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Who ate all the pies

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Paul%20Scharner%20Horror%20Hair.jpgWigan’s Austrian man might have been on the scoresheet against West Ham at the weekend, but his barnet is definitely off target. Pretty much anything you could want to be wrong with his hair is incorporated into this look. The fluffiness of the mohican gives a hint of baby duckling chic. The shaved section of the hair reveals a worryingly bumpy head. The mohawk thins towards the crown and – to top it all – has a ginger tinge. Good work, Paul.

Ole brings the ball under control during a Champions League match against Fenerbahce in 1996. Photo Clive Brunskill/Allsport

Arsenal 1-0 Manchester City
Cesc Fabregas finally found a breakthrough, despite an excellent performance from Manchester City goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel. The young Dane made a string of saves, including Robin van Persie’s 65th minute penalty.

Photo Getty Images Arguably the most popular footballer in Premier League history – even Man City fans quite like Solskjaer – is to retire from the game, aged 34. A series of knee injuries has afflicted the Norwegian in recent seasons, and he’s sensibly decided to call it a day. He has already been involved […]

This is what Newcastle can expect to face in the North-East derby on Sunday… Sponsored link: Boro v Newcastle is available on Setanta on 26/08/07

73757653.jpgHe’s gone from the country’s most expensive signing to a misfiring misfit who’s struggling to command a transfer fee, but Andriy Shevchenko still has his admirers.

Who is this slim hunk of a man? Surely not Big Martin Jol, before he got big? Yes, it’s true.

Not a bad way to mark your international debut. Pander clearly has a foot like a traction engine…

Thanks to Pies reader Leean Pindar, who spotted this glaring error in last weekend’s Sunday Times Style supplement.

The other day we were pondering whether Peru under 17 international Carlos Bazalar had invented the lying down double-header. While he may be able to claim that particular title, Swedish Tomas Brolin was scoring lying down header long before Bazalar. This may look like a fluke, but it is actually Brolin’s carefully honed method of […]


The Fiendish Friday Quiz

August 24th, 2007

1 Tonnerre Yaoundé, Metz, Salernitana, Liverpool, West Ham United, Lens, Galatasaray (current). Whose career path?
2 Which French club did Zinedine Zidane start his career with?
3 Picture round: which club’s stadium (click to enlarge pic)?

72940195.jpgApparently, Andy Cole is on the verge of signing for Sunderland after Harry Redknapp agreed to release the 35 year-old from the last two years (!?) of his Portsmouth contract.

No player has scored more Squadgod fantasy points so far than… Antoine Sibierski (pictured, above, with Sunderland’s Kieran Richardson). That’s right, Wigan’s Gallic slaphead has bagged an incredible 70 points so far. Other players who have started strongly are Micah Richards (three games, three clean sheets) and Frank Lampard (whose shoot-on-sight policy is rewarded in this league, where shots on goal score extra points).

Real Madrid new signings Arjen Robben and Gabriel Heinze are presented at the Bernabeu stadium on August 23, 2007 in Madrid, Spain. Photo Jasper Juinen/Getty Images With Robben and Heinze on board, Madrid now have one strong-looking squad – consider that this summer they have also signed Dutch wonderkid Royston Drenthe, German centre-half Christoph Metzelder, […]

Saturday Everton v Blackburn Lawro 2-1, Pies 1-1 Sponsored link: Everton v Blackburn is available on Setanta on 25/08/07 Sunderland v Liverpool Lawro 0-2, Pies 0-1 Arsenal v Man City Lawro 2-0, Pies 1-0 Aston Villa v Fulham Lawro 2-1, Pies 3-0 Bolton v Reading Lawro 1-1, Pies 1-1 Chelsea v Portsmouth Lawro 2-0, Pies […]

Ligue 1 is a three-horse race at this early stage of the season. With four games played Nancy, Lorient and Le Mans are level at the top of the table on 10 points. All three teams have identical goal difference, goals scored and goals conceded. Nancy secured their cut of the action by coming back from 2-0 down to draw 2-2 with Marseille. The home side were booed off the field and are currently in a disappointing 13th place in the table.

David Beckham continued clocking up air miles by arriving in LA-LA land yesterday afternoon, after playing 90 minutes at Wembley, and then being named in the starting line-up half an hour before his team’s match against Chivas USA.

Rodders may have been an East End wideboy, but West Ham’s Mark Noble is an East End central midfielder.

Peter Fox
May sides claim to have a cat between the sticks, but we’ve got a Fox.
Mark Fish
The ex-Bolton and Charlton defender will reel in any attackers.
Peter Haddock
The former Leeds man completes our fishy centre-back pairing.

I despair of the standard of football punditry in Britain today. The Beeb and ITV have so much money to splash out on good, incisive, articulate pundits (Eamon Dunphy, for example) and yet we get clowns like Alan Shearer and Ian Wright. Even Alan Hansen, who used to be decent, is losing the plot. Last night, when asked by Gary Lineker how he’d resolve the Lampard/Gerrard midfield axis of evil, Hansen basically replied: ‘Just carry on playing them together…’ Shearer gave a similar answer when asked where Stevie G should play: ‘In the middle, with Lampard’ was the gist of his answer. Brilliant, why on earth didn’t I think of that? And we call Steve McClaren clueless.

Here is Argentina star Lionel Messi teasing Norway’s defence in last night’s friendly. His skills were not enough for victory though as Norway ran out 2-1 winners.

[Via 101Greatgoals]

Chase me, chase me, chase me! … oh, they’ve buggered off. Sevilla, the little teases, have apparently failed in their bid to get Roman Abramovich to part with almost £25m for a right-back/Star Trek character. They should really have accepted Chelsea’s reported bid of £21.5m, which is still way over the odds for Alves, who is very good, but not that good.

It’s a protracted transfer from Sevilla to Chelsea Jim, but not was we know it. Or something like that. Many thanks to Carey Roberts for the heads-up. Keep those lookalikes comin’…

Steven Velez of Columbia leaps over a tackle by Mexico’s Julo Cesar Dominguez during the international friendly match between Mexico and Columbia at Dick’s Sporting Goods Park on August 22, 2007 in Commerce City, Colorado. Colombia won a very tight match 1-0, thanks to a goal from Interdependiente Medellin winger Jaime Castrillon.
Photo Doug Pensinger/Getty Images