By Ollie Irish

You’re never quite sure when Carlos Tevez is going to issue an outburst against his employers. For that reason, Barcelona haven’t ruled out a January move for Man City’s volatile captain, who had a bust-up with manager Roberto Mancini only last weekend.

According to Catalan newspaper El Mundo Deportivo, Barcelona want to add a striker to their squad in the next transfer window, with Carlitos at the top of their shopping list, in front of younger forwards such as Ajax’s Luis Suarez and Lille’s Gervinho (who is, if I may paraphrase Andy Gray, “some player”).

Still, I can’t see that City would sanction such a move, unless Tevez really fell out with Mancini.

                          

By Ollie Irish

If you had to select the best five-aside team from your club’s squad, who would be in it? There can be only five, as they once said in Highlander (sort of).

With the fives of Arsenal and Aston Villa tucked safely in our shorts, today is the turn of the mighty, awesome, godlike, we-are-not-worthy Barcelona. So much talent to choose from, but which five stars make the cut? Read on…

VICTOR VALDES – Obviously, though it seems to waste 20% of any Barca side on a keeper. VV is a safe pair of hands, usually. Next…

GERARD PIQUE - ‘Piquenbauer’ is a lovely passer of the ball – so important in five-aside, of course – and he has a surprisingly good eye for goal, no matter how tight the angle. So his progressiveness earns him a call-up ahead of the likes of Dani Alves and Carles Puyol (a bit too ragged for the short game?). And yes, I was tempted to play him as a rush keeper.

XAVI – Essential. Just doesn’t give the ball away, and is fitter and more muscular than you might think of such a cultured player. In this photo, you can clearly see his junk. Which is nice.

ANDRES INIESTA – A genius at close quarters, and has a near-telepathic relationship with Xavi. They’d form a twin-headed five-aside nightmare for any defender. Tika and Taka, if you like.

LIONEL MESSI – Gulp. Sweet baby Jesus, what a five-aside team Barca could field – and still no room for David Villa! And with Xavi, Iniesta and Messi around, is there any need for a keeper? They’d never lose the ball. Ping ping ping ping… goal. Repeat until opponents become demoralised.

Agree/disagree with our selection? Let’s see what you’ve got…

                          

By Ollie Irish

Photos: Marie Claire

Puyol being the least metrosexual, image-conscious footballer you can imagine – Paul Scholes apart – this is a brilliantly incongruous photoshoot.

I can’t go without at least mentioning Puyol’s remarkable torso, which detracts attention from his remarkable face.

Via I Love Puyi and Kickette

                          

By Ollie Irish

Mamelodi Sundowns teenage centre-back Siyanda Xulu (great surname) is currently on trial with Arsenal, after a move to Barcelona failed to come off.

Sundowns communication manager Alex Shakoane told the Sowetan newspaper that his club are over the moon about the prospect of Xulu, 18, moving to England.

“It is satisfying for us that the young man is being acknowledged and pursued by such esteemed teams,” Shakoane said.

“We are especially pleased that we continue to show that when you play for Sundowns the sky is truly the limit.

“If Arsenal are happy with him talks will open between the parties involved.”

Via Sky Sports

                          

COMPARED with Real Madrid’s current Best XI, it should be a breeze picking Barcelona’s first-choice line-up…

“Back a bit… a bit more… a bit more.”

The formation: I’m going for a 4-2-3-1, with Biscuits in the holding role, and Xavi as the playmaker who never gives the ball away.

The line-up:

Victor Valdes

Dani Alves – Carles Puyol (c) – Gerard Pique – Adriano

Xavi – Sergio Busquets

Pedro – Lionel Messi – Andres Iniesta

David Villa

The back five picks itself, except at LB, where I chose new signing Adriano over Eric Abidal or Maxwell, mainly because Adriano is all shiny and new, and has huge potential.

In the heart of midfield, Busquets wins the ball then he gives it to Xavi. Simple. Xavi plays it up to one of Pedro, Messi or Iniesta. That should work. Up front, new signing David Villa can finish off those pretty tiki-taka moves.

A variation on this would see Zlatan starting up front on his own, with Villa moving onto the left wing. Iniesta and Messi shuffle sideways, Pedro drops to the bench.

