment. The Brazilian – looking quite trim here next to Homer – is in an episode due to air on 22 April. His character will apparently teach Lisa how to play football, well soccer but you know… [Via The Offside, Rob […]

If Milan get past Bayern Munich tonight (a pretty big if but I think they can do it), then we’ll be treated to a Man Utd v Milan CL semi final. That means we get to watch the world’s two best players, Kaka and Cristiano Ronaldo, face off. And what cute faces they are too. […]

Excellent news for both Newcastle and England is that Little Mickey Owen found the net on his return to action. The 27-year-old scored 10 minutes into his comeback against mighty Gretna in a behind-closed-doors friendly. Owen has been out of action since sustaining a sickening knee injury against Sweden in last summer’s World Cup. He […]

‘The fact that three English teams should be in the semi-finals probably makes our league the best in Europe.’ So says Alex Ferguson and who are we to argue with him? He continues: ‘Six or seven years ago Spanish football was the best. But on the evidence of this season Barcelona and Real Madrid are […]