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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Juventus‘s lawyers have pleaded for leniency as the disgraced club appeals against its relegation to Serie B and the accompanying 30-point penalty. Cesare Zaccone, the lawyer defending the Old Lady, said: ‘The career for a footballer is short and some of our best players are world champions… None of them wants to risk two years […]

Blonde bombshell Dirk Kuyt had a lousy World Cup, so it’s understandable if Liverpool fans don’t think that much of Rafa Benitez’s interest in the Dutch striker. This video of Kuyt’s top 10 goals gives you a better idea of why he’d probably thrive in the Premiership…

Calling one of the most respected footballers in the world (Marcel Desailly) a ‘F**king lazy thick n***er’ wasn’t Ron Atkinson‘s best career move, and he quite rightly resigned from his role as pundit for ITV, as well as losing his Guardian column. Atkinson almost became manager of Trinidad and Tobago for the 2006 World Cup, […]

July is a good time to indulge in a little ante-post gamble. The bookies usually offer a few tempters to punters willing to stick their neck out. There are several tasty bets to be had in the Premiership top scorer market (all odds Paddy Power). Here are my top three bets  – refreshing to report […]

The Premiership will be a less interesting league without Jay-Jay Okocha in it. The Nigerian is leaving Bolton (Big Sam hasn’t renewed his contract) and heading to Qatar, where he’s signed a lucrative one-year contract with the excitingly named Sport Club. I’m sure defenders in Qatar’s top league are delighted at the news…

Not exactly a football video, this, but it’s got lots of balls in it (including several footballs), so it makes the cut…

Now this is seriously cool – Panini is offering a personalised sticker service, perfect for the millions of us who never got the chance to play in this summer’s World Cup. Visit MyPanini, upload the photo you want printed on your sticker, choose a kit & team badge. That’s it, you’re a football star! A […]

Ah, the ego has landed, again. Yes, Nicolas Anelka could be playing in the Premiership again, according to… Nicolas Anelka. Never one to keep his opinions to himself, Le Sulk has announced that Portsmouth have offered Fenerbahce £8.2m for his services. In an admirable bid to endear himself to Pompey fans early doors, Anelka said: […]

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Blimey, two stressful seasons in the Premiership haven’t done much for poor Jose’s hairline, have they? He’s also much greyer on top than when he first arrived in England. I recommend that the Special One invests in a Special Hat to help keep his head warm throughout the British winter.

Wigan signed Dutch international Denny Landzaat this week from AZ Alkmaar. The 30-year-old midfielder, who played his 21st game for Holland at the 2006 World Cup, signed a three-year contract, for an undisclosed transfer fee. ‘He is a midfielder with an eye for goal and is my type of player,’ Wigan boss Paul Jewell said. […]

Is it the heat sending me crazy, or is £140 for a French team shirt signed by Zinedine Zidane (pictured) an absolute bargain? When you’re paying £40 for a new unsigned replica kit, why not throw in an extra £100 and own a piece of history? After all, ZZ is now one of the most […]

Well, what do you reckon? You’d have to be pretty damn irritating to outdo Lord Craig of Bellamy… post your nominations and we’ll publish the results next week.

It’s been widely reported that Ruud Van Nistelrooy is about to be sold to Real Madrid. Alex Ferguson claimed yesterday that he’d turned down a bid from Real for RVN but it seems the Spanish giants may come back with a better offer. It’s easy to forget that we’re talking about a striker who has […]

1 He likes to fall asleep to the sound of a vacuum cleaner. Either that or a hairdryer. Weirdo.2 He doesn’t mind being nicknamed ‘Shrek’ or ‘Potato Face’.3 His favourite food is spaghetti bolognese.4 If he was Prime Minister, he’d lock up ‘all traffic wardens’. Harsh, but fair.5 His favourite wine is sauvignon blanc. Mmm, […]

I’m pretty sure Mother Toys, the ‘makers’ of the Ronaldo action figure seen in this video, is actually guerilla ad agency Mother. Keep watching until the end… [Via Who Ate All The Bratwurst]

Doug Ellis ‘prepares axe’ for David O’Leary? Just another crisis at Aston Villa then… [Football365]Alex Ferguson keen on mass raid for Juventus stars [BBC]Talking of Juve stars, it’s Chelsea v Real Madrid for the services of Gianluca Zambrotta [Guardian]Liverpool ‘on brink’ of signing Dutch hotshot Dirk Kuyt for £10m, at fourth time of asking [Daily […]

Manchester United’s new kit has been designed by Nike to echo the strip worn by the Busby Babes, who won their first league title 50 years ago. I like its simple, retro look (complete with long, baggy shorts), although the AIG logo is a bit crap. The verdict on fans’ forums seems to be overwhelmingly […]

A word of warning to English clubs considering a bid for any of Juventus’s disgraced stars: Italian footballers don’t travel well. They’re pampered mamma’s boys who never stray too far from the comforts of home. A case in point: Gianluigi Buffon could cherry-pick a Premiership or Primera Liga club, but instead he wants to move […]

I noticed that when Jose Mourinho discussed the future of Cristiano Ronaldo in a recent interview, the Chelsea manager couldn’t stop himself aiming a quick verbal jab in the direction of Alex Ferguson. Force of habit, I guess: ‘He [Ronaldo] is a great player, full of potential and ambition…’ Mourinho said. ‘I do not speak […]

The future of Fernando Torres at Atletico Madrid remains unclear, sparking a lorryload of rumours about which big English/Italian club the coveted Spaniard may go to. The most likely scenario is a move to Old Trafford (to replace Real Madrid-bound Ruud van Nistelrooy), but then which club wouldn’t be keen on a player of Torres’s […]

It looks likely that Chelski winger Damien Duff is about to move from west London to north London. He reportedly completed a medical for Spurs at the weekend  – if he gets the all-clear he’ll be a Tottenham player by the end of the month. Jose Mourinho may regret letting him go, but then DD […]

12. Maradona vs journalists “You lot take it up the arse.” 11. Fergie slams Alan Wiley’s fitness “The referee was not fit enough. The game demanded a referee who was fit. He’s not fit. You see referees abroad who are as fit as butcher’s dogs. He was taking 30 seconds to book a player then […]

UPAlbert Luque. Scored Newcastle’s equaliser – and a curling beauty it was, too – against Lillestrom, in the all-important Intertoto Cup. The Spaniard will probably revert to his old, glove-wearing self when the sunshine goes away. DOWNJuventus. Literally, to Serie B. The news of the Old Lady’s demise was fresh chum for the Premiership sharks. […]

The brilliant Stephen Colbert on why the USA won the World Cup – I’m sure some of our American friends actually use this logic to make themselves feel better. And why not.