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Who ate all the pies

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Take a look at this picture of Dnipro supporters, snapped off the telly by an eagle-eyed fan. What the hell is going on with that banner? If that’s not racist, I don’t know what is! Or am I imagining the ‘Klansman-chasing-black guy’ theme of the banner? By the way, congrats to Aberdeen, who continued the […]

The Guardian’s weekly YouTube round-up usually throws up a couple of interesting football clips (many of which Pies has posted ages ago, but that’s another matter), and this is one of the most interesting I’ve seen recently. It’s a refreshingly candid TV interview with a 17-year-old Kevin Keegan, who displays admirable maturity, honesty and, above […]

Royal Mail workers have just begun a 48-hour strike so if you need something delivering in a hurry you need to get in touch with Roberto Carlos.

Top 10s & lists

The Face Mask XI

October 4th, 2007

John Terry is not the first player to take to the pitch in a crazy face mask, and we dare say he won’t be the last. Here are 11 players who didn’t mind taking to the pitch with their blinkers on.

This is not a strange dream I had last night, but an advert for bookmakers Ladbrokes (probably best to clear that up at the outsight). Right, so ex-footballers turned pundits Ian Wright, Ally McCoist, Chris Kamara and Lee Dixon are sat around in a cafe owned by Jimmy Hill having a bit of banter while dressed like they have come off a building site. They all share their opinions on who has a chance in the Premier League this season, including waitress Kirsty Gallacher.

Ha ha! I’m still laughing at Dida’s pathetic, delayed dive after being tapped on the neck by some buffoon of a Celtic fan (at least I presume he’s a Celtic fan). Why do so many professional footballers have this Pavlovian reaction to being touched above the waist? Not the face! The fact he went off […]

Roma have been one of Serie A’s form teams and pacesetters in the early days of the season, but it has all gone a bit pear-shaped this week.

Stop it Rafa, stop it now. You’re being a very silly boy. Do you have OCD when is comes to rotating your squad? Because you can’t stop yourself, can you? Benitez’s decision to leave out Euro specialist Javier Mascherano in favour of out-of-form Momo Sissoko and Seb Leto was very strange – Mascherano is the […]

This was a pretty remarkable win for Avramovitch’s Chelski at one of Europe’s toughest places to get a result – if Jose Mourinho had been in charge, we’d all be celebrating his managerial genius. As much as I find much to dislike about John Terry, you can’t argue with the purity of his fighting spirit, […]

There is just something about the droopy cheeks and the crazy eyewear that tickled me when I saw the two photos near each other on the Beeb’s website. Arsenal fans, who would you rather have take control of the club?!!

Well, there you have it. John Terry in training for Chelsea’s crucial Champions League match against Valencia tonight complete with a face mask to protect his broken cheekbone. It’s not quite as colourful as we had envisaged. Let the lookalike suggestions commence!

‘Wussia went left-wing – and I’m not talking John Barnes…’ Check out this fine send-up of professional West Ham fan/annoying wide boy Danny Dyer, actor and presenter of Sky’s Real Football Factories. The man under the wig is slapheaded stand-up comic Terry Alderton.

Another belter from Chringle, who should really get his own Shit Lookalikes Corner. This has to be one of the best lookalikes we’ve ever published, no?

Roma’s uncompromising central defender trapped in the body of a beach bum, Philippe Mexes, has Horror Hair at the best of times. The Frenchman’s greasy, peroxide-tinted long locks have been featured on Pies before. But last night’s match against Manchester United revealed a cheeky little addition to his barnet, which pushes him further up the Horror Hair stakes: pig-tails. Yes, Philippe now has little tiny girls pig-tails.

Here’s a clip of the greatest pound-for-pound boxer in the world, Floyd ‘Pretty Boy’ Mayweather, wearing a Man Utd shirt during his visit to the north-west to promote his mega fight with Ricky ‘The Hitman’ Hatton. Of course, Mayweather, who has to be the most annoying sportsman on the planet, is not really a United […]

It has been approximately one unbelievebly disappointing spell at Newcastle since the words ‘Albert Luque’ and ‘goal’. But just like buses, you wait ages for an Albert Luque goal and then two come along at once. He scored Ajax’s opening two goals in their 6-1 victory over VVV Venlo. He is pictured Forrest Gump-ing towards his first goal for the club above. The next Luque strike might be a little longer as the Spaniard went off injured after bagging his brace.

The first in an occasional series celebrates arguably the most famous song by The Hitchers, a punkish rock group from Limerick, Ireland. If I remember rightly, this single, which was a double A side (backed with ‘You Can Only Love Someone’), made John Peel’s Festive 50 in 1997, and there’s not much higher praise than […]

This is Falcao – the futsal star of Brazil. The 30-year-old is a hero in his home country and is reportedly the man Ronaldinho looks up to for inspiration. What he can’t do with a football ain’t worth doing. In fact, most of what he does with a football ain’t worth doing, but it sure is entertaining to watch.

Whatever happens tonight in the Champions League, this was the shock result of Matchday Two, no question. When Glasgow Rangers were drawn in the Group of Death, with Barcelona, Stuttgart (the champions of Germany) and Lyon (French champions), I thought they stood less than a 5% chance of making it into the next round. Now, […]

1 A quality finish from Wayne Rooney. He put it the one place where the keeper couldn’t reach it from a narrow angle.

Like the Miroslav Klose and Franck Ribery video we showed you yesterday, this is a viral promoting FIFA 08. Here is what happens when Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney and Real Madrid’s Sergio Ramos decide to go for a quiet game of golf.

A disagreement turns into a full-blown scuffle during this season’s Community Shield between Man United and Chelsea. This is what happens when Man Yoo fans from Croydon and Manchester clash, I guess.

Oof! Krzysztof Lagiewka’s eyebrow just took one hell of a beating. Scientists often say that repeatedly heading the ball is bad for the brain, and this photo shows why. Lagiewka’s eyebrow gets all bent out of shape as he heads the ball during the Russian Football League Championship match between FC Dynamo and FC Krylya […]

Not a bad way to mark your first game for a new club. Dutch veteran Philip Cocu, now playing in the UAE for Al Jazira, scored with this fierce bicycle kick to help his new club to a 2-1 win over Al Wasl. I always thought Cocu was an underrated player, and it’s nice to […]

Luca Toni’s transfer fee is starting to look like the best €11 million Bayern Munich have ever spent. The Italian’s six goals just eight games into the Bundesliga season have sent Bayern top with a four-point cushion. He scored his latest goal in the 0-1 win against Bayer Leverkusen at the weekend. He is pictured above taking in Munich’s famous Oktoberfest with Miroslav Klose and Franck Ribery.