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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Jose Mourinho has accused William Gallas of disrespecting both him and Chelsea by staying away from their U.S training camp: ‘It’s not only me that is upset – we’re all upset,’ Don Vito Mourinho said. ‘Everybody is upset because we had a strong family and a strong group and this has shown a lack of […]

John Terry recently stated that he was convinced Liverpool would be in the race for the title. Jose Mourinho doesn’t seem to agree, thinking Man Urinal and A’nal will be the ones pushing his side all the way. He said "I still believe that Man United and Arsenal will be the biggest threat, in spite […]

From Moritz Volz‘s awesomely entertaining website, Volzy.com: ‘Here’s a bit about me – I LOVE Little Britain and Only Fools & Horses. Del Boy is a legend. I spend as much time as I can riding around the streets of Fulham on my folding bike. The folding bike should be an Olympic competition by the […]

Handbags at ten paces is a phrase often coined during football matches these days. I wonder what phrase you’d apply to this brutal fist-a-thon? Mof Gimmers

Well, it’s come as a bit of a shock to me that Patrick Vieira has chosen to move to Milan giants, Inter, as opposed to a move back to the Premiership with Man United. The Frenchman has been sold for a paltry £6.5million. The announcement was made by Juventus this morning through the Italian stock […]

With reports that Patrick Viera is set for a return to the Premiership with Man Urinals, its worth recalling this tender moment between Paddy V and Roy Keane in the tunnel at Highbury. A big girly Roy Keane didn’t like big scary Patrick ‘shoutin’ his f**kin’ mouth off at Gary Neville", so they had a […]

If reports are true, then Martin O’Neill must be either the stupidest or most optimistic man on the planet. Aston Villa are stepping up their attempts in the move to land O’Neill at Villa Park, but the club insist reports that a new appointment will be made in the next 24 hours are well wide […]

The football season is getting really close now… and I can barely contain my excitement! The new season will probably be coloured with some of what was seen in the World Cup. Fly away balls, sweaty Puma shirts, Wayne Rooney standing on people’s spuds… and of course… diving. Mof Gimmers technorati tags Football World Cup […]

I loved Lego as a kid, so this penalty shoot-out Lego set brings tears of nostalgia to my eyes. But why is the kicker wearing a baseball cap? PS. In Latin, Lego means ‘I put together’.

I would try to do some of these tricks, but for the fact that I’d end up flat on my face…

I don’t understand too much of this (my Italian is a bit sketchy), but it made me laugh all the same…

Liverpool’s new Adidas home kit is launched on 10 August (pre-order it from Kitbag, if you like). It’s red and has a fancy collar, and, let’s face it, looks pretty similar to every Liverpool kit from the past decade. After all, there’s only so much you can do with an all-red strip. Stevie Gerrard looks […]

Arsene Wenger doesn’t want rivals Chelsea to sign Ashley Cole (understandable), so instead he’s offered his star left-back to Real Madrid. A crafty move by Arsenal’s boss [Football 365]Birmingham manager Steve Bruce keen on Bolton’s Radhi Jaidi [The Sun]AC Milan to offer £68m for Ronaldinho. Yeah, right [Guardian]Tottenham still want Pascal Chimbonda, will offer Andy […]

Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink is finding himself in a bit of bother after he made claims that players received illegal payments after a 2004 Champions League win over Arsenal. JFH will get done for ‘bringing the game into disrepute’ and ‘improper conduct’ if his claims are unsubstantiated. The now Charlton player made 156 appearances for Chelsea […]

So, you celebrate your side scoring a goal… you run to your adoring fans to share the joy. You jump up onto the fence, and the fans go bananas! You then realise that your wedding ring got caught on the fence and ripped your finger off. Then you get booked whilst your mangled hand loses […]

Bloody hell. It’s all hotting up. Aside from Chelsea, it’s all seemed a bit quiet in transfer land, until now! Carrick has gone to Man Urinal, with the club apparently shelling out £18.6 million on him (phew!). So what will Jol spend his money on? Well, it would seem he’s after Gareth Barry (who’d blame […]

This catchy little song is called simply ‘Coup de Boule’ (‘Headbutt’) and was written in 30 minutes by three despondent French fans, the day after the World Cup final. It’s been the most downloaded track in France in the past two weeks, by a mile.

These days professional footballers have to be professional athletes as well. There’s no room in the game for a player who likes his pies and ale and wears his shorts XXXL. This is a great shame; if you look at our Top 10 Fat Footballers, you’ll see that there’s some world-class talent in there… (They’re […]

1 Fergie got his pricetags mixed up – £12m for Van Nistelrooy and £18m for Carrick? Should have been the other way around. Both deals were bad business.2 Top players now avoid signing for Man Utd partly because they don’t want to play for an old-school manager with a reputation for shabbily treating big names […]

Ruud Van Nistelrooy has called new employers Real Madrid ‘the best club in the world’ – a parting shot at Man Utd, if you ask me. In this context, ‘best’ might as well mean ‘biggest’; all of which begs the question, which is the best/biggest club in the world? In other words, if you asked […]

Ashley Cole goes for a meal with ‘the special one’. They get caught and the FA smack their legs. Tut tut. ‘Naughty Chelsea. You may well be the richest in the playground, but you can’t go around offering more sweets to the greedy bugger over there.’ And then Cole signs for Chelsea. It certainly seems […]

Chelski have spent loads of money this summer and everyone hates them. They’ve bought Andriy Shevchenko merely as a trophy to parade. Really? Watch this video and beware. He’s great with his bonce AND both feet. Mof Gimmers

When two tribes go to war… (Can’t imagine this will ever turn up on You’ve Been Framed):

Control Wayne Rooney as he goes on a Zidane-inspired headbutt spree. Great little game for a Friday lunchbreak. Click on the image to launch. [Via Who Ate All the Bratwurst]

OUT Man Utd’s attempts to politely ditch Ruud Van Nistelrooy before the season begins have finally paid off. Van Nistelrooy will be unveiled by Real Madrid today after United agreed an £11.5million deal – several million less than the £15m they wanted. Thank God that’s over, it was boring me to tears. IN The man […]