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Who ate all the pies

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Just before Sam Allardyce makes him a Newcastle player, mouthy Manchester City midfielder Joey Barton has been Blue Moon-lighting in the Eurovision Song Contest.

This hilarious (until you know the outcome at least) video features a dog tackling Brentford keeper Chic Brodie. The footage comes from a match against Colchester in 1970. The black-and-white terrier seizes on Peter Gelson’s backpass and launches itself at Brodie, shattering his knee cap and ending his career in the process.

Clock%20Sign.jpgThe season is over (bar the FA Cup final, playoffs and Champions League final) but we’d like to reassure all readers that Pies will continue to post scurrilous transfer rumours, mildly amusing YouTube videos, shit lookalikes, hot WAG news and much much more throughout the summer – we’re not going anywhere, and we hope you don’t either. I’d like to offer a massive thanks to all our readers, who have helped Pies’ increasing success. We couldn’t have done it without you, so give yourselves a big pat on the back. Next season we may even challenge for Europe…

74138379.jpgWith the official presentation of the Premiership trophy taking place after the final whistle, this result left everyone inside Old Trafford happy. Man Utd didn’t play their strongest team, but they still dominated large parts of the match and should have at least managed a draw. West Ham’s goal led a charmed life though and in the final 20 minutes they looked quite comfortable, safe in the knowledge that Man U needed to score twice to threaten their Prem status. People slag off Lucas Neill as a mercenary, but I thought he was inspirational at the back. Nigel Reo-Coker also had a great game, with sterling support from Yossi Benayoun and Mark Noble in midfield.

No more glamour trips to Reading and Middlesbrough for the Blades next season, but at least you still have the love of Sean Bean, international superstar & hearthrob.

It’s a sad day for Yorkshire in general – how is it that the biggest county in England has no representation in football’s top flight?

Sheffield Utd manager Neil Warnock looks on in dismay as Wigan boss Paul Jewell celebrates the 2-1 win at Bramall Lane that kept his team in the Premiership. Warnock’s Blades were relegated, along with Watford and Charlton Athletic.
[Photo: Ross Kinnaird/Getty Images]

You could waste half your life on YouTube looking for football-related clips. Luckily, Pies is here to do it for you. Think once, think twice, think bike (ouch, that’s gotta hurt)…

Keep your eyes on the road Freddy.

Having come up trumps with the Dirk Kuyt/Hercules axis of blondeness, regular Pies reader Cole continues on a lookalike tip with this sterling effort – Phil Neville (left) and Lurch (right), the butler from the Addams Family, could be father and son.

Continuing on a Harry Enfield/Paul Whitehouse tip, here’s the funniest sketch Enfield ever did. Still makes me chuckle out loud…

Before Jose Arrogantio, there was Julio Geordio…

Burley.jpgThe Sun – who very kindly mentioned us in their paper today – reports that Southampton fan Matt Pearce is offering a month’s holiday in his beach-front home in Australia in return for tickets for his team’s play-off match against Derby.

premierleague.JPGOh, forget the Premier League! It’s over and done with. The Pies Fantasy League is where it’s at! As we head into the last round of fixtures. Tommy is playing the part of Man Utd and seems to have the league wrapped up, but Matt M is doing a better job than Chelsea in keeping it going to the wire.
Click here to see the latest league table.

Sir Bobby Charlton pulls back the drapes on the new statue of Sir Bobby Moore, situated outside the new Wembley Stadium. Outgoing PM Tony Blair was also in attendance. To see more pics from the statue’s unveiling, click below…
[Photo: Getty Images]

With the news that Robbie Fowler will not be offered a new contract at Liverpool at the end of the season, Pies has tracked down pictures of the veteran striker storming out of Anfield at a steady pace!

muamba.jpgBirmingham City’s squidgy-nosed boss Steve Bruce has pulled off a bit of a coup by snapping up Arsenal loanee Fabrice Muamba on a permanent basis. The 19-year-old has been one of the stars of the Blues promotion season. Arsene Wenger had previously indicated that Muamba would not be allowed to leave the Emirates permanently.

image2.jpgArsene Wenger has confirmed Arsenal are set to sign Poland goalkeeper Lukasz Fabianski [F365]
Man City to decide fate of Joey Barton [BBC Sport]

73639862.jpgI once shaved a line in one of my eyebrows. Don’t ask me why I did it – I was young and dumb. And yes, it made me look like an utter twat.

So Lionel Messi’s wonder goal counted for nothing! Last night Getafe staged a remarkable comeback in the second leg of the Spanish Cup semi final to win 4-0 (6-5 on aggregate). Two goals from Daniel Guiza (pictured) and one each from Javi Casquero and Angel Vivar Dorado sealed an astonishing comeback for Getafe, who now face treble-hunting Sevilla in the final on 23 June. [Photo: Getty Images]

Unlike Pies vs Lawro, the Fiendish Friday Quiz isn’t going anywhere this summer. It may take two weeks in Dubai but will return for pre-season training, full of optimism for the new season…
1 Man Utd, West Ham, Stoke City, Norwich (current). Whose downward spiral?
2 Who wears the unlucky No.13 shirt for Chelsea?
3 Picture round. Who ‘dis?

Band_queen2.gifSo, it’s the last Pies vs Lawro for a couple of months (sniff). Thanks to everyone who’s taken part over the last few months. Pies vs Lawro will return, stronger than ever and with regular prizes to boot…
Blackburn v Reading
Lawro: 2-0
Pies: 2-1
Bolton v Aston Villa
Lawro: 1-1
Pies: 1-2

So which team out of Wigan, West Ham and Sheffield Utd do you want to go down? I’d have to say Wigan – non-Latics fans, would you really miss them? They get feeble crowds, play pretty unattractive football (not all the time, I hasten to add) and generally don’t add that much to the Premiership – although I do have a lot of time for Paul Jewell. Wigan fans will obviously think I’m talking shit (they’d be wrong).

It’s just three clean sheets in 12 games for Man United and it could be worth taking a chance that Carlos Tevez (six goals in nine games) can bag a surprise opener amid the carnival atmosphere at Old Trafford. The Argentine is in the shop window after all and this wouldn’t be a bad way to impress Sir Fergie.

That Quaresma, he’s a bit special. This goal, scored for Portugal against Belgium in their Euro 2008 qualifier in March this year is an absolute pearl.

Full match highlights after the jump…

Yes, John O’Shea not only looks like a bouncer/bodyguard. He also look like a slimmer version of Peter Kay. Sweet baby Jesus of Nazareth.