Of course, this being Barcelona, the attack-minded players are pretty much interchangeable. If Pep Guardiola wants to move Villa out to the left flank, to drag a centre-back out of position, he can do that safe in the knowledge that Villa is flexible enough to do just that – as we saw in the World Cup. And Messi can play wherever the hell he wants.

It’s not only a brilliant team but a settled one. Over at Real, Mourinho has much work to do.

There, I’ve shown you mine, now you show me yours…

                          

By an anonymous Arsenal fan who would quite like to revisit Barcelona one day

THERE was a time when if you asked any sane British footy fan who their favourite other European team was, they would smile and wistfully say Barcelona. Not any more.

As we all know, Barca is a club steeped in the best traditions of football, which has in the past boasted some of the most amazing players to have graced the game. Now it has another wonderful team – one of the best ever in European club history – with the undisputed best player in the world, Lionel Messi, in its ranks.

Yet the club now seems to be on the verge of becoming the Benny Hill of European football – an annoying and unfunny joke.

This is down to two factors. One is money, the other is the comedy way in which the club is being run at the moment.

First the money. Barca have spunked a lot of cash in the last few seasons on players. It worked – they won the Champions League and were it not for a dogged Inter team, would have almost certainly repeated the feat last May. However, it now appears that the club is broke. The Guardian ran a story which claimed that the club is actually in pretty serious financial difficulty:

“Digger has received financial analysis prepared by Professor José María Gay, the head of the University of Barcelona’s economics and business unit and Spain’s foremost authority on football finance. In the document Gay presents Barcelona’s troubled 2009-10 balance sheet, which he describes as ‘very worrying’. Wage costs have risen 55% from their 2008 level to €262m (£220m). By contrast the club’s stated revenues have risen 33% over the same period, meaning wages now account for almost 64% of income.”

If anything the situation has got worse.

Of course Barca could go cap in hand to the banks and ask for more cash. Well, er, no. If you thought the UK economy was in dire straits, then take a look at Spain. Things are pretty tough right now and getting a loan from the banks over there is a tricky business – even if you are one of the world’s leading football clubs.

Things have got so bad that Barca President Sandro Rosell has had to go on record and insist that the club is “not bankrupt”.

So what should Barca do? Sell a few players to help balance the books, maybe even get a lucrative sponsor (gasp). Nope – they nonchalantly carry on trying to sign Europe’s finest. Except that they embarrass themselves by never ever offering anywhere near the market value.

The way the club treated Cesc Fabregas and Arsenal was appalling. If they had £50million then I am sure a deal would have been sorted. But they resorted to making a comedy offer and then spent the the next few months trying to unsettle the player. The rumour from the Emirates was that Wenger couldn’t take the money anyhow as he wasn’t sure that Barcelona were physically capable of paying it.

Now they are chasing Javier Mascherano. And the bid is a paltry, €20million (£16.3m), or rather an initial €15m payment with a further €5m in variables. Liverpool are understood to have placed a value of £21.3m on Mascherano and want all the cash upfront. Quite right too. Macherano is a world-class holding midfielder.

Then there’s Mesut Ozil – Barca’s offer was £5million less than Real. Real won.

Manchester United fans can stop smirking too. Barca will be after Wayne Rooney next, offering a few million €€€s with a couple of packets of chorizo to sweeten the deal.

Now I know that Barcelona have made some quality signings this summer, such as Spain star David Villa and Brazilian defender Adriano. But Adriano was fairly cheap (around €9.5m) and Villa was signed back in May, before the scale of the club’s financial problems become apparent.

Ultimately I’d hate to see Barcelona become La Liga’s version of Leeds United, crashing down through the divisions as creditors tear the club apart. But I do wish they stop making fools of themselves.

Man United have no money. But have they spent the summer chasing players they can’t afford. No. Neither have Liverpool, Inter or even Real Madrid.

Perhaps Barcelona need a taste of their own medicine. So go on Roberto Martinez, offer £15 million for Messi and keep a straight face. Or Mark Hughes, why don’t you offer Danny Murphy, Andrew Johnson and couple of million in return for Andres Iniesta.

Barcelona are in danger of becoming the LIDL of European football? I still have a lot of love for the club, but it is diminishing on a daily basis.

                          

By Ollie Irish

Spanish newspaper El Pais is reporting that Barcelona have agreed a four-year deal with Werder Bremen to sign playmaker Mesut Ozil. The fee? Around €10m.

With no Cesc Fabregas, Barca see Ozil as a decent second choice, even though they are different types of player.

This won’t do anything for the good humour of Man Utd gaffer Alex Ferguson, who – despite what he says – has been tracking the German World Cup star for several weeks. When asked if United were interested in signing Ozil, Fergie replied: “I don’t know.”

In Fergiespeak, that’s as good as a yes.

I think United should be prepared to go as high as £20m for Ozil, even though it seems Werder are happy to accept almost half that, as the player is nearing the end of his contract. Chances are, his value is only going one way after this season: up.

The German would make a fine replacement for the veteran Paul Scholes, no?

Ozil’s chewing gum trick

Ozil vs Peter Lorre

Ozil vs Summer Heights High

                          

By Ollie Irish

In which Cesc breaks his silence and confirms what many of us suspected:

“Firstly, I would like to apologise to all the Arsenal fans for not speaking sooner about my future but I’ve not known what I was going to do until this moment.

“I cannot deny that joining a club like Barcelona was not an attractive move for me. This was the club I learned my football, my hometown, where all my friends and family are and a club I have always dreamed of playing.

“There’s not many players in the world who would not want to play for Barcelona.

“I have had many conversations with Arsene Wenger, both in person and over the telephone in the last few months. And although the contents of those conversations will remain private the conclusion is that Barcelona have had two formal offers rejected by Arsenal.

“I am a professional and fully understand that is Arsenal’s prerogative not to sell me.

“I owe a lot to the club, the manager and the fans and I will respect their decision and concentrate on the new season ahead with Arsenal.

“I can assure all the fans that now the negotiations are ended I will be 100 per cent focused on playing for Arsenal.

“I am an Arsenal player and as soon as I step out on to the pitch this is the only club I will be thinking about. I am looking forward to the start of the season and putting all of this speculation behind me.”

So Barcelona can crawl under a stone for another season. As I’ve said before, their shameless pursuit of Fabregas brought football into disrepute, so this news is a small helping of karma. I hope it tastes like shit.

                          

By Ollie Irish

Pies is a wee bit late on this, as I was away ‘fishing’ yesterday, but hey, who am I to deny you this grainy clip of Cesc in tears at some award ceremony in Spain. Did he cry at the sight of his young self in a Barcelona shirt, and all those people shouting “Go to Barcelona, you idiot!”? Looks like it. That’s what the pro-Barca press think, of course – it’s a sign!

I’m with Wenger now. The only man who can halt the Cesc Rumour Juggernaut is Cesc. All it would take is one very brief statement, published on Arsenal’s official website: “I am staying at Arsenal this season.”

It’s easy to do. So why won’t he do it? Indeed, his failure to stop the whispers makes Fabregas complicit in the whole ugly affair.

Do the right thing, Cesc: stay at Arsenal for a couple more seasons, then swan off to your spiritual home.

                          

By Ollie Irish

… And that star is Rafael Marquez. Underwhelmed, much? You shouldn’t be.

After some umm-ing and a bit of err-ing, the Mexico captain has agreed to team up with Thierry Henry and co. in NYC.

It’s a very solid signing for the Red Bulls. Marquez is 31, vastly experienced, cultured and versatile – he can play either at centre-back or as a holding, quarterback-style midfielder. In terms of pedigree, he’ll be one of the very best defenders in MLS, even if he’s in the autumn of his career.

“Coming to New York and playing in Major League Soccer was a chance that I could not refuse. I am committed to doing my very best to help the Red Bulls in their playoff push this year and compete for championships in the years to come,” Rafa said.

Marquez will become the Red Bulls’ third designated player, after Juan Pablo Angel and recent signing Henry.

What do you make of the signing? More evidence that we should take MLS seriously? I think so – MLS is not going away, and it’s only going to get stronger.