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Who ate all the pies

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Former England skipper David Beckham will be allowed to leave Real Madrid for £5 million in January, according to The Sun. The 31-year-old will be moved on at a cut-price fee to stop him leaving for nothing when his contract expires at the end of the season. The reports will put MLS teams on high […]

We are not ones for scaremongering here at Pies. Oh wait, yes we are. Click the link below to find out which clubs’ fans should be very, very afraid of what the not-too-distant future may hold.

BREAKING NEWS Ipswich Town is interested in signing Titus Bramble. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play […]

Not our choices, you understand, but there are some pretty good ones in this list…

Yesterday we posted part one of our monster 100 Greatest Ever Premiership Players list, namely Nos. 100-91. If you missed it, you can check out the first instalment here: LINK. Today we tackle Nos 90-81 (you can see where this is going, right?). Has Brian Deane made the cut, you ask? Well, you’ll find out […]

Everyone’s favourite Malcolm Glazer impersonator, Wayne Rooney, turns 21 today. It is easy to forget England and Manchester United‘s hoover-loving talisman is still so young. Quite what you buy the 21-year-old who has everything, I’m not sure (who said an ageing prostitute?). The Times has instead opted to point out 21 reasons why Rooney should […]

In August 1997, Dennis Bergkamp scored one of the best ever Premier League hat-tricks in a match against Leicester. The third goal was the pick of the bunch and bears more than a passing resemblance to the World Cup wonder goal he would score against Argentina at the end of the season. [Rob Parker]

France’s Stephane Porato is the latest keeper to be linked with a move to Chelsea [Reuters] There’s a right old Championship scrap under way to secure the services of Sheffield Wednesday’s Kenny Lunt [Vital Football] Celtic have lowered their ambitions in the MLS transfer market and are now after New England Revolution’s Shalrie Joseph rather […]

What a great picture of the moment this is! It is not quite up to Mike Tyson‘s standards, but it is a bite nonetheless. Martin Jol – who is fast overtaking Arsene Wenger and Jose Mourinho as the most blinkered Premiership manager – saw the incident as a "comical nibble." Under-pressure Alan Pardew has had […]

About time too! After weeks of: "We’re just happy to be in the Premier League," Neil ‘Sweetness and Light’ Warnock has finally let rip with the sort of post-match comments we had come to know and love from Football League Warnock. The performance of bald referee Dermot Gallagher – the man who deemed Ben Thatcher’s […]

Today is the first day of the Who Ate All the Pies 100 Greatest Premiership Players mega-list. Just who are the best 100 footballers ever to grace English football’s top flight? Well, you’re about to find out – over the next two weeks we’ll be featuring ten players per day, counting down in reverse order, […]

1 Arsenal are back to their flowing best. They could be up to third if they win their game in hand despite a poor start.2 Watford need to sign a striker who will put their chances away.3 Manchester City are challenging Middlesbrough to be this season’s Jekyll and Hyde team. 4 Referees see things differently […]

Good weekendJussi Jaaskelainen Made a string of excellent stops against Blackburn followed by two penalty saves.Arsenal Henry and Fabregas revived Arsenal’s sexy football of a couple of seasons ago.Paul Scholes A goal on his 500th appearance and a win against Liverpool. Bad weekendWest Ham Bad weekend regulars West Ham drop down to 19th place after […]

We leave Volzy alone for a couple of weeks and he ends up poisoning himself. According to his latest diary (or should that be diarrhea) entry on the lengendary, a homemade pumpkin and prawn soup disagreed with the Fulham full-back on Tuesday night. He said: "I’m never going through a night like I did […]

SaturdayWigan v Manchester City (12.45pm) Beanie the horse, Stuart Pearce’s lucky mascot, will lose his touch in the weekend’s early kick-off. 2:1Charlton v Watford (3pm) I expect this bottom of the table clash to be tight, but Watford to edge it. 0:1Chelsea v Portsmouth (3pm) Chelsea to work through any Barcelona hangover. 2:0Everton v Sheffield […]

Billy Wingrove is one of Britain’s top freestylers (ie. loads of skill but mysteriously not good enough to make it as a pro). Here he is having a tricksy kickabout with some of the best players in the world.

Did you know Carlos Tevez is a member of a band called Piola Vago? Apparently the band has a single coming out soon. You can listen to some of Piola Vago’s songs on their MySpace page. I’m not sure it is a sound that would do particularly well in the UK charts, and they are […]

Normally Five commentator John Helm is useful for little else apart from sending his viewers to sleep, but last night’s match between Newcastle and Fenerbahce allowed Helm the entertainer to come to the fore. Here are a few, erm, interesting quotes from last night.

David Beckham is set to be knighted in January, according to the Daily Express. The former England skipper could be in line for the honour for services to football and for the role he played in securing the 2012 Olympics for London. Surely a place in the Real Madrid starting line-up would be guaranteed if […]


The Fiendish Friday Quiz

October 20th, 2006

My brain hurts (no, it does – I’ve got a bastard of a hangover). 1 Everton, West Ham, Aston Villa, Everton, Portsmouth, Sheffield Utd (current). Which player’s career path?2 Which English stadium makes a cameo appearance in Coldplay’s ‘Fix You’ video?3 Who’s this Premiership midfielder? Aw, ain’t he cute. 4 Norwich City finished third in […]

1 ‘Everyone’s very comfortable on the ball and almost all of them are athletic. We play what I call "orgy football": the other team know they’re going to get it, but they don’t know from whom or where from.’ Cardiff chairman Sam Hammam (pictured). Lovely image, Sam – you’re a poet 2 ‘He can smell round […]

More pearls of Hollo wisdom can be found in his latest column for BBC Sport. Our favourite this week: ‘I sent someone down to the joke shop to see if they could find a false bum, cut a hole in a pair of club shorts and stuck the plastic one in there. I told the […]

That Cruyff, always taking the piss. (Bob Pires and Terry Henry tried the same thing once and royally ballsed it up.)

Celtic’s Shaun Maloney is being linked with a move to Chelsea after the Blues’ sporting director Frank Arnesen was spotted at Parkhead for the Champions League win over Benfica. Reports in some Scottish papers suggested Jose Mourinho wants to make a move for the 23-year-old in January when he will be allowed to sign a […]

The navy and yellow-striped faithful of Fenerbahce are on Tyneside this evening alongside the black and white-striped regulars for a Uefa Cup tie. The Turkish club are currently celebrating their centenary season and this is the shirt designed to commemorate the occasion. You can buy it by clicking here. [Rob Parker]