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Who ate all the pies

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Jason McAteer has called time on his 16-year career. The 35-year-old former Bolton, Liverpool and Republic of Ireland midfielder has been without a club since Tranmere Rovers decided not to renew his contract at the end of last season. Remember the time he won the World Cup?

Next%20match.JPGThe gang at Football365 have compiled a handy little list to guide you through the close season. Here are their 40 signs that ought to let every football fan that it’s summer:

AllardyceBarton.bmpThe Professional Footballers’ Association must be used to stepping in to break up fights involving Joey Barton by now. But this time they have got themselves into a right old tussle over Barton’s proposed transfer from Manchester City to Newcastle United. The deal has reportedly stalled over a reported £300,000 owed to Barton.

Alan%20Shearer%20U21.bmp1 Alan Shearer – 13 goals
No surprise that England under 21’s all-time leading goalscorer is Super Al. The young Shearer bagged his under 21 goals while at Southampton. The goals came in just 11 games between 1990 and 1992, including seven goals in four Toulon matches. As this photo shows, Shearer had not quite perfected his famous one-handed celebration at this early stage in his career.

Leroy Lita sends Czech Republic keeper Zlamal the wrong way, but has to watch his penalty scrape the outside of the post as England under 21s draw 0-0 in their opening European Championship match.

Henry.jpgThierry Henry has agreed a deal to move to Barcelona, according to a French football magazine. France Football claims a contract was signed at a secret Ashley Cole-style meeting in the south of France. The reports have been rubished by Henry’s agents SEM Group, who were rumoured to have brokered the deal.

Fox Soccer Channel reporter Jeremy St Louis has been doing his bit to shake of the reputation that Americans don’t know anything about ‘soccer’ with his own unique brand of post-match interviews. Here he is offering his comiserations to Chivas midfielder Jesse Marsch after their 0-1 away win over Chicago Fire!

England Under-21s showed its not just the senior squad capable of lacklustre starts to international championships as they played out a 0-0 draw with the Czech Republic. They were not a great deal of chances, but Reading striker Leroy Lita missed a penalty with three minutes to go to blow England’s chances of getting all three points in their opening European Championship game.

Becks%20scarf.JPGShove! Ouch! Gulp! That’s the sound of David Beckham ramming the words of his Real Madrid overlords down their throats. His employers have been fawning in their praise of the ex-England skipper following his dramatic return to form in a last ditch attempt to keep him at the Bernabeu. That attempt seems to have failed with LA Galaxy politely reminding the Spanish giants that they had their chance and informing them that Becks does not have a buy-out clause in his contract.

Coach Ladislav Skorpil supervises his players during the Czech Republic’s training session at The Gelredome Stadium on 10 June, 2007 in Arnhem, Netherlands. The Czechs play England in their opening European Championship match later today. [Photo: Christopher Lee/Getty Images]

mostovoi_m.jpgFollowing the Great Alexander Mostovoi Search © last week, Pies came across this tremendous Horror Hair effort from Mostovoi during his Soviet Union days. We are not sure whether Queen were big in the USSR, but there is more than a hint of Freddie Mercury about the young Mostovoi’s appearance. You also sense that he would like the hair to be more like Brian May if only he could get those curls.

Chelsea-85-WhiteAway.jpgIf you are one of the (at the time of writing) 68 per cent of the Pies population who find Chelsea’s new day-glo away kit ever so slightly vomit-inducing, we might just have a solution (if you were in the market for a Chelsea away kit, that is!). The brilliant has a great range of retro football shirts, including this Chelsea away kit from the 1984-85 season, which is indoubtedly more stylish than the fluorescent monstrosity.

Fowler.jpgRumours linking Robbie Fowler with a move to the US have been knocking around for a while, but it has now emerged that he has been in talks with LA Galaxy over a possible deal. The News of the World reported that David Beckham’s new club had failed to tempt Ole Gunnar Solskjaer to the States, but were more hopeful of securing Fowler’s services.

Most Argentinian footballers labelled the next Maradona have buckled under the pressure and ended up not meeting their potential. Not Lionel Messi. The Barcelona star seems to revel in copycatting his hero. After scoring a carbon copy of Diego’s incredible first goal against England at the 1986 World Cup earlier this season, Messi has now replicated the second goal of that game – the infamous Hand of God. He scored the controversial goal against Espanyol at the weekend.

jagielka.JPGSheffield United midfielder/defender/goalkeeper Phil Jagielka is close to completing a £4 million switch to Everton. Confirmation from new manager Bryan Robson that Jagielka is set to leave the club comes days after sneaky Evertonians updated Jagielka’s Wikipedia page to make him a Toffee.

I’m not too sure about the finer details of this goal, but I do know it gives a new meaning to the phrase trying to work it in. What a goal though! Can anyone fill in the blanks?

dixonofdock.jpgPolice investing corruption in football have made an arrest. A 61-year-old man has been arrested in Manchester on suspicion of money laundering. The man – who is said not to be a football agent – was taken into custody on Wednesday by the economic crime unit of the City of London police.

anti-dvt-socks.jpgDavid Beckham’s mega-commute from LA (a Galaxy far, far away) to London could play havoc with his health, according to attention-seeking ‘experts’.

1 Olympique Lyonnais, Paris Saint-Germain, AC Milan, Olympique Marseille, Bolton Wanderers, Birmingham City, Leicester City (current). Whose rollercoaster career?
2 Which German football club does ginger tennis legend Boris Becker support?
3 Picture round. Name this Premiership star-in-the-making…

One of the most celebrated songs by cult German band Die Toten Hosen (‘The Dead Trousers’, literally) is ‘Bayern’, which is actually an anti-Bayern Munich song. Here’s the video to said song:

74250651.jpgSome good news for Liverpool after last week’s shocker – Xabi Alonso has signed a new deal with the club. The 25-year-old midfielder had been linked with a move back to his native Spain, has he has now committed to Liverpool until 2012.

Aphex Twin’s fearsome ‘Come To Daddy’ set to footage of football hooligans doing their ‘thing’. Yes, it is as scary as it sounds…

Standing next to Franck Ribery instantly makes any man look like a demi-godlike cross between George Clooney, Brad Pitt and that beardy fellow from 300. And indeed, Luca Toni does look like the most handsome man in the world in this photo. He’s a good-looking fella anyway, but next to Ribery he looks obscenely dark and tall and handsome.

Well they can’t take all the credit because Fame Academy helped, but singer-songwriter Griffin’s tribute to Mark Viduka has been rendered useless by the big Aussie’s move to St James’s Park. Middlesbrough fan Griffin is unlikely to rewrite the words of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah yet again with Magpies-themed lyrics. The line And from our team you can’t take Mark Viduka is clearly even less true than all the ones about Boro playing exciting football!

When you play football as a kid aside from running around like a headless chicken, a few useful phrases usually help you to get by. The occasional ‘You’re kicking the other way’, ‘Play to the whistle’ or ‘If in doubt, kick it out’ bawled by the coach from the touchline can work wonders. Iceland – the country not the supermarket – must be wishing they had someone offering them the latter two pointers during their game on Wednesday night. Hilarity ensued after Iceland thought a penalty had been awarded against them.