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Who ate all the pies

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mascherano.jpgWatching Javier Mascherano put in a man-of-the-match performance in a Liverpool shirt last night was a treat (I love Maschy, mostly because he’s so bloody good in Pro Evolution Soccer) but also made me very angry with English football.

73577019.jpgMan City have finally lost patience with Joey Barton. The club will unload the outspoken, bottom-baring troublemaker because, frankly, he’s more trouble than he’s worth – and right now, purely as a footballing asset, he’s worth quite a lot to City.

When Juve took the lead at Old Trafford, I remember thinking ‘That’s the treble f***ed then…’ But I didn’t reckon on the mental strength of United, typified by Roy Keane, whose performance in the second leg – after he had been booked and knew he’d miss out on the final – was immense and unforgettable. One of the great European ties of the past decade…

MILAN TEAM NEWS No Paolo Maldini for Milan tonight (not such a big loss), but Gennaro Gattuso has recovered from his foot injury and will start. Gattuso’s destructive qualities in midfield are key to Milan’s chances – they struggled without him in the second half at Old Trafford. MAN U TEAM NEWS Both Nemanja Vidic […]

71830659.jpgOne billion dollars, or whatever Jose has had to spend, and he still can’t win the bloody Champions League. And Chelsea surely won’t retain their Premiership title this season. Do you think Roman Abramovich will want to turn up in his bloody great yacht for this month’s F1 Monaco Grand Prix now that he’s the owner of club that can only win silly little domestic cups? No, he’ll be laughed out of the Cote d’Azur and rightly so. Who gives a shit about the Carling Cup in Monte Carlo?

74038634.gifAccording to the Daily Mail, Man U’s boss was the intended victim of a hoax anthrax attack. A letter addressed to Fergie arrived in the post at United’s Carrington training ground yesterday morning. As the manager’s personal assistant opened the letter a cloud of white powder burst out of the envelope. Inside the envelope staff discovered a note which read: ‘Why did you open this letter you silly b*****d? You’ll be dead in 20 minutes.’

74045113.gifDear Uefa, please can you fix it for me so that Liverpool and Chelsea never play each other in Europe ever again? I don’t really want to endure any more ultra-cautious, ultra-defensive, ultra-professional football. It’s no fun.


The Daily Snapshot

May 2nd, 2007

Daniel Agger is mobbed by team-mates (l to r: Steven Gerrard, Bodo Zenden, Jon Arne Riise, Dirk Kuyt and Peter Crouch) after scoring the opening goal for Liverpool against Chelsea in last night’s Champions League semi final second leg at Anfield. Liverpool went on to win the game on penalties. [Photo: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images]

HRH King Eric of Mancunia has popped up in the commercial for French casino chain Partouche.

We told you about the Beckhams new mansion in Los Angeles yesterday, complete with nine bathrooms etc. Well this old 2DTV clip is as relevant now as it always was. The place names might have changed but the problems remain the same!

This week Pies salutes some of football’s finest schnozzles.
ogrizovic04.jpg1 Steve Ogrizovic
Steve Ogrizovic boasts a head that has been kicked so many times it looks like it tried to make the grade as a ball before converting to be a goalkeeper. Oggy’s nose(s) have brave/daft keeper written all over it/them. The nose is so wonky that it looks like three very thin noses stuck together.

74015016.jpgI can hardly bring myself to type up the news of yet another round of Jose Mourinho vs Alex Ferguson, but this one is too good not to post. Fergie has rounded on Jose after the Chelsea boss took another pop at Cristiano Ronaldo. Mourinho/Arrogantio accused Ronaldo of being uneducated because he came from working-class family in Madeira, Portugal.

_39822625_barton_emp245x300.jpgAccording to the BBC, Man City’s chief arse Joey Barton has been suspended for the rest of the season for striking team-mate Ousmane Dabo during a training session. Dabo, a French midfielder signed from Lazio in 2006, reportedly had to go to hospital with mouth injuries.

‘Referee is act like a tit…’ Just about the only funny thing on Ruddy Hell! and worth watching for Jose’s cheeky pout at the end. More Jose Arrogantio here.

In my review of Reading v Newcastle, I totally forgot to mention the best incident of the evening, namely the moment when ref Mike Riley sent off Reading mascot Kingsley in the first half (a massive cuddly lion who wears a Reading home kit). Apparently, Riley was confused by the presence of Kingsley. Steve Coppell joked: ‘I can see where the referee was getting confused, you know he does look like so many of my players.’ Perhaps this video helps explain Riley’s decision:

Phew, all this Liverpool v Chelsea build-up is getting a bit serious for our liking, so here’s a light-hearted moment from a Liverpool v Chelsea match, from the days before anyone had heard of Roman Abramovich. Ouch, that’s gonna sting. It makes my eyes water just watching it…

Newcastle were truly dire last night and should have lost by at least two goals – they are stuck on 42 points and in danger of registering their lowest ever tally in the Premiership. On the bright side, little Michael Owen returned from injury, the first time Glenn Roeder has been able to pick him.

As usual, our pals at Climbing the Ladder have put together a handy video of all the goals from the latest round in MLS. Noobs Toronto FC have yet to score a goal, whilst Chicago Fire and Red Bull New York are setting the pace in the East. In the Western Conference, the big news was LA Galaxy’s first win of the season, a 3-1 win against CD Chivas. Do they even need Becks?

So how did you fare with your crystal ball? Ours is clearly f**ked… SATURDAY Chelsea v Bolton Lawro: 2-0 Pies: 1-0 Actual: 2-2 Everton v Man Utd Lawro: 1-1 Pies: 0-1 Actual: 2-4


The Daily Snapshot

May 1st, 2007

Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho and a member of his staff take time out during training prior to tonight’s Champions League semi final second leg match against Liverpool at Anfield. [Photo: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images]

The Special One has been called many things since he took over as Chelsea manager, but here is Bill O’Herlihy cutting a little too close to the bone as he brands Mourinho… [drum roll please]… ungenerous!

FourFourTwo has been pondering the similarities between Lionel Messi’s recent wonder goal and the one scored by his idol… Roy Wegerle! Weggers – which I have no idea whether he was nicknamed, but he is now – scored this cracker against Leeds for QPR in 1990.

The Beckhams have ended their mansion-hunting by purchasing a property in Los Angeles. The couple bought the six bedroom house in the legendarily upmarket Beverly Hills area. The Italian-style villa reportedly cost £11 million, which begs the question: what will Becks spend next week’s wages on? The house – dubbed Beckingham Palace West – also […]

Blatter_33451e.jpgEngland could be in line to host the World Cup in 2010 if South Africa cannot get the necessary infrastructure ready in time. FIFA president Sepp Blagger erm… Blatter has confirmed that England are being considered as potential replacements along with the United States, Mexico, Japan and Spain.

Kilmarnock goalkeeper Alan Combe managed this superb assist for Aberdeen at the weekend. He propelled his throw into the head of Aberdeen’s Darren Mackie, and could only stand and watch as the ball bounced back into the net. Mackie was only too happy to claim his goal! [Via The Offside]