By Ashley Norris

An iffy start to the season might mean that the Premiership title is beyond Liverpool, but the Red half of Merseyside is at least top of one league: the country’s top footballing tweeters. Barclays has analysed Twitter traffic using Sysomos’ Media Analysis Platform (MAP) to see which teams and which cities were the centre of the Twitter-sphere throughout January, and found that when it comes to expressing themsleves in 140 charactars or less, the Scousers came out on top.

There were apparently one million tweets about the Barclays Premier League and its clubs in January with Liverpool FC as the subject of nearly a third of those tweets (301,169). In second place was Arsenal (110,901), which is something of a surprise given the club’s lack of transfer activity. Chelsea (97,655) and Manchester United (86,249) ranked third and fourth.

                          

By Ollie Irish

Mamelodi Sundowns teenage centre-back Siyanda Xulu (great surname) is currently on trial with Arsenal, after a move to Barcelona failed to come off.

Sundowns communication manager Alex Shakoane told the Sowetan newspaper that his club are over the moon about the prospect of Xulu, 18, moving to England.

“It is satisfying for us that the young man is being acknowledged and pursued by such esteemed teams,” Shakoane said.

“We are especially pleased that we continue to show that when you play for Sundowns the sky is truly the limit.

“If Arsenal are happy with him talks will open between the parties involved.”

Via Sky Sports

                          

By Ollie Irish

If you had to select the best 5-aside team from your club’s squad, who would be in it? There can be only five, as they once said in Highlander (sort of).

It’s a frivolous question, certainly, but one that should generate a good amount of debate, preferably with your mates down the pub.

I’ll start with Arsenal, simply because, er, they’re first in the Prem alphabet. Here’s my team:

MANUEL ALMUNIA – Much more suited to 5-aside, as his excellent reflexes are his main (only?) strength.

THOMAS VERMAELEN – Strong on the ball, attack-minded for a defender. Cracking shot on him, safe on the ball too. What’s not to like?

CESC FABREGAS – All day long. I imagine he’d be immense at five-aside. Great touch, great vision etc etc. I don’t really have to sell this selection, do I?

SAMIR NASRI – Boasts incredible close control, which is ideal on a smaller pitch. Just gets the nod over the much-improved Jack Wilshere.

THEO WALCOTT – Faster than a greyhound and very good at keeping his shots on goal down. I reckon he’d be a bloody nightmare to play against in five-aside, which is why he gets the nod over the likes of Vela, Arshavin and even Van Persie. Well in, Theo.

So, reckon you can beat that? Let’s have it…

                          

By Alex Netherton

It’s my duty to hate Arsene Wenger. Whatever he does at Arsenal, I have to hate him, because he’s doing it at Arsenal. That’s my lot. However, he has so much going for him that on occasion I’m doing my seething through gritted teeth. His Christ pose at Old Trafford last season was a man fully in touch with his self-worth. Even the United fans relented at the sight of his faux crucifixion. He takes excellent youngsters and makes them into, occasionally, excellent players. He’s without doubt one of the more erudite managers in England, and English isn’t his first language.

Despite this, he’s plenty capable of going off on a self-loving one every other week. He indulges the ratface Fabregas, to let him maintain a love affair with another club while simultaneously inviting a loss of form until he gets his move. I know that Wenger didn’t have much choice – £30 million isn’t enough for Fabregas, clearly – but this shameless flirting between Catalans makes Wenger look like an even more gutless cuckolded WAG.

His myopia extends beyond Van Persie’s elbowing, now more chronic than his injury problems. It covers even his medical department. Every year, at least two players are out for nigh-on six months due to indiscriminate knack. Every year, his answer? “We hope he’ll be back in two weeks.” I’m not even sure Rosicky knows how to kick a ball anymore.

But his worst trait is his self-aggrandising over young players, and The Right Way To Do Things. His method is no more right than any other, and it’s just as self-serving as spunking big coin on proven players. Wenger and a few of the less bright of the broadsheet hacks have created his mythology, and it’s holding Arsenal back from being even better than they already are. It causes friction in the team, and with the fans.

