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Who ate all the pies

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GIANT_CRAB.jpgIan Holloway is on top form in his BBC column this week, reminiscing about the time he played with the late, great Alan Ball and slagging off the poker-playing skills of his Plymouth Argyle players. However, it was when Ollie started rambling about how human beings are losing the art if conversation, that he came up with this pearl of a quote:

Chelsea v Bolton
Lawro: 2-0
Pies: 1-0
Everton v Man Utd
Lawro: 1-1
Pies: 0-1


The Fiendish Friday Quiz

April 27th, 2007

1 Luton Town, Arsenal, West Ham, Wimbledon, Coventry, Celtic, West Brom (current). Whose career?
2 Which Scottish team does comedian Billy Connolly support?
3 Picture round. Who’s wearing shoulder pads?


The Daily Snapshot

April 27th, 2007

Liverpool’s U18 players celebrate beating arch rivals Man Utd on penalties to win the FA Youth Cup, held at Old Trafford yesterday. [Photo: Matthew Lewis/Getty Images]

The Man City striker has some interesting stats against his former club that may be worth following. He has scored the first goal in three of the fives matches he has faced them (including last two) and has a total of five in five. Playing at home, this is a fair price.

This video of the Chelsea squad being asked to name their best looking team-mate will make you cringe more than a Ricky Gervais sitcom. There is awkward silences, bewildered looks and shoe-gazing aplenty, except from Frank Lampard who seems pretty certain that he wouldn’t mind a piece of Carlo Cudicini! In fact the reserve keeper does seem to be the popular choice. John Terry though – if he “was that way” – would see something in Lampard, apparently.


Arsenal Mastermind

April 27th, 2007

I’m a heterosexual guy but Cesc Fabregas is cuter than a basket full of baby squirrels. And Jens Lehmann knows f-all about squad shirt numbers… anyway, click on to see who is the Arsenal Mastermind champions [spotted on Guardian Unlimited]

Following the Anglo-tastic start to European football this week with the Champions League semi-finals, the Uefa Cup semi-final first legs were a much more Spanish affair. Favourites and holders Sevilla lost 1-0 at Osasuna. The only goal of the game was scored by Roberto Soldado, who was still muttering under his breath about the booking he had just picked up as he headed the ball home.

It’s not National David Beckham Day, although I am sure he will be disappointed to hear it, but there is a fair bit of Becks news today. Aside from his new hair, a 17-year-old Beckham fan has been fined £2,000 for running onto the pitch at the Bernabeu Stadium to give the Real Madrid star […]

Beckham.JPGAfter yesterday’s tribute to Horror Hair legend David James, it seems fitting that today another maestro of bad barnets should reveal his latest masterpiece.

Poor Jose’s coming in for a fair bit of stick at the moment, but if you give it out you’ve got to be able to take it back. Here is comedian Paul Whitehouse playing Jose Arrogantio in his and Harry Enfield’s new sketchshow Ruddy Hell! It’s Harry And Paul.

Whilst reading Rob’s splendid David James hair post, I was struck by the similarity between Jamo and James Harries, the freaky antiques dealer/child prodigy who had 15 minutes of fame after appearing on Wogan in 1988, and has since changed gender to become Lauren Harries.

73835226.jpgYes, you did read that right and it’s not something I thought I’d ever write. Arsene Wenger thinks his arch rival Alex Ferguson should be manager of the year: ‘I feel this year Sir Alex Ferguson, because he’s in a position to fight on every front,’ Wenger told ‘…And Steve Coppell, who is in a position where nobody expected him to be and he has a team who do not play negatively – they have a positive attitude everywhere they go.’

Alien-Motiontracker.jpgA few transfer bits and bobs doing the rounds today…

larkswoodspark_sm.jpgThe council for the area David Beckham grew up in has introduced a tourist route to show visitors various Beckham-related ‘landmarks’. Waltham Forest Council has created the David Beckham Trail, which takes in sites as impressive as the hospital in which Becks was born, his old schools and Walthamstow greyhound stadium where the young Beckham worked as a glass collector.

In the week that Portsmouth keeper David James broke the record for the most number of Premiership clean sheets, Pies acknowledges one man’s outstanding contribution to the art of Horror Hair.
david%20james.JPG1 The Fun Boy Three
Despite this picture, Pies can confirm that James in fact spent the late 1980s and early 1990s as a Watford player and not as a member of Fun Boy Three.
Horror Hair-o-meter rating: 7 out of 10


The Daily Snapshot

April 26th, 2007

Tributes and flowers for the late Alan Ball, left by Everton fans outside Goodison Park. [Photo: Getty Images]

Middlesbrough have completed the signing of erm… Middlesbrough defender Jonathan Woodgate. I’m pretty sure this about the fourth or fifth time they have wrapped up the transfer of Teeside’s favourite Jesus lookalike. Anyway, this time they really mean it and have paid Real Madrid £7 million for the 27-year-old. The relatively injury-free centre-back said: “I […]

North of the border, Dunfermline beat Hibs 1-0 to reach the Scottish Cup final, thanks to this ballsy penalty by Jim McIntyre. It takes real cojones to do this, although McIntyre has since said it’s the last time he takes a pen in this way. ‘I’ll not be doing it again that’s for sure,’ he […]

72673457.jpgGive yourself a big pat on the back. After an intense period of voting, you’ve chosen your Premiership team of the season:

Petr Cech (Chelsea)
Right-back: Steve Finnan (Liverpool)
Left-back: Patrice Evra (Man Utd)
Centre-backs: Nemanja Vidic (Man Utd), Joleon Lescott (Everton)
Central midfield: Michael Essien (Chelsea), Tom Huddlestone (Spurs)
Wide midfield: Cristiano Ronaldo (Man Utd), Steven Gerrard (Liverpool)
Forwards: Didier Drogba (Chelsea), Dimitar Berbatov (Spurs)

73963451.jpgWith one leg down, we have two beautifully poised Champions League semi finals. Man Utd have the slight edge against Milan, in as much as they’re leading the tie, but Milan have two precious away goals and so a 1-0 win at the San Siro is all they need. Thing is, I can’t see Man U not scoring in Milan, so the Italians would need to score at least two goals to succeed.

A predictably defensive affair with lots of long balls, lots of falling over by Didier Drogba and the odd chant of ‘Fuck off Mourinho!’ by Liverpool fans. Liverpool were strangely muted but without an away goal I’d have to favour Chelsea to reach the final now.

As he promised before the Champions League quarter-final second leg against Valencia, Jose Mourinho spent Tuesday night at the WWE wrestling event at Earls Court with his kid. And as Pies pointed out at the time, contrary to his pre-match mind games, he was also able to attend last night’s Champions League semi-final with Liverpool.

Nothing like a bit of pumping Euro-trance to spice up a goal, although in this case the goal needs no embellishment. Great vision by Diego, even if the goalie was nowhere to be seen – hoof, off the crossbar and in! Reminds us a wee bit of David Beckham’s famous strike against Wimbledon

Giggs%20Kaka.JPGRyan Giggs and Kaka: hardly two of football’s well-known hardmen, but they both got a bit hot under the collar last night. The normally silky-skilled dribblers instead played handbags last night in a fit of slapping and card-waving. But the question is, who would win in a no holds barred scrap between the pair?