By Alan Duffy
Tony Pulis is sick, sick and tired of the ‘foreign disease’ which is polluting this nation’s untainted character. In his press conference ahead of Stoke’s Europa League clash with Valencia, the baseball-capped crusader for all that is good and proper, bemoans the growing occurences of cheating in the British game, where men used to be men, not flouncy-haired paella-scoffing cheats.
“I cannot stand the sight of players rolling around. It really goes against the grain of British football, ” fumed a livid Pulis. “But from what I’ve seen abroad and, in a few cases here, it’s a growing disease. Players aren’t even touched and they’re falling over. It puts enormous pressure on referees.”
Hang on a minute, ‘A few cases here’, you say Tony? Unless a ‘few’ in modern parlance now means ‘lots and lots and lots’, I think Mr Pulis is slightly underestimating the extent of the problem in this proud, moral land.
“We certainly don’t want to see that in England, whatever happens. I think we should cut it off at the pass now, if we can. In Spain, it is seen as clever, but I don’t think it is clever. I think it’s cheating.”
“I would hate to see a game with two of the greatest clubs in the world – Barcelona and Madrid – and see a game that is just littered with people rolling around at every challenge, where they actually forgot about football!”.
Actually, sorry Tone, but have you ever watched a Clasico??
Anyway, I’m sure that attack on Spanish football will have gone down very well with supporters, players and manager of Los Che. However, while he does indeed have a point about the proliferation of diving in the Premier League, to once again whip the old “morally superior British game’ chestnut is a bit rich.