When asked about his record with youngsters, he had the balls, and the brown-nosing press in tow to report unquestionably, to say this:

“There is nobody else in the world. Take the list of the players who started here. Johan Djourou, where has he started? Here. [Philippe] Senderos, where has he started? [Gaël] Clichy, where has he started? [Kieran] Gibbs? Where has he started? [Cesc] Fábregas? Where has he started? [Alexandre] Song? Where has he started? [Abou] Diaby has basically never played before at the top level. Ashley Cole. If you go back, it is unbelievable the number of players who started at this club.”

I’ll give him Gibbs and Cole, two left backs ten years apart, even if Cole is despicable and Gibbs might not even make it. Now, for the rest of the players that he is ‘responsible’ for…

Gael Clichy developed in France and played for Cannes, who discovered him first. Yes, Wenger got him for £250,000, which is a remarkable deal, but France has to get the majority of the credit. As does Clairefontaine for Abou Diaby, who first played for Auxerre, not Arsenal. As do Barcelona, who basically loaned Arsenal Fabregas – everyone who played with him at Barcelona already knew was a remarkable player, he wasn’t Wenger’s unbelievable find – in return for Petit and Overmars, albeit at a cost. Senderos and Djourou both come from Switzerland, and Senderos wasn’t only being courted by Wenger. And they’re both crap.

He then goes on to claim Thuram and Petit as his successes. Almost fair enough. Thuram and Petit came through as players at Monaco under Wenger. That was twenty years ago. Twenty years since undeniably great players, and players that weren’t poached, came through under Wenger.

Wenger’s greatest trick in the world isn’t magically developing great talent, as he claims, but convincing people that it is. This is him building his legend in anticipation of never getting his hands of the Champions League. I can understand the egotism, but he doesn’t need to act like a genius, he just needs to be honest. What Wenger is good at, and this doesn’t sound nearly as edifying, is exploiting weaknesses in the leagues abroad concerning signing up young talent. They don’t have contracts as early as in England, so Wenger (and he’s not alone in this, just the most active and best) hoovers up the talent that is already almost entirely formed, and finishes it off. This is a remarkable skill, but he’s not an alchemist, he’s a football manager with an eye for a bargain, who deserves credit for balancing the books while studiously avoiding trophies.

What he needs now, more than ever, is criticism. Taking young kids, before they have a chance to achieve something with their home club, means that these players have unfinished business with these teams. The best example is Fabregas. Grateful to Wenger, but desperate to come home. Further, established players like Petit, Vieira, Henry and Overmars set a pattern five or six years ago, that at their peak, or just after, they leave to win real medals, before they become veterans. Chelsea have Lampard, Liverpool have Carragher and will have Gerrard, and Manchester United have Scholes, Neville and Giggs to teach the young players of responsibility and of the heart of their club. Who do Arsenal have in their thirties to pass on a club’s heart? Manuel Almunia, the embodiment of the bad side of Arsene Wenger. Arsenal are forever in a holding pattern, always a year away, and not as good as they could be.

Alex also writes for the Sabotage Times

                          

By Ollie Irish

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Arsenal's Henri Lansbury celebrates after scoring his side's first goal of the game

Photos: PA

Perversely, it was Tottenham not Arsenal who fielded something of a second-string XI in the Carling Cup; maybe old Arsene has decided that winning the Carling Cup would be better than winning NOTHING AT ALL for another season.

So it was Tottenham’s kids – the likes of Jake Livermore, Kyle Naughton and Steven Caulker, all of whom started – who learned a football lesson from the Gunners (I admit it). Even if it took extra time to decide the match, there’s no doubt that Arsenal deserved to win the match. Jack Wilshere, who is developing at a rate that would raise both your eyebrows even in the virtual world of Pro Evo, was again impressive – he really needs to be reinstated to the senior England set-up for the next match; his immense potential is there for all to see. I just wish he played for the Lilywhites.

For Spurs, new signing Sandro made his debut and looked okay – he can’t be judged on one match, but I have a feeling he’ll do well for us.

Note to Harry Redknapp: Sell Robbie Keane now, before he’s worth less than zero.

                          

By Ollie Irish

Arsene Wenger has accepted a charge of improper conduct and an £8,000 fine by the FA following his tap on Martin Atkinson’s back at the end of the Premier League match with Sunderland on Saturday…

Wenger will serve a one-match touchline ban during the League Cup third-round clash at rivals Tottenham (he could have deferred the ban, I believe), which although it’s a derby tells you all you need to know about his continued dismissive attitude to the competition.

The Arsenal gaffer was furious after his side conceded a late equaliser in the fifth minute of stoppage time at the Stadium of Light, which denied them the Gunners the chance to go top of the table.

Wenger then ‘pushed’ fourth official Martin Atkinson on the back as Darren Bent’s goal came around 15 seconds after the allotted four minutes which had been displayed.

A statement on the FA website read: “Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has admitted a charge of using insulting and/or abusive language and behaviour amounting to improper conduct.

“Wenger has accepted the standard sanction of an £8,000 fine and a one-match touchline ban which will be served with immediate effect at Arsenal’s League Cup match against Tottenham Hotspur this evening (Tuesday).

“The charge related to Wenger’s conduct towards match officials at the conclusion of Arsenal’s match against Sunderland on 18 September.”

Pies says: More xenophobic-flavoured vicitmisation of Monsieur Wenger, or an appropriate ruling? I think it’s very heavy-handed. Everyone knows you can’t lay even a finger on a match official, but a) Atkinson turned his back and walked away when it was clear that Wenger and assistant Pat Rice wanted to talk, and b) Let’s be honest, it wasn’t even a push. However, if Wenger also insulted Atkinson, then he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

                          

By Ollie Irish

Eboue’s a bit mental, isn’t he. Nothing like a spot of Cossacking (not a real word, but hey) to get you warmed up for the Chaaaaampions. It also reminded me of Alan’s excellent R2D2 moment:

                          

By Ollie Irish

Two words: Geek Pie. Two words which will mean nothing to you unless you’ve watched a certain episode of Chris Morris and Charlie Brooker’s ‘Nathan Barley’, but still… Geek Pie.

I imagine a conversation between Marouane and his hair stylist, if indeed he has one:

“So, Marouane, what can I do for you today?”

“I’d like a mini mullet at the back, and keep it long in patches on the top. Oh, and slick it down with jizz when you’re done – but leave some bits spiked up. Oh, and can you do it blindfold?”

“Of course… going anywhere nice in the Champions League this year?”

Camp Drog says:

“Ooh, it’s a tonsorial disgrace!”

                          

By Ollie Irish

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Arsenal's Marouane Chamakh (right) is fouled by Braga goalkeeper Luiz Felipe leading to a penalty for Arsenal

Photos: PA

Arsenal were brilliant, Braga weren’t. That sums it up. It’s difficult to believe this was the same Braga that demolished Celtic earlier in the competition, but we must give credit to Wenger’s side, which made hay against a team that came to play, not kick opponents, and as a consequence hardly touched the ball. In the middle of the pitch, Cesc Fabregas and Jack Wilshere conducted the orchestra with wit and skill (from an Englishman’s perspective, Wilshere’s potential scares me – in a good way), while Marouane Chamakh (who’s turning out to be the bargain buy of the summer, despite his atrocious hair), Andrey Arshavin and supersub Carlos Vela finished things off.

If I wasn’t a Spurs fan, I might even have enjoyed watching it. Wink.

                          

By Ollie Irish

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Francesc Fabregas (centre) gestures while running with team mates during a training session at London Colney, Hertfordshire

Photos: PA

This is what it is: some pics of Cesc, Wilshere and co. jogging around a field in Hertfordshire ahead of tonight’s Champions League group match against Braga, which I suppose the Gunners will win by a couple of goals. If you’re a Gooner, you might well want to check out the pics. If not, then, er, sorry – move along, nothing to see here.