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XI Footballers Who Look Like They Played In A Bygone Age

By Chris Wright

A salute to all the footballers out there who look like they hark from a bygone era: an era of neatly-combed and pomaded side partings, baggy shorts, broken legs being ‘run off’, lead-lined boots and sodden footballs heavy enough to compress your spine if you so much as thought about heading them…

1. Nicky Shorey

Should be sepia-toned at all times…

2. Scott Parker, Tottenham

Not only does he look like you may have caught a glimpse of him in the background of England’s 1966 World Cup celebrations, he also plays like that too…

3. Leighton Baines

Looks likes the nervous, homesick private that hides weeping in the rubble once fighting breaks out in every Second World War film you’ve ever seen…

4. Lee Clark

It says he’s 40 on his birth certificate but Clark can clearly be seen here, aged 59, managing Huddersfield to a League Cup semi-final in 1968…

5. Wayne Rooney, Man Utd

A throwback, both in footballing and evolutionary terms. Looks ridiculously like his great uncle Bernard Morrey did while playing for Newport County in 1953

6. Steven Whittaker, Rangers

Seen here celebrating Rangers’ title win in 1921…

7. Lee Cattermole

Looks (and, again, plays) like one of the squaddies that stopped shelling the scheisse out of the German trenches to play football with them in No Man’s Land on Christmas Day, 1914…

8. Jay Tabb, Reading

Looks like he pre-dates both World Wars, and comfortably…

9. Joseph Barton, QPR/Marseille

Thought to be Jack the Ripper at one time…

10. Frank Fielding, Derby

Frank remembers the good old days when he had string for a crossbar…

11. Charlie ‘Bully’ Adam, Stoke

Looks like the Victorian bare-knuckle pub pugilist you find while tracing your Scottish family tree…

(Photos: PA)

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By Chris on December 5th, 2012 in Featured, Funnies, Photos, Retro. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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20 Responses to “XI Footballers Who Look Like They Played In A Bygone Age”

  1. FourFourFour says:

    What about Owen Coyle for manager of this lot?! He looks like a guy who used to clean chimneys in Bolton 6 days a week, with a day off to lead the team out for the 1936 Cup Final!

  2. Jarren says:

    Haha, very good work!

    Loved the Charlie Adam one, spot on!

  3. JayJay says:

    Tremendous. One of the best Picture Comedy Articles. Kudos Pies!

    ps-Never reallt thought of Charlie Adam’s Victorian Look, but I can see it now. Rooney’s ‘A throwback, both in footballing and evolutionary terms’ made me spit out me tea. Top work C.Wrighty & Pies.Lol at Jay Tabb’s caption

    ps-Javi Garcia – Looks like a French Gendarme Soldier form the 60s!

    Anyone got anymore?

  4. Abe Froman says:

    I have to wonder if anyone would be lauding Scott Parker’s level of play like this, were we writing this article 3 years ago when he was in the process of mailing in the season on team he captained to relegation.

    #fail

  5. Ste-unit says:

    James Milner? Looks like a pre-industrial revolution farm hand and would’ve been a useful flair player in 1820s?

  6. Maxie says:

    Gotta put Jordan Henderson on that list. His hairstyle is right out of Mad Men. http://e2.365dm.com/11/12/660×350/Jordan-Henderson_2685965.jpg

    • Chris says:

      Some great shouts here folks! Can’t believe I passed over James ‘To the gaol house with you’ Milner. Bugger.

      Keep ‘em coming!

  7. Powerhouse says:

    I don’t think saying that he plays like hes from 1966 counts as lauding? #failsquared

  8. :) says:

    @Abe Froman you’re a muppet – he won Writer’s Footbaler of the Year the year of West Ham’s relegation, clearly wasn’t his fault the rest of the team(and manager) was rubbish

    speaking of West Ham I would nominate Mark Noble for this too! if only he wore black boots he be perfect

    Also would like to add how good this XI is. i love these sorts of players. should definitely make a part II – I’m sure there’s more

  9. Smelly Feet says:

    Got to include some non-Englishmen! I nominate Mikel Arteta; perfect Lego hair that never moves a muscle(/strand?) no matter what the weather is or how many are men piled up over him. His stance, baggy shorts, and those perfect old timey Puma Kings (w/o the white I believe) where my good old cousins live!

  10. Joe says:

    @Abe Froman, he won player of the year that year didn’t he?

    Love that Barton pic btw. Looks like a rubbish Pierce Brosnan impersonator… http://www.mi6-hq.com/news/images/brosnan_moustache.jpg

  11. Dusty says:

    Giorgios Samaras.

    Likes to relax in his sweeping robes by reading Plato extracts on the steps of the Parthenon.

  12. Al says:

    Eden Hazard looks like one of Joe Cole’s ancestors circa the 1800′s

  13. JayJay says:

    @Dusty:Hahaha…quality

  14. JayJay says:

    ps-Amen to the Leighton Baines caption!

  15. K says:

    No Antonio Valencia?

  16. [...] Aquí puedes ver más ejemplos. [...]

  17. Stu says:

    May not be totally bygone, but I believe Dean Whitehead is turning into Norman Hunter.

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