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Who ate all the pies

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Steve McClaren has admitted that Spurs winger Aaron Lennon is "knocking on the door" of the England starting XI after generally being the most exciting winger in English football. Surely we should be giving KD Langpard a rest, sticking Gerrard in the middle and, in the words of Aaron’s namesake, John Lennon "All we are […]

Something odd is happening in football. It seems that there is a power struggle going on. Players are trying exert some of their weight into decisions, and clubs are trying regain the power they once had. Two big stories this week prompted this. Firstly, the story of William Gallas and the ‘own goal’. Gallas wanted […]

Uefa will conduct out-of-competition drugs tests for Champions League players for the second season in a row. Players must make themselves available for testing until their team has been eliminated from the tournament… after that they can do as they please. Not only this, but clubs will also be required to provide Uefa with weekly […]

1 Macedonia is the only country to lose a competitive match against Andorra…2 … but in their last World Cup qualifying campaign Macedonia held Holland to a 2-2 draw at home. This will not be another romp for Steve McClaren’s brave new England. I do expect them to win, and win quite comfortably, but only […]

Great name (like an Austin Powers villain), terrible hairstyle. I couldn’t find a picture that really does justice to the awfulness of Wagner Love’s hair, but hopefully this gives you the general idea – the front’s fine, but the back is characterised by a mess of spindly blue braids. Nasty. I can imagine the conversation […]

Julio ‘The Beast’ Baptista was unstoppable for Sevilla. Then he joined Real Madrid’s galaxy of stars and it all went wrong, as it has for so many talented players. The press haven’t made too much of Baptista’s loan-deal to come to Arsenal (Juan-Antonio Reyes moves in the opposite direction), but I think his move is […]

Tony Yeboah only ever scored wonder goals, as I recall. He could have had his own Goal of the Season competiton. Here’s the best of them, scored against Wimbledon in 1995…

Simple question – say the Premier League were to form a summer five-a-side league, what would be your club’s best line-up? I support Spurs (boo and hiss all you like, I can’t hear you), and I reckon that ours would be: Paul RobinsonLedley KingEdgar DavidsAaron LennonJermain Defoe That looks pretty good to me. Loads of […]

So, with England set to take on Macedonia, what can we say we’ve learned from our last game against them? Careful of inswinging corners. Mof Gimmers

So the transfer window has closed, and we’re all off to the club shop getting new names on our new shirts. Why this happens only twice in a season has escaped me. Freddy Shepherd, the outspoken Newcastle chairman (who famously dubbed Alan Shearer as ‘Mary Poppins’ and all Newcastle ladies as ‘slappers’) has branded the […]


Own Goal Compilation

September 5th, 2006

In tribute to William Gallas, and his threat to score own goals, here’s a lovely compilation of footballers and their misfortune on the pitch. Watch out for Jamie Pollock’s spectacular o.g. for City, and JFH’s ace diving header for Chelsea. Mof Gimmers

Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp is the Premiership manager who would make the best used-car salesman according to a Network Q survey of 1,000 football fans across England. Asked to consider the dealings of Premiership managers in the transfer market, 25 per cent of fans say ‘Arry’s record makes him the manager with the best eye […]

The re-run of this year’s dramatic World Cup final is tomorrow’s most intriguing international fixture, by a distance (although I’ll also be keeping an eye on the Wales v Brazil friendly). Italy travel to France for its Group B Euro 2008 qualifier, off the back of a lethargic 1-1 home draw against Lithuania. You can […]

OK, picture the scenario: you’re a manly, professional footballer faced with the horrifying choice of wearing a pink kit (Weymouth, Juventus and Everton, to name three) or a brown kit (just Coventry City and Spurs, as far as I know). What do you do – take the easy pink or difficult brown?

With talks of KKK (King Kevin Keegan) takin the reigns at Doncaster, here’s a little clip montage of recent Doncaster fortunes… will the man who couldn’t even ride a bike properly on Superstars wobble the Rovers to greater things? Mof Gimmers

Is Michael Owen throwing the World’s longest sickie? Is it something that he’s picked up from Jonathon ‘out with a broken eyelash’ Woodgate whilst at Real Madrid? You see, after messing his knee up, Owen has only just decide to go to the US for his operation and is set to miss most, if not […]

Paul Robinson 7Nothing to do, so can’t really rate him – 7 seems fair. Robinson didn’t handle the ball once in open play. Honestly, I could have played in goal against Andorra and the result would still have been 5-0. Phil Neville 6Deputised for Gary and didn’t let the family down. Solid in defence (ha!) […]

‘Eighty per cent of qualifying matches [for Euro 2008] this weekend were without interest – and that’s being quite optimistic. We are going to destroy the interest of the spectator long-term,’ Arsene Wenger told The Sun. The Arsenal gaffer continued: ‘In each Euro qualifying group, there are seven or eight teams resulting from the break-up […]

Ah. Ben Thatcher. A misunderstood genius or absolute cock? It’s the latter isn’t it? Well, We all know about Thatcher’s assault on Mendes and his elbow on a certain son of a Man Citeh legend has reared its head again. Oh, not to mention the Chinese player who suffered a punctured lung after meeting the […]

I thought Lamps was England’s worst player against the mighty Andorra. Owen Hargreaves showed him up once again. The Second-Best Player in the World may get the job done for Chelski – I don’t doubt that – but he’s simply not performing for the national team. I think Steve McClaren should drop him against Macedonia, […]

Our Top 10 Horror Tackles got a big, big response, so here’s another 10 (not all of them are football tackles, cause YouTube doesn’t have much in the way of action from the 1970s… 10 Daniele De Rossi on Brian McBride Short, sharp elbow to the temple. To his great credit, McBride, a true tough […]

There’s a pretty strong beard culture here at Shiny with various staff members sporting everything from George Michael style stubble through to full on Goatees. And that’s just the girls. Actually just kidding, but admiring the Robert Pires/D’Artagnan style mini beard is one thing, recreating it is another. Also what about those times when formal […]

Any player who waves an imaginary card in an attempt to get an opponent booked will be booked themselves, UEFA have ruled. Referees have also been ordered to clamp down on dissent, and to book at least one player if they are surrounded by a group. The new rules come into immediate effect for this […]

I know that Arsenal fans’ love of Pascal Cygan (who’s off to Villareal) is laced with a healthy amount of irony, but I thought he wasn’t that bad…

Yeah, that’s right, you heard me punks! Some of our American cousins seem to think that football (or soccer as it’s called in less-developed nations) is for wimps. Well, I can assure you that football is a damn sight tougher than ice hockey (Torvill & Dean pussies), NFL (more protective padding than your average Texan